Her.meneutics: My Encounter with Mental Illness

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August 26, 2010

My Encounter with Mental Illness

College is a seedbed for depression. Here's what Christian campuses can do to help.

Marlena Graves

My freshman year, I spiraled into a clinical depression triggered by an off-campus move. That semester, my lack of finances required moving from the dorms into an apartment across the street from the university. There, I lived rent-free with a generous elderly woman. Yet I felt like an outsider looking in as daily I’d peer out the window at students walking to and fro.

Although I lived in a cloud of mental confusion, somehow I managed to attend classes and chapel. For over a year, I daily fought back a stream of tears that threatened to publicly out me. I thought I was crazy; my only relief was sleep. So I slept a lot. And I loathed myself. Even though I prayed and read Scripture daily, I felt numb, isolated, and alienated — damned. It felt as if God had fled. Although surrounded by several thousand professing Christians, I was too ashamed and embarrassed to tell others except a counselor and superficially a few others. For the most part, no one seemed to notice. I contemplated suicide.

Because of the fervent prayers and encouraging phone calls of my younger siblings, Kenny and Michelle, I clung to life. Day by day they ministered God’s grace. And, thanks be to God, I started the climb out of the lowest rungs of hell late in my sophomore year.

Yet I know that not everybody makes it. And according to one report released last week, the number of college students struggling is growing. At an American Psychological Association meeting, John Guthman of Hofstra University reported that, based on a sample of over 3,000 U.S. students, the percentage of students with moderate to severe depression rose from 34% to 41% from 1998 to 2010. Relatedly, the number of students on psychiatric medications went from 11% to 24% in the same period. (Conversely, the number of students who said they had considered suicide within two weeks of counseling went from 26% to 11% in this period.) Guthman said the rise isn’t about increasing stress loads — though that’s a likely factor — but about more students with pre-existing conditions attending college, and their increased willingness to seek help.

Here at Cedarville University, in an anonymous survey conducted by Student Life, 33.2% percent of students reported dealing with depression at one time or another during their college experience.

As a resident director, I share dorm life with 154 women, and many confide in me. And because of my experience, I am sensitive to signs and symptoms of depression. When I notice signs or am told someone is depressed, I gently inquire about her well-being. If she opens up, I suggest she see a campus counselor and take full advantage of the resources available here. I encourage her to share with safe persons within the Christian community, here and elsewhere — to suffer within community and find hope and perhaps healing in the midst of it. I pray that she’ll know the love of God — that she isn’t alone in the deep sadness; that Christ’s body suffers with her.

In her book Darkness Is My Only Companion: A Christian Response to Mental Illness (Brazos, 2006), Kathryn Greene-McCreight, an Episcopal rector and professor who has battled bipolar disorder for years, notes, “The mentally ill are one of those groups of handicapped people against whom it still seems to be socially acceptable to hold prejudice.” Because of the stigma associated with depression and other mental illnesses in the Christian community, it can be difficult to persuade my girls to see a counselor. Many consider it embarrassing to walk into Counseling Services. If a counselor suggests that they talk to University Medical Services about a prescription for an anti-depressant, a good number hesitate or flat-out refuse.

Some indicate that neither they nor their parents believe in psychology or anti-depressants. Depression, they maintain, results from personal sin or demonic oppression; if they’d read the Bible and pray more, they’d be healed. One young woman with bipolar told me she didn’t want to worry her parents. She’d continue to go to counseling, she said, but she couldn’t risk her parents finding out, as they surely would if she sought a prescription for her condition.

In some cases, depression is caused by personal sin, life circumstances, poor nutrition, other illnesses, demonic oppression, or some combination thereof. In those cases, repentance, support from the Christian community, the spiritual disciplines, the care of a physician, pastoral counseling, and medication (when necessary) are invaluable. In other cases, depression and other mental illnesses arise from a biochemical imbalance, often one that runs in families, like my own. In such situations, medication can serve as a form of God’s grace.

