Her.meneutics: Toddlers, Tiaras, and Surviving Princess Mania

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« The Gospel of Grace for Women Who Self-Injure | Main | Women Step to Frontline in Mideast Protests »

March 1, 2011

Toddlers, Tiaras, and Surviving Princess Mania

A review of journalist Peggy Orenstein's new book, Cinderella Ate My Daughter: Dispatches from the Front Lines of the New Girlie-Girl Culture.

Sharon Hodde Miller, guest blogger

At the end of March, I will bid farewell to my twenties and celebrate my 30th birthday in style. My husband has planned an amazing trip to Disney World, which means I will enjoy this milestone the same way I did my 6th birthday and many since.

However, this trip will be a little different from the rest. After reading Peggy Orenstein’s newest book, Cinderella Ate My Daughter: Dispatches from the Front Lines of the New Girlie-Girl Culture, I’m not sure I can ever look at those Disney princesses in quite the same way.

Orenstein is a contributing editor to The New York Times Magazine and author of numerous books including her popular SchoolGirls: Young Women, Self-Esteem and the Confidence Gap. Her newest is an exploration into the cultural tsunami of princesses, pink, and glitter that has now come to define American girlhood. Not to be mistaken as a guide on parenting, this book is just what its subtitle implies. Orenstein has gone into the trenches of Disney marketing, Miley Cyrus concerts, child beauty pageants, and American Girl stores for an insider perspective. Along the way, she consulted with child psychologists and child development experts to discern the implications of this new trend. Her findings are compelling.

For instance, Orenstein deconstructs the Disney machine that hooks young girls early on with its Princess line of products (a marketing device launched in 2000), later transitioning girls to the “real life” princesses of Hilary, Miley and Selena. All of this is orchestrated under the assumption that children are safe with Disney, that this princess world enables parents to shield their kids from the darker edges of culture and stave off the onset of early sexualization.

This plan, unfortunately, backfires. After years of “protecting” daughters from the pitfalls of American femininity, young girls are instead primed for it. The emphasis on pink princesses produces a preoccupation with outward appearance. The role model thought to be found in Miley Cyrus turns out to be quite the opposite.

As Orenstein documents her journey, she weaves in stories from her own struggle to raise a daughter. Admittedly inclined toward feminism, Orenstein tries to balance her natural convictions with her daughter’s ability to choose for herself. She cannot, after all, offer her daughter “more choices — a broader view of femininity — by repeatedly saying no” to every request for a Barbie doll or a Disney Princess dress.

Here, Orenstein clarifies that the villain in this tale is not the princess. Nor is it men, or even traditional femininity. What concerns Orenstein is the narrow, image-obsessed culture that imposes itself on girls in the form of seemingly innocent products.

In another fascinating chapter entitled “Sparkle, Sweetie!” Orenstein attends a child beauty pageant and interviews some of the participating families. While her observations are indeed thought provoking, it was her closing conclusion that really hit me between the eyes. Orenstein explains that controversial shows like Toddlers in Tiaras

purport to be exposés, but in truth expose nothing, change nothing, challenge nothing. What they do is give viewers license, under the pretext of disapproval, to be titillated by the spectacle, to indulge in guilty-pleasure voyeurism. They also reassure parents of their own comparative superiority by smugly ignoring the harder questions: even if you agree that pageant moms are over the line in their sexualization of little girls — way over the line — where, exactly, is that line, and who draws it and how?

storymaker-before-and-after-pageant-photo-pictures5-515x440-1.jpg

That line is a blurry one to be sure. Princess parties, toddler makeup lines and manicures seem harmless enough, and Orenstein reminds us that they are — in a vacuum. It’s the totality of these products and messages that form an inescapable current that, by the time you awaken to it, you are nearly powerless to swim against.

How does Orenstein propose we resist the trend? To answer this question, she references the classic Brothers Grimm tale of Rapunzel. When Rapunzel’s evil mother discovers that her plan to lock Rapunzel in a tower has failed, she angrily cries out, “You wicked child! I thought I had separated you from the world, and you deceived me!”

