Hermenuetics

Comments

The site sounds interesting -- I'm looking forward to checking it out!

Posted By: Gina | February 18, 2011 10:43 AM

I have some pretty specific thoughts on dating. But I think more important than my personal ideas is the influence of healthy community walking with people through these sorts of things. I believe that having older believers walking with you is very helpful in navigating decisions and relationships. Books are great-- in the context of community. I guess what I'm trying to say is that all the advice in the world is not very valuable unless you have a human walking with you offering accountability and wisdom along the way.

Posted By: Linda | February 18, 2011 3:37 PM

I don't know why my comment appeared and disappeared, but let's try this again. :-) This was very interesting and I'm looking forward to seeing the website.

Posted By: Gina | February 18, 2011 6:46 PM

This is wonderful! It's about time that the Christian community move beyond the simplistic negative "don't have sex before/outside of marriage" message, and begin to discuss how people can pursue Godly and Bible-based intimate romantic relationships.

Posted By: Andrew | February 18, 2011 9:27 PM

While understanding the culture we are in as we date is important, I couldn't agree with this more: "Really, most are cultural preferences, and are often one-sided and narrow in their approach. We need a greater vision — a more holistic way of thinking and speaking that contextualizes these admonitions."

This is my heart as well and I pray we can really get at the heart of what God is calling us to as individuals, couples and a community.

Posted By: Joy Eggerichs | February 19, 2011 1:24 AM

How disappointing. Not one word about seeking God's will, seeking counsel from godly people, praying, searching Scripture for insights...
Yes, I understand the video's point was about DTR conversations. But focusing our lives on God--knowing Him and serving Him in all we do--is the real, the lifelong point, and a DTR is one small part of that. So why is there nothing about our Creator and Savior and what He wants for us?

Posted By: lifelong learner | February 19, 2011 7:28 AM

The video was very disappointing. Not one word about seeking God's will, praying for guidance, searching Scripture, seeking counsel of godly people in our lives, wanting to be God's person first.
Yes, I understand the point was about DTR conversations, not theology. But as Christians, our goal is to know God and serve Him in every area of life. A DTR conversation may be a part of that, but it can't be outside the circle of knowing/serving God. If it is, it's pointless.

Posted By: lifelong learner | February 19, 2011 7:36 AM

I will have to check out the site you are talking about.

You might find my blog of interest where I critique Josh Harris's book.

www.ikdg.wordpress.com
I Kissed Dating Goodbye: Wisdom or Foolishness?

Unfortunately Josh Harris is quick to point out the problems with dating but reluctant to share any of the problems with his approach.

Hope this helps.

Posted By: Steve240 | February 19, 2011 12:59 PM

I feel badly for the younger generation. The idea that you can, as a Christian, pursue involvement in a "dating" relationship without any definition is foolish. I think the debate over whether there should even BE a "DTR" conversation is evidence of a Christian generation that is significantly saturated by the influence of the culture in which we live.

Define your relationships and seek the Lord's guidance for where they should go. This ambiguous, non-commital type of attitude that dominates much of this generation's Christian "dating" contributes to the poor attitude toward marriage. If you're not called and gifted to be single, seek God's heart for a mate and pursue your "dating" relationships with that Godly goal in mind. Otherwise, you will prolong your singleness and toy around with potential sexual promiscuity.

Define your relationships, see if you're on the same page with your goals/desires. And, of course, all this should be motivated by what God's Word says. Promoting anything that leaves God out of the equation is pointless drivel.

Posted By: Nykki | February 19, 2011 1:51 PM

Curious: Is Mariena Graves still mentoring students at Cedarville University? I would not want her to advise my daughters about dating, love and marriage. Since I have a daughter who is a student at Cedarville, I intend to find out, by asking my daughter, and if Mariena is still there, I will raise my concerns.

