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April 14, 2009
Born-Again Atheist Makes Gradual Return to Belief
A. N. Wilson, debunking biographer of C. S. Lewis and Jesus, has had many second thoughts.
Former atheist A. N. Wilson has slowly emerged from the closet as a believer - again. The renowned journalist and biographer, who was raised in the church of England and who had once considered himself a believer, had a "conversion" to atheism 20 years ago at age 38 (midlife crisis, anyone?). And it really looked like a conversion. In an article in the April 6 New Statesman (partial text available here), he compares the tremendous sense of relief he felt when he stopped believing to the experience of Christian converts at a Billy Graham Crusade he was covering for the Independent on Sunday:
As a hesitant, doubting, religious man I'd never known how they felt. But, as a born-again atheist, I now knew exactly what satisfactions were on offer. For the first time in my 38 years I was at one with my own generation. I had become like one of the Billy Grahamites, only in reverse. If I bumped into Richard Dawkins (an old colleague from Oxford days) or had dinner in Washington with Christopher Hitchens (as I did either on that trip to interview Billy Graham or another), I did not have to feel out on a limb.
After that conversion, his biographical writing turned to demythologizing gospel stories about Jesus and viewing C. S. Lewis through a Freudian lens. (That effort provoked an outcry among Lewis lovers.)
But Wilson never fully disbelieved, just as before his conversion he never fully believed.
"My doubting temperament ... made me a very unconvincing atheist," he writes in the New Statesman article.
That is why, he says, he should have distrusted the radical sense of relief he felt when he underwent his reverse Damascus Road experience. Now, he chronicles a more gradual conversion back to Christian belief. In last Saturday's Daily Mail, he wrote:
But, as time passed, I found myself going back to church, although at first only as a fellow traveller with the believers, not as one who shared the faith that Jesus had truly risen from the grave. Some time over the past five or six years - I could not tell you exactly when - I found that I had changed.
This gradual transition echoes C. S. Lewis's account of his transition from unbelief to faith. He knew vaguely when it happened, but it was not a blinding, fall-off-the-horse experience. And because of its more gradual nature, Wilson now seems to trust this new experience more.
One more thing worth noting: There is a strong aesthetic dimension to Wilson's return to belief. Unlike many atheists and former believers, Wilson's testimony does not hinge on what empirical science does or does not tell us. He tells us frankly that the arguments provided by atheist friends of a scientific bent were as creedal and stretching as many assertions by Christians.
A materialist Darwinian was having dinner with me a few years ago and we laughingly alluded to how, as years go by, one forgets names. Eager, as committed Darwinians often are, to testify on any occasion, my friend asserted: "lt is because when we were simply anthropoid apes, there was no need to distinguish between one another by giving names."
This credal confession struck me as just as superstitious as believing in the historicity of Noah's Ark. More so, really. Do materialists really think that language just "evolved", like finches' beaks. or have they simply never thought about the matter rationally? Where's the evidence?
The aesthetic dimension dominates the empirical for Wilson because there was something about the great Christian artists and writers of past centuries that somehow seemed true to reality. (Wilson opposes J. S. Bach to David Hume and Samuel Taylor Coleridge to Gilbert Ryle.)
Because of the gradual nature of Wilson's re-conversion, we trust he will continue to grow in grace and understanding and trust in God - as should we all, whether our conversion happened in a flash or stretched over many years.
The Victorian era saw many Christians become atheists--and then return to faith, much as A. N. Wilson has done in 2009. Read Timothy Larsen's account of their double conversions in "Victorian Skeptics on the Road to Damascus" from the Christian History website.
Comments
God is so merciful.
God is good
jpu
Posted By: John Umland | April 14, 2009 12:34 PM
I enjoy A N wilson's writing in all its diversity, including "How can we know".
If I were able to call myself a Christian, I would certainly not look for scientific proofs, any more than science can disprove the truth of Christianity.
Such religious belief as I have occupies a totally different place in me and is not, in that sense, rational. It is simply a matter of what I feel is or is not true for me.
The fact that Christian theology does not resonate with me makes it simpler if I don't call myself A christian, since I feel I would have to accept Christ's essential divinity and the atonement in order to so describe myself. I believe myself to be open minded or, rather, open hearted, since I don't look for conversion as an intellectual experience.
Thank you for this post.
Reg
Posted By: Reg Webb | April 14, 2009 1:47 PM
I hate to point this out, but it's well documented that languages evolve.
It is also well documented - in present time as well as into prehistory - that finch's beaks evolve.
We do not, however, have any evidence whatsoever that Noah's ark is more than legend.
