Is Women- or Men-Only Ever Okay?
April 29, 2008 |
A couple weeks back, as I eyeballed the catalog for an upcoming auction held by the Christian school I graduated from, send my kids to, and serve as Alumni Board President of, a chill fell through my body, numbing it along the way. Feeling came back as I reread the chill-inducing words—which this time sparked a rage:
“Are you up to the challenge? [Club] member and [School] parent [Blankety Blank] invites you to go for it! Three gentlemen are invited to be [Blankety’s] guests for 18 holes of incomparable golf at this famed all-men's course. After the game, enjoy refreshments in the traditional atmosphere of the clubhouse.”
—Donated by Blankety and Blankette Blank
Anyone else see a problem here? Well, I did. An abomination, actually. I couldn’t believe that this school—which I loved, which shaped me, made me think I could do anything God called me to do, and which now shaped my children—would accept money from this source that screams: “Women are a nuisance! Women aren’t as good! Women don’t belong!” I couldn’t believe that this passed as something that supports the school’s mission to develop academically prepared disciples to transform the world for Christ.
Posted by Caryn Rivadeneira on April 29, 2008 | Comments (25)
Food for Thought
April 28, 2008 |
Holiness calls me to live by faith, not by sight. Because God gives us principles rather than specific rules for living a holy life, his kingdom can be lived in some measure here on earth in all generations, in all cultures, in all times. How these eternal principles are applied will look different in each circumstance, but God's principles never change. One person may be a vegetarian, for example, while another eats meat, yet both honor God (Romans 14:2-3). To live a holy life means I must constantly go back to God for direction on how to live out these principles.
Continue reading...Posted by Bonnie McMaken on April 28, 2008 | Comments (1)
When Good Gifts Turn Bad
April 25, 2008 |
In my observation, some of the worst "troublemakers" in organizations of all kinds are women with frustrated leadership gifts.
Like all gifts, leadership can be used in positive or negative ways. Someone with the gift of hospitality may use it to build up the body of Christ--or to foster a clique. A gifted teacher may help others learn--or sit back and ridicule those who do teach. And women with leadership gifts can choose to embrace their gifts and the responsibility God has given them to exercise their gifts for his glory. Or they can reject their gifts, try to be someone else, and end up leading others in destructive ways.
Because they can't squelch God's gift, they can't help but lead. They lead others astray, seek (and often find) followers, lead rebellions, and champion pet causes that are at odds with the goals of the organization as a whole. They criticize and find fault with their leaders. They manipulate others into doing what they want them to do.
Continue reading...Posted by Amy Simpson on April 25, 2008 | Comments (12)
Please Don't Interrupt Me
April 22, 2008 |
Did you know that April is National Poetry Month?
I love poetry: to read it, to write it, to get lost in the language and the pictures. To savor the fragment that doesn’t seem big enough or long enough, and yet it captures everything.
I love poetry, and in honor of National Poetry Month – and in keeping with the spirit of poetry, a shared, often oral tradition – I want to share with you a poem that has recently captured me. A poem that startled me with its haunting picture of simple generosity. Here it is:
Continue reading...Posted by Roxanne Wieman on April 22, 2008 | Comments (16)
Food for Thought
April 21, 2008 |
Women process pain differently than men. Women need to talk about it, to get it out in an affirming environment before receiving direction. Empathetic listening skills are critical. Understanding is essential. In some ways, women desperately need the comfort only other women can give.
Continue reading...Posted by Bonnie McMaken on April 21, 2008 | Comments (1)
The Cost of Principled Leadership
April 18, 2008 |
Nobody likes a party pooper. Worse yet, a naysayer or “doom and gloomer” can get in the way of any one of our best laid plans for the future. But we all have had those moments in our lives when we have been convicted. And sometimes that conviction comes to us gently, nudging us to change gears, redirect our thoughts, or to have a total change of heart—to see things more clearly. Sometimes conviction may not come so easily, perhaps through intense trials, pain, and struggles. But no matter how convictions come to us, they have the strengthen a new resolve in us that spurs us onto new levels of leadership, causing us to have a wider area of influence and impact.
