Her.meneutics: The Trouble with Confessing in Church

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September 29, 2010

The Trouble with Confessing in Church

As blogger Anne Jackson's new book makes clear, our church culture will need to change before individual confession won't turn into gossip.

Michelle Van Loon, guest blogger

I’ve come to believe that an institutional church is not a safe place for one person’s confession.

Several years ago, while we were attending a small nondenominational church, Pastor Donn* announced at the end of Sunday worship that we would have a special mid-week meeting. “It’s important that all members attend,” he emphasized. “We have an important family matter to discuss.”

Most of the hundred or so members who showed up Wednesday watched Pastor Donn summon the Hickmans, respected leaders in the congregation, and their pale 16-year-old daughter, Missy, to the front of the sanctuary. He put his arm around Missy’s shoulders and told us he’d summoned us in order to snuff out gossip about Missy before it had a chance to begin.

He then asked Missy to confess her sin to us. Without lifting her eyes, the tearful, trembling young woman told us she had just found out she was pregnant. Missy’s boyfriend, the birth dad, did not attend the church and wasn’t present that night.

I couldn’t deny that the congregation rallied around the Hickmans throughout Missy’s pregnancy and into the first years of motherhood. But Missy was never again just Missy. She became Missy the project, Missy the Girl Who Got Pregnant and Stood Up in Front of the Entire Church. And while the meeting effectively cauterized gossipy tongues and rallied prayer and practical support for the Hickmans, it also served to make Missy Exhibit A whenever the church’s youth pastors gave an abstinence sermon for the next year or so.

Missy’s own Hester Prynne experience taught me that personal confession is too big to be entrusted to an entire institution. In a church setting, I think public confession should be prefaced with a spiritual Miranda warning: Anything you say may well be used against you. Your confession might easily become a shorthand way to brand you: “Jeff? He’s the embezzler.” “Cindy is an alcoholic.” “Missy got pregnant at 16.”

Anne Jackson responds to this troubling church culture in a new book, Permission to Speak Freely: Essays and Art on Fear, Confession, and Grace (Thomas Nelson, 2010). Jackson asked her blog readers this question: What is the one thing you feel you can’t say in church? The book captures the flavor of the hundreds of answers she received, ranging from, “I had an affair on my wife and I still think about the other woman,” to, “Even though I’m a staff member at my church, most of my deep and significant relationships are with people I met online,” to, “I was raped by a counselor . . . I thought he was a friend.”

Jackson includes her own prose and free-verse poetry on the subject of fear and confession. She details her own confessions about the sexual abuse she experienced as a teen, her addiction to pornography, and her square-peg experience as a church employee in order to give readers, as a friend of hers called it, “the gift of going second.”

Jackson’s book is a helpful response to institutional unwritten rules that are more hospitable to silence and shame than to confession. However, I was struck by the fact that most of Jackson’s confessions first occurred in the safety of one-on-one relationships. Once she experienced a grace-filled response from her hearer, she became emboldened to confess the truth about herself in more public settings, such as speaking gigs or on her blog.

Jackson’s goal is to provoke churches toward creating a culture where members can speak freely about their mess. And that’s to the good. But her own story demonstrates that public confession of individual sin is the final step in a process that must first begin with God and then move to a small, safe community of one or two others. Jackson’s admissions of sin in Permission to Speak Freely are not really confessions as much as stories about confessions that have already occurred.

A church can and should facilitate a culture of confession by making space for these stories. That space can’t be manipulated into existence (as was the case with Missy), and will not happen at all if church leaders do not acknowledge that spiritual transformation is a continuous process, not a programmable product.

But the real work of confession isn’t the work of the church. It is the work of me coming to the end of myself and telling the unvarnished truth to God and you, and of you responding with compassion — and, perhaps, a story of your own.

Michelle Van Loon is the author of two books on the parables of Jesus, and blogs at TheParableLife.blogspot.com. She has written for the women's blog on Why Boys Fail, Hutterite communities, and church 'volunteers.'

Comments

Very powerful. My mother told me a story very similar. Except the father of the unborn child was a member, was there that night and was not forced to join in the public flogging.

My heart just breaks when I read or hear about a story like this, it seems to teach a person that forgiveness requires pain. I don't think that's how Jesus did it.

True, the institutional church is not a safe place for one person's confession.

