What Is Her.meneutics?
The Christianity Today women's blog provides news and analysis from the perspective of evangelical women. We cover news stories and books related to international justice and evangelism, pregnancy and sexual ethics, marriage, parenting, and celibacy, pop culture, health and body image, raising girls, and women in the church and parachurch.Her.meneutics is edited by associate editor Katelyn Beaty and online editor Sarah Pulliam Bailey.
books we're reading
Why the New Planned Parenthood Controversy Raises Old Questions
The world is waking up to a conflict pro-life women have faced for years.
If you’ve been paying attention to recent events involving Planned Parenthood and Susan G. Komen for the Cure, you probably have whiplash by now.
First, Komen—the world’s best-known breast-cancer-fighting organization—decided to stop giving funds to Planned Parenthood. Two reasons were given: Komen’s policy against supporting organizations under investigation, and the fact that PP does mammogram referrals rather than actual mammograms. Said Komen founder Nancy Brinker, “We have decided not to fund, wherever possible, pass-through grants. We were giving them money, they were sending women out for mammograms. What we would like to have are clinics where we can directly fund mammograms.”
That story was greeted with a storm of protest by the pro-choice movement, and loud cheers from pro-lifers. Many of these pro-lifers, who had long been deterred by the PP connection from giving to Komen, started opening their wallets and checkbooks for the organization for the first time.
Then, this morning, Komen released an apology. Their official statement read, in part: “Our original desire was to fulfill our fiduciary duty to our donors by not funding grant applications made by organizations under investigation. We will amend the criteria to make clear that disqualifying investigations must be criminal and conclusive in nature and not political. . . . We will continue to fund existing grants, including those of Planned Parenthood, and preserve their eligibility to apply for future grants, while maintaining the ability of our affiliates to make funding decisions that meet the needs of their communities.”
Continue reading Why the New Planned Parenthood Controversy Raises Old Questions...
February 3, 2012Parenthood: Moving Beyond Facebook Envy to Reality
What we see online is only a part of the larger—and better—picture.
Over Christmas break, I became obsessed with the idea that I wanted another baby even though my soul knew this to be untrue.
I did not want another baby, but I'd read a blog that made me think I did. On the blog, a woman had described her birth story as an experience so spiritual it bordered on holy. A process that strengthened the bonds between herself, her husband, and God.
And here sat I, knowing full well that birth for me had never strengthened my bond to anyone but my anesthesiologist and Preparation H.
Her idealized description of giving birth had confused me so much that it led me to believe I wanted things that I didn't actually want.
In short, it made me jealous.
It wasn't an isolated occurrence. Countless times I've logged onto Facebook, Twitter, or my favorite blogs only to see vintage-filtered vignettes of other people's seemingly perfect lives. There are my friends, on tropical vacation (again). There are my favorite bloggers, wearing artsy duds, sitting in their homes that look like exact replications of the Anthropologie catalog. And there are their children, perpetually glossy-haired and rosy-cheeked and smiling.
Meanwhile, here I sit in my untidy home in the cold of January, wearing an old college t-shirt. My kids are fighting in the background. Reading these blogs, seeing these profiles, often feels like browsing a fashion magazine. It's fun to look at, but afterward I feel inferior and inadequate and ugly and fat.
Continue reading Parenthood: Moving Beyond Facebook Envy to Reality...
February 1, 2012Learning the Spiritual Disciplines from a Mormon Blogger
Jana Riess's Mormon background does not detract from Flunking Sainthood's message.
Jana Riess discovered she’d been changed by her attempts to practice the classic spiritual disciplines such as fasting, service, and prayer when she received a phone call informing her that her father was dying. He’d abandoned the family while she was growing up. She hadn’t seen him in 26 years.
“Here’s what I learned from my father’s sudden reappearance and death: all of those unsuccessful practices, those attempts at sainthood that felt like dismal failures at the time, actually took hold somehow,” Riess writes in her new memoir, Flunking Sainthood: A Year of Breaking the Sabbath, Forgetting to Pray, and Still Loving My Neighbor (Paraclete). “They helped form me into the kind of person who could go to the bedside of someone who had harmed me and be able to say, ‘I forgive you, Dad. Go in peace.’”
