Her.meneutics: A Woman's Place in Christian Higher Ed

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« When a Midlife Crisis Becomes Serious | Main | John Ortberg Is My Dad, But Don't Call Me a PK »

October 4, 2011

A Woman's Place in Christian Higher Ed

Surveying the new research on women leaders at CCCU schools.

Halee Gray Scott, guest blogger

Spiritual writer Frederick Buechner once defined calling as the place where a person’s “greatest passion meets the world's greatest need.” But what of a person’s leadership? This summer, researchers in Christian higher education surveyed 16 top leaders at Council for Christian Colleges and Universities (CCCU) member schools to see how their leadership was related to their sense of calling. All the leaders interviewed for the survey, published this summer in the journal Christian Higher Education, are women. (A preview of the study is available here.)

Over the past 50 years, in both the West and developing countries, women have made significant strides in government, business, and education. In the United States, where it was once improper for a woman to even express a desire to vote, women now constitute over half of the electorate and occupy many of the nation’s top positions. In 2007–2008, for the first time, women earned the majority of degrees. According to the U.S. Department of Education, women earned 57.3 percent of all bachelor’s degrees, 60.6 percent of all master’s degrees, and 51 percent of all doctoral degrees. And the number of women holding university presidencies has more than doubled from 1986 to 2006.

Yet despite such gains, women are still underrepresented in leadership positions in higher education. Further, according to the Christian Higher Education report, the average number of individuals serving at the vice-presidential level or higher in the CCCU was 4.9 men and .99 women. Thirty-four percent of institutions had no women at the executive level, while 44 percent had one woman at the vice presidential level or higher. As Her.meneutics reported amid Wheaton College’s presidential search, of the 111 North American member schools of the CCCU, 6 are led by female presidents (5 percent).

The 16 leaders were interviewed over the course of a year about their paths to leadership, calling, and how culture impacted their leadership experiences. A central theme that emerged among the CCCU leaders was the importance of knowing and using their giftedness towards a greater purpose — that is, having a calling.

Most women described their calling as a general purpose for their lives, while a few understood calling as a specific task or career path. Rebecca, a seasoned Student Life professional, commented, “I think that [calling] is knowing that God’s given me gifts and abilities and he has kind of this plan, maybe a canvas, and he gives me the brushes and it’s like, as long as I paint with his brushes, it’s okay . . . It’s not just one thing only.”

Diana, a faculty member, expressed a more specific understanding of calling: “And the Lord said to me, ‘I want you to follow me just as literally as those first apostles did. And that means I want you to give up your career. I want you to be willing to leave your family. I want you to give up your desire to get married.’ I said, ‘Whoa. That’s a lot to ask. What do you want?’ ‘Just follow.’ So I did that.”

Some of the women developed a sense of calling through personal reflections and devotions, while others discerned it from external influences such as affirmation from others. Sarah shared that her sense of her calling was shaped by external influences: “It would be those moments when people spoke it to me and would say, ‘You’re a leader. I see you as having potential.’ That changed how I thought about myself.”

The women also described calling as meaning different things in different seasons throughout their lives. Mary, a cabinet-level leader at a university, felt compelled to quit her job and care for her infant daughter. Several years later, Mary chose to resume her career and assume leadership positions. Both decisions were grounded in her sense of what God was calling her to do at that point in her life.

Researchers proposed four action steps based on the results of the study. First, leadership programs should use resources such as Clifton StrengthsFinder that “allow women to identify, celebrate, and further develop their talents and strengths.” Second, programs should introduce women to current research on the topic of calling. Third, given that this research indicated that periods of reflection were important for helping some participants develop their understanding of calling, curriculum should incorporate periods of time for reflection and analysis. Finally, women should be given opportunities to develop relationships that will help them identify their calling and support them in leadership.

The study of CCCU women is the latest example of the seismic changes occurring in the research on Christian women and leadership. Until recently, very little literature existed on Christian women leaders due in part, I believe, to the fact that most of the academic discussion was directed toward theological issue of women’s ordination and her place in the home. Researchers were asking, “Can women lead and if so, in what context?” rather than, “How can we help women leaders thrive?”

