Leading Men at Work
September 23, 2008 |
How to lead men in a professional setting: I’ll admit I don’t have much to say on this topic. It’s not because I haven’t led men, and it’s not because the topic doesn’t matter. It’s because I don’t think a lot needs to be said. When women lead men in their work, gender doesn’t have to be an issue.
In general, women with leadership gifts know how to lead people. And as you practice your skills and receive training, you grow in those abilities and hone your instincts. If you can successfully lead women, you should be able to successfully lead men. Whether gender becomes an issue is largely up to you.
So how can you keep it from becoming an issue? Cover the basics. If you’re charged with leading men in a professional setting, here are five ways you can apply good leadership principles to leading them:
• Respect them as people. This is just as important for women you’re leading, but for some women respecting men might be more difficult. Let’s face it: many of us have family-of-origin or other issues that taint our relationships with men. If you try to lead anyone who doesn’t feel your respect, you won’t get his best work and he won’t follow you anywhere he doesn’t have to. Respect that each man you lead is a unique individual, and don’t carry your baggage into your relationships with them.
• Respect yourself. No one wants to follow a leader who doesn’t respect herself. Men, like women, need to know that their leaders are strong enough to overcome obstacles, fight for them when necessary, and take them where they need to go. And if a man has preconceived negative ideas about women, you’ll only reinforce them if you don’t respect yourself. Two things to avoid: giggling like a little girl (would you want a little girl for your boss?) and trying to be like a man (what’s the point?). Please accept yourself and find joy in being the woman God created you to be. Believe that God has placed you where you are because he wants to use your gifts there. Others will believe it too.
• Accept your differences, then move on. No two people are alike. When you’re leading men, some of the differences you’ll find are gender-related; most aren’t. When you’re leading women, you’ll find plenty of differences between you. In relationships with men, please don’t make the mistake of assuming that all of your differences are gender-related and you’ll never be able to understand one another. Get to know men as people, just as you get to know the women you lead. Refuse to view them through stereotypes and assumptions. Acknowledge the ways they’re different from you, then move onto working together productively, with each of you employing your unique gifts and personalities.
• Develop a shared vocabulary. When leading women, you probably already have a shared vocabulary. You probably have some experiences, habits, and preferences in common. You’ll naturally find those points of commonality and build on them. In relating to men, you may have to work harder to find those points of common interest. And you may have to develop them by engaging in some new habits. Pay attention to what’s important to the men you lead. If they like to discuss a certain TV show, try watching it next week. Check out what they’re into: books, cultural events, movies, hobbies, sports. If they like to talk about baseball, talk about baseball. Be careful of being disingenuous, though. I’m not suggesting that you try to be someone you’re not. Simply try to find points of commonality in the things you do like—and that might involve trying something new. Or it might involve developing a very basic new vocabulary. If they like to talk baseball & you just can’t stand it, don’t pretend to be a fan—but it won’t kill you to watch the highlights of the game on the evening news so you can comment on the win or loss the next morning.
• Focus on your shared mission. Instead of getting lost in the idea that you’re leading someone of the opposite sex, focus on the mission you have in common and how best to work together to accomplish what you’re called to do. If things get weird or frustrating, do what you can to regroup and remind yourself of the tasks at hand. A few accomplishments and shared experiences later, you’re likely to find that gender-based awkwardness is largely a thing of the past.
Basically, in leading men, do what you would do if you were leading women: focus on what’s true and individual about them, and about yourself. Act like someone they should respect and follow, and they probably will. If someone fixates on gender, you have a problem that’s going to inhibit your ability to work productively. Don’t fixate yourself, and do your best to keep from giving men a reason to do so.
Oh, and if a man is having trouble looking to you as his leader, I’ve found that a couple of well-timed displays of outrageous skill on your part can do the trick.
Women, what have the rest of you discovered in leading men? Men (I know some of you are reading this), what have I missed?
Posted by Amy Simpson on September 23, 2008
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Comments
There's nothing here that is gendered. There's no difference between leading men and women at work. I am in a supervisory adn mentoring position over both men and women at work, and I treat each of them as individuals, with respect and caring. The gender of the person doesn't really cross my mind.
Posted by: Robyn on September 23, 2008
I'm not in a leadership role, but wanted to comment that I just joined a women's group that is about to study a book by Lisa Bevere called "Fight Like a Girl". At first glance I'm not sure about the whole "fighting" thing and it makes me wonder if the author has a chip on her shoulder. But I suspect what I'm about to study is that God has given us unique traits that can be drawn upon as needed - traits men don't have, and that we should not suppress those traits but use them. And, as you have said, we should not pretend to be something we aren't (act like a man).
What your article doesn't address is how to respond in conflict or areas of disagreement with male subordinates or peers. I wonder if this book "Fight Like a Girl" will address those areas?
