Wise Living, Online
December 18, 2007 |
I am not a particularly jealous person. But in recent months, feelings of envy well up in me regularly whenever I do one thing: browse the photo website of an old friend who lives, with her husband and daughter, across the country. Her husband is a fabulous photographer and cleverly captions the pictures of their adorable one-year old.
The odd part is that I’m not actually jealous of my friend. I love my life and my own sweet family, and I don’t in fact want hers. So the inevitable envy I felt when viewing the photos was baffling.
Eventually I realized that the photo site itself was the issue rather than my friend’s life. Each posted album displays comical moments, smiley faces, sunny days. As I click through on my laptop, my table is messy and my two-year old cranky… And from thence springs the envy.
The photos we share online are usually of our best, happiest, and most attractive moments, though these may comprise less than ten percent of our lives. Digital cameras allow us to weed through hundreds of sub-par images, keeping only the best. Consequently the “posted lives” of others can generate dissatisfaction in us, when we compare them to the humdrum reality of our ordinary days.
I can’t be alone in my experience with a jealousy that is fostered by our increasingly digital culture. Our “networked” world, full of innumerable benefits, also brings significant potential for sin. While sins like envy are as old as humanity, our new digital age has the capacity to inflame these in ways we don’t immediately recognize.
Of course, the sin aspects of some areas of digitized life are obvious, like online pornography and gambling. I’m talking about more subtle, but perhaps equally damaging, avenues to soul erosion through our commonplace involvement in and exposure to our digital world. Beyond the jealousy issue, consider these examples:
• We can become more interested in capturing the moments of our lives to share with others than in living out these moments well. As an at-home mom of two, I take dozens of pictures of daily events– playing in the sandbox or decorating our tree. But once I’ve shot some photos, I can become more interested in them than the activity – wanting to download them, fix them, and share them. Capturing moments can become more important than fully enjoying my children and my life.
• “Online life” often seems more compelling or interesting than the activities of our “offline life.” I recently joined Facebook, a networking site started in 2004 that now has 60 million users worldwide. It’s a lot of fun and a great way to connect with new and old friends. It also can be borderline addictive for sociable people like me. I’ve found that I would rather play a Facebook game of online Scrabble with my brother than play trains live with my two-year old son … And if I give myself the choice, I will often choose the former. Even, I am ashamed to say, if my son is in the room with me at the same time playing trains.
• Our online presentation of ourselves to the world can increase our self-focus in negative ways. While people have long been emailing periodic updates and photos to loved ones through email, new services like Facebook intensify and accelerate this process. Suddenly we have the option of changing our “profile photo” (the photo accompanying our name online) daily or even hourly if we wish. We may update our personal ‘status’ frequently, saying that we are tired or enjoying the weather. In moderation this is fun and harmless, but in excess—and let’s faces it, we are nothing if not a nation of excess—it’s deadly. We are encouraged to objectify ourselves, over-think our moods, and cultivate an ‘outside looking in’ mindset of our lives… all ingredients of a supremely self-focused life. It can be like living a mini-reality TV show with ourselves as our own producers.
I am not a technology-hater, and I don’t want to be a killjoy or an alarmist, either. But I do want to be watchful, as Paul cautioned us to be: “Be very careful how you live—not as unwise but as wise, making the most of every opportunity, because the days are evil.” (Gal 5:15-16) And in today’s techno-laden world, “living wisely” partly entails making sure that my ‘digital life’ doesn’t cause me to sin or distract me from my pursuit of Christ.
Posted by Caryn Rivadeneira on December 18, 2007
Comments
Oh boy can I understand your 'addiction' to Facebook. It is incredibly tempting, as you reconnect with old friends & classmates, to present the version of yourself that you wish you were and not who you've really become, even if you're only slightly exaggerating the truth. It sounds so much better to say "Executive Assistant" than "secretary". Do I use a cartoon as my profile picture because it's cute or because I'm afraid my friends who haven't seen me since high school will be surprised at how I've "let myself go"?
I've recently finished writing my Christmas newsletter and it is sometimes a challenge to find a balance. Celebrating the joys and blessings of the past year and sharing the struggles honestly but without wading into self-pity. As I read the Christmas letters of friends & family I also have to celebrate with them over their blessings without envy and remember to pray for the struggles and challenges they have left unmentioned.
I think if we can strive to be authentically real, being honest about our struggles and shortcomings (but not wallowing in them), we can be more effective in sharing our faith with others as they recognize some of their same struggles in our lives.
