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April 19, 2010

Lady Gaga: Champion of Abstinence?

The wave of celebrities touting a "celibate" lifestyle actually undermines the movement.

Laura Leonard

Lady Gaga can make anything cool: Muppets as clothing. Bows made out of human hair. Pantslessness. Abstinence.

Wait . . . what?

gaga-thumb.jpg

“I can’t believe I’m saying this — don’t have sex,” said the 24-year-old pop star in an interview with Britain’s Daily Mail. Gaga, the heir to the Madonna/Freddie Mercury glam-pop throne, known for her catchy dance music and outrageous wardrobe, went on, “it’s okay not to have sex, it’s okay to get to know people. I’m single right now and I’ve chosen to be single because I don’t have the time to get to know anybody. I’m celibate, celibacy’s fine.”

Her message, as the article points out, is more about choice than abstinence itself. “Something I do want to celebrate with my fans is that it’s okay to be whomever it is that you want to be. You don’t have to have sex to feel good about yourself, and if you’re not ready, don’t do it.” She adds, “And if you are ready, there are free condoms given away at my concerts when you’re leaving!” And this, in the context of an interview to promote a MAC lipstick that supports global HIV/AIDS projects — a lipstick Lady Gaga hopes will make women “feel strong enough that they can remember to protect themselves . . . [so] that when your man is lying naked in bed, you go into the bathroom, you put your lipstick on, and you bring a condom out with you.”

Not exactly the champion of abstinence many seem ready to make her.

Part of the problem seems to be confusion over what the word celibate actually means. Take, for example, the “celibate” Ashley Dupre (of Eliot Spitzer scandal fame). "I love sex and I'm very good at it, but I'm saving that," said the former call girl in a recent Playboy interview — complete with 8-page spread. "That's for my future boyfriend from now on. And it will be fabulous."

The word celibate to these celebrities, and in turn their very large audiences, seems to now mean “only having sex with my boyfriend” or “abstaining from random sex.” This is not the traditional understanding of celibacy or abstinence, but by identifying themselves with these terms, these celebrities point out an even more dangerous shift in the public conversation about abstinence. At least when Britney Spears told the press that she and then-boyfriend Justin Timberlake were abstinent, she meant that they were saving sex for marriage. She later admitted she was lying, of course, but at least she knew what the word meant. But if these women are now using the most “extreme” words possible to describe their sexual attitudes — which are not all that close to their traditional definitions — where does that leave actual abstinence? How can it be communicated when its terms have come to mean something entirely different?

A Christian understanding of the term, as Marcy Hintz wrote in “Choosing Celibacy” for Christianity Today last year, involves “a vowed, vocational commitment to the church” and is “a radical sign of fidelity to Christ and his body.” It’s not about putting oneself in a holding pattern while waiting for the right person to come along. It’s about understanding the fullness of God’s plan for sexuality and for each individual as a member of the body of Christ. It’s an ideal rooted in Scripture and a biblical community. To self-identify the movement with celebrities who may not share these foundations inevitably leads to an even more confused conversation.

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These big celebrities are building momentum on a trend already growing among young Christian stars. In January, VH1 aired “The New Virginity,” a special highlighting the rising trend of purity rings and faith-based abstinence pledges among young Hollywood stars: the Jonas Brothers, Miley Cyrus, Jordin Sparks (former American Idol champion), and Adriana Lima (Victoria’s Secret underwear model) have all publicly professed a commitment to save sex for marriage. The special explores the rising popularity of abstinence as well as the tension between these public professions of abstinence and the very sexual personas that often accompany them. Even when the terms are technically correct, as with these stars, there is often a disconnect that clouds and confuses a healthy understanding of sexuality. As these kids eventually transition from child star to adult, they must publicly go through the messy process of growing up, which inevitably leads to mistakes. It’s difficult enough to navigate the messy process of growing up in relative obscurity; to do it with the world watching, in a profession with much pressure to maintain a sexual image, is bound to lead to a few slip-ups. Endorsements aren't intrinsically faulty — children should have healthy role models — but we have to exercise more caution in who we hold up as examples of an ideal.

What do you think? Are celebrity “endorsements” of celibacy and abstinence helping or hurting the formation of healthy attitudes toward sexuality?

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Posted by Laura Leonard on April 19, 2010 9:23 AM

Comments

Celebrity endorsements of celibacy and abstinence is hurting the formation of godly attitudes towards sexuality.

Why do I belive this?

The fact that the Jonas Brother are on the front cover of Rolling Stone magazine let alone their sleazy, seductive poses leads me to believe they are hypocrites.

Posted By: Anonymous | April 19, 2010 2:50 PM

These so called Christian celebrities are hurting the formation of godly attitudes towards sexuality.

Why do I say this? The fact that the Jonas Brothers are on a front cover of a sleazy magazine like Rolling Stones, and also their sleazy, seductive poses all tell me they are hypocrites.

Posted By: Linda | April 19, 2010 2:55 PM

I am not sure that people like the Jonas Brothers or Miley Cyrus are hypocrites --- I question whether or not they really know or understand what "purity" means. They haven't been given a chance to privatively work out for themselves their own boundaries in a community of faith and with people they can really trust. Rather, they have grown into a sexual image (wholesome and pure) that probably will not match with their inevitable entrance into puberty and all the mistakes and explorations this entails, especially as celebrities. I feel sorry for them, honestly. Because they have been placed on a pedestal by consumers and handlers with impossible expectations. they are bound to make mistakes and when they do they will suffer immensely from the back lash as everyone calls them hypocritical (we already see this beginning). Rather than relaying on these figures to be role models for their children, parents should be role models and have open and honest conversations with their children about sexuality and sexual choices. don't expect a 13 - 15 year old teen model to do the heavy lifting for older and wiser adults who should be modeling what healthy god-honoring sexuality looks like.

