Her.meneutics: Perplexed by the Pill

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« Marriage: A Dying to the Self | Main | Abortion Measures Move State-à-State »

May 5, 2010

Perplexed by the Pill

How birth control pills — which turn 50 this year — led me to believe I was in control of my life and my body.

Amy Julia Becker

The Pill turned 50 this year, and Time magazine commemorated the anniversary last week with Nancy Gibbs’s cover story, “Love, Sex, Freedom and the Paradox of the Pill." Gibbs thoroughly and thoughtfully provides a scientific and sociological history of birth control, while addressing some of the ethical questions raised by the little tablet, swallowed by more than 100 million women worldwide every day. Gibbs sets up a strong contrast in how people respond to the Pill: “Its supporters hoped it would strengthen marriage by easing the strain of unwanted children; its critics still charge that the Pill gave rise to promiscuity, adultery, and the breakdown of the family.”

As a Christian who has taken the Pill intermittently for over a decade, I find myself on both sides of the divide, caught between an ethic of hospitality and of stewardship, between individual responsibility and collective consciousness, between traditional family values and feminist theory. Reading Gibbs's article didn’t answer all my questions, but it forced me to admit that the questions needed asking.

A year or so into our marriage, my husband, Peter, and I went away for a weekend. In the middle of an expensive dinner — both of us content with the “just us”-ness of our lives — I said to him, “Do you ever think about never having kids?”

"All the time," he replied.

We were young. We hadn't had sex before marriage. I wouldn’t have called it entitlement then, but in retrospect I admit that I felt entitled to “my” life with “my” husband. Kids were an afterthought, something that might come, someday, if we felt like it, and if a convenient time arose.

We both eventually changed our minds. We realized that kids are never convenient. More, I wanted to see Peter become a father. I wanted to give something of myself to a child. We wanted to have a family. But although we changed our minds, we didn’t change our perspective on having children. When I went off the Pill, we still thought we were in control.

The birth of our daughter, Penny, when I was 28 years old was our first indication that the words control and children should rarely be used in the same sentence. Penny was diagnosed with Down syndrome two hours after she was born. I’ve written elsewhere about that experience, but what strikes me now is how much my thoughts about using birth control were informed by the idea that my body is in my control. God comes into the picture on my terms. Now, as I worry about the dehumanizing consequences of in vitro fertilization and prenatal diagnosis and the abortion of unwanted babies, I wonder whether birth control is just one step in a staircase of choices that leaves us with the illusion that humans are products to be consumed or discarded rather than gifts given, created, by God.

Christian opinion varies widely on the issue of birth control in general and the Pill in particular. The Catholic Church continues to teach that any form of birth control other than Natural Family Planning is contrary to God's will. Protestants, according to Gibbs, endorsed birth control starting in the middle of the 20th century. Yet while a majority of Catholics in the U.S. use birth control in spite of church teaching, a growing number of evangelicals are questioning the godliness of asserting human control over family size.

Different theological lenses lead to divergent conclusions about whether or not Christian women should take the Pill. First, there is the argument from a stewardship principle. God entrusted us with filling the earth and subduing it (Gen. 1:28). Just as we are are stewarding our health in going to doctors’ appointments and getting vaccinations, so too we have responsibility — before God, and with the guidance of the Spirit — to make choices about the health of our bodies. As women, our bodies can be used to make babies, but they can also be used for any number of other goods. Increased use of birth control has led to greater economic stability, improved health, and greater access to education and careers for many women. And now that we are well on our way to “filling the earth,” choosing to limit family size can be a way to demonstrate care and stewardship of God’s creation more generally.

But another way to come at the question is from the perspective of hospitality. As former editor Agnieszka Tennant wrote for Christianity Today in 2005, taking the Pill may be a way not only to prevent conception but also to potentially eradicate life from the womb. It certainly makes the womb an inhospitable environment for human life. Yet God calls us to an ethic of hospitality — to welcome the stranger, the foreigner, the unwanted one, whomever that might be. To what degree does birth control do the opposite?

And then there’s the biblical witness: that children are a blessing, even a sign of God’s favor. That God is the one in control of wombs opening and closing, that God is the one who knits us together before we are born.

In retrospect, I don’t think it was wrong to take the Pill. But I do think it was wrong to take it for the reasons I did — because of selfishness, and because I wanted control.