Posted By: SWEJ | April 14, 2009 8:33 PM
Reply To Reg:
No, the above facile, ad hoc explanation of a slightly maladative pathology or minor inadequacy (amnesia for person's names) makes as little sense within natural selection as the old claim that the gait apraxia of dementia was a return to quadrapedal gait.
Maladaptive pathology is not adaptation, other things being equal.
On the other hand Noah's ark was apparently history to the people who lived closer to its time than we. It's not an ad hoc story to fit things in as adaptations that are not.
Posted By: Bill | April 14, 2009 9:14 PM
i recently blogged about various conversion experiences, thought it fit in good here (1077) Let’s talk a little about conversion and ‘being born again’. This past week was Easter week; I made it a point to watch the Catholic Mass from Rome. The Pope presides over this service. The English translator shared how the Popes usually do not give a message write after the reading, they always give an address to the world, but not an actual sermon. But Pope Benedict made it clear that he wanted to take the opportunity to actually preach. Hey, all good preachers couldn’t pass up an opportunity like this! Sure enough he gave the clearest Easter message of the week, out of the few other sermons I caught during the week, his was the clearest. He explained the Passover Lamb and how Jesus was the fulfillment. He gave a very ‘Christocentric’ message [centered on Christ]. I thought it was a great opportunity for the world to clearly hear the message of the Cross. Now, being ‘born again’ is a very real thing that ALL people must experience in order to have a relationship with God. The term comes from Jesus own lips as recorded in Johns gospel. John mentions it in his epistles [as well as Peter]. And Paul most certainly taught regeneration. If you read the chapter where Jesus speaks about it [John 3] you will see how he is challenging the religious mindset of his day, he is talking to a religious leader and telling him ‘you must be born again in order to see Gods kingdom, to understand the truths I am showing you’. In Johns letters [1st,2nd and 3rd John] he clearly defines being born again as believing that Jesus is the Christ, the Son of God. So the reality of all men needing this new birth is true, the problem arises when different Christian groups put their ‘slant’ on it. Some groups emphasize water baptism, others ‘the sinners prayer’, the more sacramental churches [Catholic, Orthodox, etc.] have a mix of the sacraments along with faith. My own view is the strong Justification by faith belief. Now, some believers who were raised in the more traditional expressions of the church, after they experience a definite conversion to Christ, will often view all of their former brethren as lost. They will associate their real conversion experience as being truly born again. The problem with this approach is some will view their experience as the plumb line for all other faiths. They sincerely see the other Christian groups as lost, they want them to experience what they experienced. Now, even though I do not personally believe in infant baptism, or adult baptismal regeneration [read my statement of faith section] yet I do see the reality of other church traditions grounding their people on the foundation of Christ. That is they might not have been ‘born again’ when their church officially claimed that over them, but if their denomination still teaches the gospel, and they believe it, then they are in fact ‘born again’ according to the New Testament criteria of ‘being born again’. I believe it is important for all traditions to emphasize the reality of Jesus and his death for us. For people to understand that God accepts us on the basis of the death and resurrection of his Son, this is the foundation of our relationship with God. Too many people are struggling with self worth, trying to live up to others expectations, to impress others. They then struggle with their inability to overcome sin, feelings of unworthiness, and they hear a message from the ‘church world’ that sounds condemning. They have no real hope in God. We need to reorient the message around the Cross, to let people know that God accepts them based on the redemption that Christ accomplished on the Cross. Christian churches might [and do!] disagree on the technical aspects of ‘being born again’ but we all agree on Jesus being the Messiah, the Son of the Most High.
Posted By: corpuschristioutreachministries | April 15, 2009 7:31 AM
Who cares what this one tiny man thinks or believes? He is only one of millions of lost, intellectual perverts who worship their own thoughts. Why is print wasted on his endless self gratification and mental masturbation? What kind of fools are we to attend to him? He is simply a perfect picture of those out of faith and who can only turn to their own brains for a god. Let's use our time to look to people of faith, and see how they successfully navigate through the mystery of life - why waste time on this fool?
Posted By: Bryan | April 15, 2009 9:10 AM
"...had a “conversion” to atheism 20 years ago at age 38 (midlife crisis, anyone?)"
Converted to Christianity at 58 (fear of death crisis, anyone?)
Posted By: Bruce in Orlando | April 15, 2009 12:29 PM
Did A.N. Wilson have a mid-life crisis at 38? Perhaps. But he might also now be returning to religion due to increasing senility. In any case, it sounds as though he does not take the story of Noah's Ark seriously, and that might be said to be a blessing.