Last year, I conducted a research study of 21 Christian nonprofit organizations, with an eye to women in leadership. Among other findings, the study revealed that women leaders in Christian nonprofits face a number of obstacles, including conflicting perceptions about womanhood and leadership as well as difficulty finding supportive relationships. If, as the CCCU study indicates, one’s sense of calling is such an important motivator for women, it is pertinent to ask whether or not we are helping women to fully understand their calling and their giftedness. Both complementarians and egalitarians agree that women can be leaders; the disagreement is the context in which they can lead. By starting to study Christian women leaders empirically, we can break the impasse, help women thrive in the various spheres to which they are called, and raise up even more examples of strong leaders in a culture starved for examples of strong leadership.

Halee Gray Scott is an author, scholar, and researcher focused on issues related to spiritual formation, leadership, and women leaders. She teaches spiritual formation and leadership at Wesley Seminary and theology at A. W. Tozer Seminary, and has written for Christianity Today about Beth Moore's Bible study method.

Comments

Thanks for reporting this excellent research. I know some great women leaders in the CCCU, but would love to see many more!

great, timely article. picky point: 6/111 = 5%, not 0.5%

It is sad how the abuse of professed Christian men has led to such a determination of Christian women to reject their place in the home and abandon their children to careers. I do believe women have as much as men to contribute to kingdom work, but if a women chooses to marry her place should be in the home, learning to love her husband and children being chaste, meek, modest, humble and mighty before God not pursuing equality among men. Sisters, what do you desire, achievement in the world or glory from God. You are raising generations of feminist Christians who are rejecting God's role and call upon their life and it has unraveled the fabric of the Christian home. I truly believe that homosexuals are being allowed in the pulpit because women were. As we reject one portion of scripture others go. This does not mean you are to be ignorant, or barefoot and pregnant, but centered on God's structure of marriage. How can the older women teach the younger women to be keepers at home if they are not keeping at home. We must strike a Godly balance between empowering our sisters in Christ to be mighty in God and equal in value while preserving God's structure of marriage. Read Wayne Grudem's Evangelical Feminism.

@ Brother Raymond - Do you doubt God's calling of Deborah into a leadership role? Or perhaps you believe God made an error in allowing her leadership role to be included in the holy scriptures? Was Paul wrong to have included mention of women as leaders in the early church?
It appears that you have a narrower standard of women's roles than God does. The issue here is one of calling. Should women limit their 'calling' to fit the traditions of men or should they be faithful to use the gifts, talents and abilities God has given them and follow where He leads?

@ Brother Raymond Do a little study on the history of Evangelicalism and we will find that women were some of the major movers and shakers of the movement.

Guess I don't really see how a discussion of marriage/family is relevant to Christian women leaders in higher ed.

Single or married, mom or not, women are using their talents to serve God! Let's have more of that!

"Calling" only seems indirectly related to the numbers of women in leadership at CCCU schools. There are just a relatively smaller number women in the faculty and administrative pipeline owing to fewer women entering Christian higher ed in previous decades.

In addition, while I recognize that women face more and different obstacles to men in terms of reaching a leadership position in higher ed, why not talk about the call of ANY Christian to leadership in these unique institutions? How does the Clifton StrengthsFinder, for example, prescribe anything different for women than men?

@Redwall--Hello! I'm thinking that the reason for talking specifically about women in higher Christian education in this instance is probably because this is the Christian women's blog. Where more appropriate TO talk about it?

Plus, if, "Until recently, very little literature existed on Christian women leaders," that's all the more reason to conduct research and to write on it--it's a hole in the research and literature picture.

Brother Raymond, please give me a second to slip on some shoes and remove my apron and ask permission from my husband to exit our home so that I can utilize wifi at a local cafe. *There*

I also slipped into my head covering, mind you.

Why is it okay for women to participate in "teaching" on the mission field but not okay for them to "teach" in the USA? Has the USA become the Holiest of Holies? A message, a sermon suddenly becomes a Sunday school lesson for children--male and female children--or a "special" given under the duress of my husband's guidance once I reach the states. Yeah, he helped me write out the flash cards. Or, I should specify, he opened the pack. (My hands were sticky with the homemade jam I had just been packing into a jar.)

Jerry Falwell once said that all women who want to preach are gay. Jerry Falwell also said, in so many words and actions long ago, that [blacks] shouldn't enter his church building. I know, as you know, that he was utterly WRONG about the latter. But, it appears, you and so many other are confused about the former.

