Her.meneutics: The Cult of the Orgasm

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June 16, 2011

The Cult of the Orgasm

Thinking Christianly about the vibrator boom and unsatisfied sexual desire.

Anna Broadway

Baptist theologian Russell Moore recently warned, “On the nightstand of a woman in your church, there’s a Christian romance novel and a Bible.” Yet if The New York Times is to be believed, he should have been more concerned with a vibrator on the nightstand.

Cultural mores are changing, The Times reports; once available mainly in dimly-lit sex shops, vibrators for women are now being sold in national chain drugstores, a supposed sign of women’s empowerment: comfort with discussing and pursuing not just sex but that sometimes-elusive hallmark of “success,” an orgasm. The Times credits this shift to many factors, but inevitably certain TV shows are said have played a role in the vibrator boom.

With the ranks of single Christian women unlikely to shrink anytime soon, it’s doubtful we have entirely opted out of buying into this trend, since we navigate the same cultural milieu as women outside the church. Aren’t we, too, struggling with some measure of sexual disappointment and frustration? Though many of us are likely too shy or conscience-stricken to purchase a vibrator, masturbation has been a topic of debate among evangelicals, with some concluding that it’s an acceptable way to wait until marriage for sex (assuming sex requires a partner). How should Christian women respond to the vibrator trend and its broader message of sexual empowerment?

First, a few observations. A vibrator is a replacement — a simulator, if you will. It’s not a man, but it’s meant to resemble one. It’s straightforward, makes no demands, produces fairly consistent results. And it doesn’t smell, make rude noises, or wince when you cry. But neither can it hold you, stroke your hair, or make you coffee.

Given the choice between a “perfect” lover and a vibrator, most women would choose the real thing. But in many cases, the substitute must seem better than no lover or an imperfect one. And for those with an uneasy conscience, the ethics of sexual substitutes aren’t entirely clear.
If we look at the few applicable biblical passages, it turns out that masturbation isn’t exactly the point. The best-known example is Genesis 38, when Judah’s son Onan is slain for “spilling his seed” instead of sleeping with his deceased brother’s wife. But as Thomas Laqueur explains in his cultural history of masturbation (yes, one exists), the real moral issue was not the means of avoidance, but rather Onan’s refusal to honor the cultural tradition of Levirate marriage, whereby he was supposed to provide Er’s widow, Tamar, with children in his brother’s stead.

The next passage people often turn to is Matthew 5, in which Jesus equates lust of the heart with adultery. Since masturbation without fantasy is rare if not impossible, the reasoning goes, it will always involve something clearly condemned by Jesus. Ergo, masturbation is sin.

I did not find this reasoning compelling when I first began to wrestle with masturbation’s morality. Any time you start to justify a position based on a carefully argued interpretation of one passage or verse, I get suspicious. Surely the Bible is not meant to be treated like the Constitution or a lease; isn’t that the heart of legalism? If something’s wrong, wouldn’t it be more clearly and frequently addressed?

For a while, such thinking seemed to provide a rationale for reading the Bible’s silence as tacit permission to masturbate. But that doesn’t take away the likely guilt or the shame a man once confessed to me in a quasi-counseling phone conversation. And it doesn’t make masturbation any more worshipful — of something other than yourself, your desire, and your pleasure.

This is why I have ultimately reached the conclusion that masturbation is an unwise and probably sinful practice. What, after all, is one of the most fundamental themes and values of the Bible? Self-giving love. Over and over, the biblical authors stress that God’s love is unconditional, sacrificial, and self-donating (John 3:16, 1 John 4:7-10, etc.). And this is not just the love He has for mankind, but the love within the Trinity that we, too, as God’s image bearers, are called to imitate. There is no higher standard for human relationships.

If self-giving love is the best way we could relate to others generally, can this be any less true in a sexual relationship? Since I am presently unmarried, I can only speculate about how this plays out between a husband and wife. But to my mind, the biblical ideal of self-giving love leaves no room for masturbation or other means of sexual self-fulfillment for the unmarried. How can such a practice possibly form me into an increasingly more sacrificial person?

But not only is masturbation inherently focused on the needs of the self, it also involves trying to provide for those needs by oneself, instead of trusting God to know best whether the sexual intimacies of marriage are truly needed or best at the present stage.

There, as they say, is the rub. For therein lies the great if, the fundamental lack of control over what form that “best” might take. And the older you get, the harder the desperation and anger are to fight, never mind the curiosity and sheer physical hunger that sometimes sweep through like the desert’s flash floods.

But masturbation fixes none of that. Instead of hope, it brings emptiness. Instead of moving you from loneliness and self-absorption to things that are excellent, praiseworthy, and encouraging (Phil. 4:8), it takes the mind to increasingly dark places. And instead of fostering greater self-sacrifice toward others, in breeds an increasing self-concern and inward focus.

The good news is, we don’t need masturbation to prepare for marriage and sex — if God has those ahead for us. There are many ways to grow in loving others well without being in a romantic relationship, and the more we learn to love like Jesus, the better for all of our relationships.

The hard part is that a life without self-supplied sexual release is one in which loneliness, uncertainty, and libido can take on a starker, sharper reality. There is no escape, no cushion, no numbing device.

But a funny thing happens when you cry out to God in such places, where before you would have turned to a screen or your hand. In all those efforts to provide for yourself, there’s a fundamental aloneness and isolation. But the minute you turn to God in your hunger, there’s communion. That doesn’t make the circumstances easy or the night shorter, but in fighting through unsatisfied sexual longing with God, it’s possible to gain a measure of what so draws us to real sex in the first place: intimacy.

Anna Broadway is a writer and web editor living in the San Francisco Bay area. She is the author of Sexless in the City: A Memoir of Reluctant Chastity. She has written for Her.meneutics about Eat, Pray, Love, Christian dating, Mel Gibson and prayer in writing and on foot.

Comments

Fantastic piece! I'm glad that CT is talking about this issue - when everywhere we go we are bombarded by magazine articles, doctors, etc.. that all say that its "healthy, and A-OK" - this is probably the best reasoning I've seen (and the least legalistic) for why its not and maybe, hopefully, prayerfully this article will help many.

Well said, Anna.

Excellent, candid post! I am impressed with the frank honesty and thoughtfulness in which Anna has addressed this very real issue. I appreciate that she has looked into it, and gone beyond just touting a position and moved into serious, prayerful consideration and was able to effectively communicate on such a difficult topic. I think her conclusion will be helpful to many.

Since the author mostly addresses the issue of masturbation from the viewpoint of a single person, I'd like to examine it a bit from the viewpoint of a married person.

It is possible to masturbate while only fantasizing about your spouse. I view this as a gray area since it is still self-serving but would not, in my opinion, be characterized as lusting after someone other than you spouse.

It is possible to masturbate with the participation of your spouse. This can be an intimate and valuable activity if one person is physically unable to have intercourse. There are a significant number of situations in which one partner is unable to have intercourse, but sexual intimacy is still a VERY important part of marriage. Anyone who underestimates its importance makes a grave mistake, in my opinion.

I believe it is unrealistic to ask a married person to simply go without sexual activity indefinitly. There are ways to engage in sexual intimacy with your spouse that don't include intercourse, and masturbation together is one of them.

I also wonder about the circumstances of long separations of married couples, such as military deployment. In such cases, I believe that it *can* be non-sinful to engage in masturbation. Don't underestimate the necessity of sexual release for both husband *and* wife. If each is able to resist fantasizing about others during masturbation, I would consider the possibility that it wouldn't be sinful.

This is a much more nuanced issue than it seems to me that the author indicates. While I agree with her position on masturbation for single people, I believe there is much gray area when it is considered in the context of marriage.

While I'm not sure I agree with all of the claims of this article, I think there is big truth in the reality that masturbation teaches us lies about our sexuality and sex as God designed it. Masturbation teaches that the goal is orgasm, no communication is required, and it's all about you, to name only a few. As a married person, I can vouch for the reality that masturbation undermines the health of marital intimacy in most cases.

Also, I agree with "concerned wife" who reminds us that sometimes masturbation is necessary and helpful to the sexual relationships between husband and wife. But the majority of American couples are probably not in those situations.

Thanks for stirring the pot with this article. I think it does need to be addressed with the ever-lengthening road to marriage.

Lets talk about what the church isn't teaching to singles. MARRIAGE. About how it is not good to be alone. Most of my college friends -whom all were Christians have not had any children- even though they have been married over 10 years. There are also several of us who have never married. I've had multiple friends over 40 get married for the first time in the last five years. WHAT were they waiting for? Not to produce immage bearers?!! Oh yea, the perfect spouse, enough money, God, selfish persuits, mascarading more holy persuits, "being in love with Jesus", vacations to exotic places. The Christian Church had better wake up!! Those of the Islam faith are out- breeding us. They are having 8.1 kids to the European & US birth rates of between 1.3 and 2.1.

Masturbation is a cheap, shallow, replacement for the real thing. However the church has abandoned the things of God ie marriage and is not engouraging singles to find the real thing. Consider this a cry out to God, if you have ears to hear.

I think this is a really important subject, and whether one agrees or disagrees with the author, just the fact that Christianity today is talking about it deserves kudos.

This is an issue I have struggled with personally. I was married in my 30s, and despite thinking I had chosen a Christian husband, immediately found myself in an emotionally, sexually, and physically abusive marriage. On one hand, I wanted to honor God in every area of my life. On the other hand, my life was literally a living hell. Even sex was a tool my husband used to gratify himself and humiliate me.

Throughout the marriage, simply saying no to a physical release I was created and designed to have — especially when my body was being stimulated on a regular basis to provide sex to someone else — seemed like divine sadism. That simply couldn't be the God I worshiped. Yet, married to someone who treated me with nothing but contempt, I could not use my husband in my fantasies to bring sexual release either. I found myself in an impossible position.

In the end, I agree with the author that masturbation can bring terrible emptiness. It never brought anything but that for me. At the same time, the sexual pressure was SO great that it needed a release.

I believe much depends — as every gray area in scripture — on how maturbation is being used. Is is being used to avoid marital intimacy? It is being used as a substitute for an available spouse? Is it being used as an alternative to relying on God? In such cases, yes, I can see the practice as obvious sin.

But if there is absolutely no alternative for a Spirit-filled believer, if it is not used as a regular practice and crutch to simply avoid relying on God, and if every attempt is made (as hard as it is) to refrain sinning in the mind, then I think it's an area that falls under conscience and grace.