Posted by: RosalieG on September 25, 2008
RosalieG, you should respond in conflict and areas of disagreement with male subordinates the exact same way you would respond to female subordinates: in a Christlike manner, they way he responded in conflict. That is, you respond with strength, wisdom, humility, compassion, and authority.
Posted by: Robyn on October 1, 2008
While gender may not be an issue with you specifically, it can be with the other person. Many times men will go to my husband, who is also in leadership but not in the same areas. My husband always refers them to me in saying "My wife is responsible for that and I probably will give you a wrong answer, so please talk to her, or I will be glad to tell her that you asked and she can get back to you." He being busy also, sometimes forgets to tell me! If the person never approaches me, I'm left in the dark until something brings it back up.
I may handle most of this with grace and understanding however, it can become very taxing on my patience. I feel we all struggle in some ways according to our personalities, our strengths and weaknesses, etc. regardless of our gender and I try to always approach challenges from this angle.
However, I don't think it will ever be "a thing of the past" because we are made up differently and must not ignore the fact that men and women think differently, communicate differently and react differently to different situations. We should always stay congizant of that fact (in the positive sense) because it will most definitely help us "step into their shoes" from time to time and give us a balance that we otherwise might not have. I think the bottom line is respect one for another yes, regardless of their gender, but in respect OF their gender.
Posted by: Debbie on October 10, 2008
Rosalie, like Robyn said. Especially compassion!
Wonderful article, thank you.
-Cristy S.
http://www.wisdombeyondyears.com
An Online Community for Christian Leaders
Posted by: CristySoh on October 10, 2008
Debbie, I actually think this idea of "in respect OF their gender" can be a dangerous thing. You can never assume that someone thinks, responds, or feels a certain way based on his or her gender. In fact, it would be extremely unfair to prejudice your interactions with them based on your preconceived notions that "men and women think differently, communicate differently and react differently..." I prefer to deal with each person on an individual basis, relating to him or her based on unique personality and communication style. Often these do NOT line up with gender stereotypes.
Posted by: Robyn on October 14, 2008
Robyn,
Absolutely... one should always deal with each person on an individual basis, their unique personality and communication styles! I totally agree. What I was trying to communicate to was the fact that God DID create us different...male and female He created us... we are NOT the same. This difference is what I was referring to. I try not to have any preconcieved ideas about one or the other. I endeavor to rid myself of these by the help of Jesus Christ, who is my Guide and The Holy Spirit's discernment. All I am trying to point out is that the other person is to be respected regardless of their gender but also respect their gender specifically. For instance, men generally prefer "side to side communication". I respect that and try my best to interact that way. Women generally prefer face to face interaction... While men may perceive this as confrontational (in your face) when it isn't meant to be that way. We all are different, of course, and there are always exceptions to each individual... However, I RESPECT people FOR their gender... because that is what God made them to be and how God made me. I respect that and give honor to God for our differences in gender as well as our individual strengths regardless of gender.
Posted by: Debbie on October 20, 2008
What I dopn't see addressed is the matter of leading a man who has a problem being led by a woman. In my experience, that often includes condescending remarks that can make a women feel small (nmot to mention already being smaller physically than most of the men I have dealt with).
Posted by: Carolyn on October 31, 2008
I agree that the issue is often less about how a woman leads men than it is about how a man treats a woman who is his boss. I also have people (less as history and reputation back me as a leader) go at times to my husband to consult him on issues that are my responsibility.
However, to generalise, Christian organisations are inclined to draw people who have the same values. Most men in organisations that could have a female boss have already come to terms with that possibility. I've found personally that the younger and more forward thinking a guy is, the more likely he is to accept a good leader regardless of their gender.
Posted by: Bev on November 7, 2008
We still have a ways to go on this. I wroked through conflict with my male employees and have generally been able to do it in a respectful manner that has strengthened our working environment. What I find interesting is other people's assumptions about my leadership and gender conflicts. I am a newspaper editor, but the public, both men and women, often assume my male reporter is the editor. Letters to the editor are often addressed Dear Sir. When people learn I am the editor, they often tease my reporter about having to take orders from a woman. Some of the comments can be quite rude and even vulgar. I applaud my reporter's good attitude and support, but wonder about some others in society!
Posted by: Teresa on January 24, 2009
Amy, I think the biggest challenge I have found in leading them is to get them to see me as a leader and not put me in the same category as their wife, a past girlfriend or their mother or sister. Some men do not have much experience with women except for the women in their personal lives. Relating to women as leaders is much harder for men who have women in their personal lives who are not leaders but come across regularly as damsels in distress. Still, I think men are team players so I have found that they respect someone who can get the ball in the basket. So it helps to stay objective, show results and earn respect and credibility by our accomplishments. Your point on focusing on the mission is a good one. Being clear on the mission and showing competence in making the goal will earn respect and credibility.
Posted by: Anita Carman on March 3, 2009