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September 16, 2009

Adoption: Single Christians Need Not Apply

When there are 132 million orphans in the world, should unmarrieds really be discouraged from reaching out to them?

Julia Duin

National Adoption Month is coming up, and churches are mobilizing like never before to encourage people to adopt. But there is a secret underneath it all: Single Christians need not apply.

When I was considering adopting my daughter, one of the most disheartening things was the active discouragement of many Christians who told me point-blank that only married couples should adopt. It was bad enough, I thought, to be consigned to a life of singleness because of the lack of unmarried men in church. For people to say singles are unworthy to adopt a child who would otherwise be living in an orphanage boggled my mind.

The other day, I received a copy of SBC Life, the Southern Baptist Convention’s denominational magazine, where I saw David Roach’s piece “Adoption Ministries Thriving in SBC Churches.” First, the good: It pointed out how any church, large or small, can be involved in adoption ministry toward those who want to adopt, how scandalous it is how many orphans are in this world, and that it’s up to Christians to do something about it. I was gratified to learn of a few loan programs out there for those wishing to adopt, as the costs — especially for international adoption — usually climb well past $30,000. It was also refreshing to see how many parents were supporting interracial adoption. And it providing some good ideas for preparing for November 8, which is Orphan Sunday.

All the photos and the pronouns used in the article, however, referred to couples. This was true on some of the related websites, such as Highview Baptist Church in Louisville, where I found no mention that some of the adoptive parents might be single men or women. This was certainly true on the application forms attached to these sites. I e-mailed Highview's adoption ministry director about this, and she was not aware of any singles adoptions there. “The leadership of Highview believes that it is the best for children to be adopted into traditional homes with a father and a mother,” she told me.

I also e-mailed another member of Highview, Russell Moore, senior vice president at Southern Baptist Theological Seminary, dean of its school of theology, and author most recently of Adopted for Life. I asked him about his stance on single adoptions, and he wouldn’t say what that might be. He just said the answer was in his new book, which he said he'd be glad to send to me. It arrived, and over the weekend, and I found one sentence addressing my concern: “Generally speaking, if you are single, pray for a marriage before you seek children.”

Well, of course. But what if God does not answer someone's prayers for marriage?

I clicked on TogetherforAdoption.org, regarding an adoption conference slated for October 2-3 at Christ Community Church in Franklin, Tennessee. The main speakers were married men. Female speakers were assigned to the break-out sessions, but there was nothing there for singles. It seems that in the organizers' minds, we are disqualified from parenthood.

About a year ago, I was talking with a publisher about ideas for books, and I mentioned my interest in writing something to encourage single adoptive parents in the evangelical world. The emerging adoption movement is so focused on couples, I thought an alternative voice was needed. That idea lasted two seconds. I was told the book would be too niche, that no one would read it, and that no evangelical publisher would print it.

Christian groups report that there are 132 million orphans in this world. If so, every available resource needs to be freed up to care for these children — meaning singles as well as couples. There are 100 million single persons over 18 in the United States alone — one-third of the population. I think it’s safe to estimate that at least a third of all adults in a typical U.S. church are single. Why is it verboten to mobilize the unmarried so they too can nourish and bring up children?

I’m not picking just on the Southern Baptists. Several years ago, I was interviewing a professor at a Catholic college who also told me singles should not adopt. In fact, he said, children would be better off staying at orphanages than being adopted by a single mom or dad. I was speechless. I have seen the conditions of orphanages in Iraq, Kazakhstan, and India. What sane person would want a child to grow up in one of those? When I see Christian adoption activists ignore singles, I conclude, sadly, that despite their rhetoric, they are not fully committed to doing what it takes to make sure every child gets a home.

Comments

Perhaps both statements are true: (1) An adopted child is usually better off in a home with two loving parents rather than just one; and (2) An orphan is better off in a loving single parent home than most orphanages in the world.

First, I don't believe anyone is saying that an orphanage is a good place for a child to remain. But I believe you have to address what God intends for the family. God did not give us marriage so that we would remain unmarried, that is a very particular and rare ministry call. Which is why, "Generally speaking, if you are single, pray for a marriage before you seek children." If a single parent home is better than an orphanage, why not a gay couple. Where do you draw the line at what's slightly better for the child compared to what's best for the child? If you are not seeking a family. Marriage and children you have probably misunderstood the Gospel in some way.

Perhaps instead of looking at a personal want of a child, you should turn to the Bible and see how God designed for a family to be. A Christian of all people should know that God intended children to be with both a mother AND father and there are plenty of passages that indicate how a family should operate as well as examples of families. It truly disheartens me to see this blog author not use Scripture one time to back up why single parent adoption should be encouraged, but instead just pretty much says "I want it so it should be this way." That speaks more on selfishness rather than trusting in God about His clear intention for a family. We must remember to make sure our desires line up with Scripture.

What about placement in the home of a homosexual couple? That would be a nicer home than an orphanage? Or what about a nice polygamous couple?

Not to derail things completely, but why *not* a gay couple? It's not ideal or something I would choose, but I've seen the alternatives. My wife nannied a girl that was in the process of adoption for a gay couple we know. They already had two boys, one of whom was a FAS baby, who they were parenting rather well. We figured the best way we could support the child (whose mother was a drug addict and *not* a safe influence at the time) was to nanny her for the gay couple and be a positive influence.

But the point stands. If the question is an unsafe environment (due to severe neglect, drug abuse, physical abuse, etc) and a hazardous childhood or a stable childhood with an atypical family structure, I would choose the latter every time.

Which goes back to the first point; encouraging stable, Christian families to adopt in such numbers as to make this a non-issue. But to support and extend welcome to those who wish to help outside our rubric.

I think the first commenter hits the nail on the head:

"Perhaps both statements are true: (1) An adopted child is usually better off in a home with two loving parents rather than just one; and (2) An orphan is better off in a loving single parent home than most orphanages in the world."

Let's back up for a second. Is what's most important following God's commands or practicing humanistic situational ethics? Clearly God's design is for children to be raised inside of covenant marriage between a believing man and a woman. Of course deviations from this exist: children are born out of wedlock, people marry who are not believers, individuals engage in homosexuality. But never in Scripture (which is our authority, right?) is the unfortunate reality of erring from God's plan used as justification for further walking into error.

If we were to hold a strong enough view of God's sovereignty and lordship then we could better cope with these issues. It's when we start trusting in our own power to reconcile the world that we run aground these issues that seem so difficult. Throw off worldly wisdom and seek to follow God in his whole council. It's called faith because sometimes our reason cannot comprehend fully why it's supposed to work this way.

Jordan asked: "Not to derail things completely, but why *not* a gay couple?"