I still struggle with the issue. I do not give myself license to engage in the practice whenever I feel like it. That, I believe, would not bring God any glory. But occasionally, as a woman in my 40s seeking to remain pure until God sees fit to bring me a biblical husband, if I do engage, I am thankful for God's compassion, forgiveness, and grace. And THAT brings God glory. "For where sin abounds, grace abounds more."

Thank you for chiming in, Jessica. In further comments, however, it would be best to find ways to disagree with authors without calling them names, which is an unhelpful and uncharitable way to engage the topic at hand. Christianity Today has a comments policy, and comments with name-calling are deleted.

Thank you,

Katelyn Beaty
Editor, Her.meneutics

If you itch, do you scratch it? If you are hungry, do you eat? If you are tired, do you sleep? Are any of these acts inherently seflish, if you don't scratch someone else's back at the same time? Or if you don't eat with someone else?

We do countless things everyday for ourselves as a basic part of taking care of ourselves. Due to a man's constant production of semen, there is a physical component to sexual desires that most women don't understand. Even apart from that, there are many physical, psychological,and emortional benefits from frequent and regular orgasms for both sexes.

I think our problem comes from one verse in Matthew where Jesus talks about lust and looking at a woman, and this was in a time when there were no bikinis, short shorts, or adult movies.

The word 'lust' is the real issue. The Greek word used here is the common word used for 'covet' in both the Old and New Testaments. Coveting is very different from a simple desire. The word itself does not mean sexual desire but desire in its broadest range of meanings. But this word is used in the Ten Commandments and regularly in the NT for coveting. A sexual fantasy as an aid in masturbation is not coveting.

In an ideal world, perhaps, every time a person wanted an orgasm, they had a spouse present and willing to assist here. For those who do not have that privilege, I would say, scratch the itch. You will be healthier and happier for having done so.

Of course, many people overeat and oversleep, and many good things can be overdone. If you are constantly scratching an itch, I think there is a problem.

I wasn't calling her "names" but I'll edit my comment then to say:

I think the content of this article is very prudish.

I couldn't have said it better than "concerned wife". I would like to just add that in my opinion there is less of a need for masturbation while married unless in the cases previously pointed out where a spouse is gone for a long period of time. Other than that the only time it should be used is "together". The Lord says that once you are man and wife your body is no longer your own. You should take joy in the fact that you no longer have to pleasure yourself but you can seek that from your trusted spouse.
While single, I would rather masturbate than be drawn into the temptation of pre marital sex. We are NOT perfect, God knows this, I think He would approve of self pleasure more than us being sexually sinful with another person whom we're not joined with.
I also believe that masturbation especially for woman is a great thing and I commend woman who actually admit to doing it. This is how we learn about our selves and what our bodies like and don't like, what makes us respond and what makes us shut down. Men don't get an instruction manual to our business down there so it is our responsibility to let them know so that there is less of a chance of tension and unhappiness in the bedroom. If I am going to commit myself to one man for the rest of my life and that is the only man I will ever be with, darn tootin I'm going to make sure our sexual life is the best thing we can make it and that starts with me knowing myself. I say rock on with your vibrators ladies!!

I'm glad to see this topic here, but I agree with "concerned wife" and "Jessica" that there's so much more to the issue than this article addresses. I've been happily married for nearly 30 year to the same man, both of us evangelical Christians since our teens. We have a healthy and mutually fulfilling sex life that leaves a lot of room for freedom within boundaries. Due to the silence and repression of the church, we've had to figure this all out on our own. I've led discussions on this topic with women in my church, and have heard some really valid reasons why a woman might want or need a vibrator. She might be having difficulty achieving orgasm with her husband. Some time alone figuring out what works for her could help them both. She could be trying to recover from abuse, rape or some other negative sexual experience. She could be getting older, and finding her body needs more help achieving orgasm within lovemaking. Her husband may be incapacitated, or uninterested. On and on the list goes. I have yet to hear of a husband who minds his wife having a vibrator if it enhances the sexual experience between the two of them. A more responsive wife will mean better sex for him too. There are three boundaries I observe: no fantasizing about other people (and yes, it is totally possible); no pornography allowed; no substituting masturbation for sex with your husband when he is available and interested. BTW, Christian sex therapists agree. I think if single women can observe the same boundaries, there's no reason why this can't be an appropriate outlet for their God-given desires.

I have found myself married for 30 years to my best friend. I can count on both hands the number of times we have had sexual intercourse. He has no interest. And he has no interest in having sexual intercourse with anyone. He has been to the doctor who has told him he's physically fine. He refuses to seek psychological counseling. That has left me frustrated, lonely, empty, and often centered on myself because my normal sexual needs have not been met. I considered divorce. I considered an affair. But I put those thoughts aside because I married a man I love and because I made vows before God and neighbor that I would honor him as my husband till death do us part. Five years ago, I gave in to a little battery operated gizmo that relieves my physical frustration enough to move on to better and higher things. It lies in my nightstand, and is pulled on on those few occasions when I might otherwise turn to someone other than my husband for that kind of gratification. In my mind and soul, I believe this is a better answer than either than affair or a divorce. I find Anna Broadway's article to be rather simplistic and naive.

I think that calling out Jessica for "name calling" is a bit harsh. But then, I think this article is a bit harsh, too.

Obviously, excessive masturbation with lustful fantasies can undermine a person's relationship with others and with God. But to say that it is always wrong is to masturbate is to go somewhere that the Bible doesn't. There is a difference between using it as a selfish way to focus more on yourself and using it to relieve a pressure that can at times be unbearable. Each person's sex drive is unique. To tell single Christians with high sex drives that they can have no physical release for the urges driving them crazy will only make a difficult road even more lonely and discouraging.

I would suggest that anyone interested in the topic of sexuality for Christians (single or married) read Lauren Winner's book, Real Sex. Though she only mentions masturbation briefly, I think she sums it up well (I'm loosely paraphrasing from memory here) when she says that God probably would have put more about masturbation in the Bible if He saw it as a really big deal.

Although I respect your opinion, I disagree. I am a middle aged Christian woman and very happily married for over 30 years. I just don't see this as sinful. We need to be spirited in our God given sexuality.

Bravo! I applaud you young lady for your courage in at least addressing something that has been taboo. I agree with you as well. However, I was very surprised to read you are unmarried!
I have a seminary graduate son, not perfect, but....:-)

"... but in fighting through unsatisfied sexual longing with God, it’s possible to gain a measure of what so draws us to real sex in the first place: intimacy."
-----------------

Exactly. I thought this piece was right on. Thanks.

What I appreciate most about this article is that Anna makes her argument on both Scriptural and theological grounds. She has not approached this topic through proof-texting or hollow rules but instead by asking what makes us more like Christ. When we talk about these issues, we need to use language that incorporates God's design for marriage, the divine reality that the marriage relationship reflects, God's design for sex, and how human sexual intimacy is to echo God's intimacy with us. Masturbation as a single woman is a bit different than addressing the topic as a married woman, but I still agree that we need to be careful about any sexual practice that divorces the joy of sex from the context of the marital bed.

That said, I think it's fair to express disagreement here but it should be done on grounds that are inherently Christian and theologically nuanced, not simply on generalizations like "enjoy your sexuality" or "don't be such a prude." Those are not Biblical arguments, and in a culture that has so thoroughly distorted marriage and sex, we need to make sure we're talking about these concepts in a way that is wholly consistent with Christian doctrine. Otherwise we will become totally unintelligible and our practices will reflect our theological dis-integration.

I have a question: do you think Jesus did this? He was and is perfect.

And, does what you engage in (whatever it is) glorify God? Does it bring you closer to Him? Closer to Others?

And third, has anyone thought that rather than look at what a person doesn't have, sexual satisfaction in this case, and focus on what he or she does have. Along this line, I have thought that if sexual desire and energy can be redirected I believe it is the same (but the flip side) as our creative drive. Sexual unfulfillment will pass if you focus on something else. I disagree with the one comment that compared it to an itch, a food hunger, a thirst. Sexuality is not the same thing.

But if someone occasionally engages in masturbation I wouldn't get all crazy about it. But if it is becoming a regular part of a person's life, I am thinking that is going into dangerous territory.

Despite it's attempt at open dialogue on a tough issue, this article relies on the same old rhetoric - shaming women for their sexuality, or at least any sexuality they might have in their own right, without a man to help them along, and in particular single woman for having sexual thoughts or needs before they have a spouse to express them with.

It also sets up the false equation that sex always equals love. While sex should come out of love for another person it is also a physical need in and of itself. Even married people should admit if they are honest that sometimes it is just about the physical need. Like any other physical need, if satisfying it becomes a crutch or an abuse, you've got yourself a problem. Otherwise, God made us this way and we should allow ourselves to be sexual beings.

In reading these comments, I think a fundamental question we have to ask is this: Is every desire I have good? Does every desire I have orient me towards what Jesus Christ has communicated to me is my highest end, namely, loving God and loving others?

If I'm honest with myself, I know that ALL of my desires, sexual ones included, are in desperate need of being reformed and reshaped so that they too become things that lead me to love God and love others more fully.

That "unbearable" sexual desire we feel--single or married--do we unquestioningly think that is a good thing? Or do we realize that even our sexual desires need to be transformed so that they are oriented towards making us a people who more fully love God and neighbor? Are we willing to walk the road that requires denying certain desires because we know they are not oriented towards our highest ends in God?

Christian tradition has long said that extra-marital sexual actions do not aid us becoming more formed into the image of Christ, more formed into people whose desires are transformed for love of God and love of neighbor. I would also suggest that sexuality is not holy just because it is in marriage. Sexuality is put towards its proper ends when our desires are reordered toward loving God and loving neighbor.

Therefore masturbation both in and out of marriage should be carefully weighed and thought through the lens of what our chief ends and desires should be: God's own self. When I think about it that way, the conversation changes a bit for me.

If it is unholy for me to touch myself as a single woman, it is equally unholy for my husband to touch me as a married woman. The bible says that man and wife become one flesh. Paul tells us in 1 Corinthians 7 not to deny our spouse of our body because it is their's too. It is holy for your spouse to touch you sexually because you become one in body. Effectively, married sex = single masturbation in holiness. It's simple common sense.

We're always very quick to associate lust with masturbation but will never associate married sex with lust, as if married sex is some kind of antidote to lust or precludes lust. It's a silly perspective that is neither supported by the bible nor common sense.

Ms. Broadway concludes that masturbation is a sin, not from the Bible but from guilt, shame and that it is not “worshipful…of something other than yourself, your desire, and your pleasure.” Maybe it’s time for a class on epistemology?

