Hermenuetics

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Also super similar to my new book, Permission to Speak Freely: Essays & Art on Fear, Confession & Grace which will be published by Thomas Nelson & released in August 2010. You can see some confessions people have mailed in at permissiontospeakfreely.com!

Secrets are good to let go of, confession is one step into transformation and freedom!

Posted By: Anne Jackson | November 20, 2009 12:02 PM

As Michael Horton points out so well in his "Christless Christianity" American Christians easily slip into moralistic therapeutic deism and the thinking that as long as we keep trying to get better, we'll be ok.

Confession to a priest in a liturgical church is all about confession to God. It serves many purposes but the words the priest speaks to one confessing are the words of God and a reminder that it is God who saves us from our sins.

Confessing to just anyone isn't enough. God is our only hope. I'm glad when people recognize "sin" but do we teach enough that only the death of Jesus is enough to cover that sin and free us of it? Or is confession just supposed to make us feel less guilty so we can keep on with what we're doing?

Posted By: Rachelle | November 20, 2009 4:25 PM

Hello
You are absolutely right that confessing to others is good for our spirits and psyches.Yes of course this confessional blogs are a helpful tool.Its really very interesting to read this post about confession that people can do online.

Posted By: curcuma | November 21, 2009 3:55 AM

Katelyn,

Thanks for addressing this subject. I'd like to give everyone a peek behind the reasoning of My Family Secrets. My heart wasn't to provide others with a voyeuristic opportunity; it was to give folks afraid to tell their family secrets a safe place to take the first step.

Dysfunctional family dynamics dictate that the members keep the secrets of that family. Threats, whether overt or covert, keep people from sharing secrets "out there" in the real world.

My belief is that if someone can take one tiny baby step toward disclosure, they may be more apt to take the next steps in sharing with a trusted friend, where the bulk of healing begins.

Another thing I've found with my site is that folks will email me and say things like, "Thank you for letting me share my secret. I feel free." Or "When I read others' secrets, I realized for the first time in my life that I'm not alone."

While I don't believe the Internet is a substitute for community, it can be a place where those who hide painful secrets can at least see that they're not alone. This one truth can enable them to become brave with friends, to share the unthinkable, to be prayed for, to be set free.

Warmly,
Mary DeMuth

Posted By: Mary DeMuth | November 23, 2009 9:39 AM

I helped create a "pro sexual purity" website called Teens Against Porn, and I ran it for 3 years. Our goal was to be a safe place for teens to take that first step of confession, in the online space, and get positive encouragement and feedback from it.

But that was never intended to be the destination.

Our message was consistent and clear, exercise your "confession muscle" here so that it is strong enough to do the necessary heavy lifting in real life when you gain the courage to confess to someone you trust.

We always encouraged our teens to develop a lifestyle of confession. And having a place online to hang out, celebrate each other victories, and grieve each others defeats, was a healthy way to guide our teens in that direction.

peace | dewde

Posted By: dewde | November 23, 2009 10:15 AM

Confessing secrets opens the door to reconciliation (at times), but mostly opens us up to forgiveness from the Lord and a chance to break free of the bondage/burden one carries secretly and alone. We are not meant to handle things alone.

Posted By: Linda | November 23, 2009 10:15 AM

Unfortunately for many with secrets, the Internet is the closest thing to Community they can find, especially when they come from the church. Most Christians loves a testimony--when its over. Hardly anyone is willing to walk through the dark places as a friend.

The body excels at imitating Job's comforters--attempting to explain a person's pain and suffering by directing the blame back onto the one who hurts. God makes His heart on this matter abundantly clear at the end of Job, but most folks don't worry about it. We hit the Rock when God says speak; we want to know whose sin makes a man blind. Leaving room for God's mystery and glory are too passive and antiquated for a generation that must name the disease, define its symptoms, and concoct its cure to stave of fear.

A place to share your secrets without fear of condemnation or lecture is rare and beautiful. Hopefully, it will inspire individual Christians to be safe places as opposed to Magic 8 Balls spewing distorted interpretations of God's heart, and this vision of a "legitimate" community can be realized. For now, places like Mary's provide a much-needed glimpse of the Father's heart and remind us to be like the friends who carry their sick comrade to Jesus rather than attempting to play Him just because we think we've seen and understood how He's healed before.

As for voyeurism, that's going to be with us no matter what. There will always be those who feast on misery and trauma. That should not, however, ruin the purity of confession. It further emphasizes the need for a cohesive, functioning body. Those with discernment can patiently protect and make smooth paths for the weak and wounded, like it mentions in Hebrews and I Thessalonians.

yours & His,
jen

Posted By: Jen | November 23, 2009 10:18 AM

I think the other reason I'm such a big fan of online confession forums or blogs is that such a stark imbalance is present when you evaluate the number of sites dedicated to confession compared to the number of sites dedicated to secrets.

