Hermenuetics

Comments

I think the real issue is whether or not the child is being properly supported because that is the ultimate purpose of child support. It has less to do with the resources of the custodial or non-custodial parent.

Interesting to note that if the parents had not legally separated or divorced, there would be no court order regarding the amount of support for the child and economic forces would likely have a more direct impact upon the child as a result.

Posted By: Daniel | April 2, 2009 10:30 AM

>So how can we, as Christians, respond to these parents who are struggling in our churches and communities?

Stop indulging divorce in the church...

Posted By: David Gray | April 2, 2009 7:53 PM

Since some people come to Christ after they've already been divorced the blanket statement "Stop indulging divorce in the church" doesn't cover all situations. We can respond to those struggling in our churches & communities by giving assistance in the areas affected by the child support reduction(groceries, gas cards & most importantly, financial guidance). Wagging your finger & saying "tsk, tsk,tsk" is not going to fill a hungry child's stomach, but giving as little as $5 weekly to your churches benevolence fund would do wonders. Act 2:42

Posted By: Lani | April 6, 2009 7:38 AM

I really agree with David because if churches spent half the time denouncing divorce that they do gay marriage, we wouldn't have this problem. However, in speaking to divorces that have already happened (or, in my case, my husband just left and I found out there wasn't a thing to do to prevent it), I often wished that there was a Christian lawyer or legal assistant available in the church that would help, for free, people negotiate a fair amount to take care of the children. Courts usually assume that both parties are capable of making at least minimum wage and that is taken into account when establishing child support amounts. However, the truth is that when parents split, the custodial parent (usually the mother) sees her income drop significantly and the noncustodial parent (usually the father) sees his income increase significantly. If the noncustodial parent sees his income drop and desires to have his/her child support obligations drop, he or she should make a concerted effort to assist the custodial parent and children in non-monetary ways. If it happens that both parties attend a church, someone on the church could intervene on both of their behalves and some up with some practical solutions. I think it is very important that the church makes someone available that knows their away around the law to help in this very sensitive, and often not fair, area.

Posted By: alison | April 6, 2009 10:39 AM

I doubt that, for the majority of cases, kids are in danger of going hungry. Judging from our own belt-tightening and our own kids' complaints, these kids will have to go without small luxuries and other non-essentials which they are used to, and maybe consider a "right," and their custodial parents are upset to see their kids thus deprived and "suffering". If the parents were living together, there would be less blame, less resentment, more pulling together as a family - this kind of hardship would BUILD UP the family. Sadly, when the parents are split, the financial difficulty of one parent is seen as HIS problem, not OUR problem.

Posted By: Gaby | April 7, 2009 2:25 AM

Jesus said that it was unavoidable that offenses come. There are many reasons for parents not being together and the children being with only one. Yes, there are some single parent homes where the parent does not understand how to manage money and set proper goals for their kids and there are other single parent homes where the custodial parent is working two jobs etc. to pay rent, buy clothes, and etc. Jesus said that the poor we would have with us always. There are some we can help, but the majority of them have to learn to help themselves and be "RESPONSIBLE" parents that includes both. Using good judgement about relationships is also a good place to start. The one thing that is needed is prayer before jumping into some things and asking for Godly counsel. Even with all of that we can still miss the mark and end in something that causes a split in the best of families. Again, the bottom line is to be responsible for our kids and if it means that dads have to manuever things to work several jobs to help ends meet as well as some moms then it needs to be done. In the book of Ruth, in order for her to take care of her mother-inlaw and herself, Ruth went to work in a field trusting God to give her favor with her employer and He did. God even had Adam to till the Garden of Eden. He gave him a job before he gave him a wife. Good honest work is a God given gift. The church is to help not to take over and do it all. Personal responsibility is the main thing that Jesus taught his disciples as well as trusting in God.

Posted By: Wanda | April 7, 2009 10:37 AM

Wanda. I think you completely misunderstand Jesus' teaching on divorce. It is not inevitable that husbands or wives commit adultery. And it is not inevitable that husbands or wives abandon their families. That's just a selfish choice. And yes, Gaby, there were plenty of times that I had to go to a church's foot pantry to feed my kids, so stop assuming that kids are not going hungry. Good grief!

Posted By: alison | April 7, 2009 12:51 PM

Return to fault divorce. Stop rewarding adulterers with child support. Give custody to the "innocent" party when other things are near equal. A marriage is a civil contract. If a person breaks any other civil contract the offender pays the penalty.

No fault divorce escalated the number of divorces.

Posted By: Steve | April 7, 2009 4:26 PM

I'm 100% with Steve. "No fault divorce" is the bane of society. It has been participatory in turning our economy upside down.

Posted By: alison | April 8, 2009 11:53 AM

Why is it that in this time of multiple rights for gays, lesbians, minorities, etc. that non-custodial fathers with job losses still have very, very limited 'rights' with their visitation and adjusted child support payments? Men (divorced fathers who are non-custodial parents) suffer greatly at the losses that ex-wives and the courts allow them to endure. Children suffer, too. Non-custodials fathers seem to be the last "minority" who are discriminated against!