You could substitute some allusion to food, beyond basic subsistence, for every sexual reference and make all the same arguments and reach similar conclusions. If I adopt minimalist eating practices, and drink only water, by my sacrifice there will be more for others. I shouldn’t eat by myself either because that doesn’t foster relationship, and maybe I shouldn’t eat at all because that’s “focused on the needs of the self, it also involves trying to provide for those needs by oneself, instead of trusting God…” So much for my garden too. Self-denial is not the same as self-giving. Agape is the Biblical example, asceticism is not.

The “Cult” term in the article title implies obsessive/compulsive behavior, but the substance of the article makes no distinction and the dysfunctional consequences are described as universal.

God, surprisingly perhaps, gave humans of both sexes the ability to masturbate. The author says I should trust God to know what is best for me. The logic is obvious. But, that’s not a syllogism; it’s to make the point that the article is neither good exegesis, which the author confesses it cannot be, nor is it a good syllogism, the conclusion that all masturbation is sin does not follow. God clearly proscribes specific sexual practices, some very strongly. Men like to make rules and attribute them to Godliness too. With fear and trembling we need to know the difference.

Obsessive behaviors can be dysfunctional to destruction regardless of their nature. Sexual obsession in merely one, there are many and most are not even mentioned in the Bible in that context. Would “The Cult of Hoarding” or “The Cult of Couponing” make a timely article with the same interest? From the article, Ms. Broadway could be obsessed with being “worshipful …of something other than yourself, your desire, and your pleasure.” Obsessed with selflessness?

God’s love is unmerited, gracious but it is not unconditional. John 3:16 is not an example of God’s unconditional love; it contains a very strong and clear condition.

There was a small book titled 'Self-love' which was about masturbation - a book I glimpsed about several decades ago (by a feminist?).

Now, please don't misuse the word 'love' in this connection. It has nothing to do with loving self (which is condemned in the Scripture), nor to do with loving one's body (a wrong translation in my native tongue where 'own body' = 'one's self' to render the God's command 'love your neighbor as [being worthy] as yourself.
It's all self-gratification (in this case, sexual) - whether this is wrong or not is something or someone else to debate.

Hi Anna, I am a young woman myself about your age living in the developing nations having more than just an idea or an inkling of what happens beyond the contours of my nation. This issue is faced by persons of all ages and tribes and tongues and is very well put across in your article. I thank you for that and may all glory go to God who created both you and me. Although if I were you, I would very pointedly say, that masturbation is a sin. For the simple reason that, having not allowed the vice of this world to corrupt the law that God wrote in my heart, I can say with undivided confidence, that Jesus never masturbated. I would not serve a God the way I do if Jesus did. And there is nothing prudish or naive about that. The struggles that your native women and men have listed out here are problems which almost every family faces. But they have chosen to look at their problems rather than their God who put them through their problems to see what was in their heart. And they have used their problems as a crutch to compromise on the integrity of our God. Regardless of how genuine they seem or their argument seems, on that day, the Judge will let them know their folly. And to that extent, I congratulate you for having reconciled to the truth at an early age.

It is very sad to me that a lot of women will want to excuse masturbation as something that is not sinful, when really it is. It takes your mind off of worshiping God and onto your own selfish pleasures. We are to please God and serve him with our bodies, as the scriptures say.
I run a Purity/Modesty ministry online and wrote an article recently on the subject of "Is Masturbation Wrong?" in case anyone is interested in reading it http://rubyeyedokapi.com/2011/03/21/is-masturbation-wrong/

As for vibrators being sold in stores, that is really sad. It shows that men are not trying to please their wives anymore as well. I used a vibrator when I was 12+ and it honestly ruined my perception of what sex was meant to be like. Once I got married I had to work away from having that quick fix and it took time but vibrators and masturbation really can destroy and desensitize a person from what sex was meant to be like: between a married woman and man to please one another!!!

What courage it must have taken to write such an article, good for you! I read all the comments, and what saddens me the most is: how much the world and its philosophies have just watered down and even polluted the church,and, how many people could possibly think "God wants my happiness", and "God would approve"... really? The other comment about God being the final Judge is right, everyone has to ultimately face God; there is a very fine line between judging one another and if we should judge ourselves we would not be judged.
The Bible says that godliness with contentment is great gain, not contentment with godliness. The Bible says, let him deny himself, pick up his cross and follow me, and the Bible says the old man puts off immorality and immoral thinking and puts on the new man.
Indeed, as others stated Jesus was temtped in every way. Man is tempted when drawn away by his own lust, the Bible says.God wants us to love the Lord God with all our hearts, mind, all our soul, and love our neighbors as ourselves. Not to focus on ourselves, our desires or even our "needs" as you perceive them, as He knows what we need before we have need. Seeing an orgasm as a need, really? God gave us the ability to masterbate, so it must be ok, really? Equating it with a desire to eat and drink, but didn't Jesus say living is more than just eating and drinking? Ultimately, it boils down to: if you could masterbate in the very presence of God, then for you, it is ok, but for another it may not be ok. In the end, I guess we'll all know. Just seems to me that the reason the "world" is turning away from the church is because there is no difference, really morally or statistically.

We can't picture Jesus sitting on the loo, any more than we can him thinking erotically of a woman. Ultimately we dont think of the sexuality of Jesus because its too explosive, and way too threatening. I am sure he didnt tell risque jokes about women or sex, but I guess he laughed as some of the funny moments about our bits. And the things we do with them. I guess he had flatulence. Somehow he navigated his way through it all. And perfectly. We are in all manner of places in our singleness or married lives. Outsiders cant presume on our situation or the forces we face. Christ didnt come to set us free from masturbation. The gospel is bigger than this. Masturbating or choosing not to, our charge is to love God and love others and not to abandon this sacred task as we make know with boldness and love the good news.

Maybe this article is an evidence of the 'new asceticism' taking much of Evangelicalism by storm?

BTW: I believe in moderation. But let's not throw out the baby with the bathwater.

As a pastor myself, I must say how thoroughly disappointed I am with this article. A relevant topic handled so poorly as to be embarrassing. Two issues particularly come to mind:

1) Vibrators = masturbation? What a tremendously narrow, uninformed perspective. Across the U.S., thousands upon thousands of married couples use vibrators everyday during sexual intercourse. I should know... my wife and I are among them. And no, it's not because we're looking for a quick fix or because I'm two lazy to pleasure her otherwise. It's because after hours upon hours of attempting to give back to my wife a fraction of the pleasure she gave me and having absolutely no success, we finally turned to the sexual aid market and finally found success. Vibrators were the difference between a marriage of permanent sexual frustration for both us and a marriage of Godly pleasure, intimacy, and mutual caring that we could never have had otherwise. Vibrators definitely do NOT equal masturbation.

2) "Any time you start to justify a position based on a carefully argued interpretation of one passage or verse, I get suspicious. Surely the Bible is not meant to be treated like the Constitution or a lease; isn’t that the heart of legalism? If something’s wrong, wouldn’t it be more clearly and frequently addressed?"
YES! EXACTLY! So why didn't you stick to that hermeneutic? Why did you let your own sinful flesh (feelings of guilt and shame) violate exactly what you knew deep down that God's Word said? Why did you lean on some vague intuition about Godly love to inform a very concrete law about what to do or not do with a specific case of human sexuality? Fundamentally, I'm still asking the exact same question you first arrived at and, for some reason, abandoned: if something’s wrong, wouldn’t it be more clearly and frequently addressed?

After reading this article and all of comments posted, I am truly grieved to see that such widespread confusion abounds among believers in regard to God's design for sexual pleasure. I am well aware that this issue is a struggle for many Christians, but what is surprising to me is the fact that so many would attempt to defend it as being not only acceptable, but also a legitimate option for the children of God. Although many have noted that you won't find the term "masturbation" in Scripture, I would argue that God's perspective on this issue is far clearer than many in the church today would like to think.

Reading through the comments, I couldn't help noticing how our thinking has become thoroughly infected by the world's distorted view of sex. Arguments such as these have been made:

•Sexual pleasure is my right.
•Sexual pleasure is my need.
•Sexual pleasure may be enjoyed either within marriage or outside of marriage.
•Sexual pleasure may be enjoyed apart from intimacy with another.
•Sexual pleasure may be obtained with or without a husband.
•I must have sexual pleasure to be happy.

Although every one of these arguments is promoted within our culture, I want to lovingly challenge those reading and commenting here to realize that none are supported by God’s Word. The Bible is crystal clear about the purpose and context for sexual pleasure—it is a special gift of God designed to be enjoyed by a husband and wife alone within the committed covenant of marriage. Nowhere in Scripture will you find support for the view that it is a right, need, or necessary for human happiness. Sexual intimacy and pleasure were designed by our Creator as part of the one-flesh union between a husband and wife for the purpose of enjoyment and procreation and to symbolize the love and intimacy shared between Christ and His church.

In 1 Corinthians 6-7, Paul emphasizes the importance of sexual purity among believers. In both singleness and marriage, he presents the sexual relationship between a husband and wife as the only appropriate outlet for sexual desires. He places the primary emphasis not on gratifying personal cravings, but on glorifying God and bringing enjoyment to one’s spouse (Prov. 5 also emphasizes the personal pleasure that is to be found within marital intimacy). Paul does not say that it is better to gratify oneself sexually than to burn with passion, but that it is better to marry. He does not tell married people to gratify themselves sexually to avoid falling into sexual sin, but to “come together again.” To say that we can pursue sexual pleasure apart from intimacy with our spouse is to distort completely the biblical portrayal of God’s design for sex.

Additionally, some have suggested that a woman could seek her own sexual pleasure without experiencing lust. I would argue that this is impossible. Even if a person could somehow engage in self-gratification without indulging in lustful thoughts (which remains highly doubtful), the fact that she is attempting to experience sexual pleasure outside of marriage is in itself evidence of lustful thinking. Sexual pleasure is not a right to be demanded. To pursue it apart from God’s design of marital intimacy is to lust after a gift He has not given us.

Instead of attempting to justify and normalize within the church sexual sins which are idolized within the world, as believers we need to focus our efforts on assisting one another in pursuing sexual purity and holiness. God’s grace is great enough to cover our sexual sin and to provide us the strength to walk in freedom and victory as His representatives in a sexually corrupt culture. Ephesians 5:3 is our mandate and our mission in regard to our sexuality: “But among you there must not be even a hint of sexual immorality, or of any kind of impurity, or of greed, because these are improper for God's holy people.”

I want to thank the writer for actually writing an article about female sexuality and masturbation, this topic needs more open discussions to help release women from the lie that "I'm the only one dealing with this issue."

