Karen,

Thank you so much for this post--a painful but gracious reminder that on this and so many other subjects we have forgotten that as Christians we are the bearers of good news, not just to some, but to all.

Hi Karen,

Thank you for your candor. I cannot pretend to understand your struggle, except that my ex-husband struggled with the same issue.

A young man preached at our church yesterday who is in a period of discerning what God's call is on our life. God has obviously gifted him. He is openly gay. He is my brother and fellow seeker of God's call.

I know there are no quick fix, easy answers. I just want you to know I am praying for you. When I was praying this morning and meditating on scripture, Ps. 57:10 seemed so very meaningful. Perhaps it's for you too. "For great is your love, reaching to the heavens; your faithfulness reaches to the skies" (Ps 57:10 TNIV).

Blessings.

I really appreciate your candor and boldness. I so agree that we - women, Christians, leaders - refer to sex and talk vaguely about sex but don't address it really in a helpful way at all.

How do we respond?

A few gentlemen in my church are what I choose to call effeminate. I don't know their desires, just that they present themselves a certain way. What if they do prefer men? Are they to remain celebate in order not to be sinful? Are they to compromise and marry a woman? Don't we all sometimes compromise? I mean, after our husband gets a pot belly and grey hair it becomes sometimes hard to lust after him and we love him out of commitment, is this how a gay person can love the opposite sex? Is there a way to ungay him or her?

I have a friend, a former pastor in my home church, who has struggled all his adolescent and adult life with homosexuality. Resisting temptation is not easy. So far, by the grace of God, he has managed to not fall into the patterns of his life before he knew Christ. He does not deny who he is, but neither does he deny what the Scriptures say about homosexuality. He practices self-control as all of us should.

Sometimes believers can be judgmental and uncaring, but the bottom line is that we all have our issues with sin and we need each other to help all of us resist and overcome.

Sue--good question--how do we respond? Here are a few thoughts:

1. As Christians, and as the church in general, we need to start talking about this issue in a pastoral way (not just politically). Many people in the church who struggle with homosexuality are afraid to tell anyone (and by the way, there are many family members who have gay loved ones who are afraid to say anything too). Be vocal in talking about this issue in a compassionate way. Make yourself known as a "safe" person. Say things like, "I have a heart for the gay community" and "I hope if someone struggles with this, they will feel comfortable telling me." Speak up if you hear other people telling jokes or saying condemning things about gays and lesbians. Have people come to your church or Bible study who have struggled with this to give their testimony. By speaking up in this way, it helps those in your congregation who struggle feel safer to open up. Believe me, we are listening . . .

2. Remember that homosexuality is really not any different from something you might struggle with. Christians often have stereotypes in their minds about gay people (promiscious, activists etc). Yet, homosexuality is really not about sex. And, God's people have always struggled with this from the beginning of time. It is just a sin like any other sin. At the root of homosexuality is simply a desire to be loved. If you have ever been in love, ever felt the pain of a break up, struggled with sexual temptation, lived a single life for a period and wondered if you would ever get married, or ever tried to find love in the wrong places--then you can relate to those who struggle with same-gender attractions.

3. Never encourage a person with same-gender attraction to "compromise" by getting married to the opposite sex. Or try to cure it with marriage. This has led to disastrous marriages and painful divorces. A person should only marry if they are genuinely attracted and in love with that person. While some experience change in sexual orientation through counseling, a good percentage do not experience change to the point of being able to marry.

The protestant church has devalued celibacy for too long. The Church is in desperate need to address chastity, not only for those who struggle with same-gender attractions, but also for the increasing population of divorcees in the church, as well as people who are marrying at a later age.

4. Be a lighthouse. Remind those who struggle with same-gender attraction that there is more to this world than what we see. My life is not about finding a lover (as good as that it)--it is about living for God. Be a cheerleader for those who are running a difficult race of chastity. Is that not what the church is for? To help each other run the race? I don't believe homosexuality is what God wants for human relationships. If that means I live a life of celibacy, then that is what I will do. As Paul said, "For me to live is Christ" and "I count it all loss except for knowing Christ Jesus my Lord."

5. Be informed. Read books like "Loving Homosexuals as Jesus Would" by Chad Thompson or "When Homosexuality Hits Home" by Joe Dallas. Sy Rogers is a great resource on sexual issues in general (and an amazing speaker) www.syrogers.com . Exodus International is also a resource. Help your church become part of the Exodus Church Network.

The rest of my article is in the new Gifted for Leaderhip downloadable resource "Homosexuals and the Church". Consider downloading it as a resource to help answer your questions and help your church address this issue in a helpful way.

(Note--to the powers that be--I don't see the resource packet posted on the resource page yet . . .)

Anyway, sorry for the long comment, but hope that helps. . .

Thank you, Karen for your excellent suggestions on how to lovingly minister to gay and lesbian people. I just want to comment on your remark about gays marrying to try to "fix" things. This is what my ex-husband did. He loved me and our kids, but struggled with clinical depression throughout much of our marriage. It didn't "fix" anything. It is only in the last couple of years that our adult children have started relating to him again.

Blessings.

Thank you for this post. This issue hit home for me this summer. I lived with two very good friends of mine, "Melissa" and "Sarah". I knew Melissa had identity struggles and had had a relationship with a friend of hers 3 years ago. She struggles with depression and knowing who she is. I slowly learned about what I could do to help her and mostly tried to and continue to try to encourage her with Scripture.

This summer, Sarah (who had no prior homosexual behavior) became attracted to Melissa and attempted to have an exclusive relationship with her. When everything was revealed, it was nothing but a devastating situation. Melissa is a strong Christian and did not give in at all to the temptation. We asked Sarah to move out and maintain only a professional relationship with her, as it remains difficult because we all still work together. In the weeks after, Sarah continued to show affection towards Melissa at work, which only created more tension and anger, as Sarah is a professing Christian.

I continue to struggle with how to respond to Sarah. I often feel angry and betrayed, especially as Sarah knew Melissa's struggles and acted anyway. Melissa had been doing so well until this happened. It's a daily struggle to remember that everything is ordained by God and He will use it for His glory. I don't know how to love Sarah. The only thing I know to do is to pray for her and pray that God will continue to change my heart towards her.

Love one another as we are exhorted to. I would like to think that after that most other things will take care of themselves.