We need to remember that, for the Christian, adoption isn't merely about providing material comfort and relief for a child, but also about raising that child up "in the way he should go." (see also Prov 22:6, Eph 6:4, 2 Tim 3:15)

Our primary concern, always, must be the eternal. We should be careful that we aren't taking a child from undesirable material circumstances and placing them in perilous spiritual circumstances.

To say that it is better for a child not to be adopted than to be adopted by a single is quite simply ridiculous. Of course the ideal is that it be a two parent home, and of course, before bringing a child into the world marriage is preferable. HOWEVER, we are talking about adopting children who are in need.

I am currently a single parent adopting a special needs child from China. If my daughter were to be raised in her home country, she would have little access to not only education in general, but Christianity itself. To say that life in the orphanage there would be better than for her to be adopted by someone who can support her financially, emotionally, medically, AND spiritually is laughable.

By NOT condoning adoption by Christian singles, you are essentially not only denying them a better life, but also denying many children the chance to know Christ.

"But Jesus said, Suffer little children, and forbid them not, to come unto me: for of such is the kingdom of heaven."
Matthew 19:14.

Yes, an ideal environment would be one with a father and mother, but surely nobody will try to claim that the orphanage is a superior place to grow up than a home with a responsible Christian adult. Is there a passage in the Bible that says otherwise? If not, then why deny mercy to a child and an adult for the sake of legalism that isn't even found in the Bible? Unless one can cite a verse that states, "Thou shalt not allow singles to adopt," to claim that the Bible suggests that is to add to the Bible, and we know how kindly God takes to those who add their own traditions to His Word.

"If a single parent home is better than an orphanage, why not a gay couple."

It is absolutely ridiculous to suggest that allowing single Christians to adopt would lead to a slippery slope in which homosexual couples could adopt. Homosexuality is considered sinful by the majority of Christian churches, but singleness is. Or is it? Does the Church as a whole have such a negative view of single Christians?

What is more important to Christians: that children are raised in loving Christian homes by responsible and mature adults or that rules that aren't even in the Bible are observed?

Caring for orphans is a primary command throughout the Bible, and I believe is an unstated assumption in this article. That command applies to all Christians, not just married Christians. I grew up in a single parent family, and I definitely agree with Ms Duin.

I find it interesting that those in defense of this author have yet to provide any Scripture to back them up and ignore the many passages that clearly show God's design for a family. Don't use these children as an excuse to ignore how God intended a family to be. Don't use Christianity as an excuse. Yes children should have homes. But are you idolizing parenthood so much that you're willing to go against God's clear intention for a family just to become a parent? Obeying God is a narrow road. Are you willing to travel it?

Exactly what scripture that specifically says for a single parent to adopt an orphan child is against God's will are we ignoring? I must have missed that one.

Yes, I am more than willing to travel this road. I am more than comfortable that it is what God has planned for me.

Perhaps you are actually the one using Christianity as an excuse NOT to do more for those in need.

I agree with Merciel that it is rediculous to attach single adoption to homosexual adoption, but it is being done regularly.

And to "Concerned", I would suggest that the bible doesn't prevent single adoption. You do see single parents raising children in scripture (look at the widows). So then if there are examples, what other place would suggest that those examples could not be transfered to single adoption. I have a friend that worked at an after school program. She adopted two boys. No one that knows the boys or her would say the boys would have been better off being farmed out to extended family in foster care. They had a horrific childhood before adoption. The older one in third grade didn't even know his alphabet. The chance of two boys (African American) 7 and 9 being by someone outside their family (and that was not possible in this case) is about zero.

Right now if one person out of every three churches in the US would adopt a US child there would not being anyone in the foster care system eligible for adoption. These are not huge numbers.

I do think at root, this is about trying to prevent homosexual adoption.

Widows are women who were married, had children with their husband, and the husband died. They were not women who chose to say marriage was not necessary to have a baby.

No, there may not be passages strictly forbidding single parent adoption but there are passages that show how God intended a family to be. Mothers and fathers. Those are being conveniently ignored. If you can point out where God did not intend for that, if you can point out where God thinks it's perfectly acceptable to go against the family design, please do so. Until then, these kids are being used as an excuse for the single person to fulfill a personal desire. Hey I love kids. It took me 8 years to conceive. We desperately wanted to have a baby. But I'm not willing to compromise God's standards on family just to have one. What kind of message are we sending to the world when we say that God's family design is unimportant?

At what cost are you willing to adopt??

Thanks you for sharing your thoughts on this important matter Katelyn. I think you are absolutely right. There are so many unwanted and unloved children in this country alone without even looking abroad that it is a scandal to say they are better off where they are than with a loving single parent, or loving gay parents for that matter. I think the comments about looking to the bible for examples of family life are missing the mark. In my reading of the bible I've never met such dysfunctional families and parents. It always amazes me how bad some of these biblical examples are and yet God loves and uses them all the same. I think of Jacob and how Leah must have felt knowing that she and her children were always going to be second best to Rachel and hers. What about giving Isaac to a couple of octogenarians...what was God thinking?? And Solomon..child of an adulterous and murderous affair, wonder how he felt finding that out? I wouldn't look to the bible for 1950's family values if I were you...it's just not there, maybe because it's full of real people with messy real life stories.

yes full of messy stories. so why look to the bible at all? in fact keep sinning and dont worry about it because god will use you anyway! wow! hedonism for the win!

I think all of this discussion runs the risk of putting God into a box. The Bible does not address the idea of a single individual adopting a child. However, we, as the church, also told to take care of the widows and orphans. None of us can fully know God's mind or his will or his wisdom. How can we say that it ISN'T the will of God that a single man or woman to take that command literally, and adopt an orphan child. Yes, God intended for a family to be made up of a husband, wife, and child(ren). But I just can't see how it can be wrong for a single man or woman, who has been gifted with the resources to care for a child, to adopt a child in need. It's not like we're talking about a woman going out and getting artificially inseminated. We are talking about children are already on this earth, who need nothing more than a loving, Godly home, and someone to love them.

Wow, there are sure are a lot of judgmental, narrow-minded Christians out there! I agree with Heather that the comments about looking to the Bible for examples of family life are missing the mark, especially with so many orphans in the world who are in desperate need of a loving home. And it is simply outrageous to compare a single person adopting to gay couples adopting! The Bible explicitly condemns homosexual behavior, but nowhere does the Bible actually prohibit singles from adopting children. How sad that there are so many legalists in the Church who would overlook the needs of orphans in order to uphold some legalistic standard that isn't even mentioned in the Bible. Hey, while we're at it, let's seize the children of widows and divorced people and place them in the homes of married couples! After all, it's God's will for all children to be raised by both a mother and a father. It simply sickens me that God's people have so little grace in their hearts.