We have two children now, and I sometimes shake my head at the younger me who thought life was richer without them. Sure, I long for uninterrupted nights of sleep and days to call my own. Yet I know God’s presence through Penny and William, through the daily obedience of caring for them, through the daily grace of our love for one another. I have learned more about love, I have known more of love, because of our children. Because of these uncontrollable, inconvenient children of ours, I have known more of our God.

Christianity Today magazine has more articles on birth control and the Pill:

A Hard Pill to Swallow | How the tiny tablet upset my soul. By Agnieszka Tennant (November 2005)

Has Natural Birth Control Been Proved Impossible? | Don't believe the media reports, cautions the author of Birth Control for Christians. By Jenell Williams Paris (July 2003)

Make Love and Babies | The contraceptive mentality says children are something to be avoided. We're not buying it. By Sam and Bethany Torode (Nov. 9, 2001)

'Be Fruitful and Multiply' | Is this a command, or a blessing? By Raymond C. Van Leeuwen (Nov. 9, 2001)

Comments

Thank you for this piece. I pray it launches dozens (hundreds, even) of conversations among evangelicals. I, too, bought the lie that my husband and I had the right to plan our family size and timing. It wasn't until after I underwent a tubal ligation after the birth of our third child that we began rethinking our assumptions about reproduction. Though we were deeply committed Christians attending a conservative church, almost all of our peers at church used artificial forms of birth control, and choose to have one partner "get snipped" after the birth of a third or fourth child. We were the same ones obsessing about how to bring our kids up in the fear and admonition of the Lord, but when it came to conception, we functioned as if God had put the choice and power completely into our hands.

I'm now a middle-aged woman, and that tubal is the greatest regret of my life.

Amy Julia Becker said "In retrospect, I don’t think it was wrong to take the Pill." Then to you it was sin if God did not lead you to take the pill it is sin to you. Don't write an article to make others feel guilty with you to easy your guilt. This is a choice for each person and both can be fulling in accordance with what God wants for their life. As Christians we need to stop telling each other what is or isn't sin when it is not stated in Scripture. Thinking we are in control is an attitude that comes in our youth, life teaches us that is not true but it is not sin to take control of our lives under the guidance of God.

The fiancée of a friend of mine, both Christian youth leaders in Virginia, was taken to the hospital in critical condition a few weeks ago due to dangerous blood clots. These clots were formed due to a combination of a) using birth control pills, b) a recent broken bone, and c) recent travel on long haul flights. In other words, birth control pills can be risky and contribute to life-threatening conditions.

As to why my friend's fianceé - that is, not yet his wife - was taking birth control pills, I do not know but my eyebrows were certainly raised.

I question the assertion that the pill has improved women's health. The pill has been shown to have serious side effects much of the time and has been linked to breast cancer, amongst other things.

Personally, I think it is outrageous to claim to believe we are made in God's image and that our bodies are a temple, yet advocate the use of something designed to stop our bodies from functioning the way God intended them to. Just to be clear, I'm not arguing against medical treatment for actual medical conditions. But hormonal changes, ovulation, etc are all normal and healthy parts of being a woman.
If God isn't calling you to have a large family, Natural Family Planning based on modern science does work (it's not the outdated ineffective rhythym method!) and it works with, instead of against, the way God designed women's bodies to function. :)

Andrew,

Birth control pills are used to regulate other hormonal issues besides prevent birth. Do not assume something about your friend's fiancee if you don't know the facts.

Thanks for this article - it's a humbling consideration for those of us who are married without children. Now married 8 years, I certainly resonate with the idea that there will never be a "right time" to have kids (never "enough" financial security, time, etc.)

However, I do want to bring up the idea that this may actually be a valid thought in the current economic downturn. Can a person truly be a good steward by not actively attempting to prevent a pregnancy if they are currently laid off? What about a spouse who has gone back to school and is busy learning a new trade, or one who is dealing with a chronic illness? All three of these apply to my situation, and yet I am still constantly fed the "never gonna be the right time" argument by others. I certainly want to have children and realize that God is sovereign in such a process, but I also believe in human responsibility. Back to the old free will debate!!

Great article.

I hadn't had sex when I got married and I never went on the the pill because I had read materials (especially by Randy Alcorn) stating that it was an abortifacient, which if it failed to prevent conception, had a second mechanism that thickened the uterine lining thereby preventing the embryo from implanting. So one could have an early term abortion and never know it. I also was wary of artificial hormones, especially since I had always been quite healthy, and really didn't want to alter my body's chemistry.

