Thanks for asking! I just read a bumpersticker that said "You haven't worked full time until you have been a mom." I think I actually said "amen" out loud in my car.

In this era of talking about the importance of "passing the baton" to the next generation of leaders, our church has found itself primarily staffed (Worship & Youth ministry leaders) with those of us who are in our late-twenties and with children all under the age of 4. We all work "Part Time" (wink, wink) for the church, with a lot of flexibility of working from home.

It's an enormous balancing act to work from home, because as leaders we have many people who depend on us which means no hour is off limits for phone calls and emails are there from the moment we wake up to the moment we go to bed. But then, so are our children, our husbands, the dishes, the laundry, etc. This is probably the most talked about issue we have with our leaders as we try to figure out what to do with the frustration and weariness that comes from these roles. (I will say that there has also been much thankfulness for the unique opportunity and blessing it has been, too.)

All of us have repeated conversations about "the guilt": something is not getting the best of us, and most often we, especially the moms, feel it is our children who get the worst of us. Yet we also feel guilty because we have the desire to serve God and the ministries (and people) with the vision and passion He equipped us with!

We have yet to reach a "solution." Some days are better than others. Some seasons are better than others. (i.e. Christmas...not so good.) But we pray a lot for each other. We encourage each other on to remember that some things just have to be "good enough" but that does NOT include loving our children(through the gift of focused time) or our husbands for that matter.

One final thought from this ramble. I attended the Willow Creek Leadership Summit (Aug 06) and heard an inspired session from Andy Stanley. He said God gave us two unique roles in life, and only two that no other person can do: being the wife of my husband and the mother to my children. It came in the context of remembering that Jesus said while talking to Peter, "upon this rock, I WILL build my church." It was a challenge to hear but has been the best thing, too. I have to constantly keep before me that Jesus designed us to serve our families as much as serving Him.

I have not taken this to mean to give up my dreams, God-given calling, passions, or to quit finding opportunities to act on all of these! I'm just trying to listen and obey when I sense Christ might be asking me to sacrifice my agenda for His.

I think the "how" of this will look different for many people, but I believe that the most important thing is the attitude and outcomes of the heart.

Don't ever imagine there is one right track, even for one life! In the last year I have set aside my career/ministry, and slowed way down on my educational goals in order to homeschool my two youngest children. Every day I feel how crucial this time with them is. They have such potential to change their world, how could I ever question the worth of what I'm doing?

As entrepreneurs with three small girls(5, 3, and six months) my husband and I share the same job. So we're on the "pass-the-baton" mommy track. When he's at work, I'm on with the kids, and when I'm at our business, we switch and he's at home. He does the lion's share at work, but this way we both get to have significant input into our children's lives.

Kim, I heard Andy Stanley's talk about the unique roles we have too. It is a challenge being a wife, mother while holding down a job and ministry responsibilities. We all need to make sure that we are seeking God's will for us in whatever season of life we happen to be in. Then, we will not be weary, because the yoke God has intended for us is light, unlike the one we put on ourselves when we set our priorities rather than letting God take control.

I was thrilled to see you report that most of us try several tracks...I've done some part time work here and there and am constantly re-evaluating the right balance for us all.

While there isn't one "right" track I think there is one "right for us" track if we consider our choices as those chosen for us by God. I can say I felt a strong "call" to give up my career and be an at home mom for most of my kids preschool years. Looking for the perfect arrangement while they were in elementary school led to a million closed doors. I consider it a phase of being "hemmed" in by God so that I can focus on spiritual insights that are preparing me for spiritual leadership.

Now I'm a Certified Life Purpose Coach coaching from home via telephone or email as well as facilitating groups. I also freelance write from home. Both of these callings allow me to be available to my family and flexible with my involvements.

You're article was very thought-provoking and stimulating. Though I am not a mom myself, I have an amazing mother who spent so much of her life taking care of the needs of her family. Motherhood is truly a gift and a trust from God to women. Thanks for taking the time to ask such hard questions of women who may rarely get such attention.

