Her.meneutics: The Gospel of Grace for Women Who Self-Injure

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« The Social Network's Women Problem | Main | Toddlers, Tiaras, and Surviving Princess Mania »

February 28, 2011

The Gospel of Grace for Women Who Self-Injure

How the church can respond as cutting and other forms of self-harm are increasingly glamorized online.

Karen Swallow Prior

Self-harm — clinically defined as the deliberate destruction of one's body tissue without suicidal intent, such as cutting, burning, and hair-pulling — is not new. What is new is the proliferation of images and messages through social media that may trigger these behaviors among those vulnerable to them. This is the finding of research published this month in Pediatrics journal.

The study examined one hundred YouTube videos focused on self-injury. Researchers analyzed the most-viewed videos appearing under the search words “self-injury” and “self-harm,” and found that the top 100 videos were viewed over 2 million times and marked as “favorites” over 12,000 times. While some videos require viewers to verify they are at least 18 (a simple process requiring no proof of age), most of the videos were viewable to all. The researchers conclude that the videos “express a hopeless or melancholic message” and “may foster normalization of non-suicidal self-injury and may reinforce the behavior through regular viewing of non-suicidal self-injury–themed videos.”

A cursory look at these videos confirms that even those presented as cautions against self-injury seem more likely to glamorize it. Ambient music, moody settings and images, and artistic renderings of self-injury are typical. One recurring type features animated characters, further removing self-harming behaviors from the realm of reality, yet aimed at viewers whose very struggle is to remain grounded in reality.

My introduction to cutting occurred years ago when I was a 20-something English teacher in a Christian high school. I’d never heard of cutting before. Like all of the subsequent students I’ve encountered who self-injure, this student was female, intelligent, intense, and experiencing deep emotional turmoil. Everything “Grace” told me about her cutting is consistent with my later research and experiences. Around age 15, prompted by feelings of rejection, Grace began self-injuring by grating her knuckles on the brick fireplace that went through her bedroom. She later explained, “I had an overwhelming sense of pain that I didn't know how to deal with, and I felt that whatever my problems were were my fault. So the physical pain seemed to sate the mental pain.”

More recently, “Amy,” a college-age friend, told me about a bout with cutting she underwent in the midst of a prolonged break-up last year. Helpless and alone after her boyfriend walked out on her, she made numerous shallow slices along her arm. “Feeling lost in a mental tornado,” she says, “the physical sensation of cutting seemed to be the only thing that could bring me back to reality.” These first cuts were so gentle that the welts, like mysterious modern-day stigmata, didn’t appear until the next day. However, her third and last cut resulted in an emergency call and a permanent scar that she has since hidden under a tattoo.

Amy is confident now that her cutting days are over. She acknowledges her actions to be the proverbial “cry for help.” Grace wasn't so lucky: her foray into cutting was followed by years of drug addiction and other self-destructive behaviors. Thankfully, she has been clean for a number of years now, although she fights depression, a condition likely connected to her struggles from the beginning.

Not all cutters and self-injurers go down such destructive paths. Many are highly functioning. Among these is a graduate student I know who, among other self-harming behaviors, deliberately irritates her stomach ulcers before settling in to work on her thesis. The pain, she says, helps prevent other distractions that would take her focus off her writing. She doesn’t see herself as a self-harmer, however. She asked me recently how her “method” of working is any different from that of a friend who sits in an uncomfortable chair when she works. “It’s different,” I said, “because sitting in an uncomfortable chair doesn’t harm your body.”

According to a 2006 Today’s Christian Woman article,1.5 percent of Americans engage in self-harming behavior. This jumps dramatically to 12 percent among college students (most self-injury begins in the teen years). Most self-harmers are female (60-70 percent), and many, although not all, struggle with eating disorders, too. I’ve not seen research on the incidence of self-harm among Christians compared with the general population, but my experience shows that this problem is far from rare within the church.

Some religion scholars have made intriguing, if not always convincing, links between the extreme pietism of some medieval religious mystics — such as Catherine of Siena, who died at age 33 after prolonged abstention from all food but the Eucharist — and modern day anorexics, bulimics, and self-injurers. The ascetic lifestyle practiced by some among both laity and clergy in the medieval church often included behaviors parallel to those of self-injurers today: self-flagellation, self-mutilation, and various forms of self-denial and regimented living. A reviewer of Caroline Walker Bynum's Holy Feast, Holy Fast notes of medieval women that “food and their own bodies were the only things women had control over and through that control they could manipulate their surroundings.” If this sounds familiar, it’s because this is the same language used to describe modern-day women — living in an ocean of overwhelming choices — who engage in self-punishing behaviors.