I used Natural Family Planning (NFP) between our first two children, and then after our third, my husband agreed to a vasectomy--bless his heart. Seriously, though, it's a minor procedure and there is no risk of fatality, unlike with a woman getting her tubes tied (1 in 50,000 chance of death).

Before we made this decision, I encountered quiverfull philosophy (QF), especially prevalent amongst homeschooling evangelicals (of which I am one). It says that even using NFP is playing God, so it goes even beyond the view of the Catholic church in that the only "birth control" allowed is the natural spacing sometimes offered by breastfeeding.

(just in writing that, I'm realizing it should be called "conception control")

My pastor tells me a quiver is 6 but the Duggars seem to think it's infinity...and so do all the other QFers I know. My perspective is that God is bigger than birth control. If he wants my husband and I to have another baby, he can still make that happen (I've known people who've had kids years after a vasectomy, which unbeknownst to them, naturally reversed itself). No birth control is full proof, so God's sovereignty still prevails.

But if it's the attitude we're discussing, then we'd have to apply this to all sorts of areas of life where, seemingly, God gives us choices. Just sticking to the topic at hand, we still choose *when* to have sex...unless of course we (and this often accompanies QF philosophy) are in a legalistic patriarchal marriage where the husband's will is supreme...not unlike a Pope...but even in that case, a human being is deciding when he or she feels like having it. If we're really supposed to be procreating whenever possible, then how could it be based on something so arbitrary as our moods?

To the author: Thank you for this piece. I cannot tell you how thrilled I am to see thoughtful consideration given to this subject rather than the default to "responsible" family planning or "one for me and one for you and thank God we're finally through!" thinking that seems so common in Evanglical circles.

To Elle...

--My pastor tells me a quiver is 6 but the Duggars seem to think it's infinity...and so do all the other QFers I know.--

I think actually, QF's would say a "quiver" is full when their "Commander" (Creator God) determines that it is. For the Duggar's that's nearing 20. For me, it appears to be three for the moment. It's different for each family because God's purpose for us is different.

I would also like to say--rejecting birth control (either partially or wholly) does not imply "procreating as often as possible". It is to be open and accepting of the fruit of the marital relationship in the form of children. If a couple is loving each other as they should, there will be opportunities for that openness to bear fruit. Whether it does, and when it does...that's God's realm of authority, as he is the one who creates human beings and gives them eternal souls for His glory and His purposes. You'd be surprised at how many people don't "protect" themselves against conception and still find years passing between the births of their children. The Duggar's are a rarity, even for non-contracepting families.

I don't mind differing opinions. I do think it's important not to assume motive and to be accurate about the beliefs you're disagreeing with.

Sue rightly points out that women take the pill for many health reasons.

I did not start taking the pill until a few months before my marriage. In retrospect, I think part of me was worried about the judgment of some Christians who might "raise their eyebrows" at me, thinking I was having premarital sex, when I wasn't.

Once I began taking the pill, my health improved in several ways. Although I'm very aware the results aren't the same for every woman, I wish I had begun taking the pill a few years earlier.

Toward the pioneers and inventors of the birth control pill, I feel gratitude. I know they weren't all Christians, and I wouldn't agree with everything they believed. But I feel grateful to live in a time when my husband and I are able to delay childbearing for several years to focus on discovering our God-given gifts and talents in the workplace and our communities at this time in our lives.

We consider ourselves "open and accepting of the fruit of the marital relationship in the form of children," as Margaret puts it. We hope to have children some day, if it's God's will. But we're also using this childless time in our marriage to further God's kingdom in other ways.

tMrs. Becker,

Thank you very much for the article. This is something my wife and I have been struggling over and are still undecided about. The big question for us is whether it is a sin to take something that could kill a developing child in her womb, i.e., abortion. If elective abortion is murder, then wouldn't taking the Pill be, at the very least, child endangerment, and if an abortion is caused, manslaughter? With that kind of risk, how is the decision to take the Pill a matter of conscience?

Re: Elle M's comment, she raises a good question: aren't all forms of family planning "taking control" to some extent? I don't buy the line that "taking control" under the guidance of the Word of God and the Holy Spirit is a sin (then it's obedience, not rebellion!), so I wouldn't buy into the QF philosophy. But it does seem one should be consistent.

Glad to see CT addressing the issue. The main and plain moral dilemma is that the pill highly increases the risk of terminating a fertilized egg, which in Christian thought is as much a person as me.