At the time I learned of his calling me gay because I wanted to lead (yes, wanted, as in past tense), I was not gay (yes, past tense). I also knew how inaccurate his slanderous statement was. However, since then, for whatever reason (perhaps how my father raped me repeatedly as a child, and I endured a six year abusive relationship as an adult) I began being attracted to the female sex just last year. Did I enter into a relationship with a woman? No. Did I act upon my lust? No.
I would venture to guess that many male spiritual leaders-- pastors, preachers, theologians, brothers like you--have encountered a struggle with attraction to other men. Many have not acted upon that inclination(although some have, quite hypocritically and scandalously). The difference between me and some of them is that I admit the truth of my struggle. I do not try to slide it beneath a gilded rug of pride and self-promotion. I do not attempt to parade my goodness (I have none) and coax my fellow human beings into believing that I am perfect. But, I believe, it is my imperfection, my brokenness, my depravity, my possessing a righteousness that is as delicious as a woman's rotten used tampon that attests even more abundantly to God's goodness, to Jesus' perfection. He didn't come to be a doctor to the healthy. He didn't come to be a saviour for those who need not salvation, for those who can save themselves.

If you need future realization of what Paul is talking about concerning how great our righteousness is, sneak into an empty woman's bathroom and peek into the sanitary napkin container in one of the stalls, or rummage through your wife's wastebasket while she is on her period. Maybe the visual aid will help you understand...

But I will sincerely ask you for some references. I want to know what leads you to believe that the church tolerates gays because women are being allowed to lead. I would like to understand your perspective.

Thank you so much for sharing this study with us!

It is theological influences, family realities, cultural expectations, and life circumstances that shape who we are and cause us to become leaders!

Yes the comments reflect exactly what I am talking about. There is a revulsion within even Christian circles concerning the roles of women and men. Feminism is playing a role in the destruction of the Church. Paul warned us that in the last days people would not endure sound doctrine. You can gnash your teeth and howl but if you choose to step foot in the pulpit you a rebel.
Every feminist uses Deborah taking that story clearly out of context. She led because they men were cowards, and she told them so. She was an exception not the rule. Yet, we are not living in an old Covenant reality. Women don't know how to be Godly women any more: Chaste, humble, silent, letting their good works speak clearly for them. They do not believe it is noble to stay at home, supporting their husbands and training their children. Because women have fled the home the state now raises peoples kids and children are flocking to the world abandoning the church of the living God. Ladies if you chose a career over your home..and you children are struggling int he faith, it may be your fault. You have abandoned your calling to pursue your own flesh.

Raymond, you might want to check out aimee semple mcpherson, whose 2nd husband divorced her for abandonment.She was one of the people who brought back pentecostalism, with the speaking in tongues and "healing" back into popularity. She was divorced twice. She later faked her drowning, while she ran off with a married man to Mexico. Then, when "found" in Mexico, she claimed to have been drugged, kidnapped, and raped. Oh, she's one of the "stars" of early pentecostalism. Almost all of the people who started pentecostalism in the late 1800s and early 1900s have rather shady lives. Speaking in tongues, word faith healing, and other aspects of pentecostalism did not continue from the time of the apostles. But rather, it was started up in the late 1800s and early 1900s.

I love how those two women defined calling. I'd be interested to hear how others defined it as well. "Calling" is such a strange word that we Christians through around (myself included), and often, I think we misuse it (again - myself included). We did a Bible study on the Biblical definition of calling with some college students last year. It might make for an interesting her.meneutics post topic. (Not me writing it, just in general.)

My husband and I work for a campus ministry, and we've found that most of the people in leadership tend to be men. Our immediate boss is a woman, but she said her experience in leadership is very odd and conflicting. Most women who HAVE "climbed the ranks," or WOULD, end up getting married, pregnant, and choosing to stay home.

Raymond, you did not cite your sources. Please, do so, as I genuinely want to understand your perspective.

However, I might say:

It was my Christian father who abandoned me, not my mother. It was my Christian father who insisted upon aborting me, not my mother. My Christian mother stayed home to raise me, canceling her dreams, eventually having find a job in order to survive and raise me Christianly. She /had/ to leave the home in order not to abandon me. She had to find an occupation not out of feminine angst or an appeal at rising to the heights of masculine success, but out of the dire poverty my Christian father created in our lives. She didn't want to work as a receptionist at a podiatrist's office (trust me, her childhood dream was much more glamorous). We didn't have much, and instead of buying pretty clothes and housewarming decor and food much expensive than Ramen, she invested money in sending me to a private Christian school as long as she could.

