Dennis,

Thanks for writing the letter. I hope you keep sharing your story. Much healing and deliverance is needed in the area of sexuality and other things as well. Why God doesn’t deliver us from desires He disapproves of is perplexing to me. My struggle much different but I want freedom. Being honest with others and asking for prayer is imperative but I really believe we need God’s power and release from strongholds. Especially our minds. Keep seeking, keep knocking and I believe God will give us victory!

Love you in Jesus,

Linda

Bless you on your walk. may you have the strength and peace that God provides, and walk in His love.
i believe that God can and does use anything. i disagree with encouraging people to see Brokeback because of that (see Relevant mag article by Andrew Seely) not because i am homophobic, but because my friends who have spent many years struggling and walking out of the lifestyle have told me that they wouldn't see it and they view it as propaganda for gay activism.
i pray that God would give us wisdom and understanding of the knowledge of Him so we can reach our world and see clearly.

Thank you for your inspiring comments. It just shows that God can speak to us in many ways. I'm glad you have Christian friends who can stand with you in your struggles. This is a great example of what Christianity is all about.

Thanks for your compassionate view. Unfortunately, the only way that God can bring some of us to have the love of Jesus for people struggling with different issues, is to bring us into direct contact with them. I did street ministry in Atlanta for a few years and developed a deeper compassion for both active homosexuals and drug addicts/alcoholics. I felt for the first time like I kind of understood what the Bible means when it says Jesus had compassion on the people because they were "harassed and without a shepherd."

Bless you, Dennis, as you fight the good fight. May God bring more people to you who will encourage you and fight with you and for you. May God change the hearts and minds of those who would see the struggle or the sin before seeing the person.

I read your letter with great interest, because I joined the ex-gay movement more than 15 years ago. Many times I went to meetings and heard others speak of their loneliness and heartbreak, and their feeling of alienation from God because of their inability to accept their homosexuality. Week after week, I saw the same, sorrowful faces, praying fervently that God release them from their torment. I went to the group over the course of 18 months, and I saw so much pain and shame I don't think I will ever forget it. These were people whose families has rejected them, and whose religion made them feel as though their feelings of sexuality and intimacy were perverse, dysfunctional symptoms of some sort of mental illness. Personally, the pain that this movement caused in my life affected my self-esteem terribly, and the idea that God was somehow less than pleased with something so integral to my identity gave me such sadness. I was not defined by my sexuality - growing up in rural Alberta, I was lucky enough to have been given a very balanced view of myself - but the attraction I felt to men was integral to my development and my perspective.

In the time that has followed my departure from that group, I have realized that embracing myself and the love that I feel, is truly a holy, God-affirming experience, and the man that I now love has given me the humility and security I craved so that now I am closer to glorifying God, and others, in a way that I could never have been before - crippled, self-loathing, and ashamed before God. The shame was not for being gay - it was for letting others convince me it was a disappointment to God. I am stronger, healthier, and more full of love now than I have ever been, and I am very grateful that I was able to escape the terrible, poisonous world of the ex-gay movement. Good luck to you.

I also am a Christian since I was 17, and I'm 52 now. I am in a 19 year committed relationship with my Gay partner. We have an active family and are glad for this movie at this time when the church in the U.S. has become so vile and hateful. We know what it is to live Brokeback Mountain and know that God loves us and accepts us as for who we are. That's where our freedom comes from ... Not the letter of the law as written by men (some sharing their feelings, and others inspired by God and His ideals). The article as it was written still points to the way the church and its leaders want to control and possess what is God's. It's written from a view of self-hate and control.

It seems as if you have had a very difficult life to date and I'm sorry to hear that. I don't mean this as a criticism but it's disheartening to notice that your letter shows very little excitement for a non-homosexual lifestyle. If seeing the film was such a catharthis one would expect your letter would be full of joy at the idea of becoming heterosexual. Instead you make oblique references to God's love and talk only of struggle in your future. I am sorry to hear that you believe spending the rest of your life in denial is what Christ is asking of you. I hope He finds a better solution for you.

I think one of the major problems with Christianity today is that we do not teach tolerance. If we want to spread the word of the Lord, maybe we should start emulating how he lived his life.

I would like to offer Dennis a life with Jesus that embraces Dennis' love and sexual desires for other men. A life without struggling to understand what's right and what's wrong. A life of Christian ideals and morals. He simply needs to find peace and acceptance from Jesus’ words and from God's examples of loving Christian partnerships including those of the same sex.