I'm pretty sure I disagree with this CT author on almost everything, but on this subject, I completely agree with her. The comments opposing single adoption are just astounding in their blind focus on the trees rather than the forest. None of the Biblical exhortations to care for orphans are explicitly limited to married couples. Nowhere in the Bible does it say that the perfect should be the enemy of the good when doing unto the "least of these."

Read Esther. Mordecai, her older cousin, adopted Esther and raised her as his daughter because she had no mother or father. Nowhere does the Book of Esther, which goes so far as to identify Haman's wife and sons, give any indication that Mordecai had a wife or other children. In fact, it states that Esther "continued to follow Mordecai's instructions as she had done when he was bringing her up." Esther 2:19. It seems unlikely in that patriarchal culture that Mordecai would have been instructing Esther, or considered to be "bringing her up" if he had had a wife. That sort of instruction to girls was women's work, if it happened at all. So, if adoption by a single parent was good enough for Esther, why shouldn't it be good enough in our time?

Similarly, Naomi, a widow, adopted Ruth and Boaz's son, who was given by Ruth to Naomi so that Naomi (mother of Ruth's first husband) would have someone to care for her in her old age. The child is referred to in Ruth 4 as "Naomi's son" even though Ruth physically bore him. So, here we have the Bible honoring adoption by a widow. Note that Boaz didn't just "marry" Ruth. He "acquired" her as part of the property deal when he bought Naomi's piece of family-owned land. Yes, he is portrayed as being kind-hearted and just, but seriously, we don't want to copy every last article of OT family/property law, do we really?

I agree that opposition to single adoption likely grows out of a fear of a slippery slope to gay adoption. Even more, however, I believe it grows out of a fear of acknowledging that God can bless a woman as the head of a family just as well as a man.

Oh, I just love this argument. If God intended for children ONLY to be raised by a mother and a father, he certainly would never allow anyone's parents to die. Maybe we should remove children from homes where one parent has died since that it is obviously not God's plan for them to be raised in that environment.

This is really no different. These children are in orphanages because they have been abandoned for one reason or another. They have NO PARENTS. And people can really argue that it is better for them to have no parents at all than to have one that is devoted to their well-being? It's a good thing those people aren't in charge of the fates of those children.

I think that any child who is adopted by someone who is pledging to love, nurture, and guide that child is blessed, whether the adoptive parent is married or not. THANK GOD for Christian singles willing to make the sacrifice that single parenting is, to put the needs of another human being before their own, and to raise children that other people have, quite simply, thrown away.

And at what cost are you willing to ignore the fact that so many orphans need loving Christian homes?

Just because adoption was not a choice you made does not make it wrong for others. Perhaps you should have taken up the mantle as a married couples and pursued adoption -- if enough married couples did so, there would be less need for singles to adopt!

Those of you that make statements that say the Bible condemns single parent adoption have not given scriptural proof of this. Fact is, there is nothing with regards to adoption and what the family should consist of. However there are NUMEROUS occasions (James 1:27, for instance) where the Bible mandates we take care of orphans.

So at what cost do YOU disregard God?

Thank you!

I am a single 30 year old woman. I have the feeling that, like you said, I will probably never marry because of the lack of strong Christian single men in the church. I have always wanted to adopt and my hope and my desire is that once I am financially secure (meaning I am out of debt) that God will allow me to adopt. Yes I will pray about it. Yes, I will make sure I have the support of my congregation, yes I will make absolute sure that it either falls in God's plan for me or in His permissive will for me. I know it would be hard. I know it would be difficult, but I also know that I would purposely adopt an older child. Not a baby or a toddler. It boggles my mind that these people think that single people shouldn't adopt. YES GOD's PLAN is for a husband and wife - but we live in a sinning world and we have to adjust.

God commands us to take care of the widow and orphan. He didn't qualify the statement with "if you are married, care for the orphan" He commanded ALL of us.

Wow, "Concerned." It took you 8 years to conceive? How seriously did YOU consider adoption? If it is so all important for children to be raised in a two-parent, Christian home, then every single person on this thread who is saying that singles shouldn't be allowed to adopt should have at LEAST one adopted child.

Actually, the author's first mistake was to believe that there is a "lack of unmarried men in church". There are many wonderful, godly, single men in church, it's just that too many women reject them outright without due consideration. Many of these men will be very willing to partner in adoption, once they have the opportunity to marry.

Just a question I have...have all those who condemn adoption by single people adopted a child into their family??? I am a single mother (4 kids still at home) not by choice, but my husband left even though we had two children and adopted 7 children at his initial instigation. It is not an ideal situation but ask my children (the youngest is 18 now) if they would prefer to be in an orphanage or have a mother who even though she struggles to raise her children yet she teaches them about the love of a Father who will NEVER leave them or abandon them. This is not about us...it is about giving a loving home to a child who will be out on the streets by himself when he comes of age if people are not willing to leave their comfort zones. More christian families should adopt but they are not doing it so ... if single committed christians are willing to adopt then they should do so...Our God is a Father to those who are orphaned and as christians we have a responsibility to give these children a home and allow them to reach their full potential. I have had all kinds of problems with my children but God has worked many miracles in their lives and it has been a tremendous testimony of God's grace at work in lives that had no hope.

James - as a single 30 year old woman, I'm sorry that I laughed when I read your comment. Statistically it is VERY true that single Christian women outnumber single Christian men

According to the 2000 U.S. Congregational Life Survey1, 69% of single Christians are female. - Got that from a quick google search and found it on http://www.davidccook.com/MRPastors/sam_journal/index.cfm?N=37,94,18,4

So 69% of Christian singles are women. That leaves 31% of men.

So 3 women for every man? Do you still stand by your statement?

Probably so, because your statement screams that you've been hurt and rejected by women - you're the nice guy? Right? Respectful? Honest? Etc.... I would strongly encourage you to get with your pastor and his wife and honestly talk about this situation with them. A lot of times guys think they are nice, honest, respectable, etc... but they come across as needy, shy, reserve or a whole host of things. Get someone you trust to give you a real evaluation of how you come off towards women. Could be that you are completely fine and that God just hasn't brought her to you yet.

To use an ideal (married couple adopting) to say that something that might not be as ideal (single person adopting) should not happen is illogical to the point of being almost ridiculous. There are so many examples of children being raised successfully in single-parent homes (whether through adoption, divorce, or death of one of the parents) that it boggles my mind that anyone would conclude that a single Christian should not adopt.

"No, there may not be passages strictly forbidding single parent adoption but there are passages that show how God intended a family to be."

So, you admit that there are NO passages that forbid single godly individuals from adopting children.

"Those are being conveniently ignored."