Orenstein presents this as a “cautionary tale” for modern-day parents. Rather than pluck our children out of the world and “lock them up” until college, she believes in “fighting fun with fun.” She urges parents to get creative about their children’s options. Read stories and watch movies about independent, smart girls and boys. Intentionally affirm their inner beauty. Buy clothing and toys that represent the fullness of the color spectrum. The ultimate aim in each decision is to help our children “see themselves from the inside out rather than outside in.”

Orenstein’s book focuses largely on research about young girls, but it leaves me wondering about adult women as well. It will be difficult to lead our daughters to a land that we have never ventured ourselves. As thoroughly as the princess culture has infiltrated little girl-dom, one look at the shelves of any Christian bookstore indicates that grown women are just as concerned with embracing their princess personas as are children. Claiming one’s identity as a “daughter of the King” is a popular theme in women’s ministry today, but what about the biblical language of servanthood, or even slavery to Christ? (see Alexandra T. Armstrong, “’Slavery to Christ’ Becomes Labor of Love,” Telegraph Herald, Jan. 8, 2011). How does the princess culture square with Jesus’ directive to take up our cross and follow him? As we seek to raise women who are Christians first and princesses second (or third or fourth or fifth), those are questions we will need to explore further.

Sharon Hodde Miller is a PhD student in educational studies at Trinity Evangelical Divinity School in Deerfield, Illinois. She blogs at She Worships. She has written for Her.meneutics about forgoing wearing makeup as a spiritual discipline.

Comments

Disney princesses ARE sexualized images of young women--images that I do not want my daughter internalizing. Examine their clothing: revealing and emphasizing breasts and impossibly tiny waists. Storylines: every one of them involves seeking the love and approval of a man. Even the "better" princesses, such as Mulan, have their pitfalls (and usually are excluded from the traditional princess "lineup").

Those are just a few of the reasons we don't "do" Disney princesses in our house. Not only do I not want my daughter to be devoured by the Disney marketing machine, I don't want my son thinking that Disney princesses are normalized versions of real women. We also do not have commercial television and do not purchase or consume fashion or celebrity magazines of any kind.

Toddler make up and high heels are far from harmless. They teach our daughters (and sons!) that these are necessary accessories for femininity. Nobody, especially a little girl, can run and play in high heels. And makeup is controversial even for adults, as can be seen on a previous post on this blog. Our daughters don't need makeup to cover the beautiful faces God gave them. Especially at ages 2 or 3 years old! What a great way to raise up a generation who believe that the most important aspect of a woman is not her humanity, not her personhood, but her APPEARANCE.

The only way to fight the sexualization of our daughters and sons is for us, as parents, to put a stop to it. Refuse to engage in it. Refuse to purchase products that perpetuate it (including Barbie and Bratz). And institute behaviors in our own lives and homes that are positive and affirming: stop negative body talk, emphasize what their bodies DO instead of how they LOOK, ban fashion magazines, encourage active play, purchase a wide variety of non-gendered toys, monitor media consumption, teach our children media literacy skills, TALK TO THEM about the messages they receive from our consumer-driven and sexualized culture. And PRAY for them.

I have never wanted to be a princess. I prefer to be a multi-dimensional, complicated human woman. Imperfect, yes, but far more interesting. I do not want my daughter to view herself as a princess--expecting people to spoil her and cater to her whims. How self-centered! I want her to be an active participant in the sometimes dirty work of making the world a better place, doing the work to which God has called us both. As Miller said in her article, I want us both to be focused on taking up the cross and following Jesus.

Mothers relive their lives through their daughters, just like Dads relive their lives through their sons.

There are two PagentMother types: 1)fat and/or ugly mothers who desire their daughters to enjoy the privleges of beauty they never did, and 2) formerly attractive mothers, whose identity is tied up exclusively in their fading beauty. Spineless husbands stand behind both these PagentMother types.

I'm glad it seems that Orenstein acknowledges that you can enjoy Disney movies and products as long as it's balanced out and not allowed to dictate children's worth. I'm a Disney fan and grew up during the years when Ariel and Belle and Jasmine were the hitting the big screen. My sisters and I were surrounded by Disney stuff--but we still turned out well-balanced women thanks to our parents' involvement in our lives.

I think your last point may be the most important of all for Christians. Yes, we are God's children, "princesses" of the King. But we are also his bondservants, called to imitate Christ, who left his throne and died a degrading, offensive death upon the cross.

