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August 30, 2011

Christ and My Curly Hair

Attempts to undo my wiry hairdo had grown to idolatrous proportions - and taken up three whole months of my life.

Michelle Van Loon

This spring, a friend asked me to accompany her to Africa to document the labors of a nonprofit working in microfinance. She told me we’d be traveling to a number of remote villages to complete our assignment.

Instead of a dewy-eyed, “I’ll go wherever God sends me,” or even the sturdy old-stall tactic, “Let me pray about it," my first thought was, How will I blow dry my hair?

My vain response forced a long, hard look in the mirror, and not just so I could prep for another day of battle with wiry, frizzy hair. I’d sat through decades of sermons and Bible studies telling me that I was fearfully and wonderfully made, urging me to love myself because God loved me. All this self-acceptance talk may as well have been spoken to me in Portuguese. A demanding little idol called the Straight Hair god had rendered the message unintelligible.

As a young girl, I learned about the Straight Hair god from shampoo commercials and TV, and my “Ellis Island” hair wasn’t it. My natural `do makes me look a lot like the people pictured in those grainy pictures of Eastern European immigrants who crossed the Atlantic in steerage class at the turn of the century, probably because I am related to a handful of them.

I tried appeasing the Straight Hair god with a daily offering: blow-drying it into an immovable hair helmet that resembled a pile of scouring pads. Heaven forbid the humidity crept above 65 percent.

Except for a brief stint going natural in the mid-70s, and the big hair era of the 1980s, my type 3C curly hair and I have appeased this god with a daily offering of blow-drying for 40 years. I did the math: 10 minutes with the blow dryer every morning works out to over 100 24-hour days spent with a blow dryer and a round brush in my hand. I have given more than three months of my limited time on earth to blow-drying my hair.

Author Anne Lamott has written about her long war with her wiry hair: “[I’d devoted] most of my prayer life to the desperate hope that there not be any weather. Also, that no one trick me into getting into a convertible and then suddenly insist on taking the top down. . . . The only alternative is that you wear a hat, but then when you take it off you have terrible hat-hair, where it looks like a cartoon mouse has been driving a steamroller around your head all day. And you obviously can't wear a scarf or you end up looking like your aunt Bev.”

Though many women exercise the “Wanting the Kind You Don’t Have” rule when it comes to hair, many curly girls live with a certain level of insecurity because the prevailing standard of beauty in our culture is flat-ironed. There are a few high-powered women with curly hair who are trying to battle the notion that their untamed tresses diminish their workplace credibility or makes them less desirable. As curly-haired Megan McArdle, senior editor for The Atlantic, recently noted in “Can A Professional Woman Go Curly?”, “For better or worse, smooth straight hair has become synonymous with ‘professional’ in America. Show up with curly hair, and you might as well show up with waist-length beads and an incense burner.”

Some of us secretly believe that a part of our physical appearance came with a faulty manufacturer’s warantee. That unchallenged belief is a perfect breeding ground for the kind of idolatry that drove my morning grooming routine for four decades. Lamott notes that it took the words of a dying friend about wasting time on the unimportant to see her hair woes in a healthier light.

The Holy Spirit used my fretting about caring for my curls in an African village to confront me about my hairdolatry. Once he had my attention, I found an invitation from bouffant bondage in New Testament passages like 1 Peter 3:3-5 or 1 Tim. 2:9-15. These passages are often used as running chainsaws in the debate over gender roles in the church or, in fundamentalist circles, to create legalistic standards for women’s dress. I carry a few scars from the wounds of those ill-wielded chainsaws, and I’m sorry to confess that those scars got in the way of hearing the words that could free me from serving the Straight Hair god with my daily blow-drying offerings. Simply, both Paul and Peter urge believing women not to become enslaved by serving their external appearance because this enslavement would limit their ability to serve others.