I'm a female sex addict, while I've never actually had sex, I am addicted to masturbation, mostly without looking at any porn or erotic images.
I'm single and in my twenties, I grew up in a Christian home and am thankfully and gloriously saved by the blood of Jesus Christ.

I know firsthand what "moderation" can do, I started out young at about 11 years old, it felt good so I did it. slowly it became more and more to the point where I would strain the muscles in my arm and hand. Through out all this time I didn't "need" porn or anything because my imagination was quite enough.

I don't know about masturbation in marriage, I haven't gotten that far with God yet, but I can say that the issue really isn't about masturbation at all. Self-sex if it's ok if it's not is trying to deal with the symptom rather than the cause.
It is possible to live as a single female without masturbating, it doesn't come down to the "physical pressure" it comes down to recieving the love of God in your life, it's not easy, but I've seen the consequences of trying to live with it in "moderation" and it doesn't work. you can't help but lust after other people while you "release" it doesn't serve a holy purpose, and God has something much better, but you have to work with God on it to recieve it.
Masturbation takes you out of the community that God created us to be in, I'm not just talking about romantic relationships, but all relationships. Masturbation isolates, it is and leads to more sin, because eventually "once in a while" isn't enough.
Please don't even start, talk to God about it, go out instead and deepen the relationships you already have with both men and women, fulfill that legitmate need for intimacy in a legitmate way, thru fellowship with God and others.
Sex is a beautiful, God created pleasure, but it's only for married couples, masturbation while your single ONLY LEADS DOWN THE PATH OF DESTRUCTION. I know, I've been there, it's a cage, God is gracious and loving and can and wants to set you free from all sexual immorality.
sex is good and made by God to be enjoyed, but sex is not everything, and it's definitly not all important as our culture teaches us today.
Blessing to all, from someone who's been to the darkside and by the Grace of God has been freed.

*Sigh*

As someone with an MA in Theology who is about to finish a second MA in Family Studies, I find this article is extremely disappointing. Other readers have pointed out that the author ends up drawing conclusions based on guilt rather than forming a well-reasoned biblical and theological argument, and I agree. From a more psyc/marriage & family studies perspective, however, I would like to also add the following:

- Many women are not currently orgasmic in their sexual experiences.
- The easiest way for a woman to learn how to orgasm is to masturbate. Hence, many married women owe their sexual pleasure with their husband to the time they spent getting to know their own bodies.
- Masturbation can be used by couples during times of illness, separation, etc., as many have mentioned... or even just to address differences in sex drive or to cope during other times sex would be difficult due to physical concerns or busyness (the postpartum period, during finals' week, or on one day of the week when their schedules seem particularly misaligned, for example).

Additionally, some have mentioned that vibrators don't equal masturbation to begin with. For example:

- A vibrator can be used in manual stimulation by a spouse.
- A vibrator can be used to provide clitorial stimulation during intercourse. Importantly, the majority of women can't orgasm during sex without additional clitoral stimulation. Some might need help (a hand, vibrator, etc.) all the time, while others might be able to use one on a more temporary basis as a "bridge" to help them learn how to have orgasms from G-spot stimulation alone.

Additionally, the author is wrong to assert that vibrators are meant to resemble men. Perhaps one could say that about dildos, but not all vibrators are the same shape, which the author should know if she's even Googled vibrators. Or looked at what is for sale at CVS, for that matter. The vibrators for sale by Trojan on the condom aisle are bullet vibrators--which look nothing like man parts whatsoever. Additionally, she might see vibrating rings for sale, which *surprise* are for use by couples during intercourse. There are many kinds of vibrators, and I don't know statistics on who uses what. What I do know is that most women masturbate through clitoral stimulation or the combined stimulation one might get from a "jack rabbit" style vibrator. So I'm not certain how part of the case against ALL vibrators should be a misguided notion that they are all shaped like phalluses. (If that would even matter to begin with, which I'm not certain it does--I think it's a matter of personal and couple preference.)

All in all, I have yet to hear a good biblical argument against masturbation. Many, many Christian authors with backgrounds in theology, psychology, or both find no problem with masturbation (barring, of course, unhealthy compulsions, porn use, etc.--which of course are separate problems). Off the top of my head I think of Lewis Smedes (Sex for Christians), Jack and Judy Balswick (Authentic Human Sexuality), and the Gift of Sex (Cliff & Joyce Penner). By most people with training in family life education, marriage & family therapy, psyc, counseling, etc.--including most Christians--masturbation is seen as a normal part of life which allows for sexual release and greater self-knowledge. It can help single people manage their sex drives, and it can enhance the relationships of married couples. It is most especially useful to women, and I don't know anyone who advocates for women's sexual satisfaction in marriage without encouraging masturbation for women in particular. It is possible--but much more difficult--for women to become orgasmic without first experimenting on their own.

And if it makes any difference to anyone (in terms of my credibility), which I'm not sure it should, I am married. I did not always think this way about masturbation, but marriage has been part of what has solidified my views on the issue.

concerned wife wrote "I believe it is unrealistic to ask a married person to simply go without sexual activity indefinitly."

Believe me, it's a trial when you're NOT married, too. Except there's NO light at the end of the tunnel until God provides a husband. And how long will that take? Only He knows.

***

As a general note, to say "it's a sin for single people!" without compassionately acknowledging the pain and loneliness of being unmarried when you want to be, or simply (simplistically) saying "take it to God," ignores peoples' very, very real longing for HUMAN intimacy. I'm not saying it's A-OK to wallow in the loneliness, and I certainly think you SHOULD take up your loneliness to God and seek intimacy with Him... and yet, the longing is real, and for those of us who struggle with the loneliness, I know we appreciate a more nuanced answer than "SINNER!" as it can make us feel even MORE isolated.

So -- sin or no -- please act with compassion when this conversation comes up with your unmarried sisters in Christ.

Thanks for listening.

one key issue not address here is the underlying, implicit message that marriage is the ultimate goal for all christian singles. this is a cultural problem that i find far more damaging than masturbation. i have many single christian friends who are content with their lives thus far, but as they get older there is increasing pressure to find someone to make you "complete." sermons, advertisements, christian music, etc. all communicate a higher value of married individuals than of single, put marriage as a goal to be achieved (the earlier the age the better), and tend to ignore the valuable contributions singles can make to our society, children, congregations, and even our marriages (some of the most supportive people in my life and in my marriage our our single friends).

we value marriage so highly in our churches that we forget that some of the key figures in our doctrine remained single until death and did so INTENTIONALLY. there is the assumption that if you can just subdue your sexual desires until you get married, then you will have succeeded in denying the selfish impulses we are born with; but in reality, some people will never marry - and that is OKAY, even GOOD for some people.

yet if this is the case, how are they to handle sexual desires? and where do we draw the line between 'sinful' desires and 'holy' desires when both sets are innate, hormone/chemical driven, and in satisfying them we can lead physically and emotionally healthier lives (or conversely when we deify them, we become selfish shells of people)?

overall, i, like many of you, think the author over-simplified the matter and did not address some glaring issues. but the underlying condemnation of singleness is by far more distressing to me than a growing acceptance of sexual aides in a *non*christian society. (on the side, i agree with under grace regarding the vibrator/masturbation issue).

*correction* i agree with ashleigh, not under grace (sorry under grace) the spacing of the names threw me off ;)

Don't worry Anna, menopause will come, and your hormones and urges will leave, and then it won't be an issue....

This article contains so many wrong assumptions. Ashleigh pointed out most of them: That masturbation = solo sex (those are two different things), that vibrators are meant to resemble or replace men, that they are used instead of sex, etc.

The title is the most offensive part, though. If a man cannot orgasm, it is considered a medical problem. But women are frequently told, especially in evangelical circles, that THEIR orgasm is not important. Now it is being trivialized by calling it "the cult of orgasm" if a woman spends $30 on a little device that helps her reach orgasm. And we are told that it is totally selfish for a woman to have an orgasm alone. So it would seem that even a woman's own pleasure is not really for her, but only on some man.

(And let's take a poll.... How many married men would be upset if their wife had some solo pleasure from time to time? Most would probably be turned on by it -- especially if they know it makes her more turned on when they are around.)

This author seems to know very little about married sexuality or vibrators. People who actually study sex find that human beings are happier, better lovers if they know their own bodies and aren't squeamish about touching them. They encourage women to show their husband what makes them feel good. How could a woman do this if she has never even been given permission to touch her own body? And honestly, what kind of man wants to be with a woman so prudish she can't put her hands on her own body? This is sad and, at its core, misogynist.

Shame on you, Christianity Today, for printing this uninformed, anti-woman, anti-sex, anti-marriage article. CT really needs to be more discriminating about its publications, and maybe consider running pieces with a medical/psychological angle by someone who has actually studied such things.

How many people on here who say that masturbation is not sin, can truly, honestly, say that they masturbate with only images of their husbands in their heads? How many of them can say that pornography and fantasies that they may even be reluctant to admit to themselves do not fuel their indulgence in masturabation? How many can truly say that the two to five minutes it might take for them to reach orgasm has taught them not only about their own bodies (as many people argue is a benefit of masturbation currently argue)but what it really means to give to their sexual partners? Speaking as someone who struggles with this issue myself, let us come back and argue about sin when we are truly sure that we can honestly be satisfied with our answers and what that means for purity and godliness and do the theological back and forths.

All I want to say is how pleased I am to see this kind of issue addressed and how awesome I think it is that Ms. Broadway did not shy away from talking about it. Whether I agree or not isn't even important to me because I'm so happy to have seen this. Thanks!

Also, I'm sorry my spacing was all wonky. I thought that "you may use HTML tags for style" meant I might need to put in my own line breaks, but apparently not.

Doesn't this article show that about 80% of the time Evangelicals talk about sex it's in a negative context?

Anna, thank you for this. At the very least, a Christian must ask what the purpose of sex and his or her sexuality is, if he or she desires to bring God glory in this area. As our good Creator, He must have created all things for certain good purpose.

I appreciate your acknowledgement that a woman's libido exists on its own, rather than being entirely dormant until called forth by a husband. In attempts to demonstrate the differences between men and women, it seems, some evangelicals barely acknowledge the legitimacy of a woman's sexuality outside of mere response to her husband. Their suggestion is that anything else is a result of acting contrary to her design--acting as a man, and having succumbed to feminist ways. I find this very frustrating and dishonoring to women and men, as well as God. I do not mean by this that a woman should find gratification and release in any other context, merely that a woman does indeed have a God-given libido within her, as does a man. Even if the two may differ.

Also, in the story of Onan, not only did he refuse to fulfil his duty as kinsman redeemer, to which he pledged, but he used Tamar for sexual gratification as well. He used her in a masturbatory way--seeking the pleasure but not the responsibility.

