Hermenuetics

Comments

"The problem is that when men see anybody not following these laws of gravity, they see them as un-businesslike, and that’s a damaging perception... because women don’t recognize that they are handling things in a way that makes it difficult for their male colleagues."

This is only a problem because men still have the upper hand, the control, the power. Why should women be the ones to change while men dictate the model? Is that what Jesus did? Demand that people conform to the power structures of the world? Maybe the men need to grow up and see beyond themselves and the privilege they enjoy in a patriarchal society.

In addition, I just cannot stand the "directness" stereotype. Yes, I know it's reality. An assertive man is a "go getter," while an assertive woman is a bitch. The double standard exists. But I choose to live authentically, to live out my calling without conforming to the strictures placed on women by the world and patriarchy. I am sensitive to the ways that different people communicate, and will adjust accordingly, but I am not going to play dumb because some insecure man might get his fee-fees hurt.

The bottom line IS respect: it must be given by BOTH those in positions of leadership and by those under them, regardless of gender.

Posted By: Robyn | January 28, 2010 2:57 PM

I think that her point wasn't that you should play dumb, but communicate in a way to be understood. If you know you are going to offend, then you shouldn't say it that way, unless your point is to offend. I agree that the basic problem is that men are in power, but the way to change that isn't to ignore that in most cases men are in power. That changes by getting more women in power.

Posted By: Adam S | January 28, 2010 4:47 PM

So women should play to the double standard, be less direct in their communication because it intimidates men, even though men communicate to women and each other in that manner? Because I'm a woman, I should tip-toe around the men just in case they can't handle direct communication from a woman because they have some misplaced idea that women shouldn't be assertive? Because men are generally more insecure about feeling inadequate? Don't you think that does a disservice to both men and women?

Posted By: Robyn | January 28, 2010 9:20 PM

I understand your anger, Robyn. It's frustrating that women often have to walk on eggshells around some male supervisors. It does do a disservice to both sexes, as well as to the organization as a whole, because so many great ideas get dismissed because they come from a woman.

This interview has done its job -- I'm curious about this book, and I'd like to see what Feldhahn's research has turned up.

Posted By: Pam | January 28, 2010 9:47 PM

I understand Robyn and Christian Lawyer's frustration. But I still want to say that regardless of sex and gender, it is inappropriate to knowingly offend people when you know better. That was the point of my comment originally to Robyn.

And while I don't know any articles about how to better talk to a female supervisor, I do know of articles that say that men and women actually prefer female supervisors to male supervisors. (Although to be fair I have seen studies that claim the exact opposite.)

I haven't read this book, although I put it on my list of "to-read" books. I will say that I read the author's previous book "For Women Only" on male attitudes in marriage. My wife thought it wasn't all that good, so I read it and thought that in general it was exactly right in its understanding of men. The "For Men Only" book on understanding women, she thought was much less accurate about women. So maybe this one isn't very good at describing women either.

Posted By: Adam Shields | January 29, 2010 8:20 AM

Stereotypes are stupid. I have worked and work in male-dominated ministries and in the corporate world, and in all of them my male coworkers are the ones who want to mix personal and work life, and I'm the one who just wants to get the job done and not waste precious time spending hours on personal stuff! As for being direct, I've had to learn to be direct!

As for respecting the boss and not acting like he doesn't know what he's doing - men and women both need to do that if they want to do well at their jobs. Not a gender issue.

Posted By: Suzanne | January 29, 2010 8:20 AM

A lot has to do with personality, doesn't it?
There are some bosses that energize their employees, others that shut them down.
It is very difficult for me to work with a boss/supervisor/manager who gives little feedback/clues whether verbal,or even non-verbal.
I find I mostly adjust my style to my colleague's/boss's personality.
That said,of course,respect and kindness are foundational.
But sometimes, if a man is crude and dense, he can rarely understand anything other than direct and frank communication.

Posted By: Mary | January 30, 2010 9:17 AM

I've had both male and female supervisors and have supervised both males and females. I hate to stereotype anyone, but there are some differences to note. First, I have found job competence to be equal between the sexes. But I have found that men tend to be less emotional in voicing their displeasure, and this may be what was reflected by the suggestion that men don't like directness. In my experience men like respectful directness as much or more than women do. What undergirds many such discussions, unfortunately, is the unspoken fallacious belief that inequality of result necessarily equals inequality of opportunity. Many women are finding that the corporate world is not the wonderful power-broking playground their feminist mentors have suggested it is. The long hours, the time away from family.....it's not necessarily what many women want. They are realizing that you can't "have it all," that you have to make choices. And they are choosing their families first. I don't think that's necessarily a bad thing.

Posted By: Truthmeister | February 4, 2010 3:09 PM

Good article on Christian dating. Thanks.

Posted By: chris | February 5, 2010 11:05 AM

I agree with the position that a lot of women are intimidated by men in the workforce, especially in the corporate world. This is a feild where women are still not encouraged to speak thier mind. There are a lot of injustices that go on in this field, because some men still do not like the idea that women can be as successful as they are in this type of work. The media is the primary culprit of this injustice. There are many commercials where men are shown in a corporate position, or where men's businesses are advertised. There are women's businesses advertised, but mostly you see men advertised as the winner in this field.

Posted By: C. Robinson | April 13, 2010 4:34 PM