Wishing you all a blessed Christmas,
ML
Posted by: Mary Lynne on December 18, 2007
wow. this is pertinent, accurate and also a cautionary tale. thank you for sharing your thoughts and alerting us to what seems a harmless distraction.
Posted by: nancy on December 18, 2007
Well written, and I can attest to the addictive powers of Facebook and Scrabulous - especially when you are pursuing that elusive bingo. Good food for thought ...
Posted by: Rob on December 18, 2007
A concise and intuitive glimpse into the human psyche of envy! Thank you, Susan! It reminds me how important it is to be honest and open about our struggles rather than projecting a false image of perfection. As I was reading I caught myself envying your astute ability with
language. Bravo and thank you.
Posted by: Rea Berg on December 19, 2007
Thanks for putting words to issues that I felt were there, but hadn't paid attention to yet, Susan. It is a gift that you can find words, and I am grateful that you are willing to pay the cost to share them. One friend sent these wise words from a devotional:
"Some always seem to speak the right words...to give the very counsel you are longing for. You do not realize, however, the cost which they had to pay before they became so skillful in binding up the gaping wounds and drying tears..."
Thank you for binding wounds, Susan!
Posted by: Meg Howard on December 20, 2007
Thank you for this wonderfully insightful article! I can definitely relate. Having recently moved across the country from my family and friends, I find myself vicariously catching up with them via facebook as opposed to sending them a "Snail mail" card or calling them. With all of the features of online networks, it can become very easy to neglect the human aspect of a relationship.
Posted by: Heinke on December 20, 2007
Moving back from overseas a few months ago, I was astounded at my friend's fascination with technology. Surely a tech-savvy life is expected of the internet-groomed millenial generation - but not my friends! Cell phones that can play music while you shop online, instant news access that can reach you anywhere and anytime, and refrigerators equipped with computers and LCD televisions? There is a multi-billion dollar industry designed to help me organize, save time, and be efficient so that I can work more to buy more of the technology that helps make my life easier. How quickly technology has progressed to 'improve' our world! This silent temptress is gaining ground in every realm of our lives. And, although I can name it, recognize it, and even point the finger at my friends as they purchase more and more gadgets to 'simplify' their lives- I find myself falling victim to this quiet addiction. Suz, thank you for helping me to see with new eyes all the blind techno-spots in my life. As I sit (feeling slightly guilty) at my computer, I reflect on the choices I made yesterday and those I will make today. I certainly have room for improvement. After I send this post, I will go and simply 'be' with my infant child and listen to anything God would like to whisper to me in the quiet exercise of a tech-free moment. If only I could re-read Suz's post every morning.....
Posted by: Cindy on December 20, 2007
Fabulously written and so insightful. Really appreciate you bringing this to my attention. I have found myself 'spending time with my kids' zoned out in front of the computer looking at pictures of them from minutes before when they are literally right beside me! There's definitely something wrong there. Thanks again for reminding me where my treasures, and focus really belong.
Posted by: Michelle Harrington on December 20, 2007
This was a very insightful article and forces one to address many issues as technology drives so much of our life. While I absolutely love the connectness to my family and friends far away-it also somewhat diminished my "need" to connect with my local friends and neighbors. An on-line community is NOT the same as flesh and blood. We are people-not robots and an on-line hug is not the same.
Posted by: trisha on December 20, 2007
Thank you so much for this post. I could absolutely relate to this idea of how our tech-saturated society can become a breeding ground for envy. One area this has been a particular struggle for me is with relationships. Why did she reply to her comment and not mine??? She mentioned that they got together for coffee--WE'VE NEVER DONE THAT!!! etc.
In the end I think the heart of the issue is often pride.
Thank you again for bringing up this much-needed topic.
Posted by: TheWalk on December 21, 2007
You have put into words something I feel is so true. I noted during gathering this holiday season the most used comment was "check out my myspace page". It seems we are relating only on the surface and are able to show people only what we want them to see. The MASK we wear is more prominent now. Your words have made me stop to think about what I am reflecting to others. Thank you.
Posted by: TerryAnn on December 28, 2007
What an interesting point of view that has largely gone un-voiced. This would be an interesting topic for a lengthier discussion or book
Posted by: Kari on January 2, 2008
i'll to these a dark side of the internet that i battle: going to yahoo entertainment to follow the life of britney spears. there are enough hurting people around me in flesh and blood; i surely don't need to follow her painful story hour by hour as have done in recent weeks.
Posted by: sandy Harrison on January 25, 2008