Hmmm... when you say Paul "was not... being discipled in church services or serving. Paul was receiving the gospel straight from heaven". That's fine, but I'm not sure that applies to us. Paul was, after all, PAUL. If I were a feared church enforcer who was blinded on the road to Damascus, got specific verbal guidance from the resurrected Jesus, and was then miraculously cured by a stranger, I would also probably think I had a special message, and a dispensation to skip church and do more critical things. But that stuff hasn't happened to me yet, so I think the imperative to meet together still applies to me. I think we can get a little sloppy when seeking biblical examples of behavior.

That being said, I agree with nearly everything else you say. When I became a believer I had high hopes of a life full of service to the poor, prisoners, widows and orphans, and anticipated adventures of plumbing the depths of theology. But when you realize that most Christians care less about these things than having their emotions tweaked, and that "service" means "greeting and arranging chairs", you get a little discouraged. The usual response is "Just be a leader then! Start a ministry!". But what if we don't have the gift of administration? Are we out of luck? Others say "Maybe God just wants you to serve humbly in whatever capacity presents itself, even if it's arranging chairs". I just can't reconcile this with the sacrifices of the martyrs through the centuries, and the Herculean accomplishments and holiness of some of the saints and Christian thinkers of history.

There must be more.

Now this book is starting to make more sense to me, if stages 5 & 6 relate to friendship with God (and, by extension, friendship with God's people, I presume?). I think the concern of some commenters (including myself) was the suggestion that spiritually mature people leave "the church" altogether, never to reengage with the community.

We are weak but he is strong - amen.

Yes, Paul WAS Paul, and it was Paul who said, "I appeal to you, then, be imitators of me" (1 Cor 4:16); "Be imitators of me, as I am of Christ" (1 Cor 11:1); "And you became imitators of us and of the Lord" (1 Thess 1:6).

If a well-grounded Christian (not a new convert or someone in a shaky spiritual condition) senses the need to retreat for a season, I don't think an appeal to Paul's example for justification is off the mark. Others through the centuries have done likewise.

I fully agree with your take on the inward journey! I had a period of about a year and a half where I went through the same type of journey and I know that I wouldn't be who I am today if I had continued plugging away like a good little christian soldier. Unfortunantly, as Christ followers, we are to often afraid of the deepening of our spirituality that occurs through brokeness. As Brennan Manning stated, "The unwounded life bears no resemblance to the Rabbi."

"Why is it that when someone tells us they need to take a break from serving or from the programs of our churches we become so defensive?"

Perhaps it is because so many of us who are in church leadership have heard so many lame excuses that we know the default answer is they are going to be doing something else that is rarely profitable to them or the kingdom.

I have no qualms with people taking time off to connect or reconnect with the Lord if that is what they truly want to do. In fact I encourage it.

The basic premise of your article is a good one. My conclusion though is different. The truly spiritually mature will engage the church in new and stronger fashion. If the end result of the hiatus is a quasi monastic result, then it doesn't square with my understanding of "church."

The church, in my understanding, is the program of God. Engaging believers and encouraging unbelievers to be a part of the church is the ultimate expresion of church.

I went through a time like that for several years, after having some very hurtful things occur while I served in a ministry role. I'm in a "second career" now. In a way it's nice sometimes to be just another face in the congregation but I'm starting to feel ready to serve some way in the church again.

Micheal Hickerson:

"I appeal to you, then, be imitators of me". Paul didn’t say this in Acts, referring to his blinding and retreat to Arabia, but rather in other books, during discussion of the specific spiritual problems of the churches in Thessolonika and Corinth. If I accept a blanket injunction to imitate Paul, then I have to become a roving evangelist / tent maker. I don’t think we can isolate verses from the surrounding text like that.

However, I do concede the general point that Paul wanted the church to imitate him. I was thinking more of my objections to the WWJD movement and extrapolating that to Paul. It was a little frivolous of me. I definitely agree that it’s okay when “a well-grounded Christian …senses the need to retreat for a season”, thus removing my only (minor) objection to UrL’s point. Thanks for the grounding.

Excellent follow up to the original post. Thanks for sharing it.

I wonder how you would have felt if your friend never made it back to an established church? It sounds as if his story has a happy ending, but I wouldn't assume (not that you assumed this either) that the happy ending necessarily had to include his return to an institutional church body.