Yet, this “principled” leadership is costly. And it’s different than being a naysayer or party pooper, whose motive may be a bad attitude or disagreeable spirit and typically has the effect of just producing guilt or anger in us—versus true conviction. Principled leadership requires, well, principles. Not thoughts, opinions, preferences, or tastes. And principles, if properly grounded in truth, become the foundation of our convictions, which allow us to stand firm, address unpopular opinions, cut through the emotional and murky waters and Lord willing, do the right thing and lead others to follow in doing the right thing.
Posted by Caryn Rivadeneira on April 18, 2008 | Comments (6)
Finding My Voice
April 15, 2008 |
A couple months ago in the Presidential campaign, we all saw Hillary Clinton become a little emotional when a reporter asked her a question. I was stunned by all the buzz generated by the press and subsequently chatted about beside water coolers and in coffee shops all over the country. A couple days after the event, Clinton remarked that perhaps she had “found her voice.” I fully understood what she was driving at. Every leader needs to find his or her voice over time. But as a woman leader in the church, the challenge for me has been to discern what truly is my authentic voice, and what is an attempt to mimic the voices of male leaders I respect. In all kinds of settings, we have to discover what voice is the one that most accurately reflects our God-given instincts, personality, perspective, and story.
By nature I am a fairly emotional and expressive person. I don’t believe this is unique to female leaders and communicators, though sometimes people assume that males will be more “in control” of their emotions and speak from the head more than the heart. Certainly there have been times both in meetings and in the pulpit when I have attempted to at least put a lid on becoming too emotional, avoiding the kind of blubbering that thwarts the ability to even choke out words. But to hide all my passion and deep feelings simply isn’t me.
Posted by Caryn Rivadeneira on April 15, 2008 | Comments (10)
Food for Thought
April 14, 2008 |
Stephen Ong, pastor and founder of Victory Baptist Church in Greeley, Colorado, chose to build the church on an intergenerational model. “Too many families were living Christianity only at church,” Ong says. “It wasn't being applied at home. I figured if we could bring families together in their walk of faith on Sundays, it would create a mutual accountability that would stay with them throughout the week.”
Posted by Bonnie McMaken on April 14, 2008 | Comments (2)
Live from Synergy 2008: Who We Really Are
April 13, 2008 |
Fear not.
That was one message in today’s final plenary session. And it was one overarching message of the entire Synergy conference. As humans, we tend to be afraid, to fear life’s battles and even our own gifts. And as women, many of us practice fear our whole lives. But as women made in the image of God, created to fight the lifelong battle of the ezer, we need not—and must not—live in fear.
So how do we let go of the fears that bind us and keep us from fulfilling God’s calling? We remember the God who created us and who he has made us to be. And we find our strength in him.
This morning, Carolyn Custis James reminded us of the ways we usually identify ourselves and introduce ourselves to others. We talk about our friends, our husbands, our jobs, our children, our homes. All important, to be sure. But all fragile. All can be taken away—as the lives of Naomi and Ruth demonstrate. Our value and identities come not from the roles we play or the people who surround us. Our identity as ezers—God’s image bearers and indispensable warriors—can never be taken away. It’s with us from birth. That’s who we really are.
Posted by Amy Simpson on April 13, 2008 | Comments (3)
Live from Synergy 2008: Emotional Responses from Thinking Women
April 13, 2008 |
As I got ready for the final plenary session this morning, I had “chokey moment”—you know; where you get that catch in your throat and feel tears building a bit behind your eyes. I initially thought it was because I was going to see my kids this afternoon and just realized how much I had missed them. But then I remembered: This wasn’t the first time I’d welled up over the weekend here at Synergy. And I’m not a crier.
At Friday night’s opening session, I misted up during Carolyn Custis James’s talk, “Inhabiting Your Story,” as she walked us through Naomi’s powerful story and opened my eyes and heart to God’s love and redeeming power in ways I had never seen. I did it again during Leigh McLeroy’s Saturday morning talk on the ways God can use brokenness for his story—and ours— and how we need to learn to “struggle well.” Wow. That got me.