One thing that you seem to leave out- about 70% of women do not experience orgasm without some kind of direct clitoral stimulation. This is simply a fact of anatomy. Vibrators can be used by couples during sex to help both partners experience the pleasure they both deserve. Of course, vibrators are only one way of doing that, but they work very well for a lot of people.

There are those of us who are NOT the image of Hollywood stud muffins and because of this, we are always rejected by otherwise good women. What are we to do? We are normal men who have needs and desires like everyone else. Should we just burn in our hearts for love that never comes? There are women who are constantly rejected as well, because they don't look like Barbie Dolls, but are just as warm and human as anyone else. What are they to do? Should they be left to burn in their hearts with no love and warmth as well??? The writer of this article should walk in other peoples shoes before they are so quick to judge another human being. God knows how strong the desire to be loved can be. Jesus was totally rejected too. All of us "less than perfect" people cry silent tears away from view of anyone but God. For us, masturbation is NOT a sin. If we, in desperation, find a one night stand, that is sin. Sometimes we have to do what we must to avoid sin. All you lucky people just better shut up and quit judging people and situations you never have to deal with. Judging another who is suffering something you know nothing about IS SIN.

Thank you Anna for a well written and sincere piece about masturbation. I beg forgiveness for intruding upon a women's forum,but the topic touches upon concerns close to heart.

I am a married man in my mid 30'ies and I've become increasingly frustrated with my situation. I married 7 years ago, and before that me and my wife had erotic experiences together on a regular basis, but it became clear already then that she didn't enjoy sex too much. We were open with eachother, and I learned that she had masturbated while increasingly resisting sexual intimicy with me. After marriage I think I could count on one hand the times we have had sexual intercourse.

Our fate was not that å weren't able to please her, because she demanded it. Rather, it felt all too complicated with a lot of expectations of something I couldn't provide. She turned sexually cold, at least to me. A long time I was OK with this, as I have had spiritual concerns about being in controll of the flesh. One single encounter resulted in our now 3 year old daughter. Recently we made a go at it again, but my wife soon after expressed regret.

Now to my point: My wife was more experienced in sex than me when we first came together. I think she was sort of grown tired of it already before we met, at least she has said things in this direction. Besides this, I think she is - at least in her besic constitution - asexual Still she has had a lot of sex because (I think) this is what her culture (Western Europe) told her to do.

Before I met my wife I had a short relationship with a non-western woman. She was older than me and had been married for some time prior to our relationship. She seemed to have a natural sex drive and enjoyment of sex, but still in a way seemed pure in the way that she didn't want any other stimulation than 'ordinary' intercourse, still the experinces was very strong, for the both of us, I think. That leaves me thinking that we might be on the wrong track with regard to sexua matters.

In revival areas in China, Indonesia, Africa, South America where God is touching millions and where the Christians are hungering for God & desiring to please Him & where witnessing for Him is an on-going affair, such topics don't even remotely pop up in their heads.

Couple of thoughts:

One person wrote, "Paul does not say that it is better to gratify oneself sexually than to burn with passion, but that it is better to marry. He does not tell married people to gratify themselves sexually to avoid falling into sexual sin, but to “come together again.”

I would assert that Paul was implying that the sexual sin that coming together could help ward off was adultery - sex outside of marriage. So does God only supply a remedy for strong sexual desire to those that are married? Note that while intercourse is a spiritual union, it is also a physical act - a physical act which provides RELIEF to a VERY powerful primal urge. What physical outlet are single people to have? As unquenched sexual desire by those married may lead to sexual sin - what about the same for those single?

Many of the comments here are in denial of some obvious truths: One is that God didn't just give sexuality, a sex drive or a powerful yearning to quench such a desire to just married people. He obviously gave a strong sexual desire to many single people. Are they to just be tortured by their sexual urges? Are such natural urges WRONG - as in are such God-given feelings and urges SINFUL? I think not - unless one lusts for sex with another - outside of marriage. Having a sex drive and yearnings are NOT the same as lust. So are single people to pray away their natural, God-given sexual drive and urge - as if they are sinful?

I've been happily sexual with my wife for well over 20 years. But when I was a young Christian single guy I really struggled with this issue. I had a very strong natural sexuality and unquenched drive. I would pray and pray for God to help me avoid my desire of self-pleasure. But this desire NEVER let up. And buying into belief it HAD to be sinful only brought depression and guilt. Of course, in those days, I didn't understand the importance of not lusting after others - of trying to mentally separate the quenching of physical urges from lustful thoughts and images. But what self pleasuring did do for me is it gave me INSTANT relief. I could get on with my daily activities, important pursuits, as when QUENCHED, if only temporarily, it soothed my urges.

In marriage, I would say that only in certain circumstances is self-pleasuring ok. During my wife's monthly, a period of separation. But I can definitely say that one indeed CAN relieve himself without thoughts of anyone other than his spouse.

But I echo others who have pointed out that if self-pleasuring were a definite sin, that God is very concerned about, then it is very strange that the Bible doesn't address it. Sixty-six books about every subject one can imagine, yet nothing on self-pleasuring. Eating, drinking, pursuing many appealing things are pleasures of the flesh that the Bible affirms as ok - as long as moral and in moderation and not pursued as a substitute for God or personal holiness.

Whoa! Where am I? Too much information! Confused! Is that Dr. Ruth I hear? Which way to the exit! ;-P

Re: Sad - I can truly say that on off times when I masturbate by myself, if I picture anything at all, I imagine my husband. Masturbation has indeed helped to me to understand my own body better and helped me to communicate better about sex with my husband. (And as some have mentioned here, it really does turn my husband on!) I may be in a very small minority, but I do not struggle with porn or sexual fantasies.

Thank you Pastor J and Ashleigh for what you wrote - just wanted to give another personal example to what you said. Anna, I also want to thank you for broaching the topic, and I hope you'll continue to research this and and look into the books that Ashleigh mentioned and I would recommend christiannymphos.org for married couples. (Notice it's .org; do not go to .com.) I didn't know tons about sex before I was married, but I think my husband and I have done well learning on the job. (Yes, our wedding night was our first night, and it was amazing. I also have to mention that we celebrated our 10th anniversary this year too!)

For singles out there, while I didn't know tons about sex, I did figure out how to masturbate in my college years, and I think I Cor. 6:12 was a good guide for me. "'Everything is permissible for me' -- but not everything is beneficial. 'Everything is permissible for me' -- but I will not be mastered by anything." I don't feel guilty about masturbating before I was married; if I felt like I was doing it too often I backed off, and I really didn't fantasize about anybody while I was doing it. (I know I'm weird, but my addiction was escaping into sci-fi/fantasy novels!) If you, like Anna, conclude that masturbation is not beneficial for you and feeds into lust, or that it is or could become an addiction, then don't do it. But don't make that a hard and fast rule for everyone else when the Bible doesn't.

Jennifer, I'm glad you shared christiannympos.org, which I think is a good site in many respects. It definitely acknowledges that women have a sex drive (unlike many Christians), as well as giving a good deal of Christian freedom to couples in terms of what they do and don't do. Two things that have disappointed me about their site (which are why I don't just recommend it without reservation) are 1) the authors are not necessarily the most informed about these issues from a psyc/therapy perspective and 2) the site, despite its excitement about women's sexuality, tends to be pretty complementarian in its approach to gender roles. Obviously, that's up to the bloggers themselves to figure out, but it seems unfortunate to me that when there are so few places for Christian women to talk openly about sex, they take a stand on an important issue which is rather alienating towards many readers.

But there's a lot of good to be found there, as well. I definitely recommend it to anyone looking to hear from some Christians that see masturbation as fine. It's a place where lots of people comment to share their own experiences, so you can hear from a lot of women's experiences at once.

As for the question of fantasizing which Jessica brought up, actually experts on female sexuality often mention that women, more than men typically, often masturbate while just focusing on the physical sensations, rather than fantasizing. So really, especially for women, this is definitely a possibility for many people. Of course, all fantasy is not bad fantasy. As many have mentioned, one can fantasize about one's spouse. I also do not think there's anything inappropriate about looking forward to sex with someone you're marrying soon, nor fantasizing about an unknown potential future spouse, as long as those fantasies remain reasonable and allow you to remain flexible in your relationships with real people (not like not you can only date someone that looks just like that fantasy or whatever...).

Fantasizing puts us in touch with our sexuality in a way that makes us better lovers to our spouses, whether in the present or future. Really, I think these sorts of positive fantasies--envisioning sex within the intimate and committed context of marriage--help all of us in catching God's vision for what sex was meant to be, and that seems to me like a very good thing.

Sorry--typo and no way to fix it. christiannymphos.org, not christiannympos.org

Also, one other downside to the site--it focuses very largely on married sex, and doesn't say as much about what to do with your sexuality when you're single. It generally is pretty positive towards masturbation, but the blog itself is very focused on being a community for married people. Which sucks because it means there are even fewer places for single women (or for single and married women TOGETHER) to talk about sexuality.

"2352 By masturbation is to be understood the deliberate stimulation of the genital organs in order to derive sexual pleasure. "Both the Magisterium of the Church, in the course of a constant tradition, and the moral sense of the faithful have been in no doubt and have firmly maintained that masturbation is an intrinsically and gravely disordered action."138 "The deliberate use of the sexual faculty, for whatever reason, outside of marriage is essentially contrary to its purpose." For here sexual pleasure is sought outside of "the sexual relationship which is demanded by the moral order and in which the total meaning of mutual self-giving and human procreation in the context of true love is achieved."139

"To form an equitable judgment about the subjects' moral responsibility and to guide pastoral action, one must take into account the affective immaturity, force of acquired habit, conditions of anxiety or other psychological or social factors that lessen, if not even reduce to a minimum, moral culpability."

http://www.scborromeo.org/ccc/p3s2c2a6.htm

No one has addressed what role masturbation might play in the life of a gay woman trying to maintain celibacy.

What happens when your sexuality is seen as sinful within the church -- when you cannot experience married sex? Do you try to turn off your sexual urges forever?

It's not dissimilar to the plight of single women "waiting for a husband". But for a gay woman without legitimate means to marry, there is no light at the end of the tunnel, not even hope of one.

I just wish that somewhere in my Christian life, I had developed any physical desire at all. People talking about having desires etc. really don't realize how fortunate they are!

Susannah,

That's because there's no real difference between a gay single woman trying to maintain celibacy and a heterosexual single woman trying to do the same. Both are glorifying God with their lives and actions.