I am a wife and mother of three now adult children. Having nurtured all three of our children to adulthood I can testify there is no easy or simple solution or track to the challenge of balancing being a committed wife, an involved mother, helping to meet financial obligations, finding a career that's meaningful and fulfilling a God-given leadership role in the church or community.
I chose the stay-at-home "track" till they were in kindergarten and then worked part-time when they were in school and at night but I must confess it was exhausting at times to keep up with focusing on the children, my husband the home, and my job not to mention finding any time for me.
I did accept a full time position when our youngest child was in high school and we found that both of us working all day and no one being home when she came home from school was for our family a big mistake. When she started to demonstrate some significant behavioral challenges I chose to resign my position. After we weathered the worst of the storm I found a part-time position to help w/ the family finances that also enabled me to express some of my giftings. So for our family being home during teenage years proved to be just as important as the younger more formative years.
For me, the bottom line is that there is no greater "leadership call" than to invest in our children through intercession, modeling christ-likenss, teaching and daily demonstrating unconditional love. Sometimes I think we may forget what we invest in our children or-fail to, will show forth in our society for after all they are the future leaders of our world.
And oh by the way, mothering never ever ends. Its face may change but the commitment to love only grows deeper as they grow older.

Lori, thank you for touching on the fact that a husband/father can be an at-home parent too, whether part-or-full-time. Isn't that another option? Why does the stay-at-home parent have to be the mother? Everyone here has shared such unique insights, it lets us know that there is no one way that is right for every family, no matter what the 1950's may have taught you. I am so glad a woman's place is no longer just in the kitchen as it used to be! I particularly enjoyed the statement by Rosalie in which she said that being the at-home parent had prepared her for the ministry she has now. Perhaps there are fathers/mothers out there who could really relate to that.

Kathryn, thanks for bringing up the stay-at-home-dad option. You're right: This is another option that works really well for some of us. My husband is a stay-at-home dad (who also works part-time a few evenings a week). He's an incredible caregiver, and our family loves this arrangement!

This may be a little off the subject, but as you're listing single mommy-tracks, please don't assume that all divorced moms DON'T receive child support payments, or that it's always the husband who leaves his wife for another woman.

I realize that that is often the case, and my heart goes out to those women, but it's not ALWAYS that way, and I would just urge you to not simply perpetuate the stereotype.

My husband's ex-wife left him for another guy, but we DO pay all the child-support payments (and then some) and share custody with the kids' mom so SHE can continue to stay home with them during the week, as she had while she was still married - and then my husband takes responsibility for them every weekend. I realize that it works both ways, but not all single moms are the "victims" - and not every ex-husband is a bad guy.

Step-moms are another "track" you might think about adding. I met and married my husband a few years after his divorce, and being a stepmom is the hardest job I've ever had. It's definitely NOT the same as being "THE" mommy, but it brings with it its own unique challenges. We're not all "home-wreckers" (the way, I admit, I used to view most step-moms), and Christian stepmoms need support, too!

Thanks for considering another view!