But, has the Church ever been a safe place for one person's confession? The epistles are full of admonishments about gossip, grace, forgiveness and love. If the Church was ever a safe place for confession, I don't think those admonishments would exist. The truth is that the Church is full of innocent sheep, wayward sheep, bully sheep, and wolves in sheep's clothing - and some sheep are a mixture of all four. Not to excuse anyone's hurtful behavior towards the confessing Christian; however, their behavior doesn't negate the role of confession in the Church.

The problem with gossip is only one reason why disclosing one's weaknesses is dangerous in church. Even more dangerous are churches who require people to have "accountability partners". Apart from the danger of gossip, the notion of "Christian accountability" is in opposition to the gospel described in the Bible. I have written a Bible-based analysis of why "Christian accountability" is heretical, here:

http://annefleetwood.wordpress.com/2010/09/06/

"The Trouble with Confessing in Church?" It has a big mouth.

This article seems to promote a misapplication of the verse in James 5:16 "Confess your sins one to another." I, for one, can't think of very many sins that need to be confessed to a whole congregation. Getting pregnant out of wedlock, in my mind, is not one of them - as it seems to be pretty obvious to all....But you know, on second thought, public confession may hold some value after all. In fact, I have a suggestion, CT, for a new column for your magazine, a column in which you would invite all who feel the need to publically confess their sins to write them out in all of their glory [sic] detail (in 25 words or less) and you would publish them. In fact I can think of the names of several well known evangelical leaders you may want to invite to contribute. (I'm sure their contributions would increase magazine sales considerably.) I would be happy to contribute, too, but my list of sins is too long and too boring. As for the name of this new column, how about Confession Corner or Mourner Moment - feel free to use either name as I will give up all copyright claims. And then, or course, there has to be absolution....At any rate, good luck.

confessing sins openly in the church has contributed in most divorce cases. A woman once confessed in a church meeting how she cheated, by the time she got home, the story had gotten to the husband and she got home to meet her belongings outside. Question: is the church helping to build or scatter?

Many a times when there are open confessions in the church, the "holier than thou" christians will continue to see you as bad egg even after you must have repented of your sins. You become their talk of the day, always pointing accusing fingers at you. In fact, am disappointed at the church.

Excellent article!

Until we in the Christian church get rid of the idea that someone else's bad somehow makes us better, and that praying for someone is not an excuse for gossip, the church will not be a place for confession.

We have a friend who confessed in front of his whole church to being a recovering alcoholic, and he ended up having to leave this church because of the stigma that attached to him and his family after that.

Christianity is not a contest. We are all in the same boat and only Christ keeps it afloat! Confession is a necessary part of the Christian walk, but admitting an error or besetting sin before God and a few trusted Christians, is probably the best choice.

This is a wonderful topic ... my guess is the early Church discovered that the "will to gossip" will most often override the intention to forgive, despite Paul's warnings about not being a busybody. And thus, we still find the best and only place to give an honest and unedited confession of all sins, and at the same time, receive the full benefit of confidentiality, care, counsel, and the assurance of absolution, after completing Penance, is in the privacy of the Confessional with a truly holy priest. Even our cries to God in sorrow for our sins are better heard and expiated when we humble ourselves in the confessional before another human being, bound by canon law to keep our private failings private. It not only regenerates the soul in true humility and the great joy of purification, but allows new growth without the perpetual stumbling blocks and stain of "wagging tongues." I've seen several sad circumstances of wonderful Christian men and women, who when they had fallen into sin, then attempted to confess, were instead destroyed by the malevolent reactions of other plank - eyed Christians.

In the book I go into James 5:16 deeper. I don't think an "in front of everyone confession" in what it means at all. I think in most cases that would be inappropriate.

The power of confessing to another believer - or even a small group of believers to help one begin to live heal and whole...that is what I personally believe that verse discusses, keeping in mind the "church" for whom it was originally intended - one who shared everything in their lives with each other.

As a life-long Southern Baptist who joined the Catholic Church in 2009, allow me to humbly disagree with your assessment that "the institutional church is no place for confession."

One of the most powerful things about becoming a Catholic Christian has been the liberating power of the Sacrament of Confession. Most evangelicals (including me, before I began to explore the Catholic Church) have only a vague notion about the concept of Confession as a sacrament.

To give you a taste, though, here's a typical confession you might experience in your neighborhood parish church.

* * * * *

(Priest is seated behind a screen. He's wearing a thin piece of purple (the color of repentance) cloth around his neck called a "stole;" this is a sign of the special grace that God has given him to act in the person of Jesus Christ, with the power of the apostles to "bind and loose" sins (cf. Mt. 16:18, 18:18)).