All she ever wanted was a family. Even through her own Christian father abusing her, she dreamed of one day having a family.

So, she eventually married my Christian stepfather, who raped me from when I was six years old until I developed breasts.

And you think all the problems of the Church come from women? Open your eyes!

You mentioned silence. The kind of silence required during rape? No, you mean the kind in which a woman doesn't speak up to a good Christian brother like you. Did you know that the raping of wives exists within Christian households? Silence, woman. Don't speak to me about how God feels about what I'm forcing you to do.

If you're going to come into a woman-oriented blog and insist that a woman be silent, I would urge you to reconsider the logic. Do you think it's appropriate for a man to handle all counseling sessions because women don't have right to speak, even sessions and lessons discussing sexuality?

I'm sorry if I seem too passionate about this issue for the tastes of this blog. As you can tell, much of my reaction is due to my own experience.

I think much of what upsets me, and what I have not yet mentioned, is that this article discusses women in higher education, not just women behind the pulpit.

And, Brother Raymond, what about women who have taken a vow of celibacy? Women who live monastically? Women like nuns? Obviously, some of them must leave the home to do what God has called them to do. Are they wrong, too? Did Paul's advice not to marry only apply to men? Should all our virgins retract their vows and run home from the orphanages and slums and convents and war zones and churches... just so that they can nab a good Christian husband and thus fulfill another kind of vow of silence?

God bless you, insignificant femme. Thank you for not being meek and letting your good works speak for you! Brother Raymond, you are seriously deluded and I will pray for you, also.

Raymond, your statement that Deborah led only because no man was willing (or as you put it, they were "cowards") is an unfortunate example of argumentum ex silentio - an argument based on silence which has classically been held to be a tenuous basis at best and likely to lead to a fallacious conclusion.

The Bible is silent as to whether a lack of willing men is the reason God raised a woman up as a judge, so to conclude this to be the reason is conjecture. All we know is that God chose Deborah to judge and later when it came time to go into battle Barak, the Israelite general, wanted Israel's judge to accompany the troops; the Bible does not give his motivation - whether cowardice or otherwise - but rather merely records his action and leaves his motivation unidentified. I am reluctant to add to God's word what is not there.

Cheers,
Tim

I apologize if I misled you. I don't have any good works.

But you are correct: I was not too meek in the words I chose to convey my thoughts. Perhaps if you could hear me speak what I have typed above, the tone of my voice would help you understand how I am trying to convey my feelings and how I am rather soft spoken much of the time, even during passionate discourse (to the point of annoying the people who want to instigate fights; I have had at least two people complain about my calmness during an argument).
Perhaps I was wrong for using bold words. No--actually, I think I was wrong at points, considering some passages in James that come to mind (I already asked God, after entering my above text, whether or not I was wrong in what I said, and if I was wrong, that he would show me; maybe your comment is an answer to my prayer).
[Emoticons are inadequate for conveying sincerity.]

I will reiterate: I have no good works. I am very open about my failures, my sins, even to strangers (an example would be about how I shared my attraction to women [which, actually, has distilled since first emerging, due to God helping me, and which never canceled out my attraction to men, making me more bisexually lustful than gay). I feel sad that you don't see me for who I really am. I am sad for how you don't see that I don't hold myself in high esteem.

Even if you blessed me sarcastically, I will accept thankfully any sincere prayer you might have that God will change my heart for the better.

I can't help wondering, though, if righteous defense on behalf of others always need be soft spoken and submissive according to the way we define the temperament, now. I think about various biblical men and women who hardly submitted to the reigning authority when the authority was oppressing the minority, the very people for whom God commands us to provide, and provide justice. Of course, the Church has her martyrs, but Paul, after all, used bold words. I can't imagine Jesus whispering some of the things he said...

Sometimes bold words can be uttered lovingly. Sometimes, the meekest words are the most poignantly bold words--the kind that seer our innards like a hot skewer punctures raw meat--and are chosen because of love, for love's sake.