I think your appeal to and explanation of Galatians 1 is misleading (I don't mean purposely misleading, but misleading nonetheless.) What do the scholars say Paul was doing in Arabia? Was he sitting around in quiet contemplation? Was he, in fact, winging it by himself and 'abandoning' the church for a time? No. Paul was PREACHING THE GOSPEL. The whole point was that he was actively planting and establishing churches. Therefore, he was, of necessity, involved in the life of a local church for much of that time. To insinuate that spending large gaps of time away from the church is healthy or can denote spiritual maturity is a misunderstanding of spiritual maturity and the nature and purpose of the church.
Perhaps the maturity of your friend is a result of his restoration with the body of Christ in the local fellowship of believers. While this was technically dependant upon his "inward journey" as you call it, I can only believe that true spiritual maturity can only increase with church membership.

It is religiosity that increases with church membership, not spiritual maturity. That is a strange and scary presumption.

Not sure why the fuss on Paul on the backside of the desert, and attempts to turn that into a religious experience, either.

I think that is the whole point, that he spent several years in a desert experience. We have Paul identifying with the Romans and the Jews through birth and citiznship, but we don't have him readily entertaining Arabs in everyday life, do we?

Why again the presumption that he was even witnessing to them, rather than having a moment such as Peter noted when one's faith is on trial for a season? Why must we lift Paul almost to the level of idolatry?

He may have had a dramatic conversion, but he had to grow spirtually like the rest of us, albeit, somewhat faster as the grace was given back then, but still, with Godly direction while in human form.

While desert experiences are often spiritual ones, they aren't necessarily religious ones. The ones Jesus had weren't.

Why do so many people think there is only one way? This fellow needed some space. Other people need to serve. One of the amazing things about the Bible is that exactly NONE of the "heroes of the faith" have the same course. Is Moses like Paul or like David or like Peter? What about Elijah? If we claim a relationship with God then why do so many people expect that God can't use one thing in someone's life and something completely different in another's life. Your God is too small!

My observation is that the spiritually mature are often left to fend and tend for themselves and that is especially true if the mature part applies to age as well. It takes wise and mature pastors themselves to lead the spiritually mature.

Two kinds of points-- one "academic" the other "narrative"

The academic point: the paradigm of spiritual growth Dave is describing is very similar (but perhaps in a bit of a different vein and with more detail) to that decribed by Bernard of Clairvaux in his classic text "De diligendo Dei" ("On Loving God")-- kind of a medieval version of "The Four Loves." Bernard notes that most of us begin with loving self for self's sake, then loving God for self's sake, then loving God for God's sake, and then, perhaps for some few, loving self for God's sake. The final "leg" of this spiritual journey is the most difficult and challenging-- because it can only happen when a lot of "inner work" that aligns oneself with the Spirit and purposes of God takes place. John Wesley referred to this as "perfection in love," the proper goal of all Christians on the journey of sanctification.

Church programs as we have them today, including "Bible study," "service" and even "accountability" formats, are often structured in such a way as to help move people toward loving God for God's sake. But very few are structured for that final leg of the journey, or even to address times of extraordinary crisis or stress that may occasionally enter our lives from time to time, those "dark nights of the soul" that may leave us honestly praying the words of the Psalmist "Lord, you have left me in desolation, and darkness is my only companion" (Psalm 88). This is the kind of place where many who are facing a loss or set of losses, as well as those who may become "ex-pastors" or "ex-leaders" may find themselves.

Narrative: I was 25 when my first wife died-- I was in seminary at the time, and was a very active spiritual leader on campus-- leading a daily morning prayer service five times per week, even through the days of her cancer, and participating actively as a teacher and ministry intern in one congregation, and attender of another. For a time after my wife's death, there was simply no way that I could praise God, much less offer the leadership I had offered in any venue. There were many hymns I could not sing-- the felt to me like lies. "When I am weak, then I am strong" was not something I could feel at all-- it was simply "when I am weak, I am weak." What I could do, I did. What I could do was to pray the laments in the psalter. But that was all. And that I needed to do alone.

I was still connected. I was still around people and still attending both churches. Many of these people wanted to help, but simply could not. I found a very few who could-- people who could listen to a journey of darkness without trying to distract me from my need to encounter it fully, people who stood with me, not judging me for this "time apart" from "program," nor even trying to pull me back into it at any point. These few were those who trusted that God was somehow in this journey, and so that they and I could trust it, and God in it, to lead me where I needed to go. Without the title, these people were true spiritual directors for me. And I will always, always be grateful for their work and witness.

