Leading Anxious People through Change
October 30, 2007 |
When my daughter was getting ready to enter second grade, she was really anxious. Every time we asked her how she felt about it, she said she was scared and nervous and she didn’t want to go to second grade—ever.
We talked about her feelings and tried to figure out why she felt so anxious. She couldn’t really explain it. Then one day, after I asked her to tell me what she thought would be the worst thing about second grade, I realized that she had no idea what second grade would be like. Between kindergarten and first grade, we had moved across the country and settled in a whole new community and (obviously) a whole new school. Everything had started over for her. She didn’t realize that going to second grade wouldn’t involve so much transition. In fact, it would look a whole lot like first grade.
Posted by Amy Simpson on October 30, 2007 | Comments (5)
Let Men Get the Door
October 26, 2007 |
Last weekend, I marched on the streets of my town in support of the giftedness of women. Okay, so that’s a bit of a stretch, but I DID take advantage of one of the most glorious fall days ever to walk the half-mile or so to my church to attend a “town hall” meeting to share my thoughts on women holding the offices of elder and deacon.
As I crunched through newly fallen leaves and enjoyed the warm wind that blew through the cooled air, I prayed—a lot. I asked God to bless my words, to keep my nerves at bay, and to help me speak clearly. I prayed that I be a little bit funny, disarming, yet convincing, and not come off as some raving, fringe feminist hell-bent on empowering women at all costs.
I prayed that he’d help me share my story of my high school catechism teacher (at this same church) who told us it was a sin for women to go to college (what a waste if you’re meant to stay home, he said!), and how much it shaped the teenage me when my church immediately barred him from teaching and affirmed and valued my gifts and gender. And I prayed that God would use the men who currently sit on our church’s counsel and who will be voting on this issue to hold open the door for the women of our church.
Posted by Caryn Rivadeneira on October 26, 2007 | Comments (31)
The Trouble with Harmony
October 23, 2007 |
An infestation of fleas in our house. A large, newly identified plantar wart on my foot. A persistent and painful overgrowth of yeast afflicting my seven-week old daughter’s mouth and my breast. Welcome to my life last week: invasion of the parasites.
My budding pest situation reminded a friend of the Egyptians’ 10 plagues in Exodus when Pharaoh wouldn’t give the Israelites their freedom. I heartily agreed. (Meanwhile that same week, my friend’s toddler son stuck a coin in her computer DVD drive and killed her computer, her car engine died, and her house was broken into. Oh, and she’s eight months pregnant and has raging sciatic pain.)
Why is life so difficult sometimes? We feel needled to death by a thousand aggravations and annoyances sucking the air out of us like leaky balloons. Worse, a patch of frustrating circumstances often generates a doomsday mindset in which we constantly wonder what will go wrong next.
Posted by Caryn Rivadeneira on October 23, 2007 | Comments (8)
Talking to Men
October 22, 2007 |
Men love to be respected, and they hate to be disrespected, especially by a woman. Though women in the church already know this, they don’t always realize what showing respect to men entails. From a woman’s perspective, it isn’t necessarily disrespectful, for instance, to interrupt a man mid-sentence. Though to him it may appear that she simply cut him off—which is obviously disrespectful—to her she just got excited and overlapped his speech—which is perfectly acceptable, even affirming.
According to Deborah Tannen in You Just Don’t Understand: Women and Men in Conversation, women typically talk simultaneously to each other. To them, doing so is natural, not rude. Women, therefore, may be less sensitive than men to how offensive interrupting can be.
Posted by Caryn Rivadeneira on October 22, 2007 | Comments (18)
Food for Thought
October 21, 2007 |
The Church’s response to homosexuality is often ambivalent. On the one hand, we talk about it all the time—pick up a Christian newsletter or magazine, and it is likely to reference current trends on the issue. On the other hand, we don’t talk about it at all. The contradiction exposes our tendency to discuss the topic as an abstraction. We are comfortable talking about homosexuality as a moral or political concern, but uneasy talking to gays and lesbians. Thus, Christians will rally to fight gay marriage, but are slow to attend a conference on how to minister to homosexuals. Gay people are perceived, not as individuals with thoughts and feelings, but as a nameless, faceless group that marches in parades and has an “agenda.”