I know many of you are going to be quick to judge me as blasphemous and doing the Devil's work. I've had to wrestle with "hate the sin, love the sinner" mentalities with many of my fellow Christian friends. It wasn't until I spoke and prayed with a minister at my local congregation that I understood God's true plan for me--and that was for me to find and accept a deep, loving partnership from another human being (be that woman or man), and to go forth as a demonstration of His tolerance.

Happiness without struggle is out there, Dennis. I know. It may not be in the gay bars and the "scene". Many of them are lost. It's hard to find, but with a lot of prayer and guidance, you can find it. In fact, I'm extremely happy and am blessed to have been in a very loving relationship with my partner Mark for the past ten years. And I thank Jesus every day for His grace in my acceptance of His plan. Controversial for some, yes. But remember when us Christians suffered persecution for following His way--I see this as no different for me.

Regarding Brokeback Mountain--I agree that Ennis suffered because he was in love with a man, and tragedy truly devastated one and all. But Jesus never said that life was to be without tragedy and pain. It's all in His plan. The sad part is where my fellow Christians are helping to propel the tragedy further by not accepting Jesus’ desire for all of us to find loving relationships--heterosexual or homosexual.

Dave

Jesus was tolerant and loving of all people. There were no exceptions. I hope all who read this are as well. I hope that weather you find homosexuality OK or a sin, you are able to show tolerance to the homosexual community by not boycotting and shunning.

Please follow Jesus's example of teaching, compassion and kindness!

The movie is not showing where I live.

However, this thread is incredibly interesting. It contrasts so much with the comments on similar topics last week.

I can't help but wonder about the difference.

Were the conservative voices last week so offended they have stopped visiting the site?

Is the topic just too tired (now that it has reached this 6th permutation of McLaren's first post)?

Is the message still under the radar since the Leadership enewsletter has yet to go out?

To those who've responded in favor and disfavor to the article written, are you saying that there are things in Christianity that are to always make us happy and that denial of self is taboo? I'm not sure that I understand what some of you mean that you're happier with a lifestyle that God clearly disapproves. What happiness and freedom do you enjoy. Paul received a thorn in the flesh and wasn't relieved from it, a messenger of Satan buffeted him. But in none of your responses is there a dependence upon the grace of God which is sufficient. We think because we don't give in to our desires we're in bondage, but that's the freedom we expereince in Christ. To justify our actions because it makes us feel a certain way doesn't mean it's right. And because a church doesn't endorse it, they are less tolerant?
Are you saying that if an older man has feelings for a 13 year old boy where he feels it's natural okay? Or love for beast is okay? Maybe the parallels drawn are too stringent in their approach but the references still apply. Just as adultery and incest deserve the same ridicule, I think that justifying something because it gives us a perceived freedom from our struggle doesn't make it right. I think we underestimate God's ability to deliver and heal us from a greater underlying problem that may be troubling in us.

I do not understand how many of these responses are both pro-homosexuality and Christian. If you do not use the Bible as a guide, how do you know what "God's plan" is for our lives? Just because you feel a certain way inside does not make it right. Many individuals may be attracted to minors, and may struggle with pedophilia all their lives. It isn't very often anyone encourages tolerance for those people. Even once they have done their best to be healed of their sexual addiction and even been punished by the law it is certain no one wants them living next door. Just because homosexuality is between two consenting adults does not make it a lifestyle acceptable to God. God loves all homosexuals because he loves everyone, not because he approves of that behavior. I feel deeply for Dennis and anyone else dealing with feelings that they know are not God's will for us. I know exactly how they feel because I have been there. Their reward will be great in God's kingdom. "For I consider the sufferings of this present time are not worth being compared with the glory that is to be revealed in us." Romans 8:18

Thank you so much for posting this letter. I am so grateful to Dennis for baring his heart and addressing some tough issues. I am also saddened that some people use the fact that ALL Christians struggle with sin after salvation to excuse indulging in sinful lifestyles. It just makes my heart break to hear people try to justify sin by presuming on God's grace. But, that will be between them and the Holy God. As for me, I am just grateful that some, like Dennis, choose the narrow, hard road that leads to life.

Dennis,
Thanks for openly sharing your heart with the rest of us. I haven't seen Brokeback Mountain (and probably won't), but I was struck by your honesty and willingness to be vulnerable. It could be that this is a time for us (Christians) to step up and be the Church we claim to be. I tend to believe that, if Jesus were here, He would be right there hugging you and calling you his friend. He is here, through the Church, so we need to do the same. I am reminded of the Good Samaritan and how many "religious" people didn't stop to help. We all struggle in our Christian walk - sometimes we walk, sometimes we run, and sometimes all we can do is crawl. The important thing is to keep moving forward, which you are doing by writing this letter that you wrote. Keep trusting the Lord and keep walking with Him, like the rest of us!

