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April 21, 2009Blog Comments and Christian Courtesy
Some otherwise loving believers could use a remedial course in table manners.
When my children learned to talk, they began evaluating my cooking. Their commentary involved words like "I hate fish," "Don't make me eat that," and the all-purpose "Yuck." After a year or two of this, we decided it was time to give lessons in civil discourse.
"If I serve something you don't like," I explained, "you may politely refuse it. A simple ?No, thank you' will do. But if you say you say bad things about the food or about the cook, or if you make unpleasant retching noises, you will have to eat it."
Intelligent children, they decided not to risk a simple, "No, thank you." Perhaps I would take offense at their tone of voice and they would be forced to ingest - heaven forbid - fish sticks! mushrooms! avocado! To guard against such evils, they developed an elaborate approach to food avoidance: "Oh, Mother dear, those mushrooms look scrumptious, but I fear I must decline . . . ".
Several years ago, in an article for the Los Angeles Times, Richard J. Mouw - president of Fuller Theological Seminary and one of the most civil people I know - noted that "the family meal is the primary workshop in civility." Perhaps churches should arrange remedial family meals for people who leave comments on blogs.
I love it when polite, well-brought-up people of opposing viewpoints disagree vigorously. Iron sharpens iron, and let the sparks fly! Mature people know how to do this respectfully. They treat their opponents with courtesy, as they would wish to be treated themselves.
According to Mouw, civility
requires us to show tact, moderation, refinement and good manners toward people who are different from us. But civility also has an inner side - the struggle to get beyond our own perceptions, to see fellow human beings as creatures made in God's image, no matter how defaced and damaged they may appear.
"Every human being is a work of divine art," he says. "I can learn a lot about how to treat an unlikable person with reverence if I keep reminding myself of the value the person has in the eyes of God."
I do not usually like to read comments on blogs, and that includes Christian blogs such as this one. I feel slimed by the name-calling, ridicule, assumptions of bad faith, and general incivility that so often appear among the comments, even from people who are defending me. I don't want that kind of defense.
Honesty is important. Disagreement is unavoidable. Discussion is healthy. But when we discuss controversial issues, can we do so calmly, kindly, and politely, as we would surely do if we were disagreeing with a close friend, at the dinner table?
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Comments
"I do not usually like to read comments on blogs, and that includes Christian blogs such as this one. I feel slimed by the name-calling, ridicule, assumptions of bad faith, and general incivility that so often appear among the comments, even from people who are defending me. I don’t want that kind of defense."
Oh thank goodness, I thought I was one of the only ones who felt this way. Even if I enjoyed an article and wanted to comment on it, the ugliness of other comments left prior always dissuaded (and discouraged) me. Thank you for writing this!
Posted By: Jen K | April 22, 2009 11:25 AM
Amen! Right on! And pass the peas, please.
Posted By: Carmen Butcher | April 22, 2009 4:54 PM
I have generally avoided blogs, including those connected to Christianity Today, because of this problem. The only reason I am leaving this comment is that I saw the title of your posting. You may have felt "slimed" - I have often felt physically ill because of what I have read on "Christian" blogs, and that is not an exaggeration. I say Amen with Jen and Carmen. This is probably my one and only post, but I wish you well.
Posted By: Liz B | April 22, 2009 6:26 PM
I agree with what you are saying. I find civility is missing even in churches. There is a website I like to go to. It is a website ministry for single Christian ladies who never became help meets. A single woman started the ministry because of the incivility of churches towards single women whose "Adam" hasn't come yet. She noticed first hand how single Christian ladies fall through the cracks. As Ainslie put it, in the eyes of Christians, they could care less why your single, if you're single, you're just a "bad wicked woman", and it's true. This is not only a great website for single ladies, but also for other Christians, Pastors, Pastors wives, church leaders, etc. to view. This site hopefully will wake people up to the plight that single Christian ladies go through and will fill the void in their own churches.
Posted By: I agree ! | April 22, 2009 9:15 PM
the web site for single Christian ladies is www.ainslie.webs.com
Posted By: I agree ! | April 22, 2009 9:19 PM
The Holy Spirit, through Paul, admonishes us to not "bite and devour one another, take heed that you be not consummed one of another." Gal. 5:15 This is the obvious Christian attitude we should embrace towards each other. However, we are also admonished many times to "take heed..." regarding dangers, falsehoods, etc.. I have a difficult time being kind and politically correct towards those spewing poison into the Body of Christ...poison readily picked up by the young. Even a cursory observation of much of the media "preachers/teachers" stirs up a protective stance. I'm sure I'm not alone in this. The "health & wealth" group; the "I sense someone out there with a bad back that needs to make a vow of $500.00", group; the slick, used-car salesman type with "holy handkerchiefs", "holy-miracle water", "holy crackers", "holy cards", etc., etc. Money grubbers making merchandise of us and securing their own agendas and pockets....building their own kingdoms and followings. We were all clearly warned long ago of these. I'm not talking about good healthy debate and honest difference of opinion on non-foundational topics. I'm refering to the things said and done by so-called "leaders" that erode a persons Faith. We need to police ourselves better than we do. Gal. 5:12 wasn't all that "kind".
Posted By: Ralph Gaily | April 22, 2009 10:41 PM
Thank you LaVonne for addressing this! It will make my job much easier!
In overseeing CT.com's community, I have spent more years than I care to admit reading posts and blog comments. Some things I have learned in the process:
When you read a post, try to read the words without adding your own emotive tone to it. A post that disagrees with your view may not be necessarily intended as harsh. That's why so many soften their words with emoticons :)
It is also very important not to allow your statements to veer off into flames. A flame is an attack on the person rather than on the issue. If you keep your comments directed at the issue it will facilitate greater discussion. CT wants all sides of an issue to be presented and this can be done without name calling or rude insults.
Having said this, I do agree with Ralph. As Christians, we must be willing to take a stand even when others may label it as harsh or disruptive. Peter told us to defend the faith with decency and respect (1 Peter 3:15) yet unabashedly took on false preachers with words like "They promise freedom while they themselves are slaves of depravity." The crux lies in being able to state one's position with decency and also with boldness. We are not to avoid the truth out of fear.
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Posted By: Jackie | May 20, 2009 7:56 PM
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Posted By: Bag | January 18, 2011 11:10 PM
These hateful comments everyone has mentioned is the explanation my children use when they refuse to go to church anymore-and one child is struggling with his faith. The Rush Limbaugh fans in the pews, laughing at the latest hateful 'humor' on his radio show. The amazing hypocrisy and other shocks-when their former Sunday School classmates now in high school and college-or those who are grown with young families of their own, suddenly expose what these church people who were held in such high esteem - their parents - (often the wealthier members)are/were r-e-a-l-l-y like at home. I believe that the mark of a Christian is joy. It isn't the size of their bank account and their popularity in the community, their physical beauty nor the upscale clothing. It's shown in 1 Corinthians 13th chapter.If judging others is something a Christian feels led to do-they should a whole lot of time discovering who THEY really and truly are. That alone should shame them into silence. I've known several great Christians but none of them seemed aware of their greatness. That would be the 2nd mark of a Christian that I've noticed. Christianity is not a competition and the involvement in politics is responsible for destroying the essence of Christianity. Those hurt the worst are those that judge. Can we please stop this?
Posted By: Martha-Juliana | January 26, 2011 4:39 PM