My concern with the princess-themed things for young girls is that too many young Christian girls are repeatedly told that they are "God's little princesses" because God has made them his, not out of any inate merit of their own but by his grace. For a young girl who hasn't developed a strong sense of reasoning, there is the chance that they hear "princess", associate it with the Disney-version, and believe that they have earned their God-given title. The last leads to pride and an erroneous concept of grace and our relationship with God.

I think sometimes we take issues a bit too far. Disney princesses, American Girls, Really? What is next Sesame Street or stuffed animals? Whatever happened to just bringing your children up in a Christ filled home, talking to them about right and wrong and making sure they are well informed. It sounds like instead of not wanting our sons and daughters to be cookie cutter images of what these things represent that instead we want them to be cookie cutter Christians and that is not at all what Christ wants.

I'd like to suggest that the "princess" thing (as it's grown into an industry) is also about entitlement.

It's one thing to do some make-believe princess play (harmless, imo); another to buy into the princess industry.

I have a feeling that a lot of girls who've been immersed in this are going to be very, very disillusioned as they grow up... better to have an image of a princess who (as in a lot of folk tales) might have to outwit bad guys, strive to learn, go on a quest, etc.

Reading letters from hysterical Christian mothers (Kate Beaty) is always entertaining and sad. This two pronged mire I find myself in further motivates me to think for myself! "....not everything is beneficial"! Robyn's letter pretty much said it all, well and right. American's not just it's children have a nasty sense of entitlement. Parents, culture, media and yes even the church is guilty to one degree or another. "Foolishness is bound up in the heart of a child"! If no one is there to discipline it out of them, what kind of adults are they going to make? Don't smother your kids w/ "God" they will grow to resent you for it. Pray for them and your weaknesses as a parent. It is not the responsibility of Disney to raise your kids! They exist to entertain kids. So stop blaming and demonizing Disney for not making "Little Anti-Princess Servant Boutique Kits" (Perfume & Tears Not Included) We live in a world that is EVIL!!! We are soldiers in God's Army. Put here to fight for the Kingdom of God. I would rather raise my unborn children in the image of Jesus, John Wayne and Joan of Arch! Instead of a sweet tyrannical mother hell bent on protecting her children w/ any kind of dogma and home schooling she thinks will save her kids from the real world!

Well, I was reading along feeling like all the bases had been covered till I finished your comment, Kirk.
"I would rather raise my unborn children in the image of Jesus, John Wayne and Joan of (sic)Arch! Instead of a sweet tyrannical mother hell bent on protecting her children w/ any kind of dogma and home schooling she thinks will save her kids from the real world!"
I'm afraid you may be in for a big surprise when you begin the actual task of parenting.
Raising children is a very complex job; neither an art or a science. We all "would rather raise our children in the image of Jesus" but it's just so much more complicated than that. The everyday ins & outs of dealing with the life of a growing, dynamic being requires detailed attention & deep prayers. Simply showing them hero cowboys & women martyrs is not the solution. There is a time & place for discipline and a time & place for entertainment. The parent who stays close to their child will be most likely to know when either is needed. As well as be able to explain the difference between the two as the child grows.
All this is to say...homeschooling is not about "dogma" or "saving a child from the world". It is about knowing your child so well you do your best to prepare them to go into the world at the time they are mature enough to deal with the evil of it & to discern truth on their own.
I consider that my 5 daughters (each having their favorite Disney Princess growing up) have grown into beautiful, college educated,servants of the Lord as evidence of the truth that staying close to them (eg.homeschooling) and praying for the balance between living in the Law (keeping all sexual matters in their place) with grace (Disney is about fun in life) and the tender love of our Lord (life is eternal) is the best way to go. We serve the Lord in the world but not of the world. Don't send your children out into it before they are ready. But be sure to introduce it thoughtfully as they grow. We are the steward of their young hearts. No bravado neccessary. Just long term commitment by the leading of the Holy Spirit. And so alot of blood,sweat & tears.

I'll be reflecting today on the differences between a common practice when I was a child: playing "dress-up" with Mom's cast-off heels and pretty clothes and jewelry, clomping around the house dragging the embellished hem on the floor, and having just-my-size fantasy clothing to dress up in, as the Disney Princess line offers.