The Mommy Wars – A Christian Perspective

Thanks for taking on this loaded topic – so hot that most people, news organizations and even most women are aftraid to discuss it honestly. I was headed for the “uber-career track” full steam, right up until the doctor placed my newborn daughter in my arms and God, hormones and quintessential Love kicked in big time. I had a Master’s degree, was employed by a Fortune 500 company in a high profile, stimulating career making more than my husband and very happy with it all.
Pregnancy allowed me a few months to evaluate my options, and everywhere I turned, all I found were carefully phrased platitudes about mothers determining “what’s right for you.” When I sought hard numbers and research regarding daycare for my child, there was almost nothing to find, anywhere, except quotes from “experts” commenting that putting my brand new human being in a place with strangers (daycare centers have notoriously high turnover rates) for 8+ hours a day during the work week wouldn’t unduly harm the kid, so long as he/she received a few hours of “quality time.” When I began calling daycare centers and was informed that my three-month-old would be in an advantageous ratio of six babies to one adult for the entirety of the day – at the same time that I was reading every child development book and web site I could find and learning that the first three to five years are the most critical developmental years of a person’s entire life – the disconnect between “care options” and child development became appallingly clear.
So I sacrificed the career, stayed home, had another daughter, and am still at home full time as my children approach kindergarten. It has been an eye-opening experience. Here are a few of the unspoken mommy rules that very few seem willing to confront honestly:
1) Never, ever question a woman’s right to choose her work over her child. This applies equally in most churches. Should you dare to breathe the radical thought (which has, in fact, been well researched and proven over decades) that perhaps staying home with the children rather than putting them in full-time daycare might – just might – be healthier for them, you instantly become a June Cleaver wannabe, an out-dated, antiquated ignoramus who no doubt believes every human with ovaries over the age of 17 should be barefoot, pregnant and in the kitchen. Remember Hillary Clinton's scornful proclamation in 1992 that she was not a wife who sat at home and baked cookies and had teas? God forbid we put our children first and sacrifice our careers for them – that would be denying our God-given talents and calling and imposing an undue burden on ourselves. Self-fulfillment trumps all – even in the church – even at the expense of our children.
2) Every self-respecting mother should at the very least pay lip-service and due allegiance to the idea that the ideal life for a woman includes a career outside the home. Those of us who stay home find ourselves regularly stating that we intend to “go back to work” (ha, what a misnomer!) as soon as….(fill in the blank with favorite excuse here). Some women have actually had to apologize for their desire to be “just a mom” to their own husbands, who are used to that extra paycheck and aren’t enthused about being the sole bread winner. There go the cool vacations, nicer house and latest fashions in clothes, tech toys, etc. Sacrificing our own wants, much less needs, is not “in.”
3) Although there are occasional pious acknowledgements of the importance of motherhood, the reality is that being an at-home mom automatically puts you at the bottom of the social ladder. No career, no paycheck, no status, no glory. Every facet of our culture (again, including many churches) promotes the “ideal” mother as one who has “much more to offer” than “just” being a mom. We give more honor and respect (and that’s not much, by the way) to our children’s teachers than we do to the mothers who shape the world’s next generation. And as Christians, many of us (including me at one time) buy into this mindset without ever critically examining it.
I could spend pages more detailing the way feminists (who originally fought to protect mothers in the home) in their battle to gain equal employment, sold our children into the virtual daytime orphanages of daycare in order to make it possible for mothers to seek male-modeled careers. Just read Feminist Fantasies by Phyllis Schlafly to gain a little insight into those who supposedly represent all women. I could spend pages more detailing the decades of research documenting the horrifying effects of full-time daycare (higher rate of hospitalization, emotional characteristics similar to children in extreme poverty….just to name a few), but read Daycare Deception by the Heritage Foundation’s Brian Robertson if you’re willing to take a truly honest look at what we “successful mothers” are doing to our own children. I believe there’s a reason when I feel guilty about short-changing my children. It is the holy conviction of a protective Father defending the defenseless children in my home.
Let’s not pretend the church is any different. It’s not, for the most part. Our culture has taught us that women, to be truly fulfilled, cannot be “just a mom.” Just as men do, we are supposed to find “real” fulfillment in a satisfying career (and yes, that includes our well-intentioned service in the church too, not just the secular world). Did God shape our hearts in the same way as men? Are we tasked by Him to make money in order to support our families? I recognize the reality that some have no choice…and surveys show (again, check out Robertson's book for the details) that in fact most moms would prefer to spend more time with their children, rather than more time at work. No, I am not arguing that women should not work or cannot find fulfillment in work that does not involve children. But becoming a mom has caused me to call into question my previously easy cultural assumptions I had regarding a woman’s right to a fulfilling career.
Is there a formula for mothers? Of course not. Formulas only work in math equations – not with unique individuals and their widely varied circumstances. But we live in a culture that implicitly values a woman’s personal self-fulfillment over her children’s well-being. There are too many variables to arrogantly prescribe a one-size-fits-all solution. But my journey through this awesome and at times harrowing world of motherhood has led me to look long and hard at the messages that surround me on every side and critically evaluate the value of my child’s heart against every other priority my culture – and even my church – imposes. Some of us have no choice – but many of us do.
My choice to accept the responsibility of raising my children myself, rather than paying someone else to raise them, is a sacrifice for both myself and my husband. It is not fulfilling intellectually, it can be tedious and extremely lonely. I hope when they are older I will be able to again use the other skills and giftings God has blessed me with.
But I have vowed to have a clear conscience when it comes to my kids, and listen when my heart whispers that maybe I’ve over committed, or perhaps my children need more of my time. In eternity, when my God looks me in the eye and asks how I handled the tender souls He entrusted into my care, will those other priorities have been worth it? If I save souls for the church, but damage or even lose my children’s in the process, will my devotion to my “calling” still have been worth it? I have decided that my ego will never be worth the price of my child.