Posted By: NIORM ALLEN | April 15, 2009 3:36 PM
Hopefully he didn't take the blasphemy challenge, or pick the wrong god to believe in (or the wrong denomination)!
Posted By: Old Scratch | April 15, 2009 8:14 PM
If willing to be open minded and consider all the scientific evidence, how can you be really be an atheist today? It like saying, we won 10 simultaneous lotteries each with the odds of winning one in a billion billion billion chances. Now really, who is really dreaming or being realistic now?
Posted By: Chop | April 15, 2009 10:03 PM
Oh honestly Old Scratch, you really don't know much about scientific evidence if you think it supports the existence of a supreme supernatural deity. There is simply NOT ONE SHRED of empirical evidence to support the existence of a god. The development of the Universe is mostly understood (there are issues with so called dark energy and dark matter which are not at all understood) since the Big Bang as is the development of life on earth via evolution without ever needing to invoke a god to explain things.
I'm guessing that you're insinuating that the chance of life is so mathematically improbable that there is no way it could have developed by statistical chance. The problem with this argument is that it is simply wrong. Evolution does not proceed by statistical chance, while mutations are random, their selection (either for or against) by natural selection is not random. Certain mutations will be favored because they lead to the survival of that organism. It is truly amazing how this important fact about evolution is not understood by most lay people. Furthermore, statistical chance arguments typically ignore important physical processes that underlie the phenomenon. A good example is protein folding. If you calculated the chance that a protein would have the shape it does by simply calculating the probability of the all the possible orientations of its constituent atoms you would conclude that the odds of any particular shape are improbably small and yet a given protein always has the same spatial structure. The problem here is that such a statistical argument ignores the electrostatic interaction of the atoms and their bonding that drives the protein to have its shape. Hence, simply statistical arguments about the chance of life developing cannot be given any validity as they completely ignore important physical mechanisms which DO NOT lead to random results.
Posted By: Godless Cheesehead | April 16, 2009 6:40 PM
"...had a “conversion” to atheism 20 years ago at age 38 (midlife crisis, anyone?)"
Converted to Christianity at 58 (fear of death crisis, anyone?)
Haha..Spot on Bryan...Spot on.
Posted By: Elijah | April 16, 2009 9:11 PM
"The problem here is that such a statistical argument ignores the electrostatic interaction of the atoms and their bonding that drives the protein to have its shape".
What could be more simple than that statement which attempts to show "that the chance of life is so mathematically improbable that there is no way it could have developed by statistical chance".
You could contort your mind like a pretzel trying to "prove" evolution and all you will end with is a tautologous mess like the one above.
One other interesting thing about the "who needs God" crowd is that nowadays they are not even joining the debate anymore. They simply declare victory and move on to abuse and villification.
Some of them give up without giving in and that is why they find honest people like A.N. Wilson so repulsive.
Posted By: Steve Skeete | April 21, 2009 5:30 PM
somany blogs about "no God" "a God" about "who believes and or who does not", I am a believer in God, we are going to leave much of what we 89 year olds have found here on this earth, and become accountable for our stern beliefs, with all due respect.In todays world "God has become a futile imagination in the minds of foolish perverts", funny how there are somany more blogs that talk of a "no God" and less that talk of "a devil" whose mischief has created somuch unbelief in God!!!
Posted By: STRANGE | April 22, 2009 12:57 PM
2000 years ago, atheist was extinct & can be labeled as pagans, gentiles,etc. But now they are in the front lines & fighting God. Who has the mind of God? Only those with the spirit of God. I pity wilson for being a king saul in the old testament. The Holy spirit come & go. I pray that the Holy Spirit will stay to him forever. Godbless
Posted By: andypadolina | April 29, 2009 9:40 PM
Atheists will never be able to prove that God does not exist. How would that be possible? To know that, they would have to know everything there is to know. In spite of the claims, there are no transitional fossils. Beaks did not evolve. Neither did language.
On the contrary, even if we did not have the tons of historical, scientific, and archeological evidence that supports the truth of the Bible (which we do), there would still be the evidence of changed lives, dramatic miracles, angelic visitations, and supernatural occurrences. Is there evidence for Christianity? TONS of it.