There was a big difference between the healthy components of my grooming routine each day (moisturizer, mascara, blush, simple-but-current clothing choices), and the fear of not being acceptable or attractive to others. That unhealthy fear had turned me into a blow-drying slave.

My journey to freedom began with repentance, as well as a trip to a new hairdresser this summer, who spent an hour showing me how to take care of my curly hair without using the blow dryer. It took several weeks and a series of really bad hair days before I got the hang of it. I’m guessing my unplugged detox this summer is a little like coming off a 40-year nicotine addiction.

I’d lived the lie that my wild hair was a mistake on God’s part or some sort of failure on my own. When I look in the mirror these days, my untamed hair preaches a sermon at me every time I look at it, telling me I am fearfully, wonderfully made after all.

Comments

thank you for this! I can fully relate to your story. No matter how much I have heard "Do you know how much ladies pay to have that curl?" That was always lost on me, until I had two children: our son has the curly hair and our daughter has curly-ish hair. I tell them both how beautiful they are (and that their hair is...) hopefully instilling in them a sense of confidence I never had about my hair. I still have to remember it is my long curly hair that attracted my husband to me:) I am becoming more comfortable over the years with the hair, but I still think it will be a life-long battle to some degree.

Hooray for wild hair! I used to use lots of "product" but no longer. I've learned to enjoy my curls and rarely try to tame them. Thanks for bringing this up!

Oh Ladies, Aren't we funny! I have wanted and longed for wild hair my whole life. In my dreams I have long thick curly hair. I don't even care about the frizz. I love to see the afros that are coming back into style. I cried so many tears in junior high and high school (even college) over my pathetically fine, straight hair.

I used to perm it and that gave some results, but the last time I got a perm was 12 years ago when i finally decided to forget it. God wanted me to have straight hair and straight hair I will have. Now that I am getting older, 43 to be exact, I am just thankful I have hair.

Ladies with wild hair, let it be wild! There's a 17 year old girl in our church who has that kind of wild hair and just recently she's been letting it be the way it is naturally. I've told her how much I absolutely love it. Cause I do!

I guess the lesson is is that we all should embrace ourselves as God made us. There's a reason for our physical appearances as much as our spiritual gifts.

Glory! And Michelle, Thanks. You made me smile.

Thanks for your thought-provoking article. I've always had the oppositie problem. With thin, fine, hair, it has been almost impossible to have any hair style. I spent about 20 years of my life paying for a perm every 4 months. Finally about 5 years ago I decided I wasn't going to waste that money (and time) on hair any more. I now donate those funds to various charities. I asked a beautician to give me a cut that would work with my hair type. I now have short layers,new for me, and it is easier to fix my hair than ever.

Thanks for this post! I am also a curly girl, and I learned a TON about hair when I traveled to Africa.

Braids, straight, natural...chatting with African women about hair, as well as braiding and un-braiding each other's hair was a huge cultural learning experience for me and made me look at my own hair in a new way.

I love this post! I just started curling my hair (very soft, wide curls) with my straightener. I love the way it looks, and I feel so different when my hair is curly. I feel like I've missed out on this secret society for the last 27 years because I've had pin-straight hair all my life. Your comment "There was a big difference between the healthy components of my grooming routine each day (moisturizer, mascara, blush, simple-but-current clothing choices), and the fear of not being acceptable or attractive to others." resonated with me, because that's the line I know I tow every day. Whether it's acne frustration or my Ohio Hair (my nick-name for the Mousy Brown color that has taken over my once naturally blond streaked locks), I know so much of my frustration lies in a fear of not being accepted as beautiful to others. We hold such high standards for ourselves that, really, are set by our overly visual culture. I have to remind myself that what matters is if I'm comfortable, inside and out. And in my heart of hearts I know that when I wear something in the hopes of being considered 'beautiful', I'm less comfortable on the inside because I spend the day waiting for others to indulge my vanity. And focusing on my vanity takes my mind away from things that matter a whole heck of a lot more than my clothing choice of the day.