So I've been thinking about this topic, too, as a result of that article. I was married when I was 23, my husband and I didn't have sex before marriage. I was on a form of the pill for about a year and a half (and to the previous commenter, I started before I was married, while engaged, because I wanted my system to be regulated before marriage) and had my son three days after our second anniversary.

A few things first: I was unaware of this third potential way that the pill can work, but after doing more reading I've decided that I will not use the mini-pill, but am fine with hormonal birth control (please do some more informed reading on this issue if you have questions - I think that this is a matter of conscience and something a couple has to decide together). Also, I do not believe that "being fruitful and multiplying" is a command (as some say). To say so would be to say that the infertile are in sin, or that there aren't circumstances where birth control is wise (illness, missions to a dangerous place).

I think that the biggest issue I see with birth control is that the conversations about it aren't had. It's understood that you wait til you're "ready" but how many of us talk about when that is? How many of us are actively preparing for parenthood, and how many of us do it before we are married, while engaged? Now that I am 26, I have a lot more married friends. But now the majority of them are in graduate school, with the exception of a few, all are putting off children. Why? Fear? Uncertainty? I don't think it's wise to jump into a situation just to prove you're not afraid, but then I read about women who waited and ran into fertility issues who kick themselves for not just having plunged into parenthood.

That said, I don't believe that we had a "different" child than we would have if we had waited longer or not. And right now, as I am in graduate school, I know that we want to wait a specific amount of time to allow me to finish without two children. I am fine with that because I know that God has given me the gift of starting this degree and that it will be used to honor him. And when the time comes, so will our second child, whose timing will not be outside of God's plan or love.

Basically what I'm saying is do what you want to (within reason, I don't believe in abortion, for example) but do it with your eyes open, in prayer and trust in God and in communication with your spouse. And then it is so important to publicly talk about this gracefully. How we trust God and when and with what is an issue of maturity and growth, and I know that I'm certainly not quite perfect yet!

I have always found this to be a difficult issue. As a college student I actually befriended the authors of the 2001 articles on this site (went to college and studied under Raymond Van Leeuwen, contacted the Torodes by email) to ask more questions. I can't believe that was so many years ago.

(quick aside, the authors of the "Make Love and Babies" article and the book "Open Embrace" are no longer in any way representatives of their former opinion. It's well-documented, google their names, and I'll leave it at that.)

3 kids and a vasectomy later, my wife and I have no answers. We used to think we did, but any line-drawing in this realm is too difficult for me to do. I liked the hard-line stances of the Catholics, the QFs, and also respected those who were fully comfortable and able to defend their use of contraceptives. Me? I'd like to say I'm happy I don't have to worry about this anymore, but as commenter Elle points out, sometimes these vasectomies naturally reverse themselves. Stuff just grows back together.

The best any of us can do is admit that we're not in control. I "played my hand" so to speak, asserted my will and control by getting the vasectomy. God/nature can fight back if they want.

Thought provoking article, though the author seems to have arrived at a somewhat conflicted resolution: she believes that she was not wrong for taking the Pill... but she's sorry that she did.

I'm grateful that more of my evangelical brothers and sisters are starting to question the legitimacy of introducing foreign substances into our bodies and/or mutilating them to retain some semblance of control over this most intimate part of our nature as human persons, but I think this article fails to address the real root of the contraceptive mentality: "I must have my way, at any cost."

As Christians, our responsibility is to our Creator and to His plans for us, particularly in the area of sexual intimacy and procreation. If the Pill had indeed ushered in an era of stable family life, a more moral society, and fewer "unwanted" pregnancies, we could be having a different conversation right now... but it has in fact encouraged just the opposite: promiscuity, divorce, infidelity, abortion, and the breakdown of society - beginning with the family.

I would suggest that everyone take the time to read Pope Paul IV's brief and brilliant treatise, "Humane Vitae," to gain a clearer perspective on the issue.

Thanks, CT for appreciating the truth and sharing it.
Surrender is the life of a God's children. I am so glad my husband is listening to his Master. God's blessings to Amy Becker. Some of our Catholic friends hold life more sacred than we evangelical "justified by grace alone" people.
The lining of the womb is changed by the hormones of the pill(chemicals) making it so the FERTILIZED baby can not implant.