It's something to think about.

Parenting has always been a challenge, but with mass media and marketing, it has become a real jungle! We all struggle with a compromise between living "in the world" and not being "othe world," but never so much as with our kids.

Children who are sheltered too much from the world that they will eventually have to live in, may respond by going in the exact opposite direction from what we hope for them, once they are old enough to make their own choices. At the same time, if kids are allowed to be overly influenced by an increasingly God-less culture, they may be swallowed up by it.

May God bless and encourage all parents! Without Him, I am not sure how it can be done!

I have two polar opposite daughters. The oldest is an intellectual, reading-obsessed science and animal lover. She wears sweatshirts and jeans or sweatpants every day. She barely brushes her hair, much less styles it. When she was younger, she was invited to a couple of those make-up/hair styling birthday parties and hated them. Today, as a "tween," she likes to get her nails painted and wear earrings, but that's the extent of any "girly" kind of stuff. Disney princesses meant nothing to her.

My younger daughter loves make-up, jewelry, and dressing up. A make-up/hair styling party is her idea of a great time. She pores over the Justice catalogs we get in the mail, circling the fashions and accessories she would like.

Parenting these two girls (along with a boy who loves the color pink and sings Hannah Montana songs at the top of his lungs...that is a whole other story) has taught me a few things. Kids are who they are, and the girly "princess" stuff does tap into some innate impulses that many (not all) girls have. The messages of the girly culture can be damaging, but they aren't always. As parents we have the power to say "no" to the damaging messages that girls receive, and we need to use that power.

I won't tell my younger girl she can't attend one of those hair/make-up birthday parties, but I will never plunk down my money to pay for one for her. (And I have argued with my fellow Girl Scout leaders whenever someone suggests we spend our cookie sales money on one of these parties...they do not empower girls!).

My younger daughter loves fashion and has a good sense about it. I will gladly buy her the clothes she wants...if they are age-appropriate. No bikinis, no graphic t-shirts with fresh messages, no heels.

I also won't tolerate my older daughter making sweeping assumptions about girls who like all the "girly" stuff she doesn't. I think it's just as bad to assume that girls/women who care about their appearance must be vain and shallow, as to assume that those who don't care so much are not feminine. It's possible for smart girls to like pretty stuff, and girls who like pretty stuff to be smart.

Very well put Kirk! I agree with you wholeheartedly. But... while Peggy bashes simple worldly things that can easily be seen for the misguided representations that they are, she fails to see the greater evil that even she has been seduced by.

Putting as simply as possible, God is life and His Word is THE authority of all things pertaining to life and death! Is it not? And the deceit that Peggy herself is living in and perpetuating as righteousness is the height of evil and sin!

"Along the way, she consulted with child psychologists and child development experts..."

Really? Well praise Satan!!! Nowhere in Scripture does God even hint that the study and manipulation of the mind is the answer to man's "sin" nature! Too many people view psychiatry and psychology as the answer to man's "sin" nature, when in and of itself it is THE height of sin because it does away with God! If this is not true, then why does Peggy insist that we go to psychology... AND NOT GOD OR SCRIPTURE!!!?

This is most assuredly seen in Satan's attack of Eve's MIND and heart in the Garden of Eden!!! By Satan's manipulation of Eve's mind, Adam and Eve willing left the presence of God Almighty, and followed Satan's lies! Wake up ladies... Jesus Christ is our Savior, not psychology or psychiatry!!!

Really appreciated Keith Morris' post. I think of Queen Esther--for such a time as this. I am God's girl. When others see a shepherd girl...God sees so much more. I am a Princess/Queen in God's sight--because of Christ. I am called to live my life as a bond servant. Knowing who I am in Christ is all I need to know.

I also just noticed that it's really ANONYMOUS that I enjoyed reflecting upon!

I am just as disturbed by the storylines of some princess movies as the marketing/appearance issues. The Cinderella story sends a message that it's noble to cheerfully put up with abusive treatment, from which you will magically be rescued. Girls are subtly influenced by these kinds of stories, in which they are not active participants in their own fate.

A few months ago, I listened to a very "princessy" Christian woman tell me that, instead of calling the police on her abusive husband, she hoped a neighbor or someone would hear and call. She was completely unwilling or unable to fathom acting on her own behalf, and hoped instead for a magical rescuer. Sadly, too many Christian women think that way.