No, you should not turn off your sexual urges. You should continue to masturbate but aim to do so without lusting, you should pray for healing for your struggle with same sex attraction (get other sound minded Christians to pray with you) , and while you're at it you should actively pursue a HETEROSEXUAL marriage because the bible tells us that it's God's desire for marriage.

Do not allow your struggle with same sex attraction to get in the way of pursuing a heterosexual marriage.

Many people, including heterosexual people, also have struggles that lead them to think they shouldn't pursue marriage at all and we all have reasons why we think certain people are not suited for marriage. For example, personally I think that people who have indulged in fornication are unsuitable for marriage because fornication is an abuse of the values of marriage and people who fornicate go into marriage expecting the same sinful pleasures that fornication afforded them (i.e. Loveless and selfish no strings attached couple sex) and they will almost certainly go on to commit adultery.

But does this mean that people who fornicate cannot be healed and go on to have God glorifying marriages? I don't think so. I guess the problem here is that the church has decided that fornication is not that much of a big deal or a threat to marriage and that those who fornicate do not need healing.

People who fornicate or have fornicated need God's healing in the same way that those with same sex attraction do. God is big enough to heal all sexuality struggles. We all need to start pursuing and believing it.

To offer a male Christian perspective to this debate, let me elucidate 3 points:

1. Not ejaculating every 3 days or so is very unhealthy for a male. All Proctologists will tell you that it will lead to a higher risk of prostate infections, which can ultimately lead to an elevated risk of Cancer.

If a man isn't married and not actively engaged in sex outside of marriage, he's only got one choice. Furthermore, if a man chooses to abstain from all forms of release Male bodies have their own way of cycling through one's 'seed'; this is what wet dreams are, and yes they do occur in adults.

2. The bible is filled with verses that have been interpreted through a Victorian lens. These interpretations have caused severe psychological damage and guilt issues involving sex even within the context of marriage. This Victorian repressed prudishness has led to the destruction of many a marriage and has forced countless others to find sexual gratification anonymously... and indeed dangerously.

3. Context and cultural norms have changed dramatically since the bible was written. It is only a recent development in human culture to marry in one's 20's or 30's. It is simply not natural, in a biological sense, to wait until that time to engage in sexual activity in the pursuit of procreation. We are hardwired biologically to survive and reproduce as a species.

Instead of wrestling with the 'hard' issues of wondering constantly if I'm sinning, one should focus on doing right by others and living a balanced and healthy life.

Forget trying to read the tea-leaves of some ancient book when it comes to matters of human biology and try focusing on the reality of science. Then once you do that, strike a balance between your own moral code and the reality of bodily functions of life.

Better yet, try to get a little perspecitve. Read some different books, listen to some alternative views, and for goodness sakes don't try to create sin where there is none.

Bottom line: Men will never fully understand the female perspective on the issue of masturbation and conversely females (at least it seems from this article and comments) don't have the first clue about the hormones racing through every man and how that drives them.

Final Note: Every man you know masturbates everyday or more if he's not having sex. That includes your pastor. And, if on the off chance, he's not masturbating and is engaged in some myopic and guilt fueled pursuit of 'holiness' through self-repression, nature will take over in his sleeping hours. This sad deluded person shouldn't be surprised if they wake up every month or so in a sticky mess.

As a Christian teenager I just want to say that I thought this article was one of the most amazing, informative, and inspirational things I've ever read.

As a Christian sex educator for 15 years, I weep for the harm well meaning articles like this do.

Aside from the sexual guilt and condemnation this causes, guilt which spills over into marriage, it tells women to avoid something that will help the want and enjoy sex when they marry. There is plenty of well documented evidence that female pre-marital masturbation results in wives being more interested in sex, having married sex more often, climaxing more often and more easily, and being more likely to learn to climax during intercourse. In short, a teen/young woman who avoided masturbation creates sexual problems in her marraige. How can we put that on anyone without solid Biblical support?

But there is no good biblical argument against masturbation. Ever wonder why this "sin" is not spelled out in Scripture? Is the "sinfulness" of masturbation more self-obvious than things like adultery, homosexuality, bestiality and incest? God felt it necessary to clearly and specifically tell us to avoid all of those, so why would we think that when it came to masturbation He would leave us guessing? All the cut and paste or circular logic argument against masturbation would work even better for those things God called sin, so if that was all that was needed, why did God spell the others? In the end those who say it's wrong are filling what they see as a hole in Scripture with man's logic.

These have indeed an appearance of wisdom in promoting self-made religion and asceticism and severity to the body, but they are of no value in stopping the indulgence of the flesh. [Colossians 2:23 ESV]

If we can do an act & dedicate that act as a worship to God at the same time, go ahead & do it! If we can we say, "Praise You, Jesus. I worship you now in the company of Your angels & in holiness as I see You high & lifted up!" as we do "that act", I ain't arguing with no one.

I'm happily married now. When we were young (teens, early twenties), we were caught up with serving & loving Him. We had no issues with constant urges for 'release'. Aha...I grew up in a part of the world where we were not constantly bombarded with filth.

In the middle ages masturbation was deemed a greater evil than fornication... Why? Because the former involved stimulation that did not pertain to reproduction of life, the latter, although wrong, might result in life. Haha that's my educated two cents.

Whenever someone tries to tell you how to live your life you should be weary of why. If God didn't want you to masterbate there would be 11 commandments not 10. God himself doesn't place half the restrictions on us that the "holy" men do. He never said don't eat bacon, or cheese and meat together, or don't drink alcohol.

If you want to know what God thinks about something ask him. All the books that are porpurted to be his words have been edited and re-edited by every major and minor religious group in an effort to solidify their hold on the "flock".

Telling women that masturbating is wrong is very unhelpful.

This is an unfair, and incorrect dogma. Women hurt no-one when they masturbate.

There is no foundation in the bible for such an edict. The only things you can find are a very weak, at best, link, and you are really stretching the bible to say something that it doesn't. The bible should stand alone and not need to be pulled in directions it doesn't go.

It does say not to have sex with animals, with your close relatives, etc. If masturbation was a sexual wrong, why is it not mentioned with those prohibitions???

If you were giving an instruction not to eat snacks between meals, you could expect that robots would obey it; but could not expect widespread compliance among humans.

You are dealing with human beings, who have sexual urges, which are powerful and were built into us.

Someone we want, can, and should have sex with at all the times we have an urge, is not always available. Would you prefer the ladies to run off and fornicate with someone when their urge has built up so much they can no longer bear it?

It is much better to masturbate.

The bottom line of my contribution is this:

We know what un-natural suppression of sexual urges has done in the Catholic Priesthood.

This I say to all women who read the article:

Masturbate as much as you feel like it.

COMMENT & REMINDER:

The author has shared her personal journey and conclusions regarding this topic. You are welcome to agree or disagree with these conclusions, but kindly refrain from attacking her with harsh words or assertions that you deem to have special insights into her mind, motives, thoughts or psyche. Such comments will be removed. Disagree with courtesy and respect.

The author basically admitted it: the Bible says nothing about masturbation. Where does that leave us? So many areas of life are not addressed by Scripture that we need to think for ourselves, wisely and lovingly about life and our own relationships. Teach people to do that, find ways that friends, mentors, and counselors can talk in private about such personal matters with individuals and couples who have questions, and leave it at that.

Why do Christians think everything has to be an "issue" that we must address?

Would the Bible leave us in doubt if onanism were a serious breach of morality? The Bible tackles many uncomfortable issues so onanism wouldn’t have been avoided by the inspired writers because of the squeamishness of the topic. Why then almost no mention of it? Clearly God wired us with the raw power of sexual desire, I assume to ensure the preservation of our species, but also as a gift. Yes, the Bible is clear that loving, monogamous, intimacy is the only healthy option for humanity. I get it. But some of the comments seem to stretch Scriptures to reach the conclusion that masturbation is a sin. It might be but if so I’m baffled by the lack of a clear-cut imperative against it. I think we can all agree that human sexuality is a powerful force and any expression of it should not be approached as if it were without risks. Almost anything that satisfies an appetite presents a potential problem with addiction. There’s also the uncomfortable connection between onanism and pornography, which distorts expectations of human sexuality. That can’t be good.

From my perspective in the church, I think it’s probably healthy to get this out of the dark. That said, while the church has bigger problems, we’re talking about this. Oh how we love to get worked up over salacious “sins.” I wonder if this is merely a distraction.

To the people who oppose the conclusions in this article, I commend you for your courage. To the people who believe this sad, sad article, I say, fine, go ahead and believe masturbation is a sin, but keep your opinion on it to yourself. This is a personal decision. You cannot continue to make women feel ashamed for experiencing the sexual pleasure that her body was made to feel. If you do, you will continue to damage the women of this world. STOP IT!!!

Personally, to me as an article itself it left something lacking. The hermeneutics were poor (One should not base a belief on obscure or isolated passages.) I understand this is an opinion piece but it was odd that the article concluded there was no Biblical evidence against masturbation and then continued onto a guilt trip for those who do practice arousal. As others have said --- the Bible is clear about polygamy, bestiality, rape, pre-marital sex being sinful but not masturbation. (Which CAN be done without lust and without a vibrator)

Clementine-

Why is it OK for you to state your opinion but others who differ from your opinion must keep those opinions to themselves? If you want to voice your opinion freely, then kindly allow that same freedom to others.

Tea-

The hermeneutics in this article were not poor. The author did not base her opinion upon one isolated Scripture. She took the whole of Scripture and applied it to her presupposition. She even shows a willingness to adjust that presupposition should Scripture indicate that she should. Perhaps the real question here is what Scripture backs up the opposing view? No one seems to have even one isolated verse that does this.

Happily Married: Many women share your experience. Thank you for your honesty. You may find encouragement on the Marriage Bed Forum website, not this article. :-)

Basilette: Wow a refreshing & Biblical approach from a pastor and his wife. I hope you share this insight with fellow married church members.

I don't know which article you read Jan but the author of the above article does not once use scripture to tell us of the bible's view on masturbation or vibrators.

Are you suggesting that masturbation is wrong because the bible does not say it's right?

Is it also wrong for me to be naked in my own presence until I can provide a bible verse that endorses it? Is it OK for me to brush my teeth for the pleasure of a heathy mouth and fresh breath or am I also required to provide a verse in support of it's morality?