I wouldn't be loving--or meek--if I didn't scream at the man slamming /your/ infant's head into the pavement. Perhaps I could have chosen silence because of pride, which is not meek. Perhaps I could have strode on by...

(hypothetically speaking)

*Sigh* I don't know. I haven't been a Christian for very long. I hope to work out my understanding of the truth (soon), as well as acquire wisdom in sharing my understanding with others. Perhaps a respectable Christian educator will come along and mentor me. I pray, though, my mentor will not be a man. I am a sinful woman. The father-figure would only tempt me.

Christian women are some of the most empowered women under any belief system on the planet. Those who desire to take us into an unbiblical realm, or back to paganism wish to enslave women once again. Look at those nations which reject God through their pagan ideologies. Women are severely repressed. To the sister who desires sources, again read Wayne Grudems Evangelical Feminism. It is 800 pages of answers to where I am coming from. To the sister who was abused by those who claimed to be Christians, from your writing I do not think you understand Christ or the bible as I do. I would not call a man a Christian who raped little girls. If the bible says a man mistreating his wife will result in blocked prayers what do you think abuse will bring.
You think I am trying to restrict you. I am trying to give you a greater liberty for liberty, true freedom only comes from Jesus and living in obedience to His commands. A truly Godly woman is a precious thing. Precious in the sight of God. Read Proverbs 31. That women is not stupid, or ignoble, or oppressed. She is a powerhouse and a helpmeet to her beloved. Man was not created for women but women for man. It was not the man who was deceived but the woman. These are not my opinions they are scripture. There is only one question you need to answer. Who is your Lord..you or Jesus. I am not saying women are not capable. I am not saying that women are not needed for the advancement of the kingdom. You are all joint heirs, and in Christ there is no male of female. But in our flesh their are roles to be played out for the sake of order and out testimony to the world. You can twist the scripture, try to contextualize it to the first century or outright reject what the bible teaches but it is by those words and obedience to Jesus which will determine how fruitful your life is. Women do not see their roles as honorable anymore. They do not see it is an honor to be a wife of a Godly man, being his help meet, not do many men see how honorable it is to lay down our lives for our wife to witness Jesus to the world. Older women, your role, your primary role is this
"Older women likewise are to be reverent in behavior, not slanderers or slaves to much wine. They are to teach what is good,and so train the young women to love their husbands and children,to be self-controlled, pure, working at home, kind, and submissive to their own husbands, that the word of God may not be reviled." Titus 2:3-5

The purpose of this call is so that Gods word is not blasphemed. Stop letting the world tell you what your role is. Stop feeding into the rebellious, Satanic lies of feminism that have caused women to abandon their children to be raised by Godless materialist. Women if you abandon your children to be trained by the world because you want a career and equality with men, and those children end up rejecting the gospel it is your fault for abandoning your post. And those men who do not strive to provide a loving, nurturing, god-fearing environment where their wives can do this dishonor Christ. Look at what we have done.
Women do not cover their heads to demonstrate their submissiveness, women are more likely then men to initiate a divorce event though the bible commands them not to depart from their husband, women are striving to be Pastors rather than mothers. Women do not delight in having many Children even though the bible says it is a blessing of God. Women do not believe they should submit to their husbands AS THEY WOULD SUBMIT TO JESUS. On and on. How many of you actually embrace and love what the word of God outlines for your lives until Jesus comes? Please pray on these things.

Raymond, it's interesting that Eve was deceived, but Adam willingly, knowingly disobeyed, isn't it? And throughout the Bible, it is referred to as the fall of Adam, not the fall of Eve.

Brother Raymond, I have prayed about it. A lot. And I follow the true and unalterable Word of God and He leads me where He wills, not where men (or women) will. And He definitely led med away from the 'women are inferior to men and should sit down and shut up' theology. Sometimes, that makes those who prefer religion over God angry. So be it.

Wondering what Raymond was expecting on a blog concerned with women's issues in a magazine that is known for balance.

Yes that is always the most cherished excuse for women and others who rebel, either the Lord didn't or did lead me to do that. except the Lord does not lead outside His revealed will in the scripture. The scripture is how we learn whether we are being led by the flesh, the spirit, or another spiritual force. It divides between soul and spirit. You who claim you are being led outside of scripture are not being led of God. If you believe the bibles view of the women's roles is negative then you have a low opinion of God.
As for the other comment, I thought this was a blog for CHRISTIAN women. If not then why be on Christianity Today? May the truth of the word be conformed in your life. You are doing damage to the faith and integrity of the word of God making people think its demands are not relevant for today. Repent and believe the gospel.