(On the other side of the screen, there is a kneeler; usually, the screen will have an icon to remind the penitent that he or she is confessing his or her sins to God, not just a human on the other side).

Priest ("P."): In the Name of the Father, and of the Son + and of the Holy Spirit.

("+" represents the Sign of the Cross: using one's hand to trace a cross from forehead to belt-buckle, then from left shoulder to right shoulder, in memory of Paul's admonition to "know nothing but Jesus Christ, and him crucified").

Penitent ("R."): Amen.

(At the option of the Priest, there may be a short reading from Scripture; if this is done, it would be done as follows).

P. The Lord be with you.
R. And also with you.

P. A reading from the first letter of Paul to Timothy.

P. This is a true saying and worthy of all men to be received: that Christ Jesus came into the world to save sinners.

P. The Word of the Lord.
R. Thanks be to God.

(If there is no reading, then they continue here).

P. May the Lord be in your heart and upon your lips that you may make a true and worthy confession.

R. Bless me, Father, for I have sinned. It has been (number of days, weeks, months, or years) since my last confession. (Then, the penitent makes his confession, naming his sins in number and kind (e.g., "I stole $50 from my friend on one occasion. I lusted after my secretary on 2 occasions.")).

R. (When the penitent has concluded his confession, he says:) For these, and all my sins which I cannot now remember, I am heartily sorry.

P. (Now the priest offers spiritual advice and counsel to the penitent, based upon the sins that he has confessed).

P. (After the spiritual counsel, the priest imposes a penance appropriate to the sins confessed. Using the examples from above, a penance might include paying the person back with interest for the money stolen and to read the story of David and Bathsheeba, meditating on why lustful thoughts can lead to sinful actions and asking God's help to resist temptation).

R. (The penitent then accepts the penance imposed, agreeing to perform it with God's help).

P. (The Priest then raises his right hand over his head and speaks these words:) God, the Father of mercies, through the death and resurrection of his Son has reconciled the world to himself and sent the Holy Spirit among us for the forgiveness of sins; through the ministry of the Church, may God give you pardon and peace, and I absolve you from your sins in the name of the Father, and of the Son, + and of the Holy Spirit.

R. Amen.

(At the option of the Priest, the Priest and penitent may now recite some Scripture together, celebrating God's mercy in reconciling the penitent to Himself (e.g., Eph. 1:3-10)). (Otherwise, they continue as follows).

P. Go in peace, the Lord has put away your sins.
R. Thanks be to God.

(Then, the Penitent leaves the confessional and fulfills his penance as soon as possible).

In our Presbyterian liturgey, we all say the corporate confession of sin together, and we hear the Assurance of Pardon from the liturgist. To some, this is rote and meaningless, but to me it sets the stage for someone to talk with or confess to another in a private setting. When I joined my church many years ago, I was pleasantly surprised to find that a long-time member who had served time in a federal prison was fully restored and serving in ordained positions. That spoke volumes to me about a forgiving congregation.

Thank God I'm Catholic. I say this not to start a fight, but to simply say how different my experience is as a Catholic than it was for the first 37 years of my life as a Protestant. My confession in the Catholic church is between my pastor, myself, and my God, not the entire parish (unless I so wish). Nothing I say can leave the confines of the confessional. I understand that something like an unplanned pregnancy cannot be kept a private matter indefinitely, but I've noticed that the stigma's involved with such a thing were much greater in my Protestant circles than they are now in the Catholic parishes I'm involved in.

It seems that everyone handles confession in different ways. The Word of God encourages us to confess our sins one to another - I see that helpful in people's lives if they find a godly leader who will pray them through it which releases the burden that Satan can place on them. If people are creating gossip from someone sharing their hurting heart, shame on them. Sometimes we aren't careful to judge our own hearts before we take action and sin - where is our relationship with God and taking time to seek him before we take the wrong action? I know we don't think many times, but we need to be more aware that God is with us. He loves us and wants to help us through our trials. Pray for one another, God's Word tells us. There isn't enough of that is there - I feel conviction in my own heart. The Word also speaks of times when we bring judgment on others, we need to look at ourselves because we struggle with the same - that is a strong thought to consider. Let's pull together in prayer for one another as God's Word encourages us to. Blessings to all!

Outstanding article that took courage to write! Maybe the Roman Catholics have it right after all when the member just confesses to the priest in the that "boxy" confessional and that is the end of it. It is sad that many people are more prone to gossip "Can you believe what she did and so on" rather than just forgive and FORGET. God forgives and FORGETS. Psalm 103:12 says "as far as the east is from the west, so far does he remove our transgressions from us." Why can't the body of Christ do the same? Certainly the Holy Spirit has the ability to empower us to do so if we would just yield to His most loving influence!