My three children, ages 12, 6, and 6 mos are all six years apart (God's timing not ours!) and I've been on different tracks for sure. As a marriage and family therapist myself, and my husband being an executive administrator, it's been years of grace, sacrifice, and flexibility.

With the recent birth of my youngest I am now on the "Momprenuer" track and I love it because I'm able to be with my children more than ever before. I'm thankful for the ability to nurture and care for my family while helping others build up theirs. Thanks for the blog!

My mother went back to teaching when two of my sisters were still preschool. They stayed with my grandparents until they were in school. We attended school where my mother taught and we rode with her to and from school.

When my husband and I married we agreed that I would be a stay at home mom. I helped him with ministry related jobs that fit around the babies. My contribution to finances was to stretch them as far as possible.

When two of our four children were still in high school, our circumstances changed and I worked part time for three years while my husband started his own business. When it was doing well, I helped him in the business for a while. Then our son's wife needed to work, I started babysitting grandchildren.

I have a college degree. I can work for money. But my husband supplies our financial needs sufficiently. My children and grandchildren are a better long term investment than any I would have with an outside job.

I realize that not everyone is able or willing to make the choices I've made. But I believe that I've been blessed in these choices. I've also been blessed in the choices my mother and grandmother made.

People, especially family members, are an investment "you CAN take with you".

I appreciate that this article points out that we often following several different mommy tracks during our lives, as our circumstances and life stages change over time.
When my son was born, there was no question that I had to go back to work full-time because we were very young and my husband simply didn't make enough money for us to survive on one income. We were blessed that my mother (a stay-at-home mom) was willing and able to care for our son while we were at work. It was exhausting for me, but necessary at the time, and my son was blessed to be with loving family.
When my daughter was born five years later, we were able to make the adjustments needed so I could be a full-time mommy and homemaker. I was truly blessed to have this time with my children, and discovered that it was every bit as much work as working outside the home, if not more, but it was so fulfilling. I was very involved with their school and activities.
When my son started high school, I felt the Lord prompting me to look for part-time employment, and was fortunate to find a good job very close to home. It provided us with some extra money and fulfilled some of my needs for stimulation and challenge.
Within a couple of years, my husband had a series of affairs and moved out and divorced me, and I was so thankful to have a job! My employer immediately asked me to move to full-time work and increased my pay rate so that I was able to provide for the children and me. They were flexible in letting me work around my children's school hours and activities. Although my husband did pay child support, my job enabled me to be independent of him and to see that the children would still be able to have their needs (and some of their wants) met as well.
Now that my son is grown and my daughter is off at college, my job continues to bless me. I have numerous opportunities to share God's love with my friends and co-workers, and I continue to learn and grow. There are many times I wish I could be a stay-at-home mom again, but I am also so very thankful for a Father who prepared me to work when He knew what lay in store for me, and provided the right place for me.
We don't always know what is coming down the road, but if we really listen to the Lord's guidance, He will direct us in our path for the time. Basically, I encourage mothers to listen to the Holy Spirit's leading and be thankful and content with where you are. If you are blessed to be home with your children, be thankful. If you are working outside the home, be thankful. Remember to be kind to the other women you know, especially those who have made a different choice from yours. We do not always know other people's circumstances and reasons, and kindness and graciousness is more important than pushing our own agenda on other women.