Not at all. Everybody here has admitted that it is best for a child to grow up with a mother and a father. Some, however, ignore that it is better for a child to grow up in a loving Christian home than in an orphanage with NO parents at all.

"If you can point out where God did not intend for that, if you can point out where God thinks it's perfectly acceptable to go against the family design, please do so."

So, according to you, leaving a child inside an orphanage with NO parents at all is part of God's ideal design? Nobody's suggesting that single Christians should usurp the children of happily married Christian couples.

"Until then, these kids are being used as an excuse for the single person to fulfill a personal desire."

I'd trust these children to a mature Christian's personal desire to love and care for them than I would to the legalistic Christian's desire to leave these children in orphanage because it's more ideal for them to have no loving parents than to have one loving parent.

"At what cost are you willing to adopt??"

Single Christians are willing to adopt at the cost that it may be beneficial for the child to be raised in a loving Christian environment where they will be taught the love of Christ.

I hate to use the P word, but adding their own traditions to their Bible ("Thou shalt not adopt if thou art single") and following the letter of the law–which I will reiterate is not even found in the Bible–at the expense of mercy to orphans, and ignoring the realities of the world–which even the Bible acknowledges in the many examples others have already provided–in the name of religion? This is pharisaic to the bone.

If you want to talk about scripture then I think the most relevant passage is Matt 15: 5-6 "But you say that if a man says to his father or mother, 'Whatever help you might otherwise have received from me is a gift devoted to God,'he is not to 'honor his father' with it. Thus you nullify the word of God for the sake of your tradition."

The point of this is that we can claim to be following God, but actually using scripture to violate the spirit of what God is saying. Anyone that would claim the ideal of a two parent family is more important than caring for the orphan is ignoring what scripture means. Scripture means we are to care for the widow and the orphan. Two parent families are nice, but are not given priority over two parent families. Single people that adopt are serving God...anyone that says different is not reading the spirit of scripture.

"Single people that adopt are serving God...anyone that says different is not reading the spirit of scripture."

Couldnt have said it better myself. As a single women I took in a homeless kid and he stayed with me a month. It was TOUGH. Anyone who thinks singles are adopting out of SELFISHNESS is crazy. It took SO MUCH SACRIFICE to take that kid in on my single income and in my small home. Plus, he was a former gang member and almost 18, so my parents feared for my life. But, I did it because I knew God was calling me to. And my prayer group prayed over me for days and days, and confirmed it was God's calling. Can you imagine if I'd said, "But, God, I'm single?" o_O?!

And now that I'm married and he's out of the house, he still calls me 'mom,' I still try to steer him in God's direction in spite of his rebelliousness. That is a BLESSING. In a few yrs, when my husband and I want to start our own family, adoption will be at the forefront of our family planning.

Kudos to singles who adopt! And esp to the mom who's husband left after adopting 7 kids. Holy cow! That took my breath away. May God bless you, dear lady!

Just another note in response to

"Until then, these kids are being used as an excuse for the single person to fulfill a personal desire."

My desire to adopt was in no means some sort of Angelina Jolie fad that I jumped on in a whim. I prayed, debated, and consulted Christ for at least a year before I began the process.

I am a single, heterosexual 34 year-old professional Christian with several degrees. I am not opposed to marriage, should I meet that person God has chosen for me. However, even aside from the statistical evidence of a lack of Christian male singles in church, throw in the independence and the terminal degrees, and some guys are immediately going to feel threatened -- at least based on my experience (which narrows that pool down even further). I mean no offense to those who would think otherwise, and am not bragging. It is simply what I have experienced. I also have spent the typical dating years of my life in pursuit of my profession, which further narrowed the field. Anyway, marriage has not been an available option to me, as of yet.

I do however, have the means and the desire to give of myself in this manner. There are SO many children in need, many of which are special needs (like my daughter).

If I am doing it out of a personal desire, it is only to give my time, money, and love to a child who would otherwise not have anything. If I wanted simply to have a child, I would just undergo artificial insemination. Believe me, it would have been a much cheaper and easier process!

I fully intend to raise her in the church, and make Christ a very real influence in her life. And I am comfortable in the belief that its what God wishes for her, and for me.

Those that believe it would be a better choice for me to ignore that need and my desire and ability to do something about it, and to just have let her rot in an orphanage are blind to the extent of the need out there, perhaps intentionally.

To assume I am just fulfilling some need to be a Mommy not only shows they obviously don't know me, nor, as someone else said, the spirit of the scripture.

There, I am now stepping off my soapbox for the night! Night all!

"We desperately wanted to have a baby. But I'm not willing to compromise God's standards on family just to have one."

Wow. That comment stunned me. Are you saying that adopting a child, or taking care of a child not borne by you, is going contrary to what God's stance on families is?

Seriously? Wow.

I'm married. Don't want children for now. But long term, our plans are to adopt. Are you telling me that the desire we have for abandoned children is not of God? That physically not having a child means we would never be a family in his eyes?

I have had that desire since I was young. I've worked with children overseas who would give anything for a parent and a safe home, and to be in a loving parent-child relationship. I've held teenagers as they cried, happy to see their best friend off at the airport to her new family but also in pain because in a month they'll be too old to be legally adopted.

If I was still single and reached a place in my life where I wanted to go ahead and adopt, you betcha I wouldn't be waiting for marriage.

Yes, the best way for a child to be brought up is with a mother and a father. Absolutely. But tell the 12 year old who arrived home one night and had to step over 12 bodies passed out on drugs and alcohol that yes, there's a good woman/man who wants to adopt but he's better off in his situation till a married couple comes along.

Tell the 6 year old who was locked in her room regularly without food and drink until the age of 13 'if only a Christian couple had stepped forward! We couldn't give you to the good Christian woman who really wanted you because hey, God's not going to provide THAT option as a solution!"

If a single Christian has the desire given by God for adoption, has prayfully considered it from all angles, and received good counsel (the same process a married couple should go through too), then good for them.

And if more married couples in the church followed the command to care for orphans, perhaps this debate would be moot.

The prejudice against single people adopting is not a recent thing. It is as old as adoption is. The early Christian churches had many single women in them because women had the right to marry or not marry as their decision. The attitude that women should be married was picked up through the centuries. Adoption of children picked up the cultural attitudes of the place where the adoptee lived. Back in the 50s I inquired about adoption and was told by all government agencies that singles couldn't get babies and older white children but they could get disabled and mixed race children. However,I could get pregnant which back than was a no no or go through a private adoption lawyer which you had to pay for. Singles shouldn't adopt for whatever reason or another has been around for a long time. So has the attitude that a widowed man couldn't possibly know how to raise his children, but his married relatives of course, could. I'm not including homosexuals in this comment as I believe their sexual mores shouldn't be forced on any adopted child any more than a pervert should be forced on any child.