Very few programs form people who can walk alongside a journey like this-- and that is because those programs are simply not designed to do this. Worship that is "happy clappy," always "upbeat" has no hope of doing this. Stephen Ministry, in its best forms, may have that potential-- but for those who have never walked such a journey, it still may take years of practice in the Stephen disciplines to get there.

Yes, there are times when nothing but time apart will be able to renew us, must less help us grow. Still, how more blessed it would be for local congregations and pastoral leaders to be intentional about creating space and focusing greater energy to cultivate people-- spiritual directors either in title or only in practice-- who are ready to walk alongside-- but not to judge or smother or call back-- those who truly need to go apart for a time.

Peace in Christ

I have never abandoned the church or turned my back on it, but I certainly will confess to stagnating into a rote collection of rituals.

Along the way I have had periodic "clarifiers" which forced me to quit fence-sitting. None were stronger or longer lasting than the death of my father, and the birth (and raising) of my children. These events tend to force me to think in terms of eternal priorities. Am I going to live for Christ or not? Is the next life more important to me than this one? Jesus, Paul and other giants of faith had priorities that transcended the daily rut, extraordinary troubles, or even the desire for life itself.

I have to think that God allows trials to occur to head off stagnation. He seeks from us faith, trust and action rather than a platter full of rituals and habits. Maybe the mature have learned a level of disgust with stagnation, and when they recognize it in themselves, they do what it takes to regroup.

There certainly is no better regroup than daily meetings with the Lord through His Word, and in prayer. At more of a macro level within the Body there is much to be said for the intimacy of the small group environment for perspective and prayer support.

Relationships take place at a variety of levels, but the best ones are intimate and exclusive. The one that God desires with us is no exception.

We must not confuse a season of grief with the issue of people leaving the church. When we do we fail to help anyone.

First I would like to share something that I have hanging over my desk that I copied some time ago but unfortunately can't remember the author. It goes like this, "We're to encourage each other on the journey WITHOUT conforming people to the standard WE think they need."
Sound like relativism? It's not, it simply respects the process God uses to bring people into truth. I'm not talking about different things being true but people discovering that truth in different time frames. If we hold people accountable, they will never learn to live in love. We'll reward those who are better at putting on a better front and miss those who are in the real struggle of learning to live in Jesus."
I left the "Organized Church" about 7 years ago mainly because of the hypocrisy that I witnessed routinely. Too much back biting, people talking about not only each other behind their backs but the church leadership as well. Where am I spiritually? I don't know but what I do know is that I love Christ more now than I did 7 years ago mainly because I've had the opportunity to deal with Him on my own instead of someone telling me "what or how" I should be doing things and then watch them turn around and do exactly as they pleased.
Will I ever return to an "Organized Church"? Probably...but I will be better equipped to handle adverse or misguided fellow believers. All in God's time. Until then, I wish you all well and remind you to keep looking up as our redemption draws nigh. God's blessings on you brothers and sisters as you progress on your journey.

I think Taylor's candid comment paints the picture most compellingly. Church programs are designed and made for the masses, even small groups are intended to serve 6 to 12 people at a time. But the maturing Christian's journey is not necessarily relegated to extended solitude, but it may well be helped by a spiritual director, or in the venacular of the day, a life coach. There's a relational and spiritual dynamic that can only be found in a dyad, and institutional churches rarely have the resources to provide that. Ideally, a church would not only have its large-scale and medium-scale programs, but also provide encouragement and even training for the deeper journey.

I am not a pastor, but would like to share my story. I am going through a spiritual journey which involves stepping back from serving for a time. I believe God is using this time to refresh me, so that I will again be able to better serve him. I am battle weary, and need a rest. I know everybody may not agree with this, but I believe God has used this time to help me grow deeper in my walk with him, so I am better prepared for what lays ahead. I have taken mounds of gulit heaped on my head from fellow Christians who think I am a quitter, but I don't agree.I just think my spiritual tank is being re-fuelled for the next leg of the journey.
D.