I find it beautiful to see people taking ownership of "Internet anonymity", which has been used as a powerful tool for evil, back for themselves to be used as a tool for good.

peace | dewde

Posted By: dewde | November 23, 2009 10:22 AM

We all agree repressed trauma deeply affects the soul. In the same way the perfume of ozone saturates an approaching thunderstorm, the painful aftereffects of an emotional wound permeate a woman's heart, soul, and mind.

Like Mary DeMuth, I believe that exposing a secret, which has been cloaked in shame and guilt, is a wonderful first step to healing.

Unfortunately, many soul-wounded women don't have a safe environment to do that. And, taught for years to "forgive and forget," many women won't turn to their pastor for help.

While social networking sites and blogs might be guilty of a false sense of community, there is a sense of safety in connecting with like-minded people.

Mary's blog, and other's like it, offer women an opportunity to break the silence. Granted, sometimes that initial step is easier from behind the computer screen. But isn't emotional healing a process, a choice? And isn't that confession a great first step in the choice to heal?

I trust that when God hears our voice, our cry for mercy, he nurtures it and leads us into the supportive, healing connections we need, if we surrender.

I enjoy a connection like this which evolved from an online confession from a young, anorexic, and at the time suicidal woman who had never reconciled her childhood abuse with God.

In the deepest part of her healing journey, she shared with me, "It was when you told your story, I found the courage to tell mine."

My vote: The blog is an extremely useful, healing tool.

Jo Ann Fore

Posted By: Jo Ann Fore | November 23, 2009 10:54 AM

Like any tool, confession sites are valuable if they are used in a biblical and emotionally healthy way.

If someone is completely alone with their secret sin (e.g., porn) or secret sin against them (e.g., molestation), a confessional blog can be a place to begin to come out of that secrecy.

But it is only a beginning. Real healing involves a relationship with a compassionate listener, discerning lies, and deep, honest prayer.

Confession sites also can help people realize they are not alone. The most useful function of group therapy is to discover others like us. Confessional blogs can perform that service of discovering, "I'm not alone. I'm not crazy or weird."

Blessings,
Karen Rabbitt, M.S.W. (Psychotherapist)

Posted By: Karen Rabbitt, MSW | November 23, 2009 11:13 AM

While I would agree that a confessional site for secrets isn't the entire package of healing for the wounded confessing, I would also point out that neither is anything else. Even a prayer of repentance is but one initial foot forward in the walk of faith. I think many great things are accomplished by these sites. By voicing the secret, the timid voice gains authority and strength. The one who has hidden can safely confront their fear, a bold move that only reinforces this pattern of behavior. The journey of 1,000 miles begins with one step. Shall we minimize the smallness of that step or cheer the real leap it is?

Posted By: Leah Morgan | November 23, 2009 11:56 AM

Yes, confession is necessary- not on a web site but to a priest, who alone is commissioned by God to forgive sins. It's why faithful Catholics don't need psychiatrists and our women aren't neurotic.

Posted By: Anna | November 24, 2009 9:02 AM

Priests are "commissioned by God to forgive sins"? Where is that in the bible? Only God can forgive sins, and Jesus came and died to be the ONE mediator between God and man (I Timothy 2:5, Hebrews 8 & 9). Confessing to a priest may be psychologically helpful, "good for the soul," and important for community, but it is not a prerequisite for the forgiveness of sin. We are, now, a priesthood of believers (I Peter 2), having access to communication with God through Jesus Christ.

Posted By: Robyn | November 24, 2009 10:30 AM

While I generally agree with the theological point this article is making, I think you need to seriously consider the potential legal ramifications of "confessing" something on-line. When you share secret information with a pastor/priest, a mental health professional, or a lawyer or a doctor, neither you nor the professional can be compelled to reveal what you have told them (absent extreme circumstances such as a child that's being hurt). Everyone generally understands attorney/client privilege.

But, when you confess to an on-line forum, both you and the website can be compelled by law to reveal whatever your posted if it's related to something in a court case. (Picture a divorce or custody case, and you've confessed on-line to having had an affair, or that you've considered suicide, or you're addicted to porn.) You would be astounded at what information a computer expert (or your snoopy kid) can put together about what you've done on-line.

It's true that the vast majority of what you post on-line will never be discovered (unless you use your name or give identifying information), but if what you are confessing is or could be legally significant, think twice about putting it out there. We mostly accept the small risk of having our financial information hijacked when we shop on-line because, ultimately, money can be replaced, but secrets, once out, cannot be un-known by the hearers of them.

Posted By: Christian Lawyer | November 24, 2009 11:29 PM