Dear Dennis,

You are wallking the narrow road that Jesus was talking about. Good for you. It seems that many people, both gay and straight people alike, have made presumptions of how you should be and how you should feel. I pray you don't compromise your convictions because they are true to Jesus' teachings. I suspect you are in a pretty vulnerable place, with voices within and without, telling you who you are, and how you should be behaving. I recommend what Jesus said: "My sheep hear and know my voice", and to abide by the Spirit, John 15. Let the Holy Spirit do the healing, reconfiguring, and realigning of your gender, personality and desires. He is your only hope of glory.

I think in Jesus' eyes, the world is not divided up GLBT and then straight people. Jesus' said, "if you a have looked at a man (or woman) lustfully, you have committed adultery in your heart." For me Jesus sees just men and women, whose sexuality is all messed up to one degree or another. Mine is, and God is steadily reshaping it to something as healthy as Jesus'.

You did wise thing, involving a good group of mature friends in your spiritual growth.

Though I'm sure you have read tons of books, may I recommend "Healing the Wounds of Sexual Addiction" by Dr, Mark Laaser.

Hebrews 4:16, brother. You are not alone.

Wil

Dennis,

May the Lord bless you in your struggle. You honor Him in it and are a holy example to those of us who more easily forget that to follow Christ is to take up His cross. I believe that Christians who faithfully struggle with same-sex attraction have much to teach the church about the depth both of God's holiness and and His grace. Your struggle should be very much our struggle in that sense. We (the church) have largely forgotten that. We've wounded ourselves and others in that process, and the responses here by those who've unfortunately cast aside biblical teaching in their pain is evidence of our failure. May the Lord reprove us, and restore them.

1) Are those comments critical of Dennis's letter implicitly assuming that humans cannot be fulfilled unless their sexual and romantic desires are fulfilled?
2) Are those comments critical of Dennis's letter implicitly assuming that total fulfillment is possible before the new heavens and new earth, contra 1 Cor 13 ("now we know IN PART")?
3) Are those comments critical of Dennis's letter implicitly assuming that experience is the final authority in all matters of ethical controversy?
4) Are those comments critical of Dennis's letter implicitly oppressing him by assuming his negative experiences of homosexulaity must be inauthentic, the fruit of psychological weakness or ecclesiological bullying?

(Have I said something that offended someone? I keep trying to comment, and the comments don't get through.)

Thank you for posting Dennis' letter. I am encouraged by his openness and also by his repentant response to God. You know, it doesn't matter what I think or "feel" about what is right and wrong. The same is true on the issue of homosexuality. Is it true that God loves us even with our flaws and sin? Absolutely--and isn't that why Christ died for us? I think it is silly to state opinions on whether or not homosexuality is wrong when the Bible is actually very clear in many passages on this issue. The Bible clearly says homosexuality is sin in God's eyes, and so are a lot of things that feel right to us. The human heart has a great capacity for self-deception (another term for sin).

So that being said, it begs the question: "Can you accept your homosexuality as sin in the eyes of God without judging yourself or others on the issue?" I guess my point is that if God says it is wrong, it is simply wrong. But that doesn't mean that it's more wrong than any other sin, and it doesn't mean that I am condemned because of my sin. God's love is bigger than that, and, at the same time, he does rightly demand our turning away (repentance) from our sin. When it comes to my relationship with God I am only one human being, not big enough to define (much less understand) sin or God for myself.

The issue that is at the root of everything is this: Do you allow God to be who He says He is, and do you allow HIM to define what is right and what is wrong for you? If we all look to the Bible for the answers, and stop falling into the trap of following our hearts to define and identify sin, relationship with God (not just personal "happiness" or "fulfillment") will result. We have to resist the desire and temptation to build God into what we each want Him to be. He is who He is, He tells us who He is in the Bible, and He is sovereign. He alone has the right to say what is right and what is wrong because He alone created us as He desired us to be. If we are only willing to accept God on our own terms we have reduced Him to a little doll that we cherish and play with. He is who HE says He is, and that's a wonderful thing! If we don't allow Him to contradict us, He is just a powerless doll, not able to heal our brokenness at all.