I keep wondering why no solutions are being offered from scripture. Paul was not silent on the issue of maturity or the church. This Blog is helpful but incomplete. Paul certainly equated maturity and service in Ephesians 4.
In Ephesians 4:11-16 Paul writes about the church, leadership and maturity.
It was he who gave some to be apostles, some to be prophets, some to be evangelists, and some to be pastors and teachers, to prepare God's people for works of service, so that the body of Christ may be built up until we all reach unity in the faith and in the knowledge of the Son of God and become mature, attaining to the whole measure of the fullness of Christ. Then we will no longer be infants, tossed back and forth by the waves, and blown here and there by every wind of teaching and by the cunning and craftiness of men in their deceitful scheming. Instead, speaking the truth in love, we will in all things grow up into him who is the Head, that is, Christ. From him the whole body, joined and held together by every supporting ligament, grows and builds itself up in love, as each part does its work.
The thoughts here about the inward journey are interesting, but not necessarily helpful. First they seem to be case in point stories, not the norm of growth. Second they seem to have an element of grieving in them not the issue of maturity forcing someone into a self imposed exile from the church. Spiritual Maturity is to be like Christ, to imitate Christ. This is the overwhelming goal of God’s grace as stated in Romans 8:28-29.
For us to write about maturity in Christ, to write about the church and to clarify our journey and not focus on the primary place we can gain understanding of these issues seems almost a bit arrogant and self preoccupied. I am not condemning anyone’s painful walk or history. I just think the Bible has a bunch to say on this subject. What kind of thoughts from scripture can we share; I would love to learn from you in this matter.

Dave's articles, and the various comments on them, have been extremely useful to me in assessing my own current ambivalence about church attendance. I've only just realised how hurt I was by the reaction of the majority of members in my church family after my mother's death last year. My pastor and his family were great, and there were 3 or 4 other members who really stood beside me. But while there was a lot of talk about "the church is praying for you", the bulk of people I attended church with (roughly 100 attend the service I do) in the month's after mum's passing never spoke to me or rang me, or wrote to me. They know me - I'm one of their worship leaders - and I was hoping that most of them would be mature enough to cope with someone grieving in their midst. I think I understand now why so many people leave.

I've been ruminating on this article for a few days now. I think to some extent I am in this situation right now, a little ambivelant toward regular church attendance. I feel like I don't get much from the service, and I have a tendency to think everything is a little dumbed down sometimes.

But I know my biggest problem is myself; my own sinful spiritual pride. The reason I don't get anything from services many times is because I have a tendency to think there's nothing for me to learn from a sermon I've already heard ten times over the years. I have a tendency to believe that no one else around me has made it as far on the journey as I have, and therefore I can't learn anything from them.

Then I remember that this is not about me. Church was never meant to first and foremost be a place for me to get my needs met. It is a place for me to serve. It is a place for me to help others. It is, most importantly, a place for me to worship an awesome and glorious God with my fellow Christians.

I don't know if this is anyone else's experience. I know that as I grow, there will be times when I won't get what I think I need from the church. They'll be times when I won't find it important to go. And those will be my worst moments.

When you are slogging it out on the journey alone, whether through the mud of spiritual pride, or the rocks of criticism from others, it is always helpful to encounter someone who has run that race and has an understanding of your struggles. Yes, I have the pride to recognize and repent for, and flesh to crucify as we all have. But I also have been in this life long enough to appreciate fellowship, encouragement and exhortation to move higher and deeper in my walk with the Lord. That encouragement comes most often from wise, mature believers who are not necessarily leaders in the organized church. Many pastors have their plate (and days) full with the demands of Stages 1-3, with little time or inclination for the long, slow, thoughtful conversations which feed the soul and spirit of those who hunger for more. Much can be gained through "iron sharpening iron." If those opportunities exist, both to give and receive, the mature believer will be happy to stay in the church.

I appreciate both of Dave's postings regarding the mature leaving and reconnecting with the organized church. Having experienced the "dark side" of church while in serving in the pastorate, I also relate to some of the responses posted in these blogs. Only the grace of God got us through some very painful experiences. God has been good to our family. He provided a good job and a good place to live. We feel very blessed. Our main need now is for a church home.

After the disappointments in the churches where we served, I was looking forward to having the freedom to choose a church where our family could worship the Lord and serve Him. However, after searching for a year and half, we have not yet found a church where we can fit in. Every church we have visited displays much the same self-centeredness we encountered in ministry. My wife and I are beginning to understand why so many people decide to leave the organized church. God surely has a purpose for taking our family through this wilderness journey, but, for now, we have to go on faith.

Have we reached a level of maturity that makes fitting into most churches difficult? I don't know. What about our two teenagers? My daughter keeps trying to fit in even when she feels disgust about the immature behavior typically tolerated in church youth groups. Our son just has no use for church. They both need mature Christians (besides their parents) to mentor them, but where can we find such Christians?

