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« The Kate Middleton Baby Watch, and Why We Shouldn't Participate | Main | 'Miss Representation': How the Media Harms Both Women and Men »

January 12, 2012

How We Can Harness the New Domesticity Without Diminishing Women

Keeping house is part of God's work, too.

Rachel Stone

In a recent opinion piece for the Washington Post, Emily Matchar, who writes regularly on the phenomenon frequently called the ‘new domesticity,’ wonders whether the resurgence of interest in canning, knitting, and generally DIY-spirited homekeeping is not, in fact, regressive--a ‘step back’ for women. Homekeeping, and all the domestic arts, are a minefield in our culture, often thought of--and treated as--degrading and menial work. The more creative domestic arts--sewing clothes, preserving food--are enjoying renewed popularity, and while Matchar concedes the pleasure to be found in making for yourself that which you’d otherwise purchase, she’s suspicious: after all, domestic work is unpaid work, and in a culture where women still earn, on average, less than their male counterparts, celebrating the domestic arts as creative, liberating fun is, for her, potentially dangerous:

“If history is any lesson, my just-for-fun jar of jam could turn into my daughter’s chore, and eventually into my granddaughter’s “liberating” lobster strudel.”

For many within evangelicalism, the issue is further complicated by the ongoing debate on gender roles. Recently, this blog hosted a exchange between Owen Strachan and Laura Ortberg Turner on the respective roles of men and women in the home as a follow-up to Strachan’scontroversial blog post in which he declared “Dad Moms” (stay-at-home dads) a “man fail.” Many Christian resources on homemaking assign domestic work virtually exclusively to women; this, proponents of the view insist, is profoundly counter-cultural but is certainly “God’s way.” Proverbs 31 is frequently cited, with the emphasis heavy on the home crafts and light on the real-estate dealings. As Nancy Wilson writes in Praise Her in the Gates:

“Christian wives and mothers must see domesticity as their duty and calling, not as an option. Whether we turn to Proverbs 31 or [to Titus 2] it is clear in Scripture that domesticity is what women are called to and equipped for since creation.”

But what if a Christian perspective on domesticity is counter-cultural in a different way?

First, I don’t think that Scripture comes down clearly on the need for women to be the sole or primary keepers of the home--activities regarded by Strachan, Wilson, and others as essentially “male” or “female” (like laundry) are coded that way culturally--not Biblically. My husband and I canned fruit together as young marrieds, and while I cook most of our evening meals, he regularly makes breakfast crepes to rival any Parisian creperie and does most of the gardening.

Second, as Margaret Kim Peterson points out in her excellent book Keeping House, God is pictured in Scripture as ‘housekeeper’ of the cosmos (see Psalm 104); the repetitive nature of homekeeping is, for Peterson, like God’s work:

“[H]ousework is never ‘done in the same sense that gardening is never done or that God’s providential involvement in the world is never done.”

If God keeps house, then housekeeping is both worthwhile and loosened from gendered stereotypes.

Third, and mostly importantly, I’d venture to say that a truly Christian theology of keeping house has a different focus than either the ‘new’ domesticity or the old ‘Biblical’ housewifery: the whole point is to create a place for people to have “nurturance and security,” a place where people can “flourish in ways in which God desires people to flourish.” That provision and care begins, but doesn’t end, with the people with whom we live--and it’s not a job that belongs exclusively either to men or to women, but to every Christian.

This domesticity will look different in every family. My husband’s mom made her own everything, even mayonnaise; to my mom, home-made cake meant Duncan Hines as opposed to buying ready-made cakes at the bakery. My dad did (and still does) all of the laundry and cooked a fair share of the meals, too; my mom was (and is) more likely to keep on top of car maintenance and to do most of the driving on long trips, whereas in my husband’s family driving was clearly the province of the man. But my husband and I both grew up in homes where we were welcomed, sheltered, nourished, loved and where we experienced the outflowing of that love toward strangers and near-strangers in the form of Christian hospitality.

So is the new domesticity a ‘step back’? I don’t really know, and maybe I don’t really care. I, for one, enjoy knitting, sewing, cooking, and making my own yogurt; I like keeping an orderly house. But while I don’t expect everyone to keep house as I do, I refuse to believe that the work I do is less valuable because it’s unpaid or because it doesn’t command a high level of respect from others. What I do know is this: when we keep house, we do God’s work, and when we offer shelter and nourishment to others, we offer them to Christ.