Posted By: LouUSA | June 4, 2009 8:02 AM
Living with a head knowledge of God as God and Jesus as His Son for 50 years, during period of singing "I Surrender All" I gave Jesus my life, all of it, not just my head/mind beliefs. To my wonderful amazement began a slow change in the way I thought, believe and act. I am truly a different(born-again) person. Can I make others believe as I believe..... no, that power belongs only to the Holy Spirit of God. But my life experiences - and that involves science also, known to all my family, friends and acquaintances prove I have a personal God involved in my life 2,000+ years ago and today. When we all die and face God, for I believe we will face Him as His Word says, those that believe will be welcomed to eternity with God, and those who don't believe will hear from our God, depart from me (for eternity). At least we all should have enough common sense to really think and study about that. After all, if you are wrong, there is not another chance at that point - for eternity.
Posted By: Gloria | June 4, 2009 11:20 AM
POWERFUL
Posted By: NIIBOYE | June 4, 2009 5:18 PM
I was a young teen-age athiest who hated any mention of God in Scotland 42 years. One evening whilst sitting reading in my room at home I had a most amazing experience. Unfolding before my very eyes was a `vision` of Jesus on the Cross. Although His lips did not move, he looked intently at me and these words were conveyed to my mind/heart, "I did this for you".
At that moment something so strange happened in the mind of this God-hating teenager. I suddenly found myself believing that Jesus was real, His death for me was real and that He was a God of immense love and compassion who came to save a dying world from eternal spiritual death. That night I surrendered my life to him in true humility and thankfulness, jettisoning my atheism and foolish pride.
Over these last 40 years I have known His divine Presence with me almost daily, bringing peace in times of personal crisis, healing for my sick body in times of severe illness and a most deep and joyous hope of eternal life when I finally leave this planet. I can honestly and truly say that there has not been even one day when I have regretted becoming a follower of the Lowly Nazarene. I am so glad, thankful and grateful that He by-passed my youthful hatefulness of religion and God and came and showed me how much He loves His Creation, each one. Now that I am in my sixties and with inoperable, severe heart disease I look forward (if not healed) to seeing Him again, not on a Cross this time, but on the Throne of Glory and enjoying His Wonderful Presence through out all Eternity.
Why not call on Him today and ask Him to show Himself as the Great Reality to you as he did to me over 40 years ago. You will never regret it.
Posted By: Denis | June 5, 2009 2:33 AM
This article was a great encouragement as my 29 year old son is testifying to being an atheist. God has assured me he has a seekers heart and he will return to Christ as he exhaust all others. God is faithful, even when we are not!
Posted By: Mom | June 5, 2009 9:48 AM
Mr. Wilson's earlier "conversion to atheism" experience seems to be consistant with 1 Corinthians 3:14 "But a natural man does not accept the things of the Spirit of God; for they are foolishness to him, and he cannot understand them, because they are spiritually appraised."
When intellect -even intellect which is obviously superior to most other humans, as demonstrated by some of the commentators here- is all one has to rely on, understanding is limited. Mr. Wilson demonstrates that he has paid attention to another aspect of who he is. Faith is intellectual humility.
Posted By: Charys | June 5, 2009 11:52 AM
God created us with a free will, therefore we can choose to either believe or not believe in Him and the message of Jesus dying and rising again to bring us back to the Father. However one day we will be held accountable for the choices we have made in life. From the stance of blatently disregarding the claims of the Word of God, to just passively ignoring it, all protests against God will wither once faced with God Himself. So why wait for the Rock to fall and crush you? Do as Jesus said, and 'Fall on the Rock' instead. If you don't know Christ as your Saviour then don't waste any more time. Humble yourself under the mighty hand of God, ask for His forgivenss and salvation and He will lift you up and give you such a new and joyous outlook based on your 'new-birth' that you'll wonder why you could have been so stubborn and blind before. To mock is dangerous. To listen and learn is helpful. To accept and receive (the free Gift of God) is wise. It brings everlasting life.... not a second-rate existance.
Posted By: Jo | June 8, 2009 4:13 AM
Do you notice that when "Christians"(who I believe arent truly born again)convert to atheism there are whoops of joy around atheist blogs.Yet if an atheist like A N Wilson does the opposite then out come the pack dogs making all the excuses under the sun eg he must be senile or was never a true atheist quite pathetic really.
They remind me of certain extremist muslims who threaten their own who have converted to Christianity. They just cant stomach that someone sees things differently than them guess its just another form of fascism so please try and grow up and leave your bullying in the schoolyard
Posted By: frank keefe | November 4, 2009 4:14 AM
If you do not know the reasons for being an atheist, then you simply did not have good reasons to be an atheist in the first place... People become atheists not because of emotional reasons. As comforting as the illusory promises of theistic religion is, their logic & reason overcome.
Posted By: anonymous | December 28, 2009 5:39 PM