Great article. It struck close to home with me, this issue of 'confessing in church'. About 20 years ago, I joined a small Messianic Jewish group, and got involved with its music ministry. I shared some personal and private things with the congregation leader (who also led the music group--he was a control freak), and a friend I'd brought into the congregation. In the end, I was removed from the music group, and didn't find out until months later the cause: because I didn't like to pray aloud with the music group before the service!

Because of that removal, I felt like the outsider, and not welcome. I left the congregation before it collapsed from within some months later. And I carried that pain for the next 20 years. And I stopped attending church altogether, not wanting to go through a similar situation again.

Ironically, I was raised Catholic--but didn't like going to confession because the clergy scared me to death (they always appeared stern and judgmental). I still struggle with finding a sense of God's forgiveness, even after all these years. Thanks for bringing this issue forward!

Patrica Finnegan, I am so sorry for the negative experience at the Messianic Jewish group. I did not see the reason for your removal from the music group and the ostensable reason for your removal such as not praying aloud with the group. Indeed, some church leaders are "controlling" rather than having the attitude of a servant of the Chief Shepard!

We do not even come close to understanding the mind of God and God's infinite wisdom but you can be sure that God is sovereign over not only His creation but over individual church organizations. Those earthly church "organizations" that obey the commands of Jesus will prosper but those who DO NOT can be brought to a summary end by the power of God to withhold His blessing. Not that every church that closes it's doors is being "punished" by God but in many cases this is true. It is best each of us, in whatever church we belong Catholic, Protestant, or otherwise, strive to yield to the Spirt and to be more Christlike, loving, and forgiving.

Please do not give up on attending church because of this experience. God loves you and wants you to be associated with a local church!

Confessing to a Protestant church congregation is akin to confessing to the neighborhood Priest; neither will absolve you of anything. Protestants and Catholics, when confessing to humans, miss the grace and mercy that only Christ can offer. Christ split the veil, and the old ways are no more, the Leviticus priests are out of work. We can no more provide the absolute forgiveness without judgment than we can rise from the dead. We are not capable. However, we can find support through / from genuine love for one another and knowing that our sin (s) are equal to any those around us have internalized.

Hmmm. I find your premise in this article in compltete contradiction as to biblical imperative.I find it curious that what you advocate is based upon an experience that you personally felt had a negative outcome but is absolutely in line with biblical prescriptions. the writer James actually advocates the opposite. In chapter 5, he prescribes that we "condess our faults" to one another and pray for healing and scholarship documents he is advocating this in a corporate gathering.
I am always suspect when we something is advocated based upon subjective experience when it in conflict with objective truth. It seems that if scripture prescribes a function, but we deem it embarrsing or negative, then we throw it out. Wow! What about public confession of Christ for the introvert? Out the door if it makes the negatively uncortfortable.
just some personal thoughts.

Ah... Rex... -as a convert from Southern Baptist to the Catholic Church I can testify that you are gravely mistaken about the Sacrament of Reconciliation (Confession).... It is such a beautiful testament to God's grace that it's almost unspeakable.

Something like that happened at my church recently as well, and yet it wasn't like that at all. The teenage couple and their families were all committed members of the church, and the couple went to our pastor to ask if they could address the congregation with their confession themselves. I led a small group of girls in the youth group at the time, so I knew both kids. I was so blown away and proud of them when they stood up of their own accord and took responsibility for themselves and the little life growing between them. When they were done, after our pastor had prayed over them, the truly amazing stuff began, because I tell you I witnessed every single person sitting in the congregation get up and hug them. I saw their parents, watching all this, with tears streaming down their faces. In that case, what they did was right: it was of their own volition, with no pressure from anyone, and it squashed hurtful gossip right then as people's urge to talk was replaced with their urge to help and to love them.

It's not that confession to the church body isn't the right way to go: it's that you must have the right environment in which to confess. If your church is full of gossipy, passive-aggressive, easily-shocked, holier-than-thou people, I wouldn't want to confess there, either.

I appreciate the conversation going on here, as well as the input from those who are members of the Catholic Church. I appreciate the opportunity you have for one-on-one confession with someone who is committed to walking a penitent toward restoration. There's a teaching moment in there for us Protestants. There's also a redemptive example of the story unfolding in Cattie's congregation.