Amy, I hope you and your husband are on the cutting edge of change. Too many times when I hear something about "childcare", it is discussed as a "mother's" issue. It is great to hear that there are fathers who stay home. The family is strengthened when childcare is a parenting issue, not the exclusive property of one sex. Our traditional cultural values may have ingrained us with the idea that the mother has to be at home (could that be the real reason some of you felt guilty not being at home?) and a "real man" is at an outside job, but it isn't so.

It's interesting how many times my husband is out in public with our two kids and someone will say (with a wink), "Babysitting today, huh?" He'll usually say something like "No, I'm being Dad."

I have found this discussion fascinating a I am currently dealing with this.

While trying to get some biblical perspective I noticed the similarity's between; Proverbs 31:31 "Give her the fruit of her hands, And let her own works praise he in the gates.", and Psalm 127:5b "They (children of your youth) shall not be ashamed, But shall speak with their enemies in the gate". I feel that it reinforced how parenting is the most important job we as parents have been given because even the Proverbs 31 woman (often said to be the non-existent perfect woman) is predominantly known for her parenting first and foremost.

Living in a country (New Zealand) where our prime minister has promised "dawn to dusk daycare" (shudder) this discussion has been very topical recently. Yet all the discussion only proves to me that there is no "one solution fits all" or even a set of solutions that work.

I am still unsure of how best to apply the work/parent balance. My first child is 7 months old, and I have a 3hour a week job. My husband is setting up a business, which is not enough to support us on its own, and so he is also working full time (i.e. working so much he has no time for family). We both like the idea of him being a stay at home dad while setting up his business. The major problem being that I really don't want to have to work full time away from my daughter. It is not that I mind working, but there is so much that I don't want to miss. I am mostly decided that I will look for a job that I will be fulfilled in so that when I come home I have the emotional energy to spend time with my daughter and husband.

I am a mother of 3, ages 14, 11 & 2. I have had a couple different "mommy" roles. When my oldest was born, I quit work to stay home with him until he was 18 mths old. It was a joy. Then I worked full time until my daughter was born, and even after. Then my 3rd child, a daughter was born 8 years later and I had the perfect job, which I prayed for, in which I was at home with all three of them in the afternoon. In fact, I was with my 2 older children teaching at their school during the day. It was the perfect job, until the school closed. So I stayed home for 8 months until I decided that we had to have the second income. Now I am finding myself longing to be home again with my children. Oh, they are well taken care of by grandparents, but I miss my time with them. I miss my house being clean and meals being on the table when my husband gets home at night. I've decided that I need another part-time job so that I can still help with the family's income AND be the wife and mother God has called me to be. Am I going to do it? Yes, beginning today.

It is good to remember that "stay at home" is primarily a white middle class American option ONLY for the past 30 to 40 years. For thousands of years women have worked at many places, the farm, the village , the store, the factory, together with others, often with community or family childcare-sometimes with only the older children watching the babies. I personally have no patience for long essays on this issue. Just spend some time in Africa, China, India, Pakistan, etc and this is a non issue- EVERYONE WORKS!! They don't spend endless hours talking or writing or making issues out of non-important things. Maybe it would be good for Americans to have to truly "work" again to survive as the rest of the world does. Pray as a couple and seek God's will for your family.

Thank you Trisha for bringing up that very valid point. People from different economy's and cultures do the parenting/work balance differently and have different (or no) options. Parents will almost always do the best they can for their children considering there resources, abilities and culture.

I feel however that there is value in discussing how best to manage the work parenting balance in our culture. Precisely because we have so many options and knowing which option is best for our family's, and our family's impact on the world around us for Christ, is worth careful consideration. Although, not being American I probably should not have commented.