"Leaders" in higher ed, men or women, are not a gift but a thorn. We are drowning in administration when what we need are good teachers willing to do the hard work of teaching, not bureaucrats wanting to lecture us about gender inequalities. As for "feeling called," right, don't we all?

The CCCU has QUITE obviously capitulated to the diversity zeitgeist, sponsoring wasteful conferences on such things all while trying to maintain a cultural connection with stalwart evangelicals. Reminds me of all the post-Vatican II theologians in Catholicism giving lip service to tradition while upending things.

Well and thoroughly said, Brother Raymond. That your scripturally-based view is falling on deaf ears is indicative of the power of the deceiver. It is remarkable how often God "leads" people to do exactly what *they* wanted to do. It's almost as if He is conforming to *our* will--creating God in our own image, or something.

Folks, Raymond represents a small and extreme minority. Only the Holy Spirit can open his eyes. So, why get upset? As the Spirit moves through the church, more and more opportunities for women will open as Christ further refines his church.

Brother Raymond said, "Yes that is always the most cherished excuse for women and others who rebel, either the Lord didn't or did lead me to do that. except the Lord does not lead outside His revealed will in the scripture."

Hmmm...that is a pretty heavy accusation against someone you've never met. That's also a pretty adamant certainty about what God will or will not do. I would advise caution on both counts. I would request that you also pray about it and see what He might have to say....

Bringing things back into the realm of civility, ... I hope.

Thank you for this article and your research. This is significant. Its application is not solely higher ed, but in the general development of women of fat. To know, at least amongst those you looked at that the #1 factor for the female leaders in "knowing and using their gifts" was discovering a greater purpose or having a calling. If we want to develop women in the church we can learn from this!