My wife and I probably could reconnect with a church on our own. But our two teenagers are having a much harder time. What will happen to their faith if they don't reconnect? Only God knows.

All we can do is trust God and keep searching. But why should we have to search so hard for a sincere, God-centered church? What does our experience and the experiences of other Christians who feel disenfranchised say about churches in America?

My husband and I are both at that place, as spiritually mature believers, former pastor and church planters where we no longer are connected with a "local church". We have spent most of our adult lives worshipping and serving in a local body of believers but no longer do so for a variety of reasons - primarily because in the "seeker sensitive" church we were attending, there is really little or no opportunity to use the gifts we have. Some would encourage us to "lead a small group" which we have done and still do, as we are led. But not under the auspices of the church. We worship and serve Christ daily, minister to believers and unbelievers and have done so without "attending" church. We are more interested in "being" the church than attending church and have slowly begun to heal from the mantle of guilt that other non-understanding, church attending Christians want us to shoulder. We view "church" biblically - as the called out ones, and try, by the power of the Holy Spirit to live our lives in that manner. We are no less committed to Christ than those who fill the pews and stadium seating attending "church"; in some instances, probably more committed. We see the disenfranchised all around us and seek to minister to them - and they are not interested in attending the institutional church - "seeker sensitive", "post-modern", "emergent" or otherwise.
I sympathize with the former pastor and his wife who are struggling to find a Christ-honoring church for themselves and their teen-age children. Been there, done that, and the judgmental attitude that our son endured is a scarring that went deep. He's still working through them, and , Lord willing, will heal from them, too. The Lord knows the spiritual needs of you and your children; be confident that He hears and will answer.

I sit here at the PC, listening to a praise CD and found this site. A true God thing. This is spring break and I usually do not have the time to do this at all!

My husband and I have been involved in two churches our married life(26years). We spent a number of miserable years, feeling like we were clocking in on a time clock....then left the first church. I had been there 35 years and it was hard to leave, but guilt and condemnation was taught over and over.

We have been at a rather new one, that has slowly become very "seeker friendly". I don't have the space to go into all the details, but there has been a serious check in our spirit the last year. At any rate, we gave up our morning community group yesterday and quietly slipped away from the church. We are doing home studies, and we have two teen boys as well.

People pretty well think we are crazy, but we almost feel that we have to "run from the organization of a church" to actually be the CHURCH. To see that there are others that actually understand our hearts is so confirming. We love the Lord God with all our hearts, souls and spirits. God's word has encouraged us to follow HIM and not men.

I don't want to give up on the local church, but it just seems like things are not focused. Numbers are coming in, but is there depth or just numbers? Are people growing spiritually? One of our sons was under such a spiritual oppression in his youth group. He can never do enough. He admits he is not where he should be...but this has not helped matters.

My prayer is that in this "unknown" territory the Father will allow us to grow closer to HIM. Our growth as a family has come from homeschooling and the daily Bible studies that have now been set aside due to the "busy lives" we lead and change in schooling and the seasons of life. Our involvement in missions outside the church have helped us grow as well.

There is a fear of the unknown I guess, but I trust the Father is doing something. It is not our place to tell others what the Holy Spirit is telling them...nor is it there business to tell us. I don't believe the church is wrong, I just am not sure if it is right either. Please pray for strength as we seek HIS face alone.
Blessings to all who read this...

A friend turned me on to this article (and the previous one), telling me there was a book out advocating people to leave the church when they 'grew beyond it'. My first thought was to speak up in defense of the church, but as I read through the many responses for both articles I began to understand why they were written in the first place. I must admit it is sometimes just as hard to stay in a community of faith as it is to leave one, and each of us will stand before God to give an account of the talent we were given in regards to our interaction with other Christians. This is not to say staying is better than leaving, or vice versa, but rather when a person realizes it is only through interaction with the living God are we given the directions we need in life- stay and change or go and change. That we must continually be willing to change is not up for debate, but why is it I so often do not hear about coming before the Lord first before we go about our decisions? Could it be possible He would have some leave a local church while telling others to stay and grow up within it, in the same way He at times tells one of us to do one thing and another to do something different? To me this is the beauty of His bride- none of us are exactly alike and yet we are called to love each other and pray for each other to mature in faith, hope and love. It is true that a church's pastor and its mature believers should foster a community whereby others can ask hard questions about their faith as it intersects with their life