Hey, I have an idea. There's nothing God can't use to teach something to someone. So when your baby gal asks for a disney princess/barbie/whatever doll, give them an oppurtunity to EARN it. This can teach them self discipline and they'll probably appreciate the doll more if they earned it. But sometimes, you just have to say NO. As for the princesses, instead of banning them and focusing on the negative (which encourages rebellion) TALK about the good messages. For example, Cinderella (who in my humble opinion is kinda overrated) was at first a servant to her vain stepmother in rags. She was always kind. And her reward? The fairy godmother helped her and she got the prince. Use Cinderella as an example to your kids about kindness and selflessness, I dare you. And in Beauty and the beast, Belle saw past the beast's ugly exterior and got to know him. And ya know what? He turned out to be a prettyboy prince! And yes, I do feel the princesses are a lirtle hypersexualized, but compared to most of our culture, they're tame. Veeeerrryy tame. So all in all, use princesses to instill Godly values in our children. I dare you. This is Mewster, signing off and shutting up.

Mewster:

I think that discussing the messages put forward by media is probably a good idea all around, not just for Disney movies. Virtually every piece of children's media is both potentially-problematic and potentially-positive, depending on what one takes from it.

Disney's definitely one of the places to start doing that, though, because the messages given vary so wildly depending on what level of interpretation is used -- Cinderella is essentially harmless if it's taken at the simplest level of "being a good person is rewarded," potentially devastating if taken at the somewhat deeper level of "if you're a good girl, just wait and wish and someone will save you," and rather good for sparking discussion at the deepest level of "sometimes, it's hard enough just to keep believing" (that last bit, admittedly, was something I never would have considered if the Fairy Godmother herself hadn't said it to an outside character in a more recent Disney property). And Beauty and the Beast is similar -- the first level is harmless ("don't judge people by looks"), the second level is devastating ("I can fix him!"), and the third level is fairly interesting ("people can change, if everyone's willing to work to make it happen").

(And that's not even to get into the difference that culture makes in the interpretation of "princess" characters -- it's hard to believe, but Cinderella was actually intended to be an active protagonist who didn't just sit and wait for Prince Charming!)

Nancy has a point about abusive situations, but there's another angle to be considered.

I read an interview with Hilary McKay, who wrote a sequel to "A Little Princess," one of my favorite childhood books. (Incidentally, if you're looking for a story that equates princesshood with kindness, selflessness, and true nobility of spirit, you can't do better than "A Little Princess.") McKay said that, to replace the timid scullery maid Becky, who left Miss Minchin's at the end of the original book, she introduced a new maid who was feisty because "I knew that there had to be a maid helping out, and I felt I couldn’t have anyone remotely like Becky."

That sounds great until you stop and think about it. The hard truth is that there were, and are, many "Beckys" in real life -- scared, abused girls with no way to escape their abusers. (I'm not necessarily talking about abusive marriages now, but things like indentured servitude and human trafficking.) Maybe it feels good to whitewash history and forget about the "Beckys" -- to pretend that every girl caught in a hard situation could have gone all "girl power" and got herself out of it by sheer force of will. But that simply is not the case.

So it's all very well to say Cinderella could have rescued herself, but if we posit that she lived in a time and place, where women couldn't work outside the home or live on their own, how was she supposed to do that?

Just food for thought.

There are some valid points, but I don't think the best response is to be paranoid and obsessed every time a new book, with a new angle comes out.

My five year old has remarked how its bothersome that in all the Barbie movies she has seen, there are always some male character who has to get married to Barbie. She asks: "Why is that?" My response: "Yes, why is that?"

There is good culture and bad culture, feel free to take the good, while discarding the bad, be intentional and above all love them, spend time with them and commit them to God. And in the end, they have this crazy infatuation with princesses, hey there are worse things.

“Girls don’t naturally want to be sexy — they want to be girls,” says Peggy Orenstein, Author (Cinderella Ate My Daughter). “That is natural. [But] when they continue to see images of toys that are supposed to be age appropriate emulating sexiness, then that un-natural aspiration, becomes natural.” -via the Today Show blog

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