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January 24, 2013
Churches Should Focus on Children of 'Good Divorce,' Study Suggests
Adults raised in divorce more than half as likely to attend religious services compared to those raised in happy marriages.
A new study suggests that children raised in divorce—even "good" divorces—are less likely to attend religious services and express interest in God than children raised in happy marriages.
Observers say this implies the future health of churches could depend on getting non-traditional family ministries right.
The report, titled "Does the Shape of Families Shape Faith?", is comprised of papers from family and religious studies experts who together declare "that today’s grown children of divorce form a 'broken leading edge' of the trend of more Americans considering themselves 'spiritual but not religious.'"
Researchers found that adults raised by happily married parents were "more than twice as likely to attend religious services, compared to those raised in good divorces." Such adults were also less likely to report negative experiences of God.
"Children of divorce [have] spiritual stories quite often characterized by loss or suffering," report co-author Amy Ziettlow wrote in an article for The Atlantic.
And the problem for many churches is that their family ministries do little to help families struggling through divorce, said Elizabeth Marquardt, director of the Center for Marriage and a co-author of the report.
"'Mainline [Protestant Christianity] has done very little and has largely trusted that as long as everybody gets along and keeps their conflicts down, things will be OK,'" Marquardt told the Deseret News. "'We're really trying to upend that view.'"
According to a blog post by the report's lead researchers published in The Washington Post, "It is especially critical for churches to help couples work through moderate difficulties rather than settle for a 'good' divorce—in which parents stay involved in the child’s life and minimize conflict with one another."
CT has regularly reported on divorce, including why divorce calls children's existence into question, as well as lies told to children about divorce.
Editor's Note: This post has been updated. A previous version of the post misspelled Amy Ziettlow's name.
Comments
Adult children of divorce do struggle with their faith walk. I work with a lot of adult children of divorce. I also work with children whose parents are in the process of divorce or have been divorced since the kids were little.
Divorce deeply affects every area of a child's life. There are no good divorces according to most children. Churches for the most part have failed to reach this population. I was one of the interviewers for the "Does the Shape of Family Shape Faith". You can read my report by scrolling down the list and clicking on Linda Ranson Jacobs.
In my report I talk about how much DivorceCare for Kids (DC4K) is changing children's lives. This ministry is run by caring churches who want to reach out to the hurting kids in their communities. Most of the children who come to DC4K do not attend church. This ministry is a bridge into the community.
Last week I was at the Children's Pastor's Conference in Orlando, FL. Almost 2,000 children's pastors were in attendance. I talked to hundreds of them an I asked them about the child of divorce and single parent families in their congregations. I was amazed at the responses of those that simply didn't have a clue what or how to help. You can read a short report coming out tomorrow on www.divorceministry4kids.com
Thanks for helping spread the word to churches about the importance of ministering to this HUGE population of children.
Linda Ranson Jacobs
Posted By: Linda Ranson Jacobs | January 24, 2013 9:16 PM
I left church at 14 because I was angry that my prayers for my parents and family didn't 'work'. It took many years before I realized that because God gave my parents free will, He couldn't then force them to stay together as I had been praying. I could accept that God didn't want me to have a bicycle for Christmas, but not that He couldn't or would't grant my most heartfelt and (I thought) unselfish wish.
It was easier to believe in no god at all than to reconcile my mind to a good and all powerful God who did nothing to heal my family.
What can the church do to explain to children why God doesn't help in their hour of need? How can the church help children of divorce to deal with their anger at God and at all the grownups who are behaving badly?
Posted By: Laura Gardner | January 25, 2013 7:00 AM
I wish you hadn't used "good" with divorce. It sounds like gay supporters use of "commitment" or feminists "equality" with men.
Posted By: Alex | January 25, 2013 7:27 AM
Do you have any statistics on children raised in unhappy two-parent homes?
Posted By: Grace Capstone | January 26, 2013 1:37 PM
Children of divorce are deserving of their own special attention, ministry if you will, within the church community.
When my parents divorced (something initiated by my father), I lost not once but three times… an emotional orphan without the tools to deal with the situation. There was the personal loss of mother and father in their traditional roles (my mother, who I was living with became a mess), I became a hands off person with regard to the church because I was part of a “taboo” situation (this was more than 30 years ago), and I became a “taboo” with regard to family (who were largely part of the church community).
Why I say that the children of divorce are the forgotten is because that is what I experienced and have seen since. The church family and the genetic family were there speaking with my parents individually but they never spoke with me. Yet, my entire world was upended… everything I had been taught was violated… and then I was victimized again because nobody would speak with me (as far as family goes, I am largely the outcast to this day… I have family that never really acknowledged me again). Keep in mind that I was 15 years old; I did not have the wherewithal to go out and find people or the tools to express myself. I was never the one approached; it was always my responsibility to approach others.
My point is that if someone sees the child of divorce, whether you are part of their church family or actual family, you are seeing someone who needs a hug and the opportunity to talk about what they are feeling or seeing. This is a young person who needs a special measure of compassion. Your taking a few moments to talk to them and bring them out and assure them could change their future. Take a moment, talk to these young people, give them a hug, let them know they are special people with something to give, put a blanket about their shoulders, give them a shoulder to cry on even if it is uncomfortable for you.
I say this hoping that at least one child of divorce receives that which I denied.
Posted By: Keith | January 27, 2013 7:01 AM
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