To the writer,

Am wondering, if a beautiful woman like you can't sustain a relationship with a man (assuming that u tried), how will you care for a child???. Is it because this tiny human being is totally dependent on you that you will never have to change your thoughts and principle?

This the crux of single-adoption or gay-couple adoption debate. Generally i find this group of people get into this state of life because of selfishness or self-centered nature.

That's the teaching in the Gospels. It's about giving, not about receiving. Parenting.

Anthony, I don't think your comment to the writer was very respectful. In a way, you're saying she's done something wrong to be single and you're accusing someone you've never met to being so selfish that she couldn't raise children. I hate to break it to you, but I'm really selfish and I'm married. And, guess what? You're really selfish too. The comment above was rude, and I don't think you probably thought about how it could be hurtful to the writer. That's selfish.

That being said, I agree with the very first comment on this post. We can all stop talking. Yes, it's ideal for children to have a mother and a father. We live in a broken world though. After seeing orphanages in Mexico and China, a single Christian woman like Katelyn would be an absolutely FABULOUS second choice.

As Christians, if we're going to be against abortion, we sure better start finding solutions for how to take care of all the orphans in our world.

Ladies and Gentlemen! For those of you who doubted the lack of good Christian men, I give you exhibit A -- the above post from Anthony Alan Lukose!

He, of course, has no trouble keeping them women in line, cause once you hit'em in the head and drag them them back to the cave, those 'lil fillies fall right into line!

Thanks for your positive comments, Heather and Lesley Miller. Just for clarification, it was Julia Duin, not me, who wrote this post.

I'm sure a child would do much better in a single parent home with a parent who loves them, then stuck in an orphanage or poverty.

"As Christians, if we're going to be against abortion, we sure better start finding solutions for how to take care of all the orphans in our world." You said it, Lesley! I am absolutely flummoxed that Christians who claim to be against abortion are also against Christian singles adopting. I guess it would be better to abort those unborn babies than to allow single people to adopt them. Yikes! That kind of thinking just blows my mind.

Certainly one passage to consider in this whole discussion is 1 Tim. 5:14 -- "So I would have younger widows marry, bear children, manage their households, and give the adversary no occasion for slander."

Why does Paul want young widows to marry instead of staying single? Could it be God's design is for children to have a mother AND FATHER?
I'm not sure it would be sin for a single woman in certain situations to adopt. But I think encouraging God's design and the ideal according to the Scriptures is what we ought to be looking at.

First I resent my being single equated with polygamy and bidng gay.

Second, of all the women/ men who commented negatively how many of you have adopted children? and if you have adopted, how many have you adopted? Also how many special needs and/or racially diverse children have you adopted?

Third, how many of you have near grown or grown sons that you allow to defraud christian girls from junior highschool into their thirties. How many girlfriends can your son bring home before you tell him he needs to stop dating and get married now. How dare you project onto the author, that she does not want to get married. No one in their right mind takes solace in the story of Sarah - Getting pregnant at 90? I am not going there.

She is right, singles need to start adopting, just go through secular organizations.

Johnny it could also be that the culture of the time meant that women were not allowed to earn a living outside the home expect for prostitution or slavery. So Paul was suggesting that we not prevent widows from marrying. Which is what the context is really driving at. It certainly does not say anything about preventing people from caring for orphans. It is actually trying to help people not be dependent on the church. So your interpretation is a violation of that idea because keeping children in foster care or orphanages maintains dependence instead of creating independence.

Just a quick side note -- there are many good Christian adoption agencies (like the one I am using) that accept singles, as long as the country you are adopting from allows it. Presently, several countries, such as Ethiopia and Kazakhstan, allow for single adoptive parents.

Domestically, my understanding is that there is a fairly large number of special needs, bi-racial, and minority children who are not even considered for adoption by married couples. There is a great need for adoptive parents in those demographics, regardless of your marital status.

Again, in response Johnny, I think many here seems to agree that a two parent household may be the ideal, especially when choosing to have your own child. But using that verse and relating it to adopting children in need is really a bit of a stretch. And, I think, an easy excuse for those who have chosen not to adopt.

"Could it be God's design is for children to have a mother AND FATHER? I'm not sure it would be sin for a single woman in certain situations to adopt. But I think encouraging God's design and the ideal according to the Scriptures is what we ought to be looking at." Johnny, this very point was already made by many, many others who commented on this blog (I guess a lot of people who post on these blogs never bother to read any of the other comments). I don't think any of us who support the desire of Christian singles to open their homes to orphans are saying that we want to discourage God's design and ideal for the family. We are simply saying that if a single person is unable to find a spouse and has a God-given burden to care for orphans, she (or he) should not be dissuaded from adopting.

Adoption is not the same as having a child out of wedlock. In James 1:27 God tells us that pure religion in the eyes of the Father is one who takes care of the widows and orphens and remains true to the Lord. If God has given you a heart to adopt an orphen then listen to the Lord.

As a note My wife and I have adopted a child out of the foster care system with special needs and having two parents does make it easier to tag team. but if my wife or I passed away the one remaining would not become less of a parent.

May God bless you and guide you

As a single, Christian woman who has always had a heart for hurting children and is doing what she can to prepare for being a single, foster/adoptive parent,
Thank you.

When Scripture admonishes us to "take care of the...orhpans..." it didn't clarify who was being spoken to as only the marrieds.

And thank GOD for generations of single women missionaries who gave their LIVES for orphans! Why is it applaudable for a single woman to serve the Lord and the orphans in a parental role WITHIN the walls of an orphanage, but "God forbid" she take the child HOME with her!

Imagine how much more "successul" mother theresa's ministry would have been if she would have hooked up with a husband before commencing her ministry. ;-)

Also, my comments/reflections became a post of my own - check it out here: http://anotherbe.blogspot.com/2009/09/is-it-right-to-adopt-as-single.html

Thank you, Julia, for your article. It has certainly struck a chord. I must admit, though, that I am diappointed with the way that some of the responses have been less than grace-filled. In the end, we are all seeking to glorify God, right? We aren't going to agree on all issues, but we need to do a better job of valuing others even when we disagree.

I think we agree that, when possible, we should seek to raise children in a God-honouring two parent family that stays together till death do us part. However, we also recognize that the world is fallen. That God's ideal is not always possible. Sometimes one spouse dies, other times a spouse runs off. Sometimes parents are killed in war. Other times, parents are drug addicts. In all these cases, kids need a home. Sometimes they still have a parent or extended relative they can live with, other times a stranger needs to step in to help.