To Patricia (and all who've been wounded by immature responses to confessions), you're in my prayers tonight.

This article is a very interesting and informative one. As having been the one who was hurt by a member of the church who told others about what she heard me confess at church....both that day and many days after...it became a painful heartache to bear since they all gossiped about it and pointed fingers at me. Needless to say, it was really hard to keep all my attention on the services, when I could see them point at me and giggle. However, I talked to our pastor about it and told him that what was shared with him as a confession or as a need for prayer should not have to be any louder than necessary for him to hear....without anyone else listening in just to get something to gossip about....no matter if he had to move away from the crowd with the person needing to speak to him. Better yet, it taught me to talk to God our Father who is always there for us and who never tells anyone what we have to say or what we have need of! I learned that some members of a church are not real Christians if they go around gossiping about others....whether they are also members or strangers who came to our church for help. In my opinion, confessions are between ourselves and God.....He is there to help us in our time of need.....whether our needs are big or small....God doesn't think anything that troubles us is unimportant! It's up to each member whether they feel safe at their church to confess aloud or not....but it is best to give that a lot of thought before doing so. Confession is such a cleansing feeling and God forgives and forgets our sins....however, other people who hear what you say, are likely to talk about it just as soon as they leave the church! Better safe than sorry! All that really matters is that you confess your sins to God the Father and ask Him to forgive you of them.....No ONE else can erase your past sins except God! With Him on your side, what do we have to fear?

Air not thy dirty linen in public. Doing so only supplies ammunition to thine enemies who will broadcast amplified versions of thy sins far and wide. Neither confess they sins to any self-appointed, or RoCathCh appointed "priest." Christ is our God-apopointed and authorized High Priest. Confess thy sins only to Him Who is merciful and gracious to cleanse and forgive, and Who gave His life as the sacrifice for our sins. If you need council seek it privately with a trustworthy, capable and authorized person such as your parents, or a worthy Pastor, or trustworthy and capable counselor. Above all seek guidance from the holy Scriptures where you will fine comfort, solace, instruction in righteous living and much more. God bless. . . . .JET

There are pros and cons to confessing in church. I think as long as you confess to God then all is forgiven. No need to do it in church unless it is your desire

If today's church was the church of James day the act of public confession would be different. James' church was families of believers joined in the common cause of living out their lives in Christ. Today's so-called church is just an organization of people getting together but not really being "one" as describer in the Bible. There is a lot of difference in confessing one's sins among the family of Believers (who have committed their lives to each other)as opposed to confessing the sins to a bunch of strangers who meet for a couple of hours a week and call it church. As a former Catholic I know, through personal experience, that there is a place for public confession, but it will always be in the context of the safe environment of the true family of Believers, and not any Sunday morning organization.

Danny Silk (in his book Culture of Honor) uses the analogy of spilling paint (sin) and cleaning it up (confession, repentence, etc). You confess to the people who have been hurt by your sin, as part of cleaning up your paint spill.

Based on that concept, only sins that truly hurt the whole congregation would require public confession.

He gives a touching example (also of a pregnancy). I was amazed by his story, because in contrast to several of the posts that indicated destructive church fallout from public confession, his goal was to help the confessing pair to get to the root of the sin and restore a foundation from which they would be able to minister as church leaders in the future, rather than as disqualified.

The James 5 passage should be read in context. James is discussing prayer and healing from sickness. James implies that harboring sin and not seeking forgiveness with the one you offended can be the cause of some illness (Physical, mental, emotional). So he says to confess your sin to one another. This refers to offenses against another person where you have injured another person in words or deeds. Nothing is said about confessing sin to those we have not injured. In other words, get it right with that person who knows your sin because you offended them. Then hopefully he/she will forgive you. A controlling factor of mind control cults is to convince followers that they must name and list their sins to their prophet or leader. Some are even sent away into exile or isolation to repent of their sins, to list them out and submit to their elders for review before they are accepted back into fellowship. The same list is then utilized to control that member. Destructive mind control utilizes this methodology.
I believe true forgiveness and restitution through confession to God (1 John 1:9) and confession to the one you have offended. What good does it do if you confess to a church full of people if the person you offended is not present or if confessing it only brings them embarrassment?
Jesus said if your brother offends you to go to them in private. He also said if you are in worship (laying a sacrifice on the altar) and you remember a way you offended or sinned against someone, leave the act of worship and go and get it right with that person then you can return and worship freely. The writings "Fire and Ice" by puritan Richard Baxter suggests that some sins should not be confessed to a person but only to God. "When the wrong is secret and not known to the injured party, and the confessing of it would but trouble his mind, and do him more harm than good. When the injured party is so implacable and inhumane that he would make use of the confession to the ruin of the penitent, or to bring upon him greater penalty than he deserveth. When it would injure a third person who is Interested in the business, or bring them under oppression and undeserved misery. When it tendeth to the dishonour of religion, and to make it scorned. When it tendeth to breed dissension, or otherwise injure the commonwealth.In general, it is no duty to confess our sin to him that we have wronged, when, all things considered, it is like in the judgment of the truly wise, to do more hurt than good for it is appointed as a means to good, and not to do evil."