Actually, the birth control pills work by a combination of factors. The hormonal contraceptive usually stops the body from releasing an egg from the ovary. Hormonal contraceptives also change the cervical mucus to make it difficult for the sperm to find an egg. Hormonal contraceptives can also prevent pregnancy by making the lining of the womb inhospitable for implantation.

The first two factors usually prevent an egg from becoming fertilized in the first place, so no, it is not killing an infant every month. The egg is often not even released.

While I respect the viewpoints of this author in their own life, I have to say our understanding of "stewardship" has led us to use birth control (both hormonal and permanent) in order to be good stewards of God's creation. Instead of birthing more children into an already overcrowded world, we adopted children that were in need of a home. God called us to parent, but not to give birth. We don't see this as "controling" our lives or side stepping God's will, but using the scientific advances He has provided us so we may care for his creation--the widow and the orphan.

I agree that this is an excellent article about the Pill. And there have been some good theological discussions going as a result. My concern with this article is about birth control in general. It seems to me that any type of birth control give a feeling of, even a false sense of control. Yet, while intimacy in the biblical context of marriage is a gift from God, what if that intimacy produced a child every time? Conception in love without the ability to provide in love for a life is a difficult place to be in, and God calls us each to be good stewards of what He has already blessed us with in life like our marriage, our jobs, etc (not just the future or potential blessings).
I totally agree that in anything, we have to remember that God is in control. I would even go as far as saying that no conception every occurs that God does not allow. God does require His children to use wisdom. God has allowed birth control for a reason. Maybe it would better be labeled "birth avoidance" instead of "birth control". Either way, we need to submit our every thought and action to the Lord and be willing and obedient in His response, even in our intimacy.

Thanks everyone for your thoughtful comments on this article. I won't try to respond to every point that has been raised, but I do want to thank Tracy for pointing out the possibility of following the Spirit's lead to adopt children rather than conceive them biologically.

On a separate note, I will add some clarification to our story. After our daughter Penny was born with Down syndrome, I had two miscarriages. They were very early, but miscarriages nonetheless. In light of my track record at that point--of the three babies I had conceived, two had died within weeks of conception and one had an extra chromosome--I went back on the Pill in order to do some medical tests and also to deal with the emotional and spiritual issues all these pregnancies had raised. As I mention in the article, I think I was wrong to use the Pill for the reasons I used it early in our marriage. But after Penny was born, I was using it for very different reasons--to give time for us to heal and gather information while continuing to experience intimacy in marriage. I do see that as an example of stewardship, even though I know it ran the very small risk of preventing the implantation of a fertilized egg. I was willing to run that risk in light of what seemed like the greater risk of further miscarriages. I share all of this simply to underscore the fact that these issues are complicated and need to be discussed in the context of a prayerful Christian community without quickly jumping to black and white conclusions. Thankfully, all the tests came back "normal" on my husband and me. We were able to conceive our son when Penny was almost two, and we hope that our family will continue to grow.

I would also like to voice along with others that the pill is not merely prescribed as a form of birth control. My doctor put me on the pill to regulate and ease the suffering of a very painful cycle due to potential endometriosis. I was a freshman in a Christian college and you can bet the very first thing I did was explain to my roommates so they didn't have raised eyebrows as the earlier comment.

That being said, my personal belief is that I serve a sovereign God. If His plan is for us to get pregnant, it will happen whether or not I am on birth control. We are also supposed to be good stewards and I believe that if you do not have the financial standing to support 20 children then you should have a plan to not be as fruitful as to bear 20 children.

In the end though, this is an issue that each couple needs to deal with individually and seek God's will for them. We shouldn't judge others based on what God's will is for ourselves.

If this issue were about cancer, how many people would sit back and say that they wouldn't or couldn't use medicine because the cancer was God's will and to use any therapy would be to take control away from God? I say few would do this. Using birth control is fine, if a couple prays about it first of course, because I find nothing in the Bible that prohibits it.

I was on the pill from age 16 till just recently at age 44. I was told that it was the only way to reduce the terrible menstrual pain and heavy flow I had during my cycle. Doctor's only fix the symptoms of this, not the cause. I have just recently started seeing a doctor who practices both general and holistic medicine and he has found that birth control pills have depleted every good mineral in my body and have created bone depletion as well. They are extremely unhealthy for you. If you are on these for this reason, please seek other methods so that you are not forced to live like I am now in my 40's with immune system problems as well as bad intestinal flora. I am getting healthy now through major vitamin courses, but with I new how bad these pills were before I took them. God wants us to take care of our bodies always so we may serve Him more fully as is His wish for us in this world.