I’m not surprised that self-punishing behaviors occur among Christians. And this is not to blame the church. For legalism — and I would argue that this is what these behaviors are at their core — comes in guises both religious and secular. The desire to control the destiny of a few moments, if not our lives, is a fact of the human condition. But it is a fact that directly opposes the gospel of grace. Indeed, our vain attempts to mete out our own justice and punishments and thus save ourselves merely reflect the universal human desire to be our own God. For those who self-harm, the gospel comes as an invitation to trust in the One who has enacted perfect and complete justice before God on our behalf, through his body, so we don't have to punish our own.

Comments

Unlike many of the previous posts, this one probably won't garner a lot of comments so I wanted to make sure to say that this was beautifully written. I actually thought self-harm was more prevalent than it is, due in no small part into the way that Hollywood has been portraying it over the last few years. I hope that your post enlightens many who may not even know that this exists.

I'm currently a 20-something teacher at a Christian high school. :) I've not encountered any students directly about cutting, but you often overhear rumors and talk about it, especially in the 8th and 9th grades. I've struggled--and talked some with my colleagues--about how to proactively address this issue and be a resource for students dealing with that kind of pain.

My instinct is to bring it up for class discussion in health class--or perhaps English--but that has backfired in the past when a class discussion of cutting actually *introduced* a couple students to the practice, which was naturally not something that particular teacher had intended! I'd be anxious to hear some suggestions for dealing with this at our school. Do you make it an open topic for discussion, despite the risks? What kinds of resources are available? What strategies have you seen be successful with teenagers?

Hi Devon,

First off, I think it's really great that you wish to discuss SI in your school. I've been a self-injurer since the age of 15 (I'm 41 now) and it was and still is a struggle and something that people just don't talk about. I really think if would have made a difference if someone would have just reached out long ago. I understand that not much was known about it then, so I applaud anyone who is willing to go above and beyond for today's youth. Anyway, in the event this site doesn't allow links, do a google search on "Cornell research program on self-injurious behavior". They have a whole section devoted to school protocols. Warm regards and I hope this helps. Even if you can help one child to NOT live like this, it would be a blessing for him/her.

Thank you for this lovely, sympathetic response to a sad trend. The struggle of medieval women really puts things into perspective, and your insights are especially helpful for those of us who have struggled with these things and/or work with students who do.

"For those who self-harm, the gospel comes as an invitation to trust in the One who has enacted perfect and complete justice before God on our behalf, through his body, so we don't have to punish our own."

A beautiful reminder. Thank you~

Good article - empathetic and caring but also orientated around a Gospel world view. And in the end more or less admitted what lies at the heart of this practise, a form of idolatary.
Obviously it is uncaring and unwise to overlook social factors that contribute to this practise. And likewise we should not overlook the inner suffering a girl is experiencing but neither can we afford to look past the "universal human desire to be our own God".
Good article - especially in view of some of the recent wishy washy articles.

I'm a former cutter and think this is a great article. I started cutting in my teens and brought this struggle into my late 20's (I'm almost 31). I think a lot of people think this is just a teen issue, and it's not.

You bring up a lot of interesting points on "control" because cutting is all about control.

Even though I grew up in a Christian home, went to Christian high school, led Bible study, went to seminary...I still cut! I was getting a counseling degree and I still cut! I wrote materials for youth workers and parents on how to help teen cutters and I cut!

To truly embrace the Gospel message makes all the difference, but it wasn't until I was embraced by the Christian ladies in the Bible study that I lead that I found freedom from cutting. The Gospel offers us grace and forgiveness, but having others come alongside someone struggling with SI is even more helpful. When it's no longer a secret, it loses its power and appeal.

Thank you for writing this and beginning to raise awareness about Christians who have or do self-injure. I am a recovering cutter (in two weeks I celebrate a year and a half of no cutting!) who cut throughout high school to numb the pain I experienced at feeling completely lost and out of my element in a public school and to deal with my dysfunctional family life. I lived a completely double life for 3 whole years; I was a great student, involved in my youth group, never got into trouble, and was well-respected in my church. But I was hiding the dirty secret of a razor blade in my closet that I would use to suppress the pain I didn't want to hand over to Christ. At the beginning of my senior year of high school, I began to lead a small group of junior high girls at my church, and I realized that if I didn't stop my destructive behavior, I was being a complete hypocrite. I finally turned the pain in my life over to Christ, asking Him to heal me. It took some time, and so much effort to hand over my problems to Christ, but by praying through the temptation to cut I am now rarely ever tempted to do so.
Throughout my struggles with self-harm, I have kept the problem almost entirely to myself, ashamed to share it with anyone. I am now in my first year at a Christian college, and I long to share my past experiences with my friends, because I feel as if continuing to hide this part of my past is deceitful. For some reason, in Christian culture, there seems to be so much shame attached to self-injury. I hope that by continuing helpful discussion on this topic, through forms like this post, will help myself and others with similar experiences have the strength to hand over our pain to Christ and then tell others about it.

