What Is Her.meneutics?
The Christianity Today women's blog provides news and analysis from the perspective of evangelical women. We cover news stories and books related to international justice and evangelism, pregnancy and sexual ethics, marriage, parenting, and celibacy, pop culture, health and body image, raising girls, and women in the church and parachurch.Her.meneutics is edited by associate editor Katelyn Beaty and online editor Sarah Pulliam.
books we're reading
« Sarah Palin: Andrew Sullivan's Punching Bag | Main | Top 10 Most Popular Posts, v. 3 »
July 8, 2009Breadwinning Moms and Stay-at-Home Dads
Wheaton College English professor balances work and parenting as breadwinner.
While most moms were celebrating Mother's Day this spring with a family of three or four, Glen Ellyn, Illinois, resident Tiffany Kriner celebrated a graduation ceremony with thousands of college students.
Kriner, 31, an English professor at Wheaton College, has two young children - 9-month-old Beckett and Fiona, 3. Her husband, Josh, 32, is a stay-at-home dad while Tiffany is the family's primary breadwinner, a decision based on necessity that has since worked out to both parents' benefit.
Tiffany is one of a growing number of women in the United States who are primary earners for their household. According to the U.S. Census Bureau, 25.8 percent of wives had a higher income than their husbands in 2007, an increase from nearly 23 percent in 1997 and 18 percent in 1987.
The Kriners' situation is unusual at Wheaton College, Tiffany said; most working mothers at the college have husbands also working outside the home, so are balancing a co-parenting situation. Their situation evolved when Tiffany gave birth to Fiona while in a post-doctoral program and Josh stayed home to care for her, and then when Josh decided to stay home when the couple moved to Wheaton for Tiffany's job about three years ago.
"Most people do ask whether I stay home with my kids or not, especially if they meet me in a context where they see me with my children," Tiffany said. "I don't think there's any stigma especially, but definitely an awareness."
Josh is currently working on a start-up small business, so Tiffany stays home two mornings each week to watch the children while he works. And having a stay-at-home husband has its perks; because Josh works from home, she has the freedom of a man with a stay-at-home wife. She and Josh also enjoy having more of an equal share in their children's experiences.
Tiffany said she does feel pressure to fit in with a mold of suburban, stay-at-home mothers who are interested in seeing all aspects of their children's lives. She also struggles with not fitting into some aspects of traditional gender roles of the husband as breadwinner and the wife as nurturing homemaker.
"Do I feel like I'm switching gender roles? Yes. Especially when I'm the primary breadwinner," Tiffany said. "I'm feeding [my children], clothing them and supporting them, but that seems to be a thing that's celebrated on Father's Day, not Mothers' Day - I don't consider my monetary contributions to be part of what it means to be a good mother. The real contribution is putting them to bed, or staying when I ought to be grading."
Tiffany does not feel she is sidestepping the Christian calling to motherhood - she's just pursuing it differently.
"Being in a family and raising children for the Lord and for their good is absolutely the central thing," she said. "I just think I do it better when I'm working."
This is a pre-edited story that, following consultation from editors, appeared in the Naperville, Glen Ellyn and Wheaton Suns. This article differs from the published article found here.