The stereotype of gays as an anonymous subgroup outside the church made it difficult for me to come to terms with my own same-sex attractions. I never imagined I would end up gay. I was the good Christian girl who sang in the church choir, went on mission trips, and served as a leader in my youth group. I went to Bible college with dreams of being a missionary. Discovering my same-sex attractions, after falling in love with my best friend, shattered my world and challenged everything I believed about God and Christianity.
Posted by Caryn Rivadeneira on October 21, 2007 | Comments (9)
Rise of the Postmodern Feminine: Part II
October 19, 2007 |
In her earlier post, “Rise of the Postmodern Feminine: Part I,” Sally told the story of her friend Laurel’s heartbreaking trauma and her life-changing ministries. This post continues her thoughts.—The Editors
Echoing the small-company, turn-on-a-dime world of Thomas Friedman’s, The World is Flat: A Brief History of the 21st Century, Laurel is finding out just how well wired she is for the de-hierarchied, interactive landscape of the new millennium. She may have spent 30 long years burying huge chunks of her connective, collaborative self just to survive in a top-down model of religion, but no more. Here, in this incarnational space of ordinary life (i.e. stocking shelves at Target and blessing the masses with her e-devotional), Laurel is free to live and lead magnanimously, to function out of her authentic self: savvy, whole-brained, and refreshingly tuned to the now.
Laurel’s field of choices and her effectiveness as a result of those choices are conspicuously off the radar in current discussions about women and leadership in the Church. Could it be that women have spent so long trying to climb the ladder inside old church and leadership systems that the very questions they’re asking about gender equality, opportunity, and power are stuck?
Continue reading...Posted by Caryn Rivadeneira on October 19, 2007 | Comments (12)
Answering a "Real Simple" Question
October 16, 2007 |
One of my favorite luxuries is my magazines. I love to lounge, engulfed in my over-sized chair, sip a cup of tea, and page through my latest delivery. This time it was Real Simple. As I combed through the pages looking for the best way to simplify my life, I landed in the section called “Real Life.” This section is dedicated to a Real Simple reader who shares part of her story.
When I came to the final paragraph, she was discussing the decision with which she was currently wrestling. Here was her dilemma: “My husband and I would like our daughter to have a strong sense of spirituality, but we prefer not to raise them with the traditional church background that we both had. How do we teach them to have a strong faith in God without a special congregation or place of worship that would guide them with formal religious customs?”
Posted by Caryn Rivadeneira on October 16, 2007 | Comments (20)
A Woman of Integrity
October 12, 2007 |
I had been at my job for nearly 10 years when I got the call from my boss. He wanted to know why Helen, one of my co-workers, would be under the impression that I’d used company money to purchase a plane ticket for personal use. As he explained Helen’s accusation, I realized where her assumption had come from—I had to fly to Oregon for work, my ticket was on Alaska Airlines, and my brother lives in Alaska. So Helen saw the ticket in my in-box, noticed the Alaska part, and jumped to the conclusion that I was on my way to see my brother using the company dime.
As my boss and I talked through this misunderstanding, I felt myself growing more and more angry with Helen. It was bad enough that she’d gone to my boss without talking to me first. But what really got me was that she made a very serious accusation of immoral—and illegal—action on my part. By the time we hung up, I was livid.
Posted by Caryn Rivadeneira on October 12, 2007 | Comments (12)
Food for Thought
October 11, 2007 |
Compare modern Christianity’s quest for the perfect belief system to medieval church architecture. Christians in the emerging culture may look back on our doctrinal structures (statements of faith, systematic theologies) as we look back on medieval cathedrals: possessing a real beauty that should be preserved, but now largely vacant, not inhabited or used much anymore, more tourist attraction than holy place.