Thank you, thank you for speaking of these women as they are humans (and yes, I do know there are also men). These women are beautiful, strong and intelligent, but they can only see life's pressures.

As a long-time self-injurer (I am 42) and daughter of a self-injurer (my mother, in her sixties, still struggles with it), I have a few observations about the comments in this article.

Cutters get a lot of press because it is a more drastic method and more often requires medical attention. Cutters who commented seem to mention frequently "control" and "freedom from cutting." One talked about self-harming losing its power once the secret was out. I just want to point out that self harming is broad in method and motives.

The first time I self injured I was six. My mother started scratching up her face in the middle of a fight with her abusive second husband. I began "mirroring" that behavior to get her to stop. That was about control, and it worked.

I don't remember when I really started self injuring, but I think it was after being married for a few years. But I guess it really started with anorexia in high school. That was always about self-punishment. I never cut--I scratch and pound. The emotions I most closely associate with self-injury is fear and anger. It first began when I made my husband angry. Since he is the only person who has ever given me unconditional love, I have always had overwhelming anxiety about making him angry. But there are now many other triggers as well--all having to do with feeling inadequate.

I guess I have always balked at the idea that self harm was about control, because I wasn't trying to control others. I guess what I am realizing is that I have used self harm when I felt out of control emotionally. I think that is an important distinction to make, because the first time someone suggested that the behavior was "for attention" or to control my husband, it just made me work harder at hiding the behavior. Suggesting that self harm is always manipulative makes the self-punishing aspect of self harm that much more intense.

Self harm is calming, and I think this is part of the addictive nature. There is a release of endorphins that ease the emotional storm. So my next observation is that self-harming is like alcoholism. Just like alcoholism is never "cured"--it is always just one drink away for a "recovering" alcoholic; self harm is always just one emotional storm away. I haven't self harmed in over a year, but I know it is always a possibility. Any time I have thought I was done with it, when it did return, I felt that much worse about it, and the relapse was worse as a result. I think I am better off knowing it could happen again. If it does, though, it doesn't have to be the end of the world. My daughter self harms as well. We work on alternative coping skills, but I never try to make her promise never to do that again. I know from experience that is a demand that is too overwhelming.

I thought the article did a good job of pointing out the ancient church connections to self harm. I remember reading the letters of Brother Lawrence during a time of extreme emotional turmoil. It was a relief to me to read about his self harming in order to sanctify himself, and how he came to understand that Christ had taken the punishment. I resonated strongly with his writing on this because, at the time, I felt so inadequate before God. I had heard so many messages that salvation was evidenced in good behavior, joy, having the "right" attitude. I was missing the mark in all those ways and hated myself for it. I cling to Romans 8:1 and other such passages, and know that when I fall short--even when I fall short by self harming--Christ does not condemn, chastise, or abandon me.

God is awesome in His forgiveness and so compassionate...how wonderful it is to know that God is close to the brokenhearted and knows how to deal with our deepest needs. Thank you for such an eye-opening article!

In addition cutting, burning, and hair-pulling — I think getting a TATTOO and PIERCINGS is form of self injury
and self loathing.

At one time, getting a tattoo was what drunk sailors did on shore leave. Now it seems fasionable for young women to get tattoos - legs, arms, back, neck, etc. And some women seem to have more metal on their ears than rings on their fingers.

Thank you for writing this article. It came to me in a timely fashion. I myself have warred with self harm for ten years and bulimia for about six years, and what you wrote really spoke to me. I think you should write an article about eating disorders. If you apply the same empathetic insight you use to write this article, I'm sure you could help suffering people and open the doors of enlightenment and understanding to many Christians. I have found that within the church, there seems to be a lot of stigma and misunderstanding--not to mention judgment--about self harming. Thank you for being a fresh voice.

Thank you for this article! I myself have dealt with this issue for many years. When I was at my worst, my counselor that I saw through my church, recommended that I volunteer with the youth group to give me purpose. I did so, and I began to really enjoy it, however once the youth pastor found out they said I could no longer help out. That drove me deeper into my issues and I just could never understand that. I quit going to church for a long while after that since I felt that if they couldn't accept me, no one would. I think people need to have a better understanding about self-injury. Most claim ignorace as a reason to their judgement and anger towards the issue and I think that is just unacceptable. So, thank you for putting this in a very black and white view, no judgement, just facts.

My daughter went through a period of cutting when she was 12 and 13. She is now 16 and has been free of self harm for a few years now. Coming to faith in Christ was certainly a large part of her managing to stop cutting.

I bite my nails REALLY badly - I have sometimes wondered if this is my "self harm."

There is help for those who struggle with cutting.
Contact: Door of Hope for teens and young women 13- 25 years old.

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