This is a good post and good reminder for all of us when we think we feel "led" to share our what God is telling us with a particular issue.

Yes, God may indeed be putting some discontent, etc. about some decision being made or not made, some program, etc. However, we must always stop before we speak, even if it means several days, take the issue to God in prayer, and ask God to reveal any impure motives such as pride, etc. After the cleansing process, then we can approach whomever we need to speak to.

Leadership is servanthood first as you said, out of a pure heart. It is a tough job, isnt't it? :)

Thanks again for the post.

I've been in church all of my life and have yet to meet a female leader who considers herself a servant. Occasionally you might hear a bit of feeble lip-service, but no believable substance.

What I have seen and experienced too many times is unchecked relational aggression; alliance building, ostracism, character assassination, manipulation, betrayal--all under the guise of 'leadership.' Servanthood?
I don't think so.

Marilyn

Great column Jaye. As leaders, we always need to be in the Word and in prayer so that we can learn to discern the spirits and be able to hear when it is the Holy Spirit speaking to us. Yes Janna, you stated it so well. Also important is to have an accountability partner or group who will be lovingly blunt with you when your leadership practices or personal life get biblically off track in addition to providing needed encouragement and support.

Marilyn, I'm sorry your experience with women leaders has not been a positive one. I wish you could meet the group of women pastors that I am a part of. The spirit of servanthood permeates our group--and it is a true source of joy to be with these co-laborers in the Lord. I have met some women in leadeship like you describe--even worked for a few years ago in a non church setting, and I just don't care to be around them either. The way I've led in the churches I've pastored is to lead by example, and that included never preaching about anything in a sermon that I wasn't willing to do myself. The hardest one was the sermon about praying for your enemies. My daughter was in a relationship with an abusive man and in the process of writing that sermon, the Holy Spirit convicted me that I needed to pray for the abuser. It was truly one of the hardest things God was asking me to do, but I knew I couldn't preach that sermon with any authenticity unless I did and submiited to His directive. When I preached that sermon, I tearfully shared my experience with the congregation and after the service my congregation ministered to me with love and support.

All those things you've mentioned,unchecked relational aggression, alliance building, character assasination,etc. have been common traits for years in male corporate executives as the standard mode of climbing the corporate ladder and unfortunately made its way into the male church leader ranks under the guise of what's called the "CEO model." Likely, these women you've encountered learned it from the men and acted accordingly, sincerely believing that they have to act like these men in order to succeed. These men and women don't like to be questioned nor do they like having to answer to anyone and thus should not be in church leadership. That's why anyone in leadership, regardless of gender must be regularly in the Word (and not just for sermon prep), in prayer and must have (no exceptions) an accountability partner or group in place. The last one, accountability, is undoubtedly one of the best ways to prevent those kinds of unbiblical behaviors that you named.

Some wonderful examples of prominent women servantleaders are: Rev. Dr. Roberta Hestenes-pastor, author, speaker and former President of Eastern College; Rev. Dr. Molly Marshall-President of Central Baptist Seminary. One of her signature sermons encourages us to be "midwives of grace."; Rev. Dr. Trinette McCray-pastor, professor and past President of my denomination ABCUSA. At our 2000 national Youth Conference (which I was at as a chaperone), Trinette stayed in the same quarters as the youth and made herself available anytime a teen needed someone to talk to. Of course there are a number of women servantleaders listed on this site as well as on the Christians for Biblical Equality site. My point Marilyn is to please not pass a blanket judgment on all women churchleaders. There are a number of us who do believe in and actually practice servantleadership--and we are just as turned off as you by our female colleagues who don't because they only provide additional ammunition for those who oppose women in ministry. Just what we don't need!

Thank you Rev. for taking the time to respond to an admittedly cynical and skeptical church survivor. My father was also a minister, and as a pk, I've seen and heard just about everything. What I have not seen--anywhere-is a group of women like you have just described. I'm not denying their existence, but the very real scarcity causes me to wonder, why? There seems to be something fundamentally wrong with the way we define the gift of leadership in women and ultimately how we choose them.

I have to disagree with your belief that women have learned their destructive behavior from the male corporate world. While it's true that the secular influence on church administration has caused countless problems, I don't think this is one of them. In fact, recent studies have shown that relational aggression is much more prevalent in female relationships than male. We can't blame this one on the men--we've been doing it to each other since kindergarten.

It's very difficult to be non-judgmental when you've been emotionally and spiritually abused at the hands of female christian leaders. I have been chewed up, spit out, and left for dead more than once, and the appalling lack of conscience has left me with a rather jaded perspective.

I guess I'm a bit of an idealist; as a child, I spent countless hours reading books from my father's library and had grand ideas of what I might do for God. I rewrote hymns, rearranged hymns, wrote worship music to the psalms and naively thought that my gifts would be appreciated wherever I chose to worship. Needless to say it did'nt turn out that way. My vision of service drowned in a sea of malice.

Marilyn

Jaye, Thank you for writing so well about this topic, the heart of a servant leader. The comments of Marilyn and Rev. Carlene drew me into this post, and as Janna said, it is a tough job.