Many of us can’t imagine this.
If Christianity isn’t the quest for (or defense of) the perfect belief system (“the church of the last detail”), then what’s left? In the emerging culture, I believe it will be “Christianity as a way of life,” or “Christianity as a path of spiritual formation.”
Posted by Caryn Rivadeneira on October 11, 2007 | Comments (5)
Church Builder Challenge
October 11, 2007 |
I’m excited to tell you about it because we recently redesigned and upgraded the entire website to make it even more helpful to you in your ministry. If you haven’t seen Building Church Leaders, you’ll be amazed to see how many cutting-edge tools and training resources we’ve created to support you in your ministry.
In celebration of the launch of our new and improved site, Building Church Leaders has created Church Builder Challenge, a fun game where everyone wins free resources for ministry. You can try it here: Church Builder Challenge.
Posted by Amy Simpson on October 11, 2007 | Comments (0)
A Crisis of Faith
October 9, 2007 |
How do we respond when we serve in a spiritual leadership position and face a crisis of faith? During these trials of seemingly unanswered prayer and unrelenting circumstances, we are shaken to the core. This can become so severe that we wonder if we’ve been betrayed by God himself. We reason that we are doing our best to fulfill our commitment to Christ, but it doesn’t seem that he is pulling for us, but instead against us. Unanswered questions nag at our hearts: Is God really who he says he is? Can God do what he says he can do?
For years we have taught others that God is good, loving, and faithful. Now we wonder if it is really true. Besides our inner struggle we realize there are people who look to us as an example during these hardships.
I became fed up and very angry when I faced my own crisis of faith. A profound sense of abandonment settled over me. My prayers seemed distant and hollow. I didn’t know what to do or how to how to respond.
Continue reading...Posted by Caryn Rivadeneira on October 9, 2007 | Comments (4)
The Rise of the Postmodern Feminine: Part I
October 5, 2007 |
At five feet one, Laurel has never escaped the petite section at the local department store. But one thing is certain: Her faith does not match her dress size. Here is a woman who immerses herself in the Scriptures daily and who prays regularly for acquaintances, loved ones, unloved ones, and imperfect strangers. Laurel’s faith is plus size and growing.
At face value, Laurel would seem like the poster child for one of those large evangelical women’s conferences. The necessary trappings of conservative femininity are all there. At church, she wears over-the knee skirts that gather at the waist with bright but shapeless linen jackets. She’s devoted to her family. Most of all, she acts the part. At least on the outside, she evidences a quiet, diligent spirit and a comfort with “working behind the scenes.” In short, Laurel doesn’t seem to have anything, do anything, or say anything that calls attention to herself.
That trait alone would be enough to elevate her to sainthood in some religious circles. Feminine invisibility and inaudibility may have been the battleground on which millions of women fought over the last century, but those qualities remain prerequisites to acceptability in more churches than we would imagine.
Posted by Caryn Rivadeneira on October 5, 2007 | Comments (17)
Passionate Reconciliation
October 2, 2007 |
Your goal is to “ignite a passion for reconciliation.” What do women in leadership need to understand about this?
Women especially ought to take racial reconciliation seriously because we’ve got sisters all around the world for whom reconciliation is not an option.
What do you mean?
Wherever there has been violence, war, genocide, and atrocities the men have been dragged off, killed in war, and wounded in battle. Sons have been taken from families and left far away from homes in ditches and left for dead. The people who are left to put back the pieces, often after having survived trauma themselves of being raped and having seen their family members killed, are women.
It’s true in South America; it’s true in South Africa. It’s the mothers, daughters, wives, and sisters who have gone to find the dead, who are there who are left behind to rebuild the community, who’s there to say, “Let’s stop the violence; let’s stop the fighting; let’s stop the killing. Let’s forgive; let’s extend grace; let’s get on with life.” It’s those women who bear new children and keep a hope alive.
Posted by Caryn Rivadeneira on October 2, 2007 | Comments (4)