recent posts
tags
- 9/11
- abortion
- abstinence
- abuse
- adoption
- adultery
- advertising
- afghanistan
- africa
- agriculture
- AIDS
- American Idol
- anglicanism
- animals
- apologetics
- art
- atheism
- authors
- babies
- beauty
- beauty pageants
- bible
- bigfamilies
- biology
- blasphemy
- blogs
- bodies
- body
- body image
- books
- breast cancer
- breast-feeding
- breastimplants
- business
- california
- cambodia
- catholic church
- catholicism
- celibacy
- censorship
- charismatic movement
- children
- china
- church life
- church-state
- churchhistory
- churchlife
- circumcision
- civility
- clothing
- cohabitation
- compassion
- consumption
- contraception
- conversion
- corruption
- cosmeticsurgery
- counseling
- courts
- creation
- crime
- dalits
- dating
- death
- deaths
- deconversion
- democracy
- disability
- divorce
- dogfighting
- down syndrome
- drugs
- economy
- education
- embryos
- empathy
- employment
- entertainment
- environment
- episcopal church
- ethics
- eve
- evolution
- faith
- family
- fashion
- fatherhood
- feminism
- film
- florida
- food
- forgiveness
- friendship
- funding
- gardasil
- gender
- girls
- grief
- happiness
- harry potter
- health
- healthcare
- higher education
- highereducation
- history
- homelessness
- homoesexuality
- homosexuality
- human rights
- humor
- hunger
- immigration
- india
- international politics
- internationalpolitics
- internet
- interview
- iran
- islam
- IVF
- japan
- jesus
- jimmy carter
- journalism
- judaism
- justice
- kissing
- language
- leaders
- leadership
- legislation
- libertyuniversity
- life ethics
- lifeethics
- literature
- local food
- loneliness
- lutherans
- marathon
- marriage
- media
- medicalethics
- memoir
- men
- mentoring
- michael vick
- midwives
- ministry
- misogyny
- morality
- movies
- music
- natural disasters
- nature
- new york city
- news
- nonprofits
- northkorea
- notredame
- obama
- octuplets
- one-child policy
- one-upmomship
- onlinedating
- ordination
- orphans
- parachurch
- parenting
- pastors
- pentecostalism
- persecution
- plannedparenthood
- politics
- popebenedict
- population
- pornography
- poverty
- prayer
- pregnancy
- premarital counseling
- prostitution
- psychology
- publishing
- purity
- quiverfull
- rape
- realitytv
- relationships
- religiousfreedom
- research
- samesexmarriage
- sarahpalin
- science
- sex
- sex education
- sexuality
- shopping
- singleness
- sisters
- smoking
- sotomayor
- south africa
- southernbaptists
- specialolympics
- spirituality
- sports
- stay-at-home dads
- STDs
- stem-cell research
- students
- studies
- sudan
- suffering
- summer
- supremecourt
- surgery
- surveys
- tattoos
- technology
- teenagers
- television
- thearts
- theology
- top10
- toys
- transgenics
- TV
- twilight
- violence
- war
- weddings
- weight
- wives
- women
- women of note
- women pastors
- womenleaders
- womenofnote
- womenpastors
- womensordination
- words
- work
- writing
- young adults
- youngadults
Comments
"Tiffany does not feel she is sidestepping the Christian calling to motherhood — she’s just pursuing it differently."
What a beautiful quote, really. I think it presents a good point, especially with the continuous and recent drama surrounding the so-called mommy wars. This mother is doing what she needs to in order to keep her family afloat. She gets a pat on the back from me in that regard. Our families are all different, present different challenges and, therefore, require different approaches.
Posted By: FireMom | July 8, 2009 1:24 PM
Tiffany,
You are an inspiration. I am finishing a Ph.D. and while my husband and I both work right now, I am the majority breadwinner in our family. As we prepare to start a family, I have tried to figure out what the "right" thing to do is as Christian and as a parent and as a professional. I work as much as I do so that my husband can work in the social services field and pursue his passion of family counseling. His schedule is more flexible than mine (although I am certainly blessed to not have a traditional 9 to 5) and he will probably be the more at home parent when that time comes.
This is something we are working on together as we both feel it is necessary for us to have equal opportunity to parent more than fulfilling culturally determined gender roles. God has called us to be a family and to our respective occupations. We are trusting him to provide the right direction and wisdom.
I know that I am a better wife when I am working and I pray daily that I will be able to be the mom I want to be as well through my obedience to the call.
Posted By: Joy Qualls | July 8, 2009 3:51 PM
"Tiffany does not feel she is sidestepping the Christian calling to motherhood — she’s just pursuing it differently."
Sounds like Tiffany and her husband have a terrific arrangement that works for them. I'm sure that there are many parents who desire such a great set-up.
But, I'm sitting here wondering what the author meant by "the Christian calling to motherhood". Does that mean that Christian women should aspire to motherhood above other personal and professional callings?? Does that mean that Christian women should not do or enjoy anything other than motherhood in their lives??? Does it mean that Christians value motherhood differently than do persons of other faiths???? Does it mean that there is something particularly "Christian" about being a loving mother?????