When a family has insufficient resources to care for its own children, someone needs to help - and we certainly see much biblical emphasis urging us to care for those in need. So here I reveal my own bias: As Christians, we need to step up and care for the orphans of the world. I challenge the married couples to consider what this means for them. And as a single woman, I am very pleased to be a foster mom, caring for kids who cannot safely live at home right now. I enjoy it, but it is not easy. I want these kids to also have a good fatherly influence, so I continue to pray regularly for a husband and, in the meantime, I ask several men to build into the lives of these kids.

Is it less than ideal? Certainly! But all I know how to do is to continue to serve in a broken world, seeking to take lots of baby steps towards God's ideals. Seeking to bring His Kingdom one action at a time. To God be the glory!

Wow, such passion when one asks the truth. Since these days truth is relative, what more can one expect.

Ok... how many in this thread speaking for this case will also speak for a single man wanting to adopt a child??? Speak up.

This might be hard for the "feminist" within us. But a child needs a mother AND a father. Not a mother only. Certainly not a mother and mother or a father and father.

Instead of quoting Bible to pander up to our ego, can anyone here care to publish hard statistics about problem childrens from single parent (which is mostly woman led) homes???

Single woman wanting adopt (or even have a child by herself) is mostly wanting to satisfy self. As are guys who impregnate woman and walk away.

Lets not delude ourselves into thinking that a single woman adopting would be the answer to those dingy foster homes.

Ah, Anthony has returned. Nice.
As for your contention that it's feminism that drives this discussion, I think you're just seeing what you want to see. If a single Christian man wants to adopt, more power to him, though I might suggest he adopts a boy. (little girls are tough to raise, believe me!)

After reading your comments, the only thing I get from you is that you don't like single women actually doing anything but pining away for a husband. Sorry, not happening here. And if you are foolish enough to think that people sign up for years and years of work by adopting just to please themselves, just go ahead on and continue to think that. Can't see anything with your eyes tight shut, now, can you?

Too many children have nobody. And I don't think we're going to ignore that just to please you. Serving God by reaching out to abandoned children makes a whole lot more sense.

Sure, here I am, Anthony, speaking up.

Single, Christian men should also be able to and encouraged to adopt. A child is far better off having one loving, Christian parent (male OR female) than living in an orphanage or in the foster care system.

Oh, wait. Does that blow your theory about this being only about women? So sorry.

OK. Good for you, Julia. I went down this path 22 years ago, when it was far more difficult than it is now. I have three adopted, special needs, African-American children who have a family. I've never been married. I wanted to, but it didn't work out. I've realized that God knew me better than I know myself, and wanted these three kids, who had no better option, to have a loving, Christian home. They wouldn't have. We're commanded to "do it for the least of these." Taking children with no options and loving them as your own is about the most Christ-loving and Christ-following thing you can do. And it's the hardest thing you will ever do! I did foster care to adoption, kids removed from their parents for drug addiction, neglect, abuse. They and I live daily with the results of their birth parents fallenness. But we love each other, and each of them loves Jesus. I'm passionate on this topic! Each of these children deserves a loving parent. Two would be ideal, but two wasn't the choice. Their choice was an abusive system or me. It's the hardest thing I've ever done in my life. But to say that I shouldn't have is beyond silly. Julia, write your book!

Darcyjo - :) :) :) :)

Couldn't have said it better myself, Darcyjo. Yep, I am TOTALLY just selfishly investing tens of thousands of dollars (rather than just getting pregnant) for the lifetime commitment of raising a child on my own (such an easy task).

Please.

I don't need to quote the Bible (or "pander up my ego") to show how deeply illogical THAT idea is.

Nor do I need anything to show how sexist the idea is that a woman doing anything without a man present is simply being a "feminist."

I don't have a problem at all with a single male adopting a child. The bottom line is that there are over 100 MILLION orphans out there in need of a home.

What exactly, Anthony, are you doing to help them?

Perhaps you should get that log out of your eye before attacking what you perceive to be the splinters in others.

You are so right Anthony. Just the other day I was in a Russian orphanage.

There was a little girl in dirty clothing, in a metal bar crib with ply-wood mattress. The orphanage was understaffed to the point where there were approx. 15 children to every one worker, so she is lucky if she gets personal attention for 20 minutes a day. In fact, she gets so little attention, she has learned that she must bang her head against the crib bars til a bruise forms to get the worker to come over at all. As she grows up, if she doesn't succumb to lack of proper nutrition or medical services, she will have little-to-no access to education, and Christianity will likely not ever be an option she is allowed to practice openly.

I had the financial means to support her, a church to bring her up in, the ability to love and cherish her. The ability to give her a life.

However, I just had to turn her down. I wasn't married, so I didn't think God would want me to offer those things to her.

Yeah. That makes SO much sense.

One of the earlier commenters deserves a response:

"A Christian of all people should know that God intended children to be with both a mother AND father and there are plenty of passages that indicate how a family should operate as well as examples of families. It truly disheartens me to see this blog author not use Scripture one time to back up why single parent adoption should be encouraged, but instead just pretty much says "I want it so it should be this way." That speaks more on selfishness rather than trusting in God about His clear intention for a family. We must remember to make sure our desires line up with Scripture."

Time for the rubber to meet the road. The ideal isn't always possible.

Check out the entire story of Ruth. For many years Ruth lived with Naomi. Essentially, Naomi took her in; ADOPTED her, when she had no one else. Granted, Ruth was a young woman and not a child at this point. But there's your Scriptural example.

It is the job of the community of the believers to CARE FOR THE WIDOWS AND ORPHANS. Again, there's my scriptural backing. Get over it.

My wife's older sister is unmarried. In fact, at the age of 27, she's never dated in her life. Though she claims she's not opposed to marriage, her path thus far in life has been that of an intentionally single individual. Her desire to adopt children from Eastern Europe comes not from a selfish "I WANT CHILDREN" statement (and how absurd would that be? Having three children myself, there's NOTHING selfish about caring for another human for 18 years straight: IT IS A HUGE SACRIFICE). Her desire comes from a clear and Godly desire to help these children who otherwise will be raised in squalor by a state-run institution.

Some people are simply not called to marriage. Can those same people be called to care for widows and orphans in a very real way? I THINK SO!

Patrick

I am a 34 year old single Christian female serving God overseas. I'm a Bible Translator. Some of the above comments are disturbing to me. I AM living God's will for my life. I do not plan to do so, but I would hate to think some of you think that God would never will me to adopt a child. You cannot know the mind of God. The Bible does not say that singles can't adopt children nor does it anywhere describe the ideal family situation. We do not have an example of the perfect family in the Bible to follow as all the families mentioned in the Bible were all less than ideal and even sometimes an example of what not to do. God still worked through them.