I know a woman's beauty is nothing to be put aside, and I believe in letting a woman know she is beautiful. But, like you said, there is a line between grooming to be presentable and feel good about yourself, and doing it to be accepted by others.

Thanks for posting!

I recently started spending untold amounts of money on a special straightening process. It works, as long as you keep up your end of the bargain (round brush, flatiron, etc.). But it is so stinking expensive! Still, I agree with McArdle that frizzy and flyaway is not a good look for most of us (and she's right about Irish hair; mine at its worst can resemble the late Teddy Kennedy's, may he rest).
Michelle, I'm really glad you broached this topic. It's one for which there's no all-purpose answer--but we need to be talking about as women of faith. And I loved the "Ellis Island hair" line.

Uh-oh. No curly hair in the professional world? I'm in trouble. I had no idea-- guess I've been in the stay-at-home mom world too long. I knew yoga pants weren't nice, but had no idea curly hair was a no-no. Geez. : )

I'll just have to take my chances-- I don't have the patience to blow dry and flat iron. Thanks, Michelle, for your confession and calling us all to love our God-given locks!

Michelle, you are a hoot. I can say this because I know her. Haha. I was born with naturally curly hair (not wiry) and hated it most of my adult life. I always, always blew it straight, never listening to my hairdressers' laments that I had beautiful curls. Then one day I decided to "go natural" and got a good cut. That was the end of blow drying it straight. It's been a long while now since I've worn my hair straight and I love my curls. Many times people ask me if I have a perm and I say nope, I was born this way. All the women with straight hair look on me with envy.

We always want what we don't have LOL. That is true.

I'm laughing like crazy at this article! Boy can I relate!! My teen years were in the 60's and I have been searching for the elusive remedy for curly hair ever since. Juice can rollers, blow dryers, and round brushes as well anti-humidity hairspray and products that promise straight, sleek and shiny hair. Friends compliment the curls when I let them come out to play, but they don't realize that curly hair does what it wants, when it wants. It's never a matter of wash and wear like my straight haired friends. And every morning is a new look' of wildness for the sleep-tossed tresses. My husband's famous retort to my dismay on a bad-hair day, ' can't you just brush it out!' Sure I could, if I wanted to look like Bozo the clown! Thanks for a great laugh and wise insight into our motivations for what we do.

I coveted my classmate's curly hair in elementary school. I had fine straight hair that would hardly hold a curl. I prayed for curly hair... And I got it (sort of). I now have wavy hair that can go either way. Recently I was thinking about praying for straight hair again. Why are we never content with what we've got? Silly us.
I had to have all of my hair chopped off in 2009 due to consequences of a psychosis, and my hair is finally growing longer now. I was just recently contemplating how I value my hair too much, and I almost cut it off again to prevent further idolization. My hair is my security blanket. I literally used to hide behind it when I would cry in school. Now I use it to hide for a vain reason: I do not like the appearance of my neck. was tempted to rip away that security blanket and for myself to rely on God.

Typo: * and force myself to rely upon God.

You GO, Curlz. The voice that says you are unacceptable the way you were made is the hiss of the deceiver.

This was both hilarious and insightful. Although I rarely EVER blow out my hair, I'm amazed at the subtle negative thought-patterns I have about how my curly red hair negatively differentiates me from other women...

Thanks for shining new light on the heart of 1 Peter 3:3-5 and 1 Tim. 2:9-15, too.

AND for knowing your hair type from Naturally Curly!!! :)

Chris,
Type 3a-b

Good for you who have beautiful naturally curly hair. I always need to use my Karmin Salon Pro clipless curling iron to get big loose curls :)

As you know, I am a huge fan of your curly-liberation! I remember the handful of times that I straightened my hair and it was almost always at the pressure of a man. Maybe once I did it for me. After that, I found that an hour of arm torture to distort what God had given me wasn't worth it. Not for myself. Now, I don't care if my dad (who isn't a fan of curly hair, go figure) or any man doesn't like it. I embrace my frizzy, curly self! You made it through the hardest time of year, summer, and you look beautiful! Welcome to FREEDOM, my curly haired friend!