My thoughts are simple. Men and women approach life in different ways and approach their spiritual gifts in different ways, both supporting the innate qualities given to us by God in his image. At any given time in our lives we are the composite of our life experiences, good and bad; and the people who have been involved in our lives, good and bad. Only with Christ do those experiences drive us into the heart of God to whatever spiritual gift God has bestowed.

Servant leadership is an awesome responsibility that Jesus modeled perfectly and none of us will. The truth as I see it, is leadership is to lead one to the truth of ourselves and truth that we need Jesus in every part of our lives. That truth perhaps exposes parts of ourselves and vulnerabilities especially when we encounter unfair and unjust situations. That means God is at work within us. I for one do not like to be treated unfairly and I can assure you that I'm not alone in that thought.

Women are competitive in their own way and are experts at maligning another woman with whom they sense is competition. Yet, I have not witnessed a woman pastor who maligned her leadership gift, and I have known a few. My point is to not lump all women who serve through servant leadership into one mindset. No one, and I repeat, no one will be perfect as the scriptures say.

Marilyn, like you, I have many experiences with church and church politics that would drive most away from the church. I have found though that church families are ordinary people seeking and sometimes do terrible things to those to whom they should be lifting up and encouraging. Giving up gifts and church is giving up on yourself. Don't give the devil a foothold. Malice is an honest feeling and one I can relate to, but I choose to follow God and learn to be the person He wants me to be. In His strength and in his time I have overcome great difficulties.

We choose to live in victory or defeat. Women have struggled to gain equal footing in many areas of life and in parts of the world that struggle is more than I understand. Yet, God has allowed us to struggle. What I do know is that God delights in us as women since he created us in His image and blessed us. He takes holy joy in us and blesses us with gifts. When we struggle, and I have been denied the use of my gifts by others, God sees the faith and rewards in His time.

We make choices to rise above our situation or live in malice and frustration. I saw my sister live as a victim during her 33 years. God hears and sees and wants us to release those unsavory thoughts to Him so he can work. We in a sense open the door when we release anger, malice etc... Even when people misrepresent Christ, we do not have to.

I believe that women have an amazing capacity as servant leaders who bring womanly traits to that position. We may have more to learn about ways that work the best, but seeking is faith at work. This, we do not do alone, for God's power is made perfect in weakness.

I have learned it's best to keep my eyes on Jesus and not on myself, and I've learned that through some tough lessons. I've found that I can actually pray for those who've wronged me. The first time I didn't believe what my thoughts were doing, but God blessed that time. I really did pray for someone to whom I had asked God to smite off this earth. You know what? I didn't have to carry that grudge, hate and malice around then. Prayer makes a difference. Prayer for women in servant leadership roles will empower. Let us lift each other up to be the women he has created us to be in His image.

Connie, if I am the sum of the people and experiences in my life, and If they are to lead me to my supposed giftedness in Christ, I find myself somewhat bewildered; most of the trauma I have suffered has not brought me closer to God, it's driven me from him. I've questioned my faith, my value, my entire existence. Defeat was never a conscious choice, it was more like a neverending affliction.

I think you misunderstood my comments about malice; I was actually referring to the malice directed toward me--not my own feelings. In print I know I sound caustic and pessimistic, but in truth I yearn for resolution, for fellowship, for a spiritually mature woman to learn from--I just can't seem to find one.

Marilyn

I have really enjoyed this article. It was very well written and the words were so eloquently placed. The scriptures were true eye openers that I was compelled to write down to go back and read.

Sometimes the struggle becomes hard being in a leadership position but this article has really given me a lot of insight on how to conduct my emotions. I have been truly encouraged to run on further with Christ. Thank you.

thank you for posting the verses.... i work in the secular field in new york city. i work in fashion! this is such a hard field for a Christian and you have to constantly read the Word and be encouraged by it. May the Lord guide us all in our efforts to be in a light in our field of service. Thank you

CECE-Praise God you are in the secular field living your faith!! It is very hard to be out there. In order to reach this dying lost world we (faithful, authentic Christians) need to be in this world living as "true" salt and light. What a calling to be an Ambassador of the Great High King Jesus. Please hang in there knowing you have the Holy Spirit, there are countless numbers of us in the secular work place living in shoe leather with you!! I am in healthcare and work in Michigan. I will pray for you, please pray for me.

thanks a great deal for this article. Its an eye opener, knowing that this things(friction, misunderstanding, etc) happens helps to better prepared one whose yet to step into ministry.

Cameroon
Nicole

Great article!

Marilyn, I offer myself to you. If you'd like to talk based on your last posting. I read all the posts back and forth and I can hear your heart in what you're saying and I believe you desire true fellowship and resolve. Reach out if you'd lik. My info is just a click away if you click on my name. God bless.

Thanks Lisa, I did check out your site and left you a message--have'nt heard back yet.

marilyn

Ladies, your discussion is so encouraging. I am glad that I am not the only one who has to continually check why I am here and who I really work for.

Are there some other verses that anyone would like to share that have really encouraged you as a women in leadership? I know many of us would love to have them.

I would also love to hear other things you are dealing with...especially in this soul care area.

Bless you all for sharing!
Jaye

I am just reading this article and blog. All the comments have been a blessing to me as I am going thru dealing with relational aggression especially among women in leadership. I ask your prayers in Jesus Name.