Christian colleges should aim to create an environment where students who need help feel free to get it, thus releasing them from stigma. And we need to observe and take action. If a student drops out of class or an organization, if she is failing, or if her overall affect drastically changes, faculty and staff should consider inquiring about the student’s well-being. Upon discovering a struggling student, ideally they’d help that student seek counseling and/or academic support. In addition, they could encourage the student to share his/her struggles with a student life dean, resident director, pastor, and trusted others, forming a web of support.

A Christian campus community has the unique ability to offer holistic counsel and even pastoral care to suffering students. It’s inexcusable that we often lag behind secular institutions in addressing mental illness. In the spirit of Jesus, let’s step up and offer our students the care and support they need.

Comments

Minor clarification: the Guthman study only looked at a sample "of 3,256 college students who accessed college counseling support." So 41% of students who are *seeking counseling* are battling depression-- not 41% of college students overall.

I too struggled with deep depression during my college years while enrolled at a Christian university. Marlena, thanks for challenging us to do our part to remove the stigma and to make our campuses and churches more honest healing communities. Hopefully this article will make it easier for our brothers and sisters in Christ to request and receive help.

Carl Ruby,
Vice President for Student Life
Cedarville University

This problem often continues into adulthood, and people won't seek help for depression or burnout because somewhere this will show up during a job search.

I'm wondering whether it's college students in particular, or rather young adults (I do understand that not all college students are young adults, but many are), who struggle with depression. College students are in an environment where help is available to them. That's not always the case for young adults who aren't in school.

In any event, there is nothing Christlike about condoning circumstances that foster shame and silence in the face of illness or trauma. Thanks for modeling a way to come alongside a young person in need.

I'm writing this comment anonymously because I don't want my candor to come back to bite me during an internet search.

I am bipolar and have suffered horrible, months-long periods of depression, starting when I was a teenager. College was when things became so bad that I finally sought counseling at my Christian college. I contemplated suicide, had an eating disorder, put myself in stupid situations; thankfully, God protected me from some of the worse things that could have happened in these situations.

Even though I am considerably better thanks to good medications, I still struggle.

The Christian community in general does not know how to respond to mental illness. As Kathryn Greene-McCreight noted, it's still socially acceptable to discriminate against those with mental illnesses; that stigma kept me silent for years. I didn't open up about how chaotic my mental state was during my pregnancy for months; then, when I finally did open up to close church friends, sharing my bipolar II diagnosis, I was pretty much rejected. (I no longer attend that church; I've found a church where it's a little more acceptable to talk about depression, etc.)

I'm writing this anonymously because I'm seriously seeking publication but do not have a publisher or agent for my book. At a marketing seminar I attended, one of the leaders told me that I needed to keep my diagnosis to myself until after I had a book deal. Oh, did I mention that my novel is about mental illness and suicide? Yet I can't talk on the web about what life circumstances drove me to write this book. Ironic.

In reply to L, I do understand your need for anonymity and I will comment in the same way. My heart goes out to you truly, as I follow in very close footsteps. The desire to be open and honest and breathe truth is but an illusion in most churches. College and in particular Christian colleges can be a brutal place if you are experiencing depression at any level - I have lived it. To suffer in this way is a type of pain that very few understand. Still as an adult I find little understanding and still need counseling to keep going. I travel over an hour one-way to those appointments so as to maintain my privacy. Where is the church in all of this? The same place most people are, afraid, uncomfortable, ready to stigmatize and judge. I can relate to all you have said and would love to read your book as I am sure that I would find myself on many of its pages. How amazing that the world can accept and allow for problems like this with understanding and open minds and yet the one place where grace and mercy and love should meet for all, it is tragically lacking.

Many people with depression, or other kinds og mental suffering, are victims of abuse in childhood (like incest and corporal punishment). The perpetrators are sinners indeed, but most of them never take any responsibility for the suffering they have caused.

I think Christian leaders should preach to these people about repsonsibility.