And I wasn’t the only one I saw getting a bit weepy this weekend. Another woman cried while sharing her exhaustion and her fear of burnout leading a non-for-profit; yet another got choked up sharing her experience—and frustrations—in women’s ministry.
Posted by Caryn Rivadeneira on April 13, 2008 | Comments (5)
Live from Synergy 2008: What Is the Future of Women’s Ministry?
April 12, 2008 |
When I first read Amy Simpson’s blog post Why I Don’t Do Women’s Ministry a short while back, I remember giving an enthusiastic fist-pump toward my computer monitor. “Yeah,” I said, “Why do we always call it a luncheon instead of just lunch?” More than just noon-meal terminology, Amy’s words resonated with me because, like many of you, I feel out of place in traditional “women’s” ministries. And with only 10 short months of marriage to my credit, I’ve come to realize that this extends to ministries to wives or married couples as well. As a person who loves the Lord and wants to be involved with his church, these aversions sometimes make me feel abnormal, guilty, or petty, as if I don’t have the right to find fault with what someone else had diligently planned for me. Thankfully, Amy summarized my feelings exactly and I realized I wasn’t alone. Her comments responded to what many of us associate with typical women’s ministry: home parties, dubiously-named luncheons, or crafts.
Maybe this sensitivity is why I gravitated so quickly to the theme of the Synergy workshop I attended this morning called “What Is the Future of Women’s Ministry?” Our group was diverse in ethnicity, age, profession, and family status. The panel discussion aimed to discuss about five questions on the subject of the future of women’s ministry, but our dynamic group only made it through the first and most fundamental: what is women’s ministry? In other words, what do we mean when we use that term? And how does that inform how we think about our hopes and expectations of this concept?
Continue reading...Posted by Roxanne Wieman on April 12, 2008 | Comments (6)
Live from Synergy 2008: The Return of the Ezer
April 12, 2008 |
Synergy 2008 is off to quite a start!
First off, let me just say: it’s so wonderfully warm here. Sunny and warm and humid…and there are flowers. Spring has been late in coming to Chicago (or at least that’s how it feels to me), so I’m loving this!
Now on to the good stuff. Last night, Carolyn Custis James wowed us all during the first plenary session of the conference. She reminded us of our roles as ezers – the word used to describe females in Genesis 2: 18: “The Lord God said, ‘It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper (ezer) suitable for him.’”
But ezer does not simply mean helper…or not in the simple way we might define helper anyway. We were not made simply to help men clean up after themselves or to do the stuff they don’t want to do. Ezer signifies a partnership beyond mere conveniences or even simple reproductive purposes. Ezer is not a word to be taken lightly; nor is it a word used solely (or even primarily) for women. Ezer is more often used in the Bible to describe God as Israel’s helper. Or sometimes to describe Israel’s war allies. This is a powerful word embodying so much more than our English “helper” would have us believe. Ezer: (pronounced azer with a long a, as in razor) is a powerful Hebrew military word. And yet it’s the word God chose to twice describe the woman he created. This is not the image of a helpmate; this is the image of a compatriot, a fellow warrior in an all-important battle.
Continue reading...Posted by Roxanne Wieman on April 12, 2008 | Comments (3)
Crossing Chasms—With Courage
April 11, 2008 |
Growing up, my all-time favorite action hero was Indiana Jones, an audacious archaeologist who traveled the world looking for treasures and lost artifacts, including the Ark of the Covenant and sacred stones. On his last crusade, Jones is searching for the Holy Grail, the cup Christ reputably used at the Last Supper. To aid him in his journey, Jones uses an ancient book to help him navigate through a maze of tunnels and various obstacles that impede the way to the Holy Grail.
At the very end of the maze, Jones reaches a chasm that is deeper than the visible eye can see. He stands precariously on the edge of the rocky cliff, his face contorted with bewilderment. Had he gone the wrong way? Had he made a mistake? There was no visible way to cross the chasm; the other side was utterly beyond his reach. Gripped with fear, he anxiously thumbs through the pages of the ancient book until he understands the obstacle: it’s a leap of faith, an invisible bridge. Jones scatters sand over the invisible bridge, closes his eyes, and steps out over the chasm with both feet. Once he realizes his footing is secure, he rushes across the invisible bridge to retrieve the Holy Grail.