It's my first time on this blog and to be honest, I don't know if/when I'll find the time to come back. I found it quite by accident. However, after reading some of the posts, I felt led to contribute to the conversation.
I happen, by choice, to be a stay at home mother of seven. I had a career and no plans for marriage or children . . . but we plan and God laughs. I wouldn't change it for anything though. I love my life. However, like I said, it was a choice.
The choice for me to quit my career and stay at home was one that my husband and I made together based on what we thought was in the best interests of our family. In fact, early on in our marriage, I worked and my husband took care of our son at home. I happened to have the better paying job at the time. Since then, our roles have changed because my husband had better financial opportunities in his career.
I believe that God has called all of us. I also believe our first calling is to our families. By "all", I mean both men and women. It's easy enough to get stuck on one verse that says wives submit to your husband, but read on in Eph 5 and you'll see that God called us to submit to one another. If we are "submitting to one another" that gives it a whole new meaning. I do believe that God called wives to submit to their husbands . . . it's just that God also called husbands to submit to their wives. If we are both putting the other's needs first, submitting our will to the other, how can we not win!
If you read the verse in Genesis that has been interpreted to say that women were meant to be "helpers" to men, look up the original Hebrew used for "helper." The word used is ezer, the same word used in the verse "I will lift up mine eyes unto the hills from when cometh my help (my ezer)." In both verses, the same word is used. In both verses it means help/helper. However, in neither verse does it mean "assistant" or any other word than means "less than." In fact, the word ezer means someone you go to for help that is on a higher level than you. ie: if you needed "help" in algebra, you would go to some better than you at algebra. It's the word "keneged" that follows ezer that makes woman "equal to" men. Without that word, ezer implies somehow greater than. The equal to word was not added to make a "lesser" word equal, it was added to make a greater word equal to. Without that term, we'd have people doing studies trying to find why men are equal to women.
If we all understand that we are called to submit to each other, it would make for a more peaceful world that is more in tune with God's will. Jesus said, he didn't come to be served, but to serve. If men are to care for their wives as Christ cared for the church, then they are to serve their wives. They are to lay down their lives for their wives and their families. That's not something a president, czar or general does - they are behind the lines where it’s safe with people taking care of them - that's something a foot soldier does. A foot soldier doesn’t have “assistants” or “helpers” doing for them, they are in the middle of battle. The foot soldier does it, not to show they are in charge, but because they are there to serve – to lay down their very lives if necessary. A general rarely, if ever, makes that sacrifice.
My husband understands that his role is to serve his family. I understand that my role as wife and mother is to serve the family. If you read Proverbs 31, something too many people try to use to make women servants, you don't see a wife that stays in the home. You will see a wife that is "like a trading ship that sails to far away places and brings back exotic surprises" - that's international sales and marketing. You will see a women that "looks over a field and buys it" - that's real estate management. You will see a women that "plants and harvests" - that's farming and agriculture. She's "quick to assist any one in need and reaches out to help the poor" - that's ministry and non-profit management. She "makes her own clothing, designs gowns and sells them and brings the sweaters she knits to shops" - that's working in the textile industry, in design and fashion, and in wholesale sales. It does talk about managing the household - which is management - but it's not limited to household. The point of the description is that what she does, she does in service of her family. It doesn't say that she only serves her family in the home - just that the family is the reason for all she does.
I believe, in the same way, that men are called to do whatever they do to serve their family. (Of course, for both men and women, glorifying God is primary, but after God, it’s their families). The job they do is to earn money to support their family “to the second and third generation.” The work they do around the home is to serve the family’s needs, whether it’s mowing the lawn or doing dishes and laundry. Even in ministry, if they minister to others at the expense of their families, the family suffers. There is a stereotype about "pastor's kids" for a reason. When men put other people's (or their own) needs before their family's needs, there are negative consequences. Just as when women put other's needs (or her own) before the family's needs there are negative consequences.
The problem with family breakdown can NOT be laid only at the feet of women. Men, for a long time, have put their own and other's needs before their family's needs. The reason the family still stayed strong was that women held it together. Not because it is solely their role, but because there was no one left to do it. And, to be quite honest, because until they were allowed financial freedom, they were trapped in their roles. Women felt trapped both because there were no options for them, and because the role of homemaker was not revered and honored by men. Unfortunately, instead of raising the bar for men, when given the opportunity, women in society lowered the bar for themselves. It's not about whether or not a woman has a job outside the home though - it's about WHY a woman has a job. If the needs of the family are first and foremost - and everyone in the family knows it - she's doing her job.
I do agree with the one who said (basically anyway) that we need to be raising our own children though. By “we” I mean parents, not just moms. When we put our children under the discipleship of others, we better make sure we know what they are being taught, and that they are being raised in a Godly manner. We will answer for the decisions we make in that area. If we can't stay home to be the primary discipler (educator) of our children - whether it's the father or the mother doing the teaching, then we better make sure whomever we choose to disciple them is doing it in a manner that God would approve. --- Keeping in mind, for the one who said we can't read the Bible based on context of the time - women did not educate or disciple in the home in biblical times. Fathers were the ones responsible for "raising up a child in the way he should go." Before Paul's exhortation to teach their wives, women were not taught - and they didn't teach their children. The ball dropped regarding Deut. 5's admonition to teach the next generation when men stopped being involved in raising the children - mostly due to the industrial revolution when men started being gone from the home for work. This happened long before women started being gone from the home.

We all, both men and women, have dropped the ball. We've all forgotten our first ministry - to those God gives us. We've all gotten to be self-centered and self absorbed. Our purpose in working should not be self-glorification, it should be to honor God, serve our families, and serve the Kingdom. Men abandoned their families for "careers" long before women did. Instead of preaching to women to remember their calling of family first . . . maybe our "brothers" should start preaching family first to each other.
I love the saying "God didn't create man for woman, but woman for man." However, in my opinion, it gets twisted in its meaning. God didn't create man for woman, because women don't need men. Look around men. When a man is widowed or divorced, how long does he stay single? Not very. Men talk big about loving the single life, but they can't stand to be alone. However, when a woman is widowed or divorced, they are more likely to stay single. A man's need for a women is more emotional. A woman's need for a man is more financial – mostly because that’s all men offered. Its why, now that women can be financially independent, they tend to stay single. If you want to restore the family, start by offering more than financial support to women. Start by being more than a paycheck that demands service when he comes home. Remember that men were called to be like Christ – they were called to serve, not to be served. If men do that, if they remember their role as servants, you won’t have to exhort women to remember their roles in the family, they will be running to those roles.

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