God is much more loving than we ever dare hope, but He is also completely sovereign and just. He is God and we are not; therefore He alone has the right to define sin. His grace is able to get me through my own struggles with sexual sin, which are no worse than Dennis'. That is what real, honest relationship with God is like. Bless you, Dennis, and don't give up the battle! As you well know, God loves you even through the struggle, and He is right at your side to help you even when you might fall. Keep reaching out for His hand. If we ask Him to show us the truth about Himself, He will.

Regarding several of the above comments:

There is no such thing as happiness without struggle.

Christ did not come to the world to make us happy. He came to make us disciples and fellow sufferers. He came to show us the kingdom of God. He didn't come to show us the easy way. We all have our crosses to bear in life - struggles that will plague us our whole life through.

Yes, Jesus accepts us as we are. But he also cares too much about us to leave us that way.

After reading the previous posts, I see others making the same mistake I have made in my own Christian walk. Deciding on my will for my life and trying to rationalize in my mind that God accepts my will as His will. That is backwards. God is supposed to be the driver, not us. We should be trying to follow His will, not get Him to follow ours. Being a Christian isn't about "feeling good about yourself." It is a race that must be run with perserverence. I think that many people, in reacting to individuals such as Dennis, think that he should fully submerse himself in the heterosexual lifestyle. I disagree- just let him be single. Just because he isn't with a guy now doesn't mean he should go out and get a girlfriend. At the same time, Jesus does not desire for us to seek out homosexual relationships. Just like He doesn't desire for married couples to commit adultery. We shouldn't be looking for our happiness in other relationships, whether they are homosexual or heterosexual. People will let you down. Put your faith and joy in Christ instead. God is just. He is not tolerant of our sin. Since when did Christians, gay and straight, stop admitting that they are sinners? Sinning doesn't stop when you accept Christ yet that isn't an open invitation to continue to do so afterwards. If sin wasn't so tempting, we wouldn't have a problem with not doing it. In our sin nature, we are all disappointments to God, we all fall short of the glory of God. It is only through the covering of Jesus' blood and forgiveness that God can look upon us. Tolerance is not what we should be seeking. Forgiveness is what we should be seeking. Thank you for your letter Dennis. Keep running the race with patience.

Dennis,

Thank you for the inspirational letter regarding finding truth everywhere. It is heartening to hear that God seeks us no matter what our situations. I love the fact that you have Christian friends supporting you in your continuing struggle.

I encourage you to press into 'surrendering'. In all due respect to some of the posters, those who put sexual identity above surrendering to Christ's Lordship make a grave mistake. Whether it be sexuality, a relationship (homosexual or heterosexual), career, etc... those all are secondary to seeking Christ and putting our life in His hands.

For those who have abdicated the struggle and embraced their homosexuality, we must agree to disagree respectfully. But I hope you can sometime understand the true joy that comes with making Christ the center of your life even at great personal cost. Christ lifts us when we can't ourselves.

May the Holy Spirit Continue to Guide You,

Dennis,
What a wonderful comment you wrote. You are an excellent writer and your point is well taken. Keep going the path you are going, even when it seems difficult. God never promised submission to His ways would be easy, but He did promise we would be blessed beyond all comprehension if we persevere.
Good for you for reaching out and asking for help. It can be such hard thing to do. But God made us for community, to be in helpful relationship with each other - for we all struggle with something. And where one is strong and the other weak we can encourage one another. At the very least (and sometimes this is the most) we can pray with and for each other. This is where the truly supernatural begins and God blesses us sometimes with a glimpse into His incomprehensible ways.
You are a wonderful witness to your Savior Jesus Christ. Persevere and our Lord will fill you with joy beyond your wildest dreams.

I have been struggling with sexual identity issues all my life and what resonated with me about BROKEBACK MOUNTAIN was not the homosexuality but the cold, loveless world of which the two main characters were exiles. True, they made terrible choices, but that does not let society off the hook. All my life I have believed that something was wrong with ME and that I should repent and that I should change. I'm not here to lick my own wounds, but what about a world that belittles and disparages men at every turn? Jacks's father-in-law, for instance, was the embodiment of so many men that I have encountered. Remember the Thanksgiving dinner scene where he usurped Jack's parental authority so that the grandson could watch football - because it'll make a "man" out of him (I still feel less than a man because I couldn't care less about football)?
The villian of the film is a world that leaves boys to fend for themselves (materially and emotionally) and that equates filth and obscentiy with manliness (the fireworks scene where Ennis protects his wife and daughters from the ravings of a foul-mouthed drunk should be applauded by good people everywhere). If anything, this film is an example of how society should NOT raise its sons ( I could relate to Jack, the son of a stern, disapproving father and I could feel for Ennis, who was orphaned and abandoned by his siblings).
I know that if I am to find resolution I cannot just blame others. I know that the choices I make are up to me. But I'm going to stop beating myself up, too. This can be a cold, loveless world and maybe we should all do our part to change it.