(I would also like to add to my earlier post I know I am reading into the biblical quotes more than it may mean but it was what came to me at the time. I would also like to point out that I know what I concluded is rather self centered so I am now looking for the best solution for my family not just for me)

I am Widow more of 11 year and working as a Missionary in my own Town, Country, for now. I have 4 my own Children, 4 Granchild and in my Foster Care Family: " FLORENS & ZVONCICA" now I have 3 Baby,s: 3; 3,5; and more of 4 years boy,s. We have big needs: Prayers, Volontier, House, mini Bus...
Our Country are belong to the Development Country / Third World /. Pray for us, ask from our God to send us Peace, Hope, Faith, Love and Financial Freedom.
God Bless All of You!
Mrs. Rose
www.florens-zvoncica.org.yu

I appreciated Monica's post. I grew up in a Christian family, and although while I always assumed I'd have kids at some point, I never really wanted them (I was much more into having a career). In retrospect it amazes me that I never was trained in the value and effort of being a mom. I saw some things in my mother that I didn't like (a bit too focused on us kids) and I was encouraged on the other hand to go to college and get a good job and not "waste" my brain. Interesting how us Christians do buy into the world's view on things without realizing it - and then pass it on to our kids!

Now I am struggling with wanting to do more in my business and yet do more with my kids. (I almost had a breakdown when my first was born because I was shocked I think - it's not so bad after #3.) Some days I would love to just give up any idea of an outside career and focus solely on my kids - there is so much I could be teaching them! But then there are "bad" days when I feel like if I don't get away from the kids and focus on something else I will throttle them - which makes me think I need a little bit of both for my sanity (and it doesn't do the kids much good to have a crazy mom, does it?)

I must add, the more I work with my kids, hear horror stories about school (my oldest is not yet in kindergarten) and just think about trying to convey spiritual truths I wonder how I can do it all? (I also have a strong desire to be involved as a leader at church - but currently am not)

I'd like to see the church support moms more - be more of a place to connect with other women so we can manage being at home without having to resort to working in order to have an adult conversation or make more money (perhaps because we don't know how to save or stretch what we have).

A final thought - I find when I try to do too much of my "own" thing I end up MORE frustrated at my kids (such as trying to type this post and referee at the same time). Could that be a hint?

This is a very complicated issue. Our values and decisions are based on a lack of information for the most part; our upbringing in the 60's & 70's were all about what I could accomplish for my career and was indirectly taught that stay at home Mom's were a thing of the past. I was a latch-key kid. So by the time I decided about children, I knew I was going to struggle with myself - the right thing is to stay at home, BUT it can't be done due to loss of income and it was low valued. My problem is that by the time I studied the Bible, sought out various counsel (from local church Bible studies, to Dr. Laura to Dave Ramsey to Howard Dayton), I realized the world of credit cards and debt, played a big part in our society. So here is the end of my story: unable to conceive children, so hubby and I are adopting, yet we are so "old", my hubby is taking early retirement to be the stay at home Dad. How cool is that? I can't retire yet so this is our solution. Isn't God's timing everything? We will raise our children with more information about the importance of parents being with them, caring & nuturing, loving them all day long, not just the 30 minutes in the evening. I will be tired at times, but know we are doing the best we can, now being wiser (I hope!).