Comments

I don't understand why people are bothered by the "New Domesticity" at all. What a couple decides to do is their own decision, taking into account the best interest of their relationship and their family. If I decide to stay home, that's a private decision, and one I feel very privileged to make (realizing that MANY women do not have this option due to finances or other reasons). Anyways, I have been able to work for a living and find so much more fulfillment from being home. It would be so depressing to live in a world where people INSISTED I work or risked causing a "step back" for women. I'm thankful to live in a world with so many options -- for some, that means working outside the home, and for others (like me, at least for now) it means working inside the home.

"...when we keep house, we do God's work, and we we offer shelter and nourishment to others, we offer them to Christ."

Amen, Rachel. Wonderfully said.

The problem is in deciding that homemaking activities are lowly and degrading "women's work." Why is the daily grind in the office such a great honor in comparison? It sounds like an insecurity based in sexism.

But on the other hand, I think there's such a thing as wasting time on domestic things. The current "foodie" trend puts pressure on people (women, really) to devote too much time to this. What, you're not growing your own organic vegetables? You're not spending the whole day simmering homemade soup stock on the stove? There's not much time for sharing the gospel and serving the poor when you've spent all day long on domestic hobbies.

Excellent article! What's lost on me is why society wants to bring about change through our actions verses how we VIEW our actions? Maybe perspective on "Domesticity" and who should fill this role would change when we start looking at the talent of canning, cooking, cleaning, etc. as value-added verses belittling work. These skills can better a community by improving health, reducing waste, and saving money so that it can be given to those in need.

Thank you for a balanced, sane, Christ-centered statement on this topic. Like Micha, above, I love the last line of your essay. Hear, hear.

Rachel, this line summed it all up really well: "provision and care begins, but doesn’t end, with the people with whom we live--and it’s not a job that belongs exclusively either to men or to women, but to every Christian." Because, after all, the Bible does not mandate household responsibilities based on whether someone has 2 x chromosomes or a y to go along with a single x, now does it?

Cheers,
Tim

My wife and I are theoretically egalitarian, and pretty close in practicality. We generally share the around-the-house responsibilities pretty evenly, and those areas in which one of us does most of the work usually develop because one of us enjoys cleaning the kitchen while the other prefers doing laundry. I won't say that we split the chores exactly evenly (being obsessed with that might hint at other problems), as my wife undoubtedly does more than I do. That isn't because she was created to love dusting, though, but because she is a harder worker than me.
I don't see the "new domesticity" or really "new resourcefulness" as a problem, especially if it is something that both men and women are involved in.

Rachel, this is a nicely written piece. I appreciate your irenic style. My wife liked that Peterson book.

Two things: I would want more on "God as housekeeper" from Scripture, not just a perceptive author. That's true, of course, of any theological idea.

Second, I took pains in my piece on the Her.meneutics blog to make clear that I do more "housework" than, say, my grandfather did. I opened the piece, as you know, by recounting how I washed dish after dish for my home in a previous season. Actually, I am sitting down to write this after having a) just washed the dishes, for which I received a peck on the cheek and b) having played with the kids for a while so my wife could go out and get stuff done.

I maintain that Proverbs 31 and Titus 2 show pretty clearly that domesticity is the primary domain of a wife, not a man. I'm not scared of that assertion, and haven't backed away from it at all. But my own testimony was included to show that there is definitely some fluidity on these matters and, as I said in my CT piece, the culture does influence us to some degree.

If that influence is not contradicting or overhauling scriptural roles--as it surely does in many Christian homes, sadly--then I'm okay being a little bit different than my grandfather, and pitching in to help a bit more around the way.

I hope that all this makes sense, and again, I appreciated your thoughts and tone.

Owen,
I appreciate your thoughts, but I have trouble recognizing a call to simple domesticity for women in Proverbs 31. In ancient Palestine, it would have been rare for anyone, male or female, to work anywhere but their home and adjacent fields. Men are barely mentioned in the passage except for praising the wife of noble character and meeting with the elders (which would have been a volunteer activity, not a paid career). Women, however, are commended for buying and planting vineyards, manufacturing and selling linens, and trading outside the home. Women seem to be portrayed as working in every aspect of life except as priests or soldiers.
I'd be interested to hear more of your thoughts on this.

Well said!

My mother was a homemaker while we were growing up, and my dad did/does the "car stuff", but they both love gardening. When they did home renovations, they worked together the whole way.

Assigning gender to activities always seemed weird to me. The Bible tells us that male and female roles are different: the authority is different. Doesn't say anything about who does the laundry.