You had me at "Ellis Island hair."

God is in the little things, too, like hair. Thanks for this reminder.

Interesting article. I am one of the few women who has naturally had both kinds of hair. I had fine, but very thick hair until I became older, when hormonal changes in my body caused my hair to become naturally curly, much like my mother's was and my sister's is.
When I was growing up, Mom used to take me to the beauty salon to get perms, which sometimes did not take on my right side and had to be redone. Through high school I had perms because curly was "in". However, in college, styles began to change and long, thick straight became the norm. I stopped doing anything with my hair so far as styling goes; I let it grow long and straight, and could ponytail it or put into a French Twist if I wanted to. No style required styling tools-- just barrettes or scrunchies (which my cat hunted, so they were in short supply). I went to Europe with Operation Mobilisation and kept my hair long and up-- and learned to wash only the front every day.
I wore it long and straight-- twisted or clipped up for business. In my unairconditioned church, I found I could stay cool if I clipped it up wet after my daily wash and shower.
Then, it became curly! I was very happy to have long and curly hair! At the same time a younger woman in my church went from straight to curly with her first pregnancy. We laugh because when we white females had evenings or overnights with Black girls we were working with, they usually became frustrated because our straight hair would never hold the complicated styles they tried to do that worked so well with their hair.

Last summer I smashed my right arm and had to have a rod put in it; I was prohibited from using it for eight weeks. So no more twisting my wet hair up to keep cool; I wasn't allowed to pick up a fork, let alone put my hair up. So I had a friend drive me to Great Clips where I had it cut off, leaving me with a curly bob that EVERYONE seemed to like, men especially. This summer I had a cervical fusion requiring a succession of cervical collars. I had to have my hair cut much shorter (still a bob)so I could avoid having my hair inside a plastic or foam collar that comes up to my chin for three months. I did not have so many comments on this cut, but now many young-- as well as older women-- are showing up with curly bobs. This style requires NO work after washing-- just run your fingers through it and go. This cannot be done if one's hair has no curl as used to be the case with mine. If I want it straight, I can get it blown dry in a short car trip with the windows open, but I LOVE my curls!

I can so empathize! My hair is also naturally curly, and I've had a bit of a struggle to reconcile with it. The trouble is, it never flatirons properly, it just looks bad. I guess I've become a big believer in the fact that women look best when they use the hair God gave them as a starting point to work from rather than something to overcome. My solution for work when I'm trying to look semi-professional? Braiding it to the side works, as does washing it and pinning it with a hair clip and letting the curls fall around it. Also, if curly haired women want to leave their hair down at work, leave-in conditioner is great for keeping curls while reducing flyaway frizz. I got married a week and a half ago, and doing my hair for the wedding took me about 5 minutes total and cost nothing, while the straight-haired daughter of a coworker had to make an appointment to have her hair curled.

Speaking of hair-we had to get perms every year because of straight hair and finally gave up and used what I had. At age 40, while at a retreat in Ocean Grove, NJ, I answered a deeper call from the Lord. Went to the altar and then to the ocean side and met Him there, laid all my troubles at His feet. When I returned home, the lady who cut my hair said she thought I had gotten it bleached since it was a different color. I assured her I had done nothing and in two weeks it was pure white from dark brown. I love it! It is a great way to give a testimony when folks ask about my pure whte hair.Also, those whom I knew years ago always recognize me because of it. God is so awesome!!Edith

My husband says I should be able to share the gospel as easily as I share my favorite book, Curly Girl by Lorraine Massey, with every curly girl I see in public!