Mental illness is a DISEASE. It is NOT a personal failure. If someone had diabetes, would anyone say that they shouldn't take medication? Or if someone had cancer, would anyone tell them it was sinful to get chemo? Mental illness is caused by physiological factors, in addition to environmental and spiritual factors. This has been PROVEN through brain scans of mentally ill people before and after treatment. It is a fracture of the mind/body/spirit harmony. Medication is often necessary in order to get the body to the place where the person is able to deal with the mind and spirit issues.

This issue is important to me. I just got home yesterday from hospitalization for severe post-partum depression. I was suicidal. But with the help of medication, therapy, and prayer, I now have hope that I can heal and recover.

People need to be careful what they say to those who have mental illnesses because their lack of understanding and support can push someone over the edge.

Also, I would like to STRONGLY recommend the book "Living Beyond Postpartum Depression" by Jerusha Clark to anyone who is suffering or knows someone who is suffering from PPD.

My 18 year old son just took his own life after a year of Bible College. I honestly believe that for him as he struggled with growing bipolar symptoms he felt he couldn't live up to the standards of being a "good" christian. He didn't want to be labeled as "mentally ill". He felt he couldn't fight it anymore. This subject is a life and death one for many people. I hope that your book will have a wide audience and God will use it.

Thank you so much! This really struck a chord in me. For whatever reason, dealing with depression and existential confusion is an isolating experience at my Christian college campus. I'm lucky to have friends and professors who are willing to listen and help, but I wish it was something the entire body of Christ responded to with love and understanding. We should all be genuinely affected by those around us and willing to listen- regardless of whether we have experienced these feelings or not.

Thank you for this article. I too know someone close to me who is struggling with all of the issues raised in the article.

Though I'm sure the stigma began long before Jay Adams and Bill Gothard, their emphasis on right living and dealing with sin as the cause of our problems, in my opinion, had a lot to do with the ineffectual acceptance of depression in my generation.
Happily, I managed to "name it and claim it", depression that is, when I finally realized what was wrong in Bible College in the mid-70's.
A friend helped me see that the Puritans and many church fathers, (no doubt mothers too) had also led lives of quiet desperation.
However, it took until the 2000's until I realized that I should actually go to a Psychiatrist!
Family doctors prescribed medication, Christian Family counselors,therapists counseled me,etc. etc., but a dear Christian Social Worker suggested I might be helped by going to a Psychiatrist!
What a wonderful breakthrough when I was finally diagnosed correctly!
I may be on meds for the rest of my life, but God has blessed me through them, and keeps me in His grace! No stigma here!

To Anonymous Mom-I'm sorry you're going through such a horrible time. I had postpartum depression after my 2nd pregnancy. I'm very fortunate that I've never been hospitalized, though there have been points when I really should've been. Hang in there. Many, many women have problems with this, so you are not alone! (Since I've been open about my struggles at my current church, I've had several women confide in me about their own issues. In one case, I recommended my own psychiatrist, and now my friend is going to him.)

To Wendy- Honey, I am truly grieved to hear about your son's death. I pray for comfort for you, that other Christians would reach out to you, and that this would be a wakeup call for others at this Bible college.

To Mary--I was heartbroken when I realized that I would be on meds for an indefinite period, and then I realized that if they helped, they were a blessing. I can be a better wife and mom when I'm stable. Like you said, God has blessed me through them. And isn't it wonderful that there are researchers who work so hard to develop medications that can help with ALL illnesses?

To everyone else--Thank you for sharing your stories. I pray that everyone can find a church like my current one, where (most) people are (fairly) accepting of my mental state. There's always going to be people who judge me, but that's their problem, not mine. Man, I really wish I felt free to share my name so I could reach each of you personally. Blessings on you, my friends.

Praying that someone sees my question - I'm currently dealing with a woman who has severe depression and has been diagnosed schizophrenic - I'm trying desperately not to get irritated when she does things that are dangerous (I drive her to Bible Study and more than once she's done something like grab my arm to look at my "pretty bracelet" while I am driving down the road) because much of her depression comes from having felt rejected all her life.