Posted By: s. red topper | February 22, 2011 3:23 PM

What is there to be concerned about in this article? The clear distinction between ever-changing cultural preferences and biblical mandates? The clear distinction between simple "do this, don't do that" approaches to dating/sex and a well-developed theological treatment of dating/sex? The clear distinction between mere abstinence and purity? What exactly? Why would any of this be concerning to anyone? Why would anyone "raise concerns" over this?

Posted By: Steve | February 22, 2011 4:55 PM

For starters, Steve, she is commending the IKDHJ website. Did you watch the video? Have you looked at the site? Can you tell me what is "Christian" about its view of dating and marriage? What Mariena write to indicate she actually understands and appreciates the difference between "mere" abstinence and purity? Mere abstinence is a pretty good starting point on the road to purity. Her comment, however, is condescending -- she gets it, the fundies don't. Go to IKDH and read Sarah's post: "zero to naked" and persuade me that she is interested in guiding people to purity. And since Mariena endorses this site, I assume she shares the views expressed.
Short of a personal saving relationship with Christ, marriage is the most sacred relationship possible, so sacred that Scripture instructs us that the physical union of a man and a woman symbolizes the union of Christ and the church.
In a relationship so sacred, can we really be too careful in our approach, even if that involves a "don't-do" list? Is there really a place for "irreverent" discussion of the topic? We should avoid anything that puts us at risk of spoiling that sacred gift.
More importantly, if we teach a biblical approach to dating and marriage, we will teach that contrary to shifts in popular culture, I am not to look for the spouse who will please me; I am to seek the spouse God wants me to serve and please. So the need for a don't-do list falls by the way: If my heart is devoted to serving my wife-to-be, I won't do anything that will lead her into sin. You don't have to flag the landmines.
If the husband and wife go into their marriage with that view, of serving, of denying self, of refusing to take offense and quick to forgive, which is Christ's model, our divorce rate -- and I'm speaking of the church -- would plummet.
Wondering, Steve, your age and whether you have daughters who have reached dating age?

Posted By: s. red topper | February 22, 2011 6:06 PM

I get tired when I read admonitions from older christians of the thoughts and actions of younger christians who are genuinely seeking how to apply the principles of scripture to their contemporary lives. If you feel that someone has come to the wrong conclusions about what scripture really has to say about intimacy and relationships then why not lend a hand and try to provide guidance in a helpful and non judgmental way. Already you are condemning this blog, its author and the authors of the blog it has highlighted in this article. Its one thing the enter into debate about what role, if any, dating should play in the lives of young adults, its a whole other to start threatening to send complaints to people's places of work because their views don't entirely gel with your own. Its no wonder that when I approach non christians in hopes of sparking their interest in God's word, their reaction is that they could never get with such a judgemental lot. I think that if we keep in mind that being we are all sinners who are redeemed only through Gods love for us then perhaps we can have a little patience with one another. When you refer to Sarah's article "zero to naked" (an article which i believe is about a young christian struggling with maintaining their sexual purity and discussing the ways they've found that are best to create appropriate physical boundaries in relationships) you act as if one first has to be perfect in order to be a christian and that we cannot engage in discussion about how to deal with and avoid situations that might lead us into unnecessary temptation. That particular article references past mistakes and advises that her readers 1) Date someone whose maturity parallels your own. 2) Use your words. 3) Set a curfew. 4) Assume that it won’t work out. and 5) Be accountable. Yeah, I think that thats pretty sound advice.

Posted By: Lanre | February 23, 2011 3:07 PM

I definitely believe that we need to rethink how we do dating and relationships, and also what we teach young people about these topics. The current resources out there for Christians just don't seem to be adequate.

Posted By: James | July 30, 2011 11:34 PM

Just to start with, why does the Church accept the world's system of sexual social darwinism? "Dating" is all very well for the fabled "lucky and the strong". But shy and awkward people are effectively told to just go off someplace and be quiet and never, never, wish for another fate lest they be in danger of the sin of covetousness. Why not have a Church sponsored matchmaking networks for those who can't find a relationship? They don't have to be mandatory but assuredly they can be available. Surely that is better then telling people they are expendable?

Posted By: jason taylor | December 27, 2011 4:59 PM