Wow, what a great topic. I am married and have five children between the ages of 6 and `19 that my husband of 22 years just adore and love and try with God's strength to raise in the love of the Lord. I have single girl friends who are believers and always thought they would have children but God has just not brought a man into their lives. I say, as the verse in James 1:27 says- what is true and undefiled religion, to Care for widows and orphans. Now, that may not mean adopt but the idea is there. I also say, pray about it. Ask God about it. You can always help in an orphanage and be like Mother Teresa. If I was not married I would so love to still have my own child to love at home, to nurture in the love of the Lord Jesus Christ...
we need to be on our knees about this and remember in the end to care for the widows and the orphans how God called us to...and no one can tell us how that looks.

Jesus broke boundaries in His time. He "worked" by helping people on the Sabbath...when it was "against" Jewish law to do so...maybe these women are just coloring outside of the box...there is no greater joy than the love a mother has for a child...glad this is even being discussed...

Cornelia Seigneur
West Linn Oregon

I was raised by my Mother after my Dad passed away suddenly when I was 5, and my younger sister was not even 1. She did an incredible job leading us to know the Lord, keeping us involved in church, and creating a healthy home environment for us. Yes, it is ideal for a child to have both a Mother and Father, but there aren't many things in this sinful world that are actually "ideal." Just because we live in a world tainted by sin doesn't mean that we should just throw up our hands and give up on making a difference!

Granted, my situation was much different than being adopted by a single parent, but I think many of the principles are the same. Of course I wish that I could have had my Dad around to help raise me! However, God equipped my Mom to do the very best that she could--and she did a fantastic job. I think that if we were to ask an orphan what they would prefer, 100% of them would rather have a single Christian parent than spend their life in an orphanage or the foster care system.

One discussion that has been slightly missing from this conversation has been the role of the local congregation--if you have a single adult who has adopted, then do all that you can to support them! Offer to help them as much as possible. Bring them meals, pray for them, offer to watch their child when they need a break. If we feel so strongly that children need 2 parents, then we need to step in and do what we can to fill that void for those children who aren't in the ideal situation. We need to really BE the church to those dedicated, single adoptive parents.

"Lets not delude ourselves into thinking that a single woman adopting would be the answer to those dingy foster homes."

Anthony, did you even read this statement before you posted it?

Do you have a clue how ridiculous that sounds?

Wow. Just... Wow.

I think it comes down to motive for the single-person adopting. Are you adopting because you've been hit with the "baby bug" and want a little person to love you and make you feel needed? Wrong. Do you see children in need and living in horrible conditions and have a desire to lift them from poverty and share the love of Christ with them? Beautiful!

Those that are using scripture to say that a married couple are the only ones who should adopt children because that is the way God intended a family to be you have to apply it to the same married couple that, if God intended them to have children he would let them conceive and if not, would it not also be going out side of God's will for them to adopt?

God's greatest command is for us to love one another. No greater love is there then for someone to lay down their life for another. and trust me as a parent (married couple) or parent (single) if you have children you will give up a large portion of your life.

The arguments against single adoption are absurd. Do these people honestly think having no father and mother is better than having one?

Most of the posts on this thread remind me of when my eldest was a senior in high school. We had to move in the middle of the school year, and he was admitted to a small, Christian Liberal Arts junior college - even though he lacked 2 half credits for his high school graduation.

Prior to our move, we asked at the high school if he could transfer grades from his first semester in college in those subjects and get his diploma. The answer was negative. I asked why, and the answer was that his teachers in the college might not have high school certification.

This stunned me, so I asked what they would suggest. They gave me the name of a correspondence school (this was before the internet). So I replied, "Then you would prefer that he have no teacher than a college teacher for these high school classes."

Remember that the search for the perfect is often the enemy of the good. No one has questioned the ideal; many have opposed the good because it is not ideal. This stuns me even more than the government run school system that would not consider accepting credits from a junior college to cover high school requirements.

"I think it comes down to motive for the single-person adopting. Are you adopting because you've been hit with the 'baby bug' and want a little person to love you and make you feel needed?" What about the motives married people have for adopting? Isn't it possible that married couples may choose to adopt for the "wrong" reasons? Speaking as a married woman who would someday like to adopt, why should a single woman's motives for adopting fall under more scrutiny than the motives I may have in wanting to adopt?

I may not be adding anything new to this post, but will give my opinion anyway. I am a young single women, who although, has not chosen life-long "singleness", must prepare that very real possibility. I have spent much time thinking, researching, and most importantly praying about the idea of adoption. The thing that keeps coming to the forefront of my mind is motivation.
Why do I want to adopt? Why do I want a child? Why do I want to be a mother? I had to realize that if my desire was simply to have someone to love and love me back, or to fulfill some societial fad I was completly lacking in the ability to properly take care of a child. I had to deal with my bitterness of not being married, of all my friends gettting married and haivng children. There was a time when I found myself crying in the middle of the baby section of a department store because I realized that the only thing I might ever by there was presents for other woemen. It took me a long time, and A LOT of prayer with giving over my worldly desire/ideas of motherhood to God to get to a place of complete surrender on this topic.
It also took such time to realize that adoption is not an "ideal situation" for parent or child. Adoption in and of itself is the product of an unideal situation. The ideal situation is one where all children are able to stay with both of their parents in a loving, healthy home. But as a loving follower of Christ, is it really so wrong to want to raise an otherwise parentless child to also be a loving son or daughter of Abba Father? In such an unjust world that deprives children of the opportunity to know true love (Christ)I want to know that I was not a stumbling block to this.
I am not the product of a single-parent home, or a dysfunctional home. My father was/is very loving and very involved. If, God willing, I am able to adopt in the future, I know my child(ren) will have supportive, loving, present male influences that will take an invested role in showing such child(ren) what a God-honoring man looks like. And I know many an individual raised by single parents themselves that are surrounded by Christian brothers and sisters that would be able to supply a support system to raising a child as a single parent themselves. We are all the family of Christ.
This does, however, require a great deal of humility to admit I can't do it on my own. It is with the aid of God and His famiy that a chid truly thrives and grows in goodness and knowledge of his/her Creator.It is an unfortunate fact that many people think that because they are married and go to church that they are raising thier children "properly". Is it not of most importance that we realize that without complete reliance on God we are all lacking. God must be at the center of a home. Two loving, well meaning parents are not a substitute. I have various friends who are wonderful people, have loving marriages, and who are wonderful parents. But Christ is not at the center of thier homes of thier lives. Would it be better to place a child with them simply becase both parents are intact? Or is it possible God will bless and equip those who follow love Him and place Him at the center of thier hearts and homes? Single or married?
Unfortuntely I also know many people who have gotten married and had children simply because they think this to be thier Chrisitan duty. Why is it that just because God has blessed you with a spouse (or have otherwise found someone to marry) you are somehow more capable of raising up a child in a Godly manner? What if married couples really asked themeselves the reasons they want to have/adopt children? Does somehow getting married negate selfish procreation? Do all Christian couples who have children do so out of purely selfish love and God's will for thier lives?
Yes, it would be ideal if all children could be raised in loving mother-father homes, but we do live in a fallen world. Children are left parentless due to war, disease, starvation, abuse, and indiffrence. Women and men are single for various reasons. It is no crime, not legally or spiritually. And I truly truly believe that God, in his infinte mercy and wisdom has equipped us to, in whatever capacity we are able, to share His healing heart with those in need. And thankfully I have a family, support system, and faith community that thinks that raising a child in a loving, Christ-centered home is the fulfillment of God's commands not a violation.
"What does the Lord require of you? To act justly, love mercy and to walk humbly with your God"

The post really nice , i like it ,thanks for sharing,thanks for your post, i will keep read your blog everyday!!!!!