In this very colourful discussion thread I feel desperately the need to add my perspective:

Sex is not just about man / woman relationship. God is present in all aspects of us, so sex is an encounter with God as well as your partner. Our first command is to love God, and then love others; this command affects sexual relations as well. In focussing FIRST on God and joyful communion with him when sexual urges rise, it becomes the case that both sex with a partner and individual sexual release can be about praying to God. When this is so, union with another person becomes about an act of loving service and sacrifice, and masturbation becomes about thanking God for your enjoyable sexual energy. You don't have to think about anybody else, or look at images, or go to any of those wrong thoughts that seek to snare us, if you just draw near to the God who wills your every breath to be so. He is in us more than we are in ourselves, do we think our secret desires and thoughts are at all hidden from him? So we should invite him in to this area, to help and to heal, to transform our sexuality into the thing he made it to be, and not what Satan's prevailing noise tells us it is. So many Christians are duped out of their God given joyful sex because they are dragged down with the weight of worrying about the potentials or actuals of sin in this area.

Sexual urges are present in all of us, are they to bless only those in marriage? I don't believe so. I believe that just as using your body for sport, or manual work, can lead to fulfilling encounters with God, so can masturbation. It is important that there is purity in the act, and that it doesn't descend into a selfish lust for spiritual anointing. I emphasise that it is not about self pleasure, but about observing the tides and seasons of your body, and walking through them with God in order to encounter more of him.

For my part, thanks to God's guidance and blessing, and his cleansing and purifying, I find it very possible to joyfully experience individual sexual release as an act of praise and thanks for this wonderfully complex body that God has given me. Just as we are created to be thoughtful, or artistic, or reflective, and we can encounter aspects of God through all these things, the fiery urges of our sexuality can drive us to God in new ways. At the end of the article I was intrigued that the author will spend nights in focussed prayer to resist the urge to masturbate, which clearly helps her to draw near to God. But, she hasn't sought to find God through the act itself, which you by now see, I believe entirely possible. I believe if we commit our sexuality to God and pray that we will honour him through this area of ourselves and our lives, he will show us the way to enjoy our sexuality as he intended it. He can free us from the prevailing depravity of our surrounding culture and reveal something infinitely more delightful, intimate, freeing and affirming, but we have to be open to releasing ourselves over to him. Indeed I believe this handing over my sexuality to God is a very important thing in waging spiritual warfare and protecting myself from sexual sin. I'm not letting the powers of darkness take my treasure from me in this area any longer.

That's my 2 dollars. I hope this will encourage somebody reading!

Masturbation is preparation for marriage for the single woman, acceptable for the married woman whose husband has no intention of pleasuring her and will not discuss it and provides sexual release for those forced into a divorce where masturbation is acceptable and the sin of fornication is not.

The article was very inspiring for me, especially the last paragraph. I am 21, in a serious relationship, considering marriage, but not married yet, and sexual urges are extremely strong for me. I agree with those who don't beat themselves up if and when they seek self-pleasure, because God offers forgiveness. I also believe that there are many more aspects of our spiritual life God is concerned with other than whether we masterbate or use vibrators. However I do believe it is important to try and abstain from giving in to our desires while we are single. While the Bible doesn't address self-pleasure, it does address suffering (as something honorable)-many times, and from the single-looking to be married soon-perspective, I appreciated the article.

As someone who is close to 30, single, never been in a relationship, I feel somewhat compelled to respond to this article. The author's point is well taken; we must be conscious of our sexual desires and make sure that they come under the sovereignty of God. That being said, God made my body to be sexual, he gave me a sex drive. And because of hormone imbalances, it can actually be an incredibly high sex drive at times. But I'm also a single woman. Sex with a man is not an option for me at this point in my life (and may never be). There are times when my body can't help but to orgasm, if I ignore the urge I will dream it and experience it physically in my sleep. God made me a sexual being, he made my body to get pleasure from stimulation. I thank God for that! With anything there are certain contexts in which an act becomes sinful - when it creates a barrier between you and God, when it becomes and idol, when it become an addiction. But masturbation is not inherently any of those things. Our intentions are what could possibly move it into the sin category. Lust is a factor; if you cannot masturbate without lust, then masturbation is not "profitable" for you. But if you can feel the pleasure of an orgasm and praise Him for the way that He has fearfully and wonderfully made your body... what wrong with that? That in and of itself is creating intimacy with my True Husband. I'll admit it took me a while to get to that point where I could bring God into my physical sexuality, mostly because of shame. But once I really released myself to His sovereignty and allowed Him to do the work of purifying my sexuality even when I'm bringing myself to orgasm I can see Him in that pleasure and give thanks to Him. There are times when my flesh gets in the way, and I constantly invite the Holy Spirit to convict me when this happens and there are times when I will abstain to make sure that I am in a right relationship with God and worshiping Him and not something else.

Mostly I would encourage anyone who has read this article to wrestle with the ideas it proposes. It is a topic worthy to consider in great depth. But, please, don't rely on this one person's interpretation. You don't know what her real, personal struggles are, or if, perhaps God has asked her to abstain for some reason. Take the issue to God and be willing to respond positively to however he answers you. And if I also may add, if you feel any sense of shame in connection to the issue of your sexuality and masturbation and orgasm, ask God into that place. Let Him convict you of the part that is fleshly, let Him heal what may be broken, let Him soothe your anxiety and let Him erase your shame with His limitless grace.

Thank you for your very interesting article! I just posted on this same subject from a married male perspective, and one of our commenters directed me to your post.

We come to a similar conclusion, although I like your way of wording it, that God has a plan for love, and masturbation is taking over that plan. Intimacy, including sexual intimacy is an incredibly powerful and wonderful thing that God has made. Anything that impedes that or limits it is harmful.

While I agree with many of the comments that there are ways to incorporate masturbation into health marital intimacy this is a challenge, not easily done. In my opinion masturbation in marriage is simply putting a band-aid on a wound, the wound of sexual intimacy between husband and wife. If all you do is cover the wound it will abscess, if you take off the band-aid you may be forced to deal with the real issue, the challenge of growing intimacy in your marriage.

I find it interesting that while my post is directed to men and your post is directed to women we have many of the same comments. Many talking about what should be done with a lack of intimacy. This is the true wake up call! Both men and women (in marriage) are starving for authentic God breathed One Flesh intimacy! Unless we find how to be on that journey together, other forces will take us apart!

Thank you for your post!
God Bless,
Brad
www.onefleshmarriage.com

The Christian community is in desperate need of fresh voices on sexuality and unfortunately this article does not provide that. I am concerned that the author is writing a book on chastity which is sure to promote the same kind of rhetoric that has been repeated for years.

Like another woman who wrote above, I am a celibate, gay woman. Having been celibate for 10 years I have had to wrestle with what to do with my sexuality. Frankly, I don't find it possible to completely eliminate masturbation. Perhaps other women with more minimal libidos find it attainable. But, I have a healthy, strong sex drive.

There is nothing dark and sinister about masturbation (unless there is addiction or pornography involved). Its basic biology. There is nothing sinful about relieving hormonal tension. In fact, a permanent lack of sexual release is not something most people are going to be able to achieve even if they try; we need to admit that reality and consider the implications.

Also, a word for Lola: I know you mean well but your views on homosexuality are completely uninformed. Same-sex attraction cannot be prayed away by Christian friends. Perhaps only 15% of those with same-sex attraction who try over a period of years to achieve change in orientation actually shift to a "complicated heterosexuality" (i.e. usually bisexuality or spousosexuality). The majority will not experience any change in sexual orientation. And thus, they face the prospect of a life of celibacy (if homosexuality conflicts with their sexual ethics). These individuals face not only celibacy, but also a lack of the simple joys of dating that single, heterosexual women can enjoy (e.g. hand-holding, romance, kissing, etc).

You also write: "Do not allow your struggle with same sex attraction to get in the way of pursuing a heterosexual marriage." YIKES! I should introduce you to some of the gay friends I have who are in heterosexual marriages so you can see the pain such advice reaps--usually anguished celibate marriages and often divorce. Its a horrible thing to inflict on some poor, unsuspecting heterosexual spouse.

Anyway, back to the main point--I wish there was more honest conversation among Christians about the reality of singleness and long-term celibacy. Let's get real--most Christian young people will not be able to keep themselves from having intercourse before marriage, let alone refrain from masturbation. Are guilt messages the only thing we have to offer in response?

For what it's worth, my two cents--a list of the most common arguments against masturbation and how I address them:

1. I know there's nothing against it in the Bible, but there's nothing for it either.

Right. There's also nothing for playing a game of chess or studying chemistry or using electricity. Would you say any of those things are wrong because the Bible doesn't explicitly condone them?

2. But masturbation makes me feel so guilty and ashamed, so it must be wrong.

Ever heard of false guilt and false shame? I felt plenty guilty when I was the only one uninjured in an accident. I felt plenty ashamed when I had to undress for the doctor as a kid. That doesn't mean I should have felt guilty or ashamed in either circumstance. There's guilt and shame that comes from God, and then there's guilt and shame that comes from the evil one.

Besides, plenty of people don't feel guilty or ashamed after masturbating. Many people find that they can masturbate and then quite easily move on to the next order of business without giving it another thought.

3. Do you think Jesus masturbated?

I don't know. I can't even imagine Jesus naked, but I know he had a body that did all the things our bodies do. However, I'm pretty sure he didn't read sci-fi novels or watch TV and not just because those things didn't exist back then. ;) I think he was busy doing more important things. That doesn't make it wrong to read sci-fi novels or watch TV, though.

4. Wouldn't you be embarrassed if Jesus came back and found you masturbating?

Sure. I'd also feel embarrassed if he came back and found me in the shower or on the toilet. Doesn't mean it's wrong to take a shower or use the toilet!

5. Masturbation is selfish. When you masturbate, you're focused on yourself and your own pleasure.

I'm also focused on myself and my own pleasure when I eat a delicious hot fudge sundae or take a long, relaxing bubble bath or pop my earbuds in and lose myself in Beethoven's Fifth. Should I not do all those things? Are they selfish and sinful?

6. Masturbation always involves lust, and lust is sinful.

Not necessarily, no. You can masturbate while only focusing on the physical sensations. (Here's a secret: Lots of women do that even while having sex with their husbands!) Also, you can masturbate while thinking of an imaginary person.

And not for nothing, but it's coveting someone you shouldn't that's sinful, not experiencing sexual desire. If no one experienced sexual desire toward anyone else, we wouldn't get married in the first place.

7. God designed sex to reflect his holy union with his people, and masturbation doesn't reflect that, so it's wrong.

Yes, God did design sex to remind people of his bond with the church. But it doesn't follow, therefore, that masturbation has no purpose or is morally wrong. Think of it this way: If God designed married couples to reflect his union with the church, then what did he design single people for? Does it follow that just because married couples illustrate God's union with the church, single people aren't in union with God? Similarly, just because people come together sexually in marriage doesn't mean there is no place for their sexuality outside of it. Each of our bodies individually is a temple of the Lord. Could masturbation possibly illustrate that point while sex illustrates the union aspect? Just a thought.