I do believe that the mass majority of her mental illness is demonic oppression and spiritual issues (I'm not supposed to know some things about her past that I now know about - just trust me on this) but I also believe that there are several biological issues at hand as well.

Besides praying for my own attitude, would this "Darkness Is My Only Companion" be the best resource? Does it help others know how to handle those who are mentally ill (no matter the reason) or is it mostly just a memoir? If it is a memoir can someone recommend a resource?

Dear Ias,

Thank you for your deep care for this woman. "Darkeness is My Only Companion" is not only a memoir, but offers practical and forthright advice. It is definitely worth reading. In addition, Greene - McCreight has a brief appendix in the back with some resources. I will list a few here. My advice is to consult these resources. In addition, contact a mental health professional about how to best love your friend. I'll list a few resources found in the appendix of her book for you and others :

1. National Alliance for the Mentally Ill

Phone: 703-524-7600
www.nami.org

2. National Mental Health Association

Phone: 800-969-6642
www.nmha.org

3. Depression and Bipolar Support Alliance

Phone: 800-826-3632
www.DBSAlliance.org

4. Depression After Delivery

Phone: 800-944-4773
www.infotrail.com/dad/

5. Post-Partum Support International

www.postpartum.net

6. There is this note also in the back:

"You can ask the brothers of Taize, the ecumenical monastery in France, to keep you in their prayers. Their website is www.taize.fr. To request prayer, go to the website, click Prayer and Song, go to the sidebar, and click Prayer Intentions."

I will keep you and your friend and the other commenters in prayer.

May the peace of the Lord be upon all of you.

~Marlena

Thank you Marlena (for both your article and your response)- I will order the book soon then. She's an older woman and I think God is calling another friend of mine to be the main support person for drawing her out of her shell - but I need to be willing and able to help reinforce the good he is doing.

I am looking forward to the day when she is healed - will it be a complete healing? I don't know - but we serve an awesome God who loves us and He mightily uses events in our lives to help others.

Dear las,
Unless this information about this womans' past, that you are not supposed to know, is from the Holy Spirit himself or this person herself... which sounds perhaps "because you are not supposed to know - but trust me" like it isn't....I wouldn't put too much stock into it.

The church often has difficulty dealing with mental illness. There is this mentality in many churches that Christians should be happy and unafraid and that depression or anxiety disorders or any other mental illnesses are sin. I do think they are tied into original sin and the decay of the world in general, but mental illnesses are diseases that should be dealt with not just in spiritual ways.

That is not to say sin may not be involved at times. I know in my case, I've struggled almost my whole life (from early childhood) with clinical depression as well as several anxiety disorders. My depression and enxiety got exponentially worse in college because I was now apart from my family and had no one to see that I was in a downward spiral. What has helped me is a combination of medicine, therapy, prayer, and pastoral counseling. I needed all of the above. One would not have been enough.

I heard many times pastors of churches I no longer attend preach that Christians should be happy and that if they weren't, they needed to read Scripture and pray. The few people I talked to in my churches about my issues (I didn't even realize at the time what was going on) told me I needed to pray because I was sinning. Once I got on medication, I was told by fellow Christians that there was no such thing as clinical depression and that I was sinning by being on antidepressants. What I needed to do was trust God and pray. If I did that, and if I was really a Christian, my issues would go away.

These Christians in my life caused me to doubt my faith. I believed them and thought that maybe I really wasn't a Christian. I took myself off my drugs, which of course made my depression and anxiety worse. I gained an intense terror of God and of his judgment. Nothing I did was good enough. I knew in my mind that it wasn't about what I did, that his grace had saved me, but the things I was told had wormed their way into my mind. I prayed over and over again to be saved. I feared death.