Inevitably, every Christian leader, even those among us who appear to be the most fearless, must face their own chasm, the chasm between our calling as Christian leaders and our own personal resources.
Continue reading...Posted by Caryn Rivadeneira on April 11, 2008 | Comments (0)
Prodigal in the House—Part II
April 8, 2008 |
Earlier this year in “Part I,” I shared some practical lessons learned during our daughter’s defiant teen years. This time I will approach things from a spiritual vantage point.
Looking back over our experience I now appreciate the gift time game me, perspective. We weathered many long years of our daughter’s adolescent rebellion and learned many lessons. Here are a few:
1. Cling to your faith.
Until I experienced our prodigal’s rebellion this statement seemed trite. Over time Satan tempts us to doubt that the Lord is working on our behalf. When this temptation was greatest I asked myself how giving up on my faith would make things better. I realized it would only make things worse.
Posted by Caryn Rivadeneira on April 8, 2008 | Comments (12)
Food for Thought
April 7, 2008 |
Jesus and his 12 stinky fisherman friends spent more time at the beach than at a synagogue. Their hillside picnics probably felt more like church than most days at the temple. Every social gathering was a feast of friendship and faith. Even today, a circle of friends—with Christ at the center—is one of God's desires for his church. He continually sows seeds of community, whether we're scheduling play dates or coffee breaks, joining book clubs or Bible studies. Yet too often we rely more on our frenetic pace than on faith-inspiring friendships to serve our souls.
Posted by Bonnie McMaken on April 7, 2008 | Comments (0)
How Harsh Environments Hurt Women and Men
April 4, 2008 |
The snow whipped around my home in the Rocky Mountains. The night wind howled and woke me. My husband, Dale, heard it too but in our sturdy home, reliable furnace, and warm comforter we just snuggled closer.
Yet, put me back before electricity, fuel, and birth control and a storm like that could shake me up. I’d be more dependent on Dale for food and warmth, possibly pregnant, definitely cold. And I sincerely doubt I would be a writer/speaker working alongside my husband. This world without our modern inventions affects how men and women interact. Without protection a harsher environment actually segregates women from men.
Let me explain. As David Gilmore of the State University of New York has observed (Manhood in the Making: Cultural Concepts of Masculinity), in most cultures men must earn and maintain their masculinity through stressful testing. Women are granted safer jobs that allow for the bearing and nursing of children. Therefore, in case of danger, the men may be sacrificed first and are easily replaced. So our biological distributions predispose women for safety and men for risk. Women are essential; men are expendable, as practices in the animal kingdom (one male with a harem) and polygamy indicate. But, Gilmore is quick to assert, men are not naturally noble, nor more eager for the job. Men must be pushed into risk. Boys are coerced, and when required, shamed, into manhood making obstacles and male rites of passage, to prove they are real men.
Posted by Caryn Rivadeneira on April 4, 2008 | Comments (4)
Prophets, Like Us
April 1, 2008 |
Susannah Heschel is the daughter of Abraham J. Heschel, an esteemed Jewish scholar, professor, and author. She wrote the introduction to her father’s 1962 tome, The Prophets, and begins with these words:
“What manner of man is the prophet?” asks my father in the opening pages…A person of agony, whose “life and soul are at stake in what he says,” yet who is also able to perceive “the silent sigh” of human anguish…For my father, the importance of prophecy lies not only in the message, but in the role of the prophet as a witness, someone who is able to make God audible…The prophet hears God’s voice and looks at the world from God’s perspective.
To make God audible. A message. A witness. Speaking, weeping, wailing, and often raging. All are part and parcel with the prophet’s call to utter words on God’s behalf—to reveal God’s heart to the people.
Heschel continues by saying, “[the prophet] said No to his society, condemning its habits and assumptions, its complacency, waywardness, and syncretism. He was often compelled to proclaim the very opposite of what his heart expected.”
Posted by Caryn Rivadeneira on April 1, 2008 | Comments (6)