I'm not sure how to respond. If Dennis is saying that he wants help and encouragement to overcome homosexual desires, than that is wonderful. I think that is what he is saying, and I commend him for it. May the Spirit of the Lord continue to conform you into the image of the Son, Christ Jesus.
To all who keep commenting on the "tolerance" of Jesus: With all do respect, I think you need to re-read the Gospels. Jesus demanded perfection; He actually said "Be perfect, as My Father in heaven is perfect." Yes, He did reach out to the poor and the blind and the broken; however, in the context He always did so in order to be given a greater platform for His message: "Repent of your sins and believe." How is that "tolerance" in the sense of passing over sin? I think that many 'Christians' have bought into the dollar-store Jesus who merely gave handouts and talked about peace. Unfortunately, they fail to realize that this same Jesus spoke more about eternal conscious punishment in Hell than any other figure in the entire Bible. Food for thought.

Dennis

As I read your post, I was brought back to my own decision one year ago in March, to leave my gay partner. It was a very hard decision, but I could not longer negotiate my sin with my relationship with Jesus Christ...the redeemer of all of us. I remember how I ran away from God. How I decided 8 years ago...that I couldn't fight these "urges", these "feelings" and so I walked. I broke up with my fiance and decided to embrace the gay life and tried hard to not listen to God. But He is everywhere and he pursues us. He loves and adores us. Through that adoration, I could not take it anymore and had to leave my partner. I had everything...house, car, great partner, wonderful job...but it wasn't enough. There was this empty void in my life that I just could not fill...even thought I tried. This past year has been a mix of mourning, but there has been so many times of amazing joy which is surpassing my sadness.

Dealing with my unwanted same sex attractions is not easy, but Jesus never said it would be easy, I have chosen the road less travelled. I know that one day I will stand in the throne room of the Holy God and He will say...well done my good and faithful servant.

I am no longer defined by my "feelings", I am defined by the cross. I become more and more like Jesus everyday. I die to myself so that He can live in me. Deny myself...take up the cross.

I've decided last year that I would no longer remain quiet about my healing process. It is becoming transparent...real with one another. I look forward in how God is going to restore the years the locusts have eaten and sing and rejoice FOR HE HAS SET ME FREE.

So be encouraged Dennis...God is faithful, He is just, loving and full of mercy and grace.

I believe God loves homosexual people but not the act itself.

I know some people are rying to overcome it but struggle with the very real and intense feeling within. So are we stucked? No! I believe there is hope.

I have heard so many testimonies about God's mighty power in healing and delivering people from the bondage of darkness. To the people who are looking for hope, i pray that God will set you free and you will find a group of fellow christian that will not judge you, but will love you, encourage you and hold you accountable.

I am struggling with the issue of homosexuality because my best friend (a male) is gay. He has not been in a relationship in the past two years that I have known him, but still embraces the lifestyle and frequents gay bars and internet sites. He says that he is a Christian. I have tried to handle the issue delicately and with love and compassion, because he is so dear to me. We are the only "family" that each has. I am torn between a conservative Biblical view of homosexuality and loving my friend who seems to have accepted his gender preference as inescapable.

Thank you, Dennis, for your review of the movie! "Trapped" is the right word to use when discussing the sin of homosexuality. I bore that burden from 15 or 16 until the age of 43... much of my adult lifetime. It is only by God's grace, my wife's unfailing love, and some solid Biblical counseling that I have been set free to live my life as God intended it to be lived. My heart goes out to those young men trapped as I was...

Dennis:
Thank you for your comments on Brokeback Mountain. Like you, I have dealt with this issue for almost 30 years. God has been gracious and forgiving. His love has sustained me through some very difficult times. I continue to be amazed at how judgmental and critical many Christians are toward gays, even toward those who are trying to be faithful Christians. I hope and pray that the Church will overcome its phobia and intolerance to help those who struggle with these issues. However, I am grateful to God for the people God has placed in my life who listen, pray, and encourage.

Hi Dennis,

I really appreciate your honesty and courage. You will be richly blessed

Mabel

Dennis,

Thank you for putting your testimony on paper.

I have not seen "Brokeback." But I remember the trailer. Ang Lee flashing in white letters on black background strange statements about emotion and truth and such. Something inside me told me to stay away.

But I'm glad the Lord used you to write that article. Keep on keepin' on!

David