So we're all responsible to create a household that offers offers "nurturance and security." How do we resolve differences of opinion within those households about who bears the most responsibility to make it that way? And what about households that are not composed of married couples? Do singletons--both male and female--bear that responsibility as well? Is it mandatory for at least one person per household to be "the domestic one"? What happens when that is not the case? Honest questions not addressed here.

I spent yesterday making one of those simmers for hours soups, making homemade rolls, and homemade chocolate chip cookies.

The 7 year old guest I served was every bit as important as any I might have served down at the soup kitchen.

Domesticity may be a hobby for some, but it is a vocation for me and as such, how I am called to serve God.

I refuse to shoulder any blame for being where I believe God put me, and make no apologies that I spend more time at home serving than out in the larger world serving.

The issue for me is that we need to respect ALL vocations, not just those that serve in the home OR those that serve outside it.

Here's something I don't understand:

The bible was written in a time when both men and women remained under the 'authority' of their father's house until they were married. Meaning, gender roles were consistent through all stages of life, whether you were married or not.

That is not the case any more. As Natalexx said, nowadays both men and women while single assume the role of 'head of household' as well as "domestic role" when they are own their own. Men have to do their own dishes and laundry and women have to have jobs and do their own finances.

So if it ok for a single man to do his laundry, why would it not be ok for that to continue once he is married? And if a single woman is ok to work and manage her own household, why should she suddenly be forbidden once she is married?

Excellent article, Rachel! I found it very balanced and thought-provoking.

To "the other rachel" (the first commenter), I hear what you're saying about being told you have to work or fearing it's a step backward. I don't think this issue can be interpreted at the individual's level. You're right, individual couples will make this decision in different ways. But that's more important to me is that societally we say the woman (and the man!) really do have that choice. When we exalt the wife-as-domestic-angel I worry that we send the message that a good woman does domestic work. Meaning that a woman who focuses in other places is not as good of a woman.

An example from my own experience. I have a cousin who's a trained research chemist and would be miserable if she didn't get to work with other scientists. Her husband is a freelance author and a stay-at-home dad, whose personality and gifts are best suited to a looser schedule and lots of life experiences interacting with people in his daily life. I would hate for her (my cousin) to think she was less valid as a woman because she isn't there for her kids during the day. Just as I would hate for you to think you're betraying the sisterhood because you choose to stay home.

Why can't a family work out what's best for them and go with it? Without any judgement or debates?

I HATE housework. Hate it. My husband doesn't mind doing it. I tend to do the laundry, he looks after kitchen and bathrooms; I weed the little courtyard, he mows the front patch of grass; I clear the 'clutter' from the living areas on weekends, he does the floors. Food is prepared by whoever gets home first, although he takes on the cleaning afterwards regardless (I really, really hate cleaning!). I try to cook more as he does more housework. When we have friends over, we both get the house looking nice but he takes on cooking duties as he likes it more than me.

It hasn't been planned that way…it just works out. If the cleaning was left to me, it would probably never get done! I look after the finances, bill paying and other things as I am much better at them and enjoy doing it.

We share a house with a third person, and they are also involved.

Church people used to be surprised at the way we lived and I felt critisized - 'what? The girl doesn't do most of the housework? AND doesn't like to cook? What sort of Christian woman is that?' - but eventually it didn't bother us at all. We tried the other way around and what a pain that was!

I agree wholly with the person who said we have to do what's right for our family. Every family is different. I have a brother who does all the cooking in his house because his wife doesn't like to cook. I make most everything from scratch because often is is healthier and most of the time it is a whole lot cheaper (besides fresh bread and cookies make the house smell so good). Canning and sewing and anything we can do on our own may not bring monetary benefit into our home but often a lot of it can save us money so in the long run it does add to our finances for the family. And we can help our family be a lot healthier. Who really cares what others think -- do what you know is right for your family (and I haven't even mentioned the importance of growing your own culinary and medicinal herbs and wildcrafting...all from GOD!)

The "new domesticity" will only become a problem if someone (from the left OR the right) starts preaching that that's what ALL women should be doing.

As for Proverbs 31, if Strachan TRULY believed women are called to "domesticity" as described in Proverbs 31, then I'd agree with him and be a "complementarian," too.

For example, it's quite clear that a TRUE Proverbs 31 woman has a household staff. I'm all for that.

"Like the merchant ships," a TRUE Proverbs 31 woman "brings her food from afar." I'm all for ordering out for dinner instead of cooking, too.

A TRUE Proverbs 31 woman is also apparently called to "plant a vinyard," analyze and decide for herself to purchase property, have "earnings," engage in "trading [that] is profitable," and enter into supply contracts with merchants. That all sounds good to me too.