The call came shortly after Riess--known best for her long-running Beliefnet blog (which just moved to Religion News Service) and Bible-tweeting project--had spent an entire year sampling spiritual disciplines, one per month, accompanied by her reading of appropriate companion spiritual classics. The result, Flunking Sainthood, made the 2011 Publisher’s Weekly Top Ten list in the religion category.
Continue reading Learning the Spiritual Disciplines from a Mormon Blogger...
February 1, 2012Why I Let My Kids Cry It Out: A Response
So much Christian parenting advice neglects the importance of self-care for women.
After reading Elrena Evans’s thoughtful Her.meneutics post, “Should You Let Your Baby ‘Cry It Out’? A Christian Response,” it was clear that Evans and I absolutely agree on one thing: unfortunately the so-called “Mommy Wars” are alive and well. I firmly support Evans’s decision to parent the way that works best for her family. But in a spirit of peace rather than war, I want to offer a different perspective on the cry-it-out controversy.
There are two camps that use the term “crying it out,” and it’s essential to distinguish between the two. One approach imposes a strict parent-driven feeding and sleeping schedule upon very young infants. The medical community by and large opposes this approach, due to the risk of stress and malnourishment for infants (see American Academy of Pediatrics abstract and article) and because of the profound discouragement it creates for many new moms. So let me be clear: When I’m talking about “crying it out,” I’m not referring to this approach.
But there’s a second approach to letting kids “cry it out” that’s worked well for my family. The AAP advises that a parent “respond promptly to your infant whenever she cries during the first few months.” When an infant younger than 4 months is crying, it’s usually because she needs something. Parents ought to always do their best to respond to these cries. However, around the 4-month mark, parents can discern between a cry expressing real need (“I’m hurt! I’m hungry! I need to be changed!”) and a cry of protest (“I don’t want to be in this bed! I want your constant attention!”). I believe there’s some latitude in how we respond to protest cries.
Continue reading Why I Let My Kids Cry It Out: A Response...
January 31, 2012The 99 Problems with Jay-Z’s Use of “B----”
The celebrated rapper insists he’ll continue to use the word despite the arrival of his newborn baby girl, Blue Ivy Carter.
When Jay-Z and wife Beyonce welcomed their first child, daughter Blue Ivy Carter, into the world on January 7, Jay-Z joined the ranks of hip-hop dads that include T.I. and Fat Joe. Just two days after Blue Ivy’s arrival, the proud papa released a new single, “Glory, Featuring Blue Ivy Carter,” making the baby—babbling alongside her dad—the youngest person ever credited on the U.S. Billboard charts. Jay-Z sings,
The most amazing feeling I feel
Words can't describe the feeling, for real
Baby I'll paint the sky blue
My most greatest creation was you.
As the final notes of “Glory” fade out, we hear Blue Ivy Carter’s newborn cries and coos. For older listeners, the sounds will recall Stevie Wonder’s 1976 hit “Isn’t She Lovely?” featuring Wonder’s own infant daughter Aisha.
It would all be very heartwarming were it not for the recent brouhaha in response to a January 13 post from WENN, announcing that Jay-Z had written a poem for Ivy Blue in which he denounced the sexism—namely using the word “b----” to refer to women—prevalent in so many of his lyrics. What the mighty Oprah Winfrey had failed to do in 2010, when she challenged Jay-Z on his derogatory sexist language when he appeared on her show, a tiny little baby had, reportedly, done.
WENN claims Jay-Z penned these paternal words for his offspring: "Before I got in the game, made a change, and got rich/I didn’t think hard about using the word bitch/I rapped, I flipped it, I sold it, I lived it/Now with my daughter in this world I curse those that give it." It’s the kind of redemptive story that those of us who do not know even one single Jay-Z lyric desperately want to be true.
Continue reading The 99 Problems with Jay-Z’s Use of “B----” ...