8. If you masturbate before marriage, you'll never learn how to be chaste.

Aren't I being chaste simply by not engaging in sexual activity with another individual? Believe me, that in itself requires great self-control!

9. If you masturbate before marriage, your married life won't be as special or you'll have problems sexually. Maybe you'll lose interest in marriage altogether!

The research says otherwise. So does anecdotal experience.

10. Masturbation is a slippery slope to obsessive behavior that will dominate your life.

Plenty of people spend ten minutes a day or less masturbating. Many only masturbate a few times a month. Hardly a life-dominating activity.

Just some points to ponder...

Do people in the church that continually tout these arguments ever take the time to think that the guilt and shame that comes with pleasuring one self is because the whole subject is "taboo"? Particularly for women? Particularly for members of the church for whom it has always been hammered into their heads that self-pleasure is "sinful"? And so naturally they are predisposed to feelings of shame and guilt?

Do people in the church that are for the notion that this is a sin ever think that perhaps they have confused two completely different issues: desire + lust. Desire is completely natural and God-given. Lust is over-indulgence; desiring too much. There is a huge difference.
And so what if masturbation selfish? There is a difference between loving one-self; taking care of one self and being selfish. Self-love is absolutely necessary (Christ himself demands it; that we love our neighbours AS WE LOVE OURSELVES); Selfishness means simply that you love yourself more than others and are constantly thinking of yourself and never of others.

So I agree that it is great that women in the church are finally addressing this issue, but Christians need to stop resorting to huge generalizations to defend their conservative stances on certain issues. They also need to learn that just because our flesh causes us to sin does not mean our flesh is entirely bad; it is this same flesh that causes us to think, to innovate, to love, to be kind, to be good.

I think in I Corinthians 7 it is fairly clear sexual desire should be fulfilled by a spouse. That is the one issue I have with this discussion as it pertains to the Bible.

I read a good book not long ago with my husband about sexual intimacy entitled "Sheet Music", and was then made aware of the practice of using masturbation as a means of practicing for a spouse before marriage. I was a little surprised, and I guess I'm behind the times.

But to call masturbation sin is something which is likely too broad. I sigh in my spirit to say I have lived under far too many things being called "sin" in the Body of Christ as a whole.

www.uncoverednomore.com

Ladies, please read this so that you don't suffer the heartache that my spouse of 30 years and I do now.

Because I had never learned how to achieve orgasm, our sex life has gone from good to painfully none existent.

I didn't know myself physically, didn't know what to show or tell my husband, and he wore himself out, mentally & physically, trying to get me there.

After several years of counseling, I have learned on my own, but the hurts and division between us have become so deep and so solid, that neither of us seems to be able to get past the discomfort and lack of trust.
Don't let this happen to you! **

It's okay to enjoy the God-given gift of sex & all its pleasures with your spouse.
And it's a responsibility, out of love for your husband & marriage, to learn how to share that pleasure with him.

Bottom Line: Sex within marriage is one of the most beautiful gifts God has given to us; He wants us to reach the heights of passion with our spouse.
And I don't think He considers masturbation a sin if it's going to help a couple embrace His gift to the fullest.

**(Please pray for us. I know this painful separation of intimacy is not from God, but is part of the evil one's plan to harm, & possibly end, our God-ordained union. Thank-you!)

So is getting a massage wrong? Have you read the studies on how healthy it is to have sexual release. Would God place the desire for sex in us with a way to fulfill it if it were a sin? It is possible to do that without fantasy with Gods help. I thing worry about these things can become more of an idle then just releasing some tension. Anything can become an obsession even church. We need to dedicate our lives to God and live for Him not obsess over the small things that do not effect our salvation.

Well written and thought-out article, ma'am! Bravo!
I can't say I agree with you, but I like the way you tested and researched things yourself.
While it may seem "niave", I prefer to think of your article as simply "unexperienced". I am a christian, who was raised in a rather conservative home, praise the Lord for that as I was also molested as a child. Among other things, this resulted in me developing hypersexuality. Basically? I was a sexual kid/teen/young adult. Without the guidance and morals that my parents raised me under, I would probably find myself in a very unhealthy and promiscuous place. I attribute the fact that I have been so very healed emotionally/mentally to God. Unfortunately... I'm still hypersexual. In my case, I feel as though this may just be the reality for my life. I wrestled with guilt over this for years, but have come to a place of acceptance. Better to accept God's grace in this, then to hate myself for something I really can't control, right? I believe that God understands us, and where we are broken He pours out His grace as a covering.

I havent masturbated for over a month now. I have lost the desire, by abstaining ironically. And I think, for me anyway, not sitting in a desk chair helps. My computer sits on the floor and I sit indian style in bed or lying down. This simple adjustment I made accidentally after selling all my furniture has been helpful to me. I used to be a pretty regular masturbator. Afterwards I would always feel like I just wasted a lot of energy, rather than investing it in a relationship, or a more creative life (sexual energy is thought to be a potent energy source). My great grandfather was an Anglican chaplain in Leeds England in 1850 before moving to Ontario Canada where he continued to be a church leader and school superintendent. I believe his obvious faith (and perhaps secret life) was passed on to me.

The 21st century and christians are still debating how many angels can dance on the head of a pin. Maybe evolution is a false science after all. We surely don't seem to be getting any smarter.

I feel for all the frustrated women who will never get to relax and feel good thanks to this authors un-insightful vapid post. Hope all of you enjoy orgasm-less boring lives procreating in missionary style solely for the purpose of procreation.

@Jane Hinrichs. You said, "I have a question: do you think Jesus did this? He was and is perfect."

(To whomever the moderator is, I do not mean to be crass, but I'm trying to make a point with Jane):

Did Jesus urinate? Probably.

We don't know if he engaged in this activity or not. If you could find out he did, would it make you suddenly stop respecting him?

You said, "And, does what you engage in (whatever it is) glorify God? Does it bring you closer to Him? Closer to Others?"

How about urination. Does going to the bathroom to relieve your bladder bring glory to God?

Well, probably not, it's one of those neutral activities, like making your bed in the morning or mowing the lawn. Does making your bed or mowing the lawn bring God glory?

Maybe masturbation is along the same lines.

It's pretty crummy how the church expects singles over 35 years old to remain celibate, and then tells them they can't even scratch their own itch, as Larry wrote above.

There's nothing wrong with a Christian getting his or her own needs met. I'd advise the woman who wrote this article to read some books about codependency.

Tom said, "God clearly proscribes specific sexual practices, some very strongly. Men like to make rules and attribute them to Godliness too."

That's a good point. The Bible is very clear about sexual sin God objects to; God is clear he's not in support of homosexuality, men raping women, and men and women having sex with each other outside of marriage.

If God were completely against any and all masturbation, would he not have included it in the laws in the Old Testament, and wouldn't it have been mentioned by the Apostle Paul in the lists of sexual sins Paul wrote of? But it's not mentioned as being sin in either the Old or New Testaments.

-Ounbbl said, "Now, please don't misuse the word 'love' in this connection. It has nothing to do with loving self (which is condemned in the Scripture"

The Bible does not condemn "self love." The Bible assumes one must love one's self before being able to love others; as Jesus said, you are to love your neighbor as YOU LOVE YOURSELF.

-Elia said, "Jesus never masturbated"

How do you know that? The Scriptures were absolutely silent about that issue.

The Bible does not mention that Jesus urinated, took baths, or washed his hair. Does that mean Jesus did not have a bladder and kidneys like other men, or that he smelled bad?

-Victoria/JusticePirate said, "it takes your mind off of worshiping God and onto your own selfish pleasures."

So, when you're folding your clean laundry, are you at that very moment keeping your mind on God and worshipping him? Or when you're filling your car up with gas at the gas station? Or doing any number of other mundane things a person does through out the day?

Getting one's needs met (such as eating food if one is hungry) is not selfish.

You said, "Once I got married I had to work away from having that quick fix"

And what of people over 35 who have never get married and might never get married?

-Melissa said, "Instead of attempting to justify and normalize within the church sexual sins which are idolized within the world"

You have yet to prove that masturbation is a sin; it's merely your opinion that it is. I don't see any biblical evidence that God views it that way.

You said (quoting Scripture), "But among you there must not be even a hint of sexual immorality, or of any kind of impurity, or of greed, because these are improper for God's holy people.” "

You are reading masturbation into the phrase "hint of sexual immorality" [etc], but it might not have been in the mind of the author/Holy Spirit when that was written.

The Bible seems far more concerned with sexual sins Christian people *do with other people* (such as a Christian having sex with a prostitute, since the prostitute in effect becomes 'joined to the body of Christ,' as the passage explains), and not with how or what one does alone with one's own body.

-Under Grace. Just because it became an addiction for you, does not mean that happens to other people.

If you consider it harmful for yourself, or you find it sinful for yourself, then refrain.

But because the Bible leaves 'grey areas' like this up to the conscience of each believer, it is not right for one Christian to dictate to all other Christians that it is wrong for them to do it too, just because you feel it is wrong for you personally.

-JML said, "If we can do an act & dedicate that act as a worship to God at the same time, go ahead & do it! If we can we say, "Praise You, Jesus. I worship you now in the company of Your angels & in holiness as I see You high & lifted up!" as we do "that act", I ain't arguing with no one"

Okay, so the next time I scramble eggs or scrub the mold out of my shower, I should yell, "Praise You Jesus." ?

I'm sorry, but people who are trying to make masturbation seem dirty or sinful by dragging Jesus' name into the debate like this are full of fail.

-Ashleigh said, "All in all, I have yet to hear a good biblical argument against masturbation. Many, many Christian authors with backgrounds in theology, psychology, or both find no problem with masturbation (barring, of course, unhealthy compulsions, porn use, etc.--which of course are separate problems)."

I agree. I also agreed with posts by these people:

-Anonymous 9.
-implicit messages.
-Jewel.
-some guy.
-Jennifer
-Paul H. Byerly
-Tea

To Steve, who said, "Men will never fully understand the female perspective on the issue of masturbation and conversely females (at least it seems from this article and comments) don't have the first clue about the hormones racing through every man and how that drives them"

This page was about women, not men, so I don't understand your point. Also, you act like only men get sexual urges, which is not true.

-Jan said, "Perhaps the real question here is what Scripture backs up the opposing view? No one seems to have even one isolated verse that does this."

Neither the Old or New Testaments condemn it.

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