Posted By: lkluna | April 8, 2009 1:17 PM

Why is it that in this time of multiple rights for gays, lesbians, minorities, etc. that non-custodial fathers with job losses still have very, very limited 'rights' with their visitation and adjusted child support payments? Men (divorced fathers who are non-custodial parents) suffer greatly at the losses that ex-wives and the courts allow them to endure. Children suffer, too. Non-custodials fathers seem to be the last "minority" who are discriminated against!

Posted By: lkluna | April 8, 2009 1:18 PM

Sorry, alison, but somehow my comment was credited to you.

Posted By: lkluna | April 8, 2009 1:21 PM

I know it seems like we're picking on men here, but statistically the majority of divorces are filed by men, and 93% of those divorces are because the man wants to marry someone else. Of course there are exceptions and my heart goes out to them. I think the best solution for out-of-work fathers who pay child support is that they continue to pay as much as they can and the rest of the child support is abated until they have a job and can catch up.

Posted By: alison | April 9, 2009 11:11 AM

Many of the comments are missing the point of the article. How can we as a church help the men who pay child support and the families who receive it? Divorce or the end of a relationship already happened. Before government intervention/assistance, the church took care of the community. If we know a dad in the church or community that is really trying to take care of his children, how about extending a helping hand to that father? If we know that his payments are not enough and a family is struggling, how about helping out the mother and children? I receive child support payments and it doesn't completely cover my childcare expenses, let alone anything else. There are families at the church that give me clothes for my children, which I am so grateful for. There are people in our churches with physical needs, not just spiritual needs. Didn't Jesus meet those as well?

Posted By: Johanna | April 9, 2009 2:38 PM

>I know it seems like we're picking on men here, but statistically the majority of divorces are filed by men

I've seen studies that indicate otherwise.

Posted By: David Gray | April 10, 2009 8:15 PM

Dave, I'd like to see those studies. Can you give me some sources? If I'm wrong, I'll admit it. I know I'm not wrong about the 93% who file for divorce do so because there's another woman they want to marry. I'll get my sources to you as well. Thanks.

Posted By: alison | April 10, 2009 10:21 PM

The article doesn't mention only the divorced. B/C of sin, many children are born out of wedlock. Some fathers are so young, even the $50 a month is a great amount to pay while still in school. But for those who have a second family (first time married), when the courts take away a third of the gross income, that leaves little for the other children. If we could make sure that all the moms spend it on the rent, food and clothing for the CHILDREN, that that would be great. I've known some women who take that money and buy drugs, or clothes or other items for themselves, as if it is a reward for having had children out of marriage. NOT ALL THE MOMS DO THIS, I was a single mom (divorced) and it was hard, I did sacrifice for my children. He remarried and didn't have anymore kids, but the new wife always dressed great and had nice cars to drive while we had to take the bus or walk. My kids turned out great and have an attitude of appreciation instead of being spoiled and expecting everything to come to them. So maybe those days of not having enough milk and cereal helped us, them to grow into responsible young adults and me...I learned to depend on God and you know what? God was a better Father to them than their own dad was and the beauty of that is that my children came to recognize that truth. Pray for the dad, even if he is a deadbeat, that will keep you from becoming bitter and God will bless you and your children. That's the best reason!

Posted By: Rosa | April 11, 2009 8:36 PM

I had to write again and comment, the question was 'How can the we respond to parents who are struggling IN OUR churches?'
Thru prayer. Asking the Lord to lead you to some of these families. Praying for them, without embarrassing them; becoming their friend and as you get to know them, you will discover their needs. THEN, SUPPLY what you can. God will bless you as you give, especially giving to these who are in need. Just work with one woman and family at a time. Pray with them as you discover their feelings towards the father....show them thru the Word that they must love that person through Christ. Even if the man is a deadbeat, if you teach them to pray for him, you will also be teaching them how to be blessed by obeying the teachings of Jesus. And if a man is reading this, encourage other women to help, esp if you are already married, that way you can avoid falling into a trap and getting too involved with the other woman. You can always encourage and bless your wife to help.

Posted By: Rosa | April 11, 2009 8:47 PM

Dave, You are right and I am wrong. I should have done my research before I commented. Let that be a lesson to all of us.

Posted By: alison | April 11, 2009 10:39 PM

its really sad when a woman can leave her husband for any reason and then make him pay for it for the next 18 years.im unemployed now and will be going to court AGAIN.this time i want to go to jail. its better than eating romane noodles and wondering when ill become homeless the whole time week by week the support total adds up.she just bought a new house .i have not missed a support payment in over 18 months...now unemployed,once again im the dead beat dad...the american judicial system is in favor for mom.im ashamed to be american. i really try...but ive been branded DEADBEAT DAD...

Posted By: pete | October 10, 2009 11:22 AM