January 30, 2012Christian Catfights: Why Women Leaders Don't Support Each Other
Insecurities can cause women to undermine each other.
Monica Holmes had the prettiest hair of any girl in the fifth grade. Her chestnut locks flowed effortlessly down her back, while my delicate, thin hair broke off around my shoulders. Even so, I didn’t envy her hair; I begrudged her braggadocio. No matter the context—recess, lunch, or a bathroom break—Monica couldn’t say enough about her hair to anyone who would listen. “I just love my dark-brown, beautiful hair. Don’t you too?”
By Christmas, I’d had enough. In the seat behind Monica during the annual showing of A Charlie Brown Christmas, in the darkened multi-purpose room, I stealthily stuck a big wad of pink Bubble-Yum gum in a wide swath of Monica Holmes’s dark-brown, beautiful hair.
It wasn’t one of my finer moments. But lest you think my preadolescent behavior was an anomaly, a recent study from the University of Ottawa suggests otherwise. Intrasexual competition is widely demonstrated among males, so researchers Tracy Vaillancourt and A. Sharma wanted to know whether or not intrasexual competition existed among women, often believed to be nurturing, communicative, and more likely to rule by consensus. “I was convinced,” stated Vaillancourt, “having lived my life as a woman, that we’re not as pleasant as some people make us out to be.”
Continue reading Christian Catfights: Why Women Leaders Don't Support Each Other...
January 27, 2012Marriage: Creating a Partnership, Not Reeling in a Catch
The old traditions of luring in a spouse still linger today.
To all the single ladies:
Last week Groupon offered a ticket to lasting love (at a 76% discount!) by way of your own personal “boudoir photo shoot.” The ad proclaims:
The great Romantic painters had the same goal—to craft an image so beautiful that it would come to life and marry them. Increase your chances of turning images into love using the modern version of painting, photography . . .
The sample photo suggests that the way to transform “images into love” to is throw on some kitschy lingerie, splay yourself in the most awkward position imaginable on a bed, and fork over $95.00 for the picture.
The image might have gone from G-rated to R-rated, but the sentiment in this marketing campaign is strikingly similar to those of the conduct books popular around the eighteenth century. Such literature offered young ladies not only moral and domestic instruction, but also tips on how to attract the best husband. If you’ve read any Jane Austen, then you’ve encountered her satirical treatment of these works: priggish Mr. Collins reads passages from one popular conduct book to the captive Bennet girls, and the heroine of Emma tries to make a love-match by painting an “enhanced” portrait of her friend in hopes a gentleman will fall in love with the woman in the painting.
Continue reading Marriage: Creating a Partnership, Not Reeling in a Catch...
January 26, 2012Making the Most out of Mommy Blogging: The Woman Behind Money Saving Mom
How Crystal Paine made a ministry out of coupon clipping.
Crystal Paine is not your average mommy blogger. She doesn’t tell you about her day or post picture-perfect images of her lifestyle for you to envy. The homeschooling mom of three based in Kansas wants to help you make ends meet, to use many pieces of information to make choices about everyday purchases. With 4 million pageviews a month, she operates one of the most well-known coupon-clipping blogs in the country, and her new book, The Money Saving Mom’s Budget (Gallery Books), wraps all of her practices up in one place.
Paine told Her.meneutics that her blogging began as any other site back in 2004. “I mentioned that I spent $17 on groceries that week, and people started asking, ‘How on earth did you do that?’ ” she said.
She created an online course that taught some basic strategies, such as how to create a meal plan and how to combine the manufacturers’ and store’s coupons for a double deal. “People were saying, ‘I need more practical information. I need you to break it down: what should I buy at the store this week? The goal was finding practical ways to save on groceries,” she said. So her blog turned into a mix of posts, including daily deals on products, tips for managing money, and ways to live more simply.
Paine, who attends an independent Baptist church with Southern Baptist leanings, sees her blog as a different kind of ministry model, one that helps people get down to the nitty-gritty details about their finances.