As a Catholic, I am beyond grateful for the sacrament of confession. It is the single, greatest source of power and grace in my Christian walk. In the confessional, it is GOD who hears my sins and absolves me. But speaking them aloud to a fellow human being is hugely cathartic and deeply humbling - always a good thing. Consider this description for evidence: http://www.conversiondiary.com/2007/10/confessing-my-sins-to-priest.html
I kept away from confession for 20 years. Now, if I go more than 2 months without confessing, I feel like a disease is eating away at me, and I know exactly where to go! It never fails to put me in "Fresh start" spiritual mode!
As an added bonus, a penitent can be confident that a priest will NEVER reveal one's confession - it is a mortal sin and automatic excommunication to do so.

Well, I'm just glad that as an Anglican, I can always resort to private confession, hear the advice of a godly minister, and receive assurance declared that, if I have truly repented and believed, then Christ has forgiven my sins (which works even if I approach it from a Calvinistic bent).
Another reason I have continued in the Reformed Catholic way as it has grown crooked and very, very narrow.

Jon.

Uhhh, I didn't mean "crooked," but "branching," or some such. Simma, simma down!
Jon

While the early Christians did practice public confessions, as noted in the Didache. There are several passages including Jn 20:22-23, Matt. 16:13-20 & Matt. 18:17-18, where the Apostles, and successors, are given power to forgive sin. And while the priest is not Jesus, the priest is His representative, and as Jesus also said, "He who receives you receives Me".

I am a Catholic and i check out Christianity Today every so often to see what's going on in the the world of my separated protestant brethren. When i saw this article i knew the topic of conversation would go directly to the sacrament of confession. lol I made a video that deals with this precise topic where i show support for confession from the bible and the early church fathers. If anyone is interested it has 2 parts, check it out..... (between both videos its a total of 14 mins)

Part 1 http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0Hp_Nx-djsc

Part 2 http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=guUTSC3R8U8

I am not catholic but always thought they had confession right and rather jealous of the way they could just go into the box and confess their sins and come out forgiven. How much more freedom would the church of God have if we would all follow this example. Thank you for posting what goes on in the box.....it brought me to tears .

God bless you, Missy, wherever you are ... and may He have mercy on your church's leadership ...

I tend to think that you're not "worshiping" there any more. I hope you've found a shelter of refuge in a community where your soul will be lovingly tended to.

Truth be told, every soul present on that Wednesday evening had something to confess, didn't they ... probably starting from the top on down.

Jonathan, you wrote:
There is a lot of difference in confessing one's sins among the family of Believers (who have committed their lives to each other)as opposed to confessing the sins to a bunch of strangers who meet for a couple of hours a week and call it church.

I think this is very true. I think every congregation has good intentions of creating a family of belivers out of a sunday morning and its extension of services. How this actually happens in a mega-church environment seems impossible to me. A small group bible study or small section of believers who know and serve each other regularly seems closest in our modern life to the family of believers in the Bible.

Also, thank you to all of the Catholics who expressed their appreciation of confession as a sacrament. In my prayer group last night we were discussing confession of sin, and I admit, I brought this up because I've always thought it very strange that to be absolved of sins as a Catholic that you have to confess to a priest. To me, I viewed it as not being trusted enough as a believer to bring requests directly to God, and that it required a mediator. That mediator should be Jesus, not a priest. But, having read these comments, i see how the priest is also a mediator to provide the sacrament, and direction and structure, that it does not exclude Jesus or God, but can add to it.

I hope that made sense! Anyway, thank you, and I do recognize now the importance confession to a priest can have.

My problem with this particular situation, is that they seem to be saying the pregnant girl sinned, however, did they seek out all other girls and boys and men and women who had premarital sex? I don't know why pregnancy outside of marriage is continuously pinpointed as the sin. The sin is in the premarital sex. The only difference for Missy is that she couldn't hide that sin, like the others.

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