As a Christian in my late twenties, I also wonder whether the church needs to do a better job of defining "celibacy" --- in our hyper-sexed church cultures we often make celibacy about sex, not about commitment, empowerment, and a sign of devotion that it is. However, the Catholic sex abuse scandal hasn't helped with notions of celibacy. it only feeds the suspicion that an all within marriage/nothing outside marriage approach is fundamentally flawed because it occludes discussion about healthy adult sexual development and meaningful understandings of what the choice of celibacy really is. so in that sense, in a weird way, I think Lady Gaga is right to draw attention to the fact that celibacy is a choice, though I would be the last to endorse her as a role model.

Posted By: rachel | April 19, 2010 3:07 PM

The last time a "Champion of Abstinence" was touted by the gullible Christian media, the title was given to Jessica Simpson. So how is she as a model for Christian marriages now?

Posted By: Andrew | April 19, 2010 7:24 PM

Celebrities like to shock and amaze us. For them to claim that they are 'practicing abstinence' is just another way that they can shock and amaze us. It's all part of the show.

Posted By: Basil | April 20, 2010 11:42 AM

It doesn't work to say the words and adhere to the letter of them. Teen stars aside (they are still figuring it all out), famous people touting celibacy ought to understand what the word means, and then live it. Not to the letter of the law, but the spirit of it.

And that applies to all Christian folks as well. What does it matter if a woman says 'save it for marriage' but then dresses immodestly, behaves flirtatiously, for example. Respecting God's wishes for couples means always being sensitive to the message you are sending out.

And yes, parents are responsible for talking about these things with their kids, but the culture around us still has an impact - it takes a village.

Posted By: Betty | April 20, 2010 12:15 PM

This is an obvious attempt by the Gaga machine to ingratiate herself to parents through the argument of children, who can now defend her by saying, "See mom, she's supporting abstinence!! Now let me listen to her albums." But her music is not so innocent. In fact I analyzed her gender messages, as well as some of her lyrics in terms of the stages of sin.

Posted By: Demas | April 20, 2010 12:21 PM

Linda, if the Bible says "Judge not, lest ye be judged yourself." then why do Christians go around judging others?"

I will tell you why?

Because they are NOT true christians, they are "so-called" christians; and a "so-called" Christian in my opinion is nothing more than a hyprocrite. Now who is the hypocrite?

Posted By: Dee | April 26, 2010 8:27 AM

If you want to stay pure, strive to stay pure. You CAN do it!

Posted By: Anonymous | May 14, 2010 4:30 PM

In an earlier post, someone pointed how Lady Gaga essentially identifies her decision to not have sex for now with her simply not having time for relationships. Of course, she is free to abstain from sex for any, and all, reasons (or for that matter, to have sex for those same reasons). But it's simply hard for me to characterize this as anything remotely like celibacy. Celibacy requires effort, time, and most importanly, the patience to determine the path God is leading the individual to. It just seems like it's as tempting to put sex on the back burner because one doesn't "have time" for it as it is to put God on the back burner for that same reason. This is hardly the disposition necessary for starting a spiritual walk.

Posted By: Jonathan Fletcher | August 3, 2010 2:41 AM

Dee - If you keep reading to the next verse this is how that whole message will read.

1 Do not judge so that you will not be judged.
2"For in the way you judge, you will be judged; and (B)by your standard of measure, it will be measured to you.
3"Why do you (C)look at the speck that is in your brother's eye, but do not notice the log that is in your own eye?
4"(D)Or how can you say to your brother, 'Let me take the speck out of your eye,' and behold, the log is in your own eye?
5"You hypocrite, first take the log out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to take the speck out of your brother's eye.

Basicly it a warning about judging that what ever standard you hold someone else accountable to you also will be held accountable to that standard. Then Christ gives us instructions on how to be in a position to judge by telling us to take care of our short comings first, not every single one them but the fault in question.
For instance if I were to judge someone for having sex outside of marriage and say they were sinning, by I myself was doing the same then I would first need to take care of my sex before marriage issue before I can go to another and tell them they are wrong.
I judge people all the time. I judge whether or not I want them to be an influence on my kids and so on.

Posted By: Ron | February 13, 2011 2:29 PM

I have to agree with Betty's comment. Beware of wolves in sheep's clothing. She didn't say she is abstaining from sex until marriage, and that she was going to be faithful to her future husband, even before she meets him.

She only said it's OK not to have sex because she doesn't have time. This is merely an attempt to throw a bone to the parents and give kids some leverage so that Gaga's music isn't totally banned by parents.

That's my 2 cents.

Jim

Posted By: Attorney | March 20, 2011 6:51 AM

I actually like her approach. She's focused on her career right now and sex is not of primary concern for her. As far as celibacy is concerned, according to what I know, it was introduced by the church in the medieval ages as a way of protecting the church's wealth. I don't really think it has much to do with spirituality, at least in most cases...

Posted By: Stan | June 25, 2011 1:46 PM

I actually like her approach. She's focused on her career right now and sex is not of primary concern for her. As far as celibacy is concerned.I am not sure that people like the Jonas Brothers or Miley Cyrus are hypocrites --- I question whether or not they really know or understand what "purity" means. They haven't been given a chance to privatively work out for themselves their own boundaries in a community of faith and with people they can really trust.go on.......?

Posted By: Rone islam | December 23, 2011 8:54 AM

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