“I try not to use ‘Christianese’ so someone who is unchurched can’t catch on,” she said, noting that she points to her faith in various posts. “I see it as though I’m digging a well. I’m providing people help with food and clothing, helping them get out of debt, and then they’re open to hearing the gospel.”
On the surface, most of Paine’s posts show you how to get free samples, save a few bucks, or organize your life. But she says her readers glean bigger principles.
Continue reading Making the Most out of Mommy Blogging: The Woman Behind Money Saving Mom...
January 25, 2012Real Women Don't Text Back: How Women Fuel the Man-Boy Problem
Women will help single men grow up by refusing to play by their frat-boy standards.
“Wanna grab a burrito 2nite?”
The melody of the Atlanta symphony’s instruments flowed through the auditorium. I didn’t have high expectations for dating at 23, but a text containing the word burrito wasn’t exactly what I had in mind (and with 1 hour notice). I liked him, but couldn’t escape the mental picture of showing up in a swanky outfit to an establishment where my entrance would be announced in a jubilee of “Welcome to Moe’s!”
The resounding question I hear from many single women today is: “Where have all the good men gone?”
Recently, several articles and statistics have shown that women are making history with career achievements, while men in increasing numbers are seemingly living in a prolonged state of adolescence, sitting back with their buddies and playing video games. Cultural observers note that men are not finding compelling reasons to grow up and marry. The former cultural standards of marriage for sex and children have changed drastically in the past 50 years as one-night stands are celebrated and single parenthood accepted.
And women are only fueling this behavior by excusing it.
The charged response to my husband’s blog post “Real Men Don’t Text”revealed women’s frustration with text messages, video games, and guys who still act like frat boys. Women posted the link on Facebook and wrote things like “Can I get an a-men?” “Men! Read This!” Others wrote in with stories about men who had asked them out through text, broke up with them through text, and asked them to have sex through text. Men were challenged to “grow a pair, pick up your Bible, turn off the video game, and pursue a woman.” But an interesting perspective arose from the clamor of “Amens!” Several men said that while “real men don’t text,” real women don’t text back. They knew, from experience, that a woman wasn’t worth pursuing if she engaged in a text relationship.
Continue reading Real Women Don't Text Back: How Women Fuel the Man-Boy Problem...
January 24, 2012Should You Let Your Baby 'Cry It Out'? A Christian Response
My "attachment parenting" is rooted less in outcome-based goals and more in God's example.
When Psychology Today ran an article titled “Dangers of ‘Crying it Out,’” my response was, perhaps predictably, jaded. I read the article, then clicked over to one of my “Birth Clubs” on BabyCenter to watch the ensuing fun while I nursed my seven-month-old. It took a while for the drama to start—when I landed on the page, everyone was up in arms about extended-rear-facing versus forward-facing car seats—but before my daughter had finished nursing, someone had linked to the Psychology Today article. And the insults and name-calling began.
In case anyone is curious, the Mommy Wars are alive and well.
“Dangers of ‘Crying it Out’ ” didn't cover any earth-shattering territory. Written by Notre Dame psychologist Darcia Narvaez, the article described the psychological harm done by leaving an infant to cry to teach “self-soothing.” Mommy War veterans will recognize many of Narvaez's points as reminiscent of Penelope Leach's headline-making arguments of 2010, and William Sears's headline-making arguments that date back a lot longer. Their conclusion: Leaving a baby to “cry it out” increases their stress hormone cortisol, which can be toxic to the developing neurons in baby's brain. “Crying it out” can also undermine trust, impair self-regulation, and threaten lifelong health.
Narvaez credits behaviorist John Watson with launching the “crusade against affection” in his 1928 book Psychological Care of Infant and Child. So far-reaching were Watson's anti-affection endeavors that a government pamphlet from that time instructed new mothers to “stop [holding the baby] immediately if her arms feel tired,” as “the baby is never to inconvenience the adult.”
(As the mother of four, I find the idea of a baby never inconveniencing an adult hilarious.)
Continue reading Should You Let Your Baby 'Cry It Out'? A Christian Response...
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