This is what makes me love this site This is a very interesting article. I enjoyed reading it.

There is nothing in the Bible that prohibits single Christians from adopting orphans.

Julie-- I would questions the married couple's motives as well. I was just saying that our heart is really the key behind many things. (See Jesus' story about the prayers of the pharisee and the sinner.) I know that there are married couples that want kids for selfish reasons (it will fix the marriage, give a tax break, etc.). That's just as wrong.

i only read a couple of comments, so this may be old input, but the BIBLE says in

James 4:17 - "Anyone, then, who knows the good he ought to do and doesn't do it, sins."

...and i think caring for people in need is a good thing (and something Jesus told us to do)...

simple as that.

I LOVE the fact that unmarried MEN and WOMEN are opening up their hearts and homes to children who need them, whether by serving as foster parents or by adopting. A very dear friend of mine, who is unmarried, adopted a little girl from China last year. Watching her struggle, seeing her heart for the daughter she would someday have, and knowing all the sacrifices she went through before (working two jobs, scrimping and saving every penny she could, dropping out of almost all activities but church and work, etc.) made me wonder if it would all be worth it. And then I saw the pictures that were taken of the first time she met her daughter. And I knew it was all worth it.

As a thirty-eight-year-old single woman, even one who has no desire to ever have children (whether adopted or biological---I received a very clear message from God ten years ago that I'm not called to do so), I've spent the last hour just reading through all the responses to the article. It amazes me how afraid some people are of those of us who aren't married. Many of the most vehemently negative responses to the original article---as well as to the comments/commenters after the fact---have less to do with trying to figure out if there's a biblical basis for singles adopting than they are focused on condemning people for not being married. And until that prejudice has been eliminated from the Christian community, there will always be people out there screaming against anything Christian singles feel God is leading us to do---especially adopting.

I'm single and planning to adopt through the foster care system. I've not heard of couples who have adopted complaing about singles adopting, seems to be couples with bio children comlaining. Would these couples with children rather their children be raised in the foster care system or by a Christian single, if something happened to them.
One side is right and one side wrong. I would rather err on the side of loving a child, showing them God's love; then to turn my head away from this orphan.
I too belive it is better for children to be raised by two parents. If more Christian parents would adopt, this wouldn't even be an issue.

There are options that a single person may not be aware of such as being a Foster parent for a child. There are many children who are available for adoption and this could lead to a fost-adopt relationship. The good thing about this is that the government will pay the foster parent and also provide medical care for the child until the adoption is final. The cost for this type of adoption is minimal.

I would like to say a hearty AMEN to everything Julia said. I am going to the Together for Adoption conference and while I'm sure it will be fantastic, it is still disheartening that there is nothing specifically for single adopting parents. Thank you for shedding light on this topic. May God bless you richly!

The bible clearly teaches that children are better off in a family made up of a mother and father, this is a statement I agree with. But as a single mother(due to a divorce, where my husband left me for another woman) I also know that God promises to be a father to the fatherless. This would apply to the children in the orphanage and the child of the single person. If anyone would have suggested that I give away my son at 5 months old because he would not have a dad in the home I would have been confused. When we trust in God, He is faithful. Has it been an easy journey, well, not always but then it hasn't been for my married friends either. I would not set off to do this alone, but with God we are never alone, so if this is a God led thing then let Him lead. If not ask that you will yield to Him and move with Him. With God as my husband and the father to my child and the help of loving christian friends we have all raised up a wonderful young man who is the top of his class in high school and a great athlete and a great man for his Dad in heaven.

My older sister is 45 and unmarried, but she really wants a child. She's been praying decades for a husband, and still nothing. We're missionaries in Africa and there are so so many children that would be so so much better off with her than they are right now. But I really don't know if me and my family should approach her about adoption. Is it alright Biblically? What do you guys think?

Hello
According to me it is all depend upon a person who is adopting a child. A caring person can adopt a child.Single mother or father can also adopt a child if they really care about a child.

Grammy-winning Christian-music star Steven Curtis Chapman has a long legacy of advocating on behalf of the world’s orphans, and even the tragic loss of his youngest daughter, Maria, has not stopped him from working to help orphans. On November 8, Chapman along with Jim Daly and Dennis Rainey will hold a free, live event in Nashville with one goal: Raising awareness of the more than 140 million orphans worldwide.

Cry of the Orphan will hold this live event at no charge in Nashville, via simulcast and webcast, and for anyone who is interested in broadcasting the event. The live streaming of the entire event will be available at CryoftheOrphan.org.

Event date: 4 p.m. CST on November 8, 2009
Location: Christ Community Church, 1215 Hillsboro Rd., Franklin TN 37069
Online: www.CryoftheOrphan.org

I totally agree with JessicaRee.

And Bill, I don't see any scripture in your statements either? So how can you judge her when you did the same thing?

No one has yet to give any scripture pointing to the Bible saying it is a MUST for there to be two parents in the home to raise a child. Is it ideal, of course!! But there are so many people raised in single homes that turn out just fine. Are we to totally disregard them? God always has a back up plan when things dont turn out the way they are supposed to. This is why we are blessed to have had His Son die on the cross for our sins.

Like the article stated, there are too many orphans out there. There are also obviously not enough Christian MARRIED couples willing to adopt. Someone has to do it and if they won't then I commend Christian singles for being willing to.

I don't not help feed the poor because I lack money myself. If the best singles can give a poor child in need is their self then I commend them for still being willing to do it. If the opportunity for them to get married comes then praise God even better! But knowing the world we live in, this may not ever come for some.

I also think it is interesting that quite a few that are of the opinion only married couples should adopt are coming from men. Could there be some sexist chauvinist views coming through?

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Adoption: Single Christians Need Not Apply

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