Eventually, I found a new church, and the pastor there was amazing. He pointed out to me that God had created the human mind. He said that the mind could be ill just as the body could, and taking medicines for the mind is not any more of a sin than taking those for the body is. He counseled me and suggested that I go see a psychiatrist. I got back on medication and began seeing a therapist as well.

Today, while I am not completely better, I am doing well. I wish the church had more options for helping people. The church does so much to help the sick and others who need help. The mentally ill should be able to find love and acceptance in the church as well.

H.Sniezek - I'm sorry but your comment is making no sense to me whatsover (I'm not sure what you are getting at). But no - someone else told me about the person's past because I have a similar past and thought I could help. And thankfully - after prayers all week the lady opened up to me on the very day I read this article (Friday) and told me many of the things I'd already been told. Like I said - a lot of her depression is coming from spiritual oppression and sins of others (this was confirmed several times in the course of our conversations on Friday) but again I believe that some of it is very much a physical issue as well.

So Marlena, this was very timely that I read your article. Again, thank you for opening up and sharing!

Another resource - the book "Broken Minds" by Steve and Robyn Bloem. They also have a ministry for those touched by mental illness, Heartfelt Counseling Ministries, as well as other resources. I apologize for the lack of links; I'm using a cell phone and can't easily supply links. Blessing to all walking the hard road. God sees your courage:-)

I was saddened and somewhat surprised to hear how many churches still stigmatize the mentally ill. To those who are still looking for a place that will accept them, don't give up hope! I'm sure that my church is not unique, and we have many members who have various struggles with combinations of mental, emotional and social issues.

Our church maintains a list of local Christian counselors that we refer people to, and we also encourage people to get healing prayer (and where appropriate, freedom from demonic influences). My main point is that no one is expected to choose between a medical approach and a spiritual approach, and no one is told to stop taking their meds. God can heal in many different ways.

I once attended a small group Bible study where only 2 out of 12 people were not on some sort of anti-depressant or other psychiatric medication. So you can see that it was an open topic of conversation.

As a small group leader, I admit that I sometimes find it challenging to incorporate people with mental illnesses, but feel that it is my responsibility to be as welcoming as I can. Usually people who are depressed or have OCD are not a problem, but people who are paranoid or have various psychoses can end up dominating a group, which makes everyone else uncomfortable, so it becomes a tricky balancing job trying to serve the one while also serving the group. I'm always looking for ways to improve at how to juggle this.

Marlena,
Thank you for your blog. It is very timely. My son graduated from Cedarville with a criminal justice degree.
He has been depressed for three years and has had fifteen ECT treatments with some good improvement.
My sister Cyndi who went to Bible college in Penn.
committed suicide in 2006. She left behind three children and her husband.
My wife, Robyn and I have written a book called Broken Minds, Hope for Healing When You Feel Like You're Losing It. It was published by Kregel Publications, Grand Rapids, MI
It is our story of my depression.
We are an evangelical family and deal with a lot of issues.
We also have started small groups for those with mental illness.Mental illness is serious and painful and we as Christians need to keep coming out and dispelling the myths!