Also, as an aside, Mark Driscoll has a great sermon on youtube on birth control. It's not comprehensive, though it tries to be, and he encourages much more research, but I really think he did a great job of giving a human voice to a lot of the perspectives, the good and bad about those who choose to have as many children as possible and those who use birth control. It's not my definitive opinion, but it's a good starting point, I think.

I agree Sandra, to just leave the number of kids you decide to have "to God" and do no kind of family planning seems to be very disingenous. So if you end up with 10 kids and not the resources to take care of them, will you blame God for that when there are ways of preventing having 10? It's like not taking a drug for a treatable disease and saying if God wanted you to be well He would heal you and if not, oh well it was not meant to be. We must employ wisdom.

This is not to say we look at kids at a burden to be avoided but neither should we lionize a philosophy that all family planning is bad and contrary to the laws of God. Perhaps He would prefer some of us adopt to take some children out of orphanages or we might conclude we need less children to have more resources to give to others. There is no one size fits all approach.

"The Pill" is a documented abortifacient, it is not a contraceptive as some people think it is, all professing Christians should not use it. Randy Acorn has written a book on it, here is a online short condensation of his book:

http://www.epm.org/artman2/publish/prolife_birth_control_pill/A_Short_Condensation_of_Does_The_Birth_Control_Pill_Cause_Abortions.shtml

No Christian should be using "The Pill", it kills baby humans.

It's also documented that it prevents release of the ovum and that it changes the cervical mucous. It's good to know that Randy knows more than the pharmacologists out there.

For anybody interested, Pastor John Piper has an excellent article dealing with these questions:

1).Is birth control consistent with the truth that children are a gift from the Lord?

2). Should we let God determine the size of our family?

3) Should natural family planning be preferred to "artificial contraception"?

You can read article here:

http://www.desiringgod.org/ResourceLibrary/Articles/ByDate/2006/1440_Does_the_Bible_permit_birth_control/

50 years and counting, the question still is worth asking: What is the price of the Pill?

In considering the cost, I found your candid perceptions powerful, especially:

". . . what strikes me now is how much my thoughts about using birth control were informed by the idea that my body is in my control. God comes into the picture on my terms. Now, as I worry about the dehumanizing consequences of in vitro fertilization and prenatal diagnosis and the abortion of unwanted babies, I wonder whether birth control is just one step in a staircase of choices that leaves us with the illusion that humans are products to be consumed or discarded rather than gifts given, created, by God...."

Thank you, Amy, for posting your deeply considered reflections.

Here we are at a crossroad.
Our lips say:
It is written that the LORD will not put on us more than we can bear.
So does this only cover some things in our lives or all things in our lives?
What does "Trust GOD" mean to you, if you feel that it is your decision to say when you can or will have children or how many children you will have?
Doesn't GOD know what you need, what you can handle?
As a matter of truth, HIS First Command to man (that means male and female, ladies) was to be fruitful.
And ever since that time, satan has done everything he can to confuse us with feminist thinking and the 'it's my body and I'll birth if I want to' syndrome.
Yet we wonder why there are so many female related health issues?
Hmmmm.....

Hi there
Well, as a born again Christian, married with two children I can say that taking some form of Birth control can certainly help some couples. We were not christian as such and lived together in sin for 3 years. I was 26 when I fell pregnant with my first daughter. We got married 5 months after she was born. Now we then decided that due to the nature of how the Pill worked, that we would use an age-old abstinence and counting days method. This worked well and when we decided to have our second daughter I fell pregnant quite easily, 3.5 years later. I did land up having a full hysterectomy a few years later. We made huge mistakes and I can tell that my advice would be to use a natural method until you're ready emotionally for a child. Children are a blessing from God, but unless your relationship is strong and happy and settled you are not doing the right thing by having children too early. It's a maturity thing. My husband was not emotionally ready at 26- he's the same age as me- to take in the full implications of what having a wife at home and a baby to support meant. We would have got married first and had a few years together building our relationship before having children.
We tried an IUD twice and had two miscarraiges- after getting married, I did not realise that the baby was formed first, then aborted in uterus. That was when we chose to rather not use any chemicals etc.
If you feel you're not ready for a baby, then you're probably not. You will both know when the time is right.

Randy Alcorn's scare tactics to control women's bodies are appalling.
Ignore him for your own mental health. Please.

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