I'm an African-American woman in her 40's with curly hair. I relate to this article too! You see I relaxed my hair since I was 15 years old and stopped just this past February when my hair was so broken off (it was just 1")I had to stop relaxing it. It's been 7 months now and my hair is about 3" long and no more relaxers for me. I even air dry it now.

this "how will I take care of my hair???" question is what keeps me from camping. I have beautiful, very dark brown 3B/C curly hair.

I will say humidity doesn't bother mine. The key, ladies are you listening here!!!! THE KEY is taking good care of it. Get the SLS (sodium laurel sulfate etc) out of your shampoos and conditioners and finding good products that keep it handled! I got the SLS out a few years back and my hair has never looked better.

I still don't camp because I can only go one day without washing, but if I grow it out I could do a pony tail and get an additional day perhaps. ;)

Vivre la Curlie!!!

Loooove this post! It takes me 45 minutes to blow dry my natural curly hair, straighten it to 'perfection' and then step outside only to have the littlest humidity start wreaking havoc on the straightness & sending it back into curl mode. For as long as I can remember I've hated my curls! When I wear my hair curly people tell me it makes me look like a little girl (at 36 I don't know how it's possible to look like a 'little girl' but whatever lol).

The point of all my above rambling is thank you for sharing this! I'm ready to embrace my curls and be set free of the nasty straight hair god! I'm calling and making an appointment for this week with a hair dresser so I can be taught how to work with these curls! :-)

Hi,
I am Alisha Anderson.
I have found your site not so long ago, but try to read every new article as i see your
site as one of those interesting places online (it’s not such an usual case nowadays).
This week i had an interesting discussion about (http://blog.christianitytoday.com/women/2011/08/christ_and_my_curly_hair.html) with my colleagues and i’m
going to write about it. Your site looks a perfect place for an article on this topic.
So if you would like that, it would be great if you could post it on your site.
And that’s absolutely free of cause.
Let me know here anderson.alisha8@gmail.com if you are interested.
Regards
Alisha Anderson

I have curly hair, and have pretty much always embraced it. Sure, I have my struggles with it, but I've always thought there's nothing special about straight hair (sorry ladies), so why change a good thing? The only thing is that has nagged me was the idea that curly is not polished or professional. I try to dismiss it, but then your article confirmed to me that the perception is real! I have been "under consideration" at a company for 2 months now, and this has me wondering if wearing my hair curly to the interview negatively impacted my chances! It seems too crazy to be true... Oh well, nothing I can do about it now.

This article strikes a chord with me because I'm a young (23) AA woman who has natural hair (and which is tightly curled). I wasn't always this way, I was forced to relax my hair at a young age and really bought into the lie that this is what would 'fix' my hair, or make me beautiful. But at the tender age of 14 I began to question these lies society was feeding me, why couldn't I be considered beautiful with the hair God gave me, the hair I was born with? So, I gave up the addiction to relaxers and went natural (which was a pretty bold move during my teenage years), and I definitely had my share of struggles. But, through the teasing, and the negative comments I managed to stay strong and not go back to relaxing my hair. I even stopped putting heat in it, and would let it air dry.

Interestingly enough, now I get the most wonderful compliments walking down the street. I get told how striking my hair is, how soft it is. But, I'm so thankful that I found that peace and self-confidence at such a young age despite all of the negativity. It was truly a blessing and I have never felt more beautiful than I have accepting and relishing in the things I was born with. Now my niece is natural too(she happens to be 14), and is feeling lovely because she's not allowing herself to be influenced by negative body image standards imposed by a handful of people. And I'm happy she can talk to me about bad days, and I can share the struggle I've had and give her insight and words of wisdom.

We have to be the vehicles of change. My niece, my twin sister and my mom are all natural now because of a decision I made a decade ago and having confidence to go against these lies. It's about loving yourself, and appreciating who God made you. If you want to change you look, by all means change it but do not do so with the audacity to challenge and denounce the beauty God has granted you (because if we are all in His image, who are we to hate ourselves?)

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