Hi, My husband just posted something, but I am so fired up over this topic, that I cannot help but post something myself! We wrote a book that came out a few years ago published by Kregel about our journey with my husband's bipolar II since 1985. Let me tell you that if you think it is bad now (which it is) you should have seen it 25 years ago. We were setting off into our first pastorate when Steve became desperately depressed and very obviously could not assume the pastorate--he could barely concentrate enough to do anything, let alone, be the senior pastor of a church. We didn't know what happened to him--suddenly he couldn't sleep, eat, work, study. He couldn't pray his way out of it, couldn't preach his way out, couldn't reason his way out--he was "washed up" we thought and we didn't understand why or how this had happened. We had three children 5 and under and I thought he would be shuffling around a psych ward in pajamas for the rest of our lives and I was scared to death! We were both 29 and felt ALONE and very frightened. We were going to call our book, "Why is Daddy Crying" because that is what our little girl used to ask me all the time. Later-much later--about 6 years later, he did get into the pastorate, tried many medications,etc and did fine--for a while--until the monster returned. In 2001, our only daughter was killed by a drug addict driving down the road and Steve and I decided we'd better make our days count. So we decided to write an honest book about our struggle with Christianity and mental illness. Our publisher was interested in a book by a pastor who had studied the Bible and became afflicted with such a disease. We decided to cover the ideas of Nouthetic counseling which basically says it is the result of sin and nothing physical, the spiritual warfare movement which says it is from generational sin and demonic activity and then the integrationists who say a little of this, that and the other, but basically call it results of sin. Well, my husband is and was then a very godly man and he was not depressed from sin--not his nor his ancestors! However, his family is riddled with bipolar and depression--as many families deal with ulcers or clogged arteries, we deal with this. Now our wonderful son has been dealing with this depression BEAST and again, I feel the panic of watching a loved one suffer so! It is adding insult to injury to blame a person with Mental Illness for something they have been dealt in God's providential plan. We also pray regularly for people who have these diseases. We have support group material we have written and hold groups ourselves for Christians. Watch for a CAMI group starting near you--"Christians Afflicted with Mental Illness." You can even start one yourselves with our material. We don't blame the victim in our study materials, we show how God can use you and can make you a wounded healer...well, thanks for your frank discussion and let's keep getting the word out about these horrific diseases. Our first potential publisher said our book (Broken Minds, hope for healing when you feel like you're losing it) was too depressing to read. I told them, "Well, you should try living it." Kregels wanted to publish it when they heard that Steve had been a pastor, a counselor and a patient in three different psychiatric hospitals. They wanted us to show the various beliefs of Christians, which we do and I add the narrative of what it looked like and how it affected our young family and our ministry. We basically have not pastored because of this whole issue. One deacon called it "a case of the nerves" and other boards have said he was too weak to minister...not so! People who survive depressive illness are the bravest people I have ever met!Steve has worked in Community Mental Health and about 7 years ago we started Heartfelt Counseling Ministries. God is using our pain to encourage others to keep going and we praise Him for that. As I said at the beginning, I am fired up--I realize how passionately I feel about the oppression of the depressed and otherwise mentally afflicted and I will shout til I die that it is not the result of sin, but faulty brain chemistry! Keep sharing with others til the stigma DISAPPEARS!!!! Robyn Bloem, for all of our friends

Thank you, Marlena, for sharing and covering this topic. I think that all too often, we don't discuss this often enough as a Christian family. This helps bring it to light as well as the resources many people may not realize they have.

I just stumbled across this blog this morning as I was beginning to come to grips with my daughter's long-standing mental illness. She, too, became ill in college and we now have 16 years of living with it. I began attending a NAME Family to Family group 2 weeks ago and thank God for the beginning of my truly understanding how hard life is for her. I always new it on one level but since my own experience with depression has not been nearly as serious, didn't really understand that living in the bi-polar or schizoaffective disorder world was so devastating to her. In spite of what I thought I "knew", I always thought she needed to try harder it get better.

She entered the hospital again last night after weeks of severe and frightening hallucinations. And now that she is safe and I know the professionals there are very good, I'm once again hopeful that some manner of stability will be regained. We live together and at times really struggle.

While my church friends are supportive, the reality is they are can't begin to relate to my experience of being her anchor to reality. And while the NAMI class is helpful, I really long for a group Christians who care for those with mental illness. Maybe it's time to step up and start one! I've been praying about what good I am doing in the lives of others and this area of pain my be where the Lord is sending me.

Thanks for a place to share these thoughts.

hi Karen, i just came across your post and i hope you check back. Christian community is so important and unfortunately very obviously absent in these issues. we are working diligently to address these in a global initiative in helping those who suffer with mental illness. Please contact us at http://www.heartfeltcounselingministries.com and connect with our nonprofit ministry. we would be glad to help you. I am praying for you right now...love, robyn b.

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