I have been on many tracks as a mom as well. We have 8 children from our 29 year marriage. The oldest is 28 the youngest 10. Now 4 grandchildren as well. Through raising our
first 6 I did not do any "gainful employment" but volunteered for things at church that ussually allowed my kids to be with me. Over the last 12 years I have held part time positions from time to time and helped in my husbands business. I try to be home by 3:30 when I am "at work". I believe it is my primary occupation to be a mom. I still fix dinner most nights and send them out in the morning having breakfast and a packed lunch or lunch money. Many were the nights when bedtime for teens was shot as we hung out late in the kitchen discussing whatever they needed or just plain laughing over stuff. While our marriage is good now, we went through some serious trouble(not abuse)for awhile that I believed I was to STAY PUT in for the sake of my kids.They "spoke" against the enemy (of divorce) at our gates Ps127

Trisha brings up a good reality check. An examination of historial marriage and family patterns in the United States will reveal that the normal family structure up until the industrial revolution was the family working together at home in a primarily agricultural society. It was the IR that began the pattern of employing a parent outside the home (usually the Dad). I'm not sure why we spiritualize the issue of whether to work outside the home or not. It's a fact that most women with children under the age of 18 (75%) work in some capacity outside the home. We are all trying to make ends meet and balance the physical needs of the family with the nurturing of the children. One size does not fit all, and we all need to be depending on the Lord to show us the way that is right for our families. If you are financially able to stay at home full-time with your children, you are experiencing a luxury that most of the world's women cannot even conceive of.

Ladies, there is no one right way and no one knows everything that goes on in the home, the school, or the daycare center. Remember, when you hear "stories" about what goes on they are just that "stories". Some have more truth to them than others. Many are more unwishful thinking by people who have decided that their wants and needs are superior to all others; therefore they have the right to create their truth and dictate it to everyone.

I am a grandmother now, and in my parenting years, I had many different roles, some because we had certain desires for our daughter, others because of financial problems, others because I felt that I had no right to complain about things if I was not willing to do something about it myself.

I was a military wife and stayed home with our daughter until she was 3 years old. Even during that time, I used the Post Nursery, babysitters, and an organized Play Group at a local church created to allow mothers time away from children for a few hours a week. When she was 3, my husband was out of the military, and I found a new mothering role, as I was an elementary school librarian. My daughter was in a very good all day nursery school at another local church where she grew in ways she would not have had we been home together all day. Another move found me back at home when she was in Kindergarten through 3rd grade. In those years I did have a couple of part-time jobs, during her school hours which gave us a little more money and allowed us to do certain things with her that we could not have done otherwise.

Another job move for my husband with my daughter in 4th grade, and I wanted to work full time. This was good for us, and when my husband ended up out of work and then working second shift, our daughter was able to learn more responsibility, and Daddy was home when she got home from school. This also helped when my husband was out of a job due to company closings and executive changes.

When our daughter was in high school, I went back to graduate school for a master's degree, this was a desire of my company and myself as well. Our dauaghter benefited by seeing Mommy studying and working hard to complete her degree at the same time she was working hard in high school. Also, a side benefit was access to a research university library for her in her advanced courses in high school. She graduated high school 3 weeks after I received my master's.

Just as she was graduating high school, my company went through a huge "right-sizing" and my position was eliminated. Having my degree made it much easier for me to find a new position which allowed her to go to college without wondering if the money would be there for her next semester. Even more than that, while she was in college, my husband's company closed and he was out of work much longer this time. Still, there was never a question about her schooling. She understood the value we placed on education, and we all worked together to make sure her education continued.

Now, as a grandmother, I have a good job, as does my husband, and we are able to be there to help her and her family when needed, without wondering how we can afford it.

In spite of all the things some people try to prove about how harmful daycare is, such as more illnesses and times in the hospital, our daughter has been in the hospital overnight three times. First when she was born; second when she gave birth to our granddaughter; third when she gave birth to our grandson. She is a loving mother, with a very good outside career, where the needs of families are accommodated by everyone. She is active in her church, teaching Sunday School and as part of the Children's Ministry Team. Just as we looked at several nursery school/daycare centers before we decided I would go back to work, she and her husband investigated to make sure the daycare situation was in hand before she went back to work. Our grandchildren have the best of both worlds. Excellent daycare with a strong educational and values component that reinforces what is learned at home, and a loving family where education is highly valued and strong Christian values are shown and taught.

Her mothering path and mine have been different, and I would not ask her to follow mine, nor could I have followed hers. but each of us has followed the path we believe God set out for us.