It sounds to me like this author was highlighting Tiffany because she is a Christian wife who is the primary breadwinner, which the author believes is unusual . . . and maybe even provocative, shocking, or questionable. Something that needs to be defended or explained. Which leads me to believe that the author's definition of "Christian calling to motherhood" is more conservative than that with which I am comfortable.
Posted By: LawGirl | July 8, 2009 4:40 PM
If the 25% is true in Christian households (and it is probably fairly close) then many of the men in our churches are making less than their wives. I have never made more than my wife in our 12 years of marriage. But I have had ministry related jobs throughout our marriage and it has been a conscious decision for her to make more money to allow me to pursue ministry options.
I am now a stay at home uncle (we don't have our own kids) for my two nieces (almost 2 and 4 months). I continue to do non-profit consulting but I my child care days are often 10 to 12 hours a day. So I don't have much extra time. But I find the work mostly enjoyable, I think it is good to have a stay at home parent (or surrogate) when possible and I will continue.
Posted By: Adam S | July 8, 2009 6:56 PM
I'm a Christian stay at home dad of our three children (ages 9, 7 and 3). Whoever thought up the old Peace Corps slogan of "Its the toughest job you'll ever love" must have been a stay at home parent.
There is a new site set up by a Canadian author and researcher just for breadwinning moms (chat sessions and the like) that you might find interesting. The URL is www.breadandrosesproject.ca.
T.J. McKenna
Author of "Caution: Men at Housework"
www.MenAtHouseWork.com
Posted By: T.J. McKenna | July 8, 2009 11:23 PM
I think having a woman as bread winner is completely biblical like the Proverbs 31 woman.And raising children is the primary responsibility of the father as it says in Ephesians6 which says that fathers should not provoke their children to anger but to bring them uo in the training and admonition of the Lord. And wouldn't they be more effective in doing this if they could be stay-home dads?
Posted By: Rita Dong-as | July 9, 2009 7:23 AM
We're going to see more and more creative parenting options in the future ... simply out of necessity! And isn't it neat that God knows our hearts and our desire to be with our kids ... even when we have no other choice but to work outside the home.
Tough economic times necessitates even better improved communication than ever before ... with our spouses, family, and with the One who loves us - and our kids - more than we'll ever fathom! So, let's think creatively outside of the box and pool our energy and resources to care for our kids, ourselves, our marriages, our homes.
Posted By: Linda Stoll | July 9, 2009 8:55 AM
As a man, I was pressed into thios situation 6 years ago, after going through an office closing. It was humbling and yet blessed. I was not the man, husband, and father that I should have been at the start of our marriage. But through this situation the Lord turned me around. He helped me to greater value my wife and her contribution and this situation gave me a chance to learn to be a better servant to my God and my family. In the midst of these six years, God blessed us with a baby daughter. This again caused me to grow. This situation taught me to be a better father than I was after our son was born. I am set to reenter to workforce next month as a teacher, a new career. But I am stronger, wiser, and better for having been humbled by my Lord that I may be a better witness for Him. The contribution of wives has not been held in high enough regard by many of us husbands. But God has a way of turning things around...We are heirs together of the grace of life...
Posted By: RevLDReed | July 9, 2009 9:37 AM
Y'all should check out a new book called The Daddy Shift, by Jeremy Adam Smith: http://www.amazon.com/Daddy-Shift-Stay-at-Home-ParentingAreTransforming-Twenty-First-Century/dp/0807021202/ref=sr_1_2?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1227133427&sr=1-2
Posted By: Marc | July 9, 2009 10:55 AM
It is well known by historians that until the 20th Century women had to work outside of the home or on their husband's farms for economic survival. The "cult of domesticity" was really for a minority of privileged, upper income families that had the means for mom to stay at home with the children. Prairie women worked on the farms, urban white women worked in factories making textiles, clothing, shoes, and in laundries, African American women (after slavery) worked as domestic servants and maids, Hispanic women as farm laborers. Native American women were largely invisible (in fact most women were). The whole notion of the "stay-at-home" mother is not traditional. It's an
entirely modern concept that reflects modern economic trends and an advanced service economy.
Posted By: Paul | July 9, 2009 11:01 AM
My husband is becoming a SAHD too. I also work at a college. We need to start a group for the Western Suburban SAHDs. email me...DiDi@wowway.com
Posted By: DiDi | September 1, 2009 7:27 PM