What's NOT, apparently, required of a Proverbs 31 woman, though, is cooking, cleaning, home-schooling, or having as many babies as possible. Nor, apparently, is a Proverbs 31 woman required to consult her husband, let alone obtain his permission, before engaging in any of the many business matters described.

But, of course, that's just if you read Proverbs 31 literally.

And I'm actually a good cook, and enjoy offering "shelter and nourishment" and hospitality to others, in addition to my career outside the home.

People should do what they are called by God to do, what they are gifted by God to do, what they are led by God to work out with their family. It's incomprehensible to me that God would have any view at all about which gender is supposed to do wash the dishes.

I am a conservative Christian who thinks doctrine is eminently important. I firmly believe in the sanctity of human life, of marriage being only between a man and a woman, and in salvation that comes through Christ alone.

Yet I cannot wrap my mind around the idea that any church, any pastor, or any person would care AT ALL how any other faithful Christian family decides how to divide the labor and economy of their household. It simply boggles my mind. It is so provincial in thinking, a question that applies to just the narrowest slice of human society in human history. How is this an important issue for the church?

"This domesticity will look different in every family." Amen.

"I refuse to believe that the work I do is less valuable because it’s unpaid or because it doesn’t command a high level of respect from others" - You can also apply this to the many people who have "menial" jobs. Plenty of people place a high value on keeping a home, but look down at the people who perform low paid, but necessary jobs in our society.

Regarding the new domesticity, I find it can easily devolve into a new kind of one-up-man-ship and a source of pride. (Like the woman who side eyed me because I cook with garlic from a jar.)

Many things very well said here. I am particularly delighted by the writer's expression of the ministry potential of "home."

From the viewpoint of a single parent, who does what in the home isn't really as important as the fact that there are 2 people to share the job! If you have someone willing to share the domestic duties, be thankful. Not all families are so blessed.

"I refuse to believe that the work I do is less valuable because it’s unpaid or because it doesn’t command a high level of respect from others. What I do know is this: when we keep house, we do God’s work, and when we offer shelter and nourishment to others, we offer them to Christ."

Incredibly well said, Rachel. This truly is a complicated and sensitive issue that is clearly very important to christians and non-christians alike. I think a lot of the negative feelings toward housework stem from the "American Dream" mindset that elevates monetary/ powerful success over anything else. As you said, just because you do not earn a wage does not make it less valuable.

On the other hand, its interesting that there is a resurgence of a DIY spirit, which promotes housework. I think that phenomenon is fueled by a bad economy and a loss of jobs. What choice do some people have now? Either make your own chips and salsa or go without.

Thank you for introducing a very important discussion point.

I'd like to suggest that 'the world' too often sets the standard for what's acceptable housekeeping/homemaking.

If a man finds that auto polish works best on tub and sink surfaces, it is too likely that this may NOT bring his wife's approval, even as it might be very adequate and very fast. Maybe he does the laundry and the vacuuming a different way--and out of frustration, his wife 'takes back the task.'

The area if infant care is often a total minefield for men, as much as they wish to help, it will be so very easy for them to NOT completely fulfill the recommendations of the pediatrician, the content of 'maternal magazines,' the dicates of (hundreds of) advertisements, nor their wife's preferences or their mother-in-laws (stated or presumed) standards.

Maybe all of maledom needs to say with one voice: "I'm in this together with you, fully, and wish to be supportive and fair through all the difficulties. Let me know when you need more help and you, please, let me know, too. Know that my support and help can never, automatically be and do everything exactly 'your way."

We need to seek fairness and play as much as possible to each person's skills and interests--knowing that the 'joy of growth' might mean that both the husband and wife cross traditional lines--sometimes by clearly wishing to do so, while at other times, needed to do so by necessity.

Probably, God wants us too. I believe S/He wants a good mother and father there for the welfare of the household, don't you?

Rachel, I highly respect the work you and other "homemakers" (full-time or not) do. It is extremely valuable, because a well-ordered, nurturing, and hospitable home is of inestimable worth. It is crucial to the souls of a home's inhabitants and visitors, and its wages are the results of this soul care.

This conversation always intrigues me. As it happens, my father was a janitor at a local hospital, so mopping floors, doing laundry and cleaning bathrooms was what he did for a living. He did this at home, as well, because we needed two paychecks, and my mother also had a job. Incidentally, my father was a supervisor in Housekeeping, and he always thought that some of the work was too heavy for the women who labored under him (i.e. hanging up heavy drapes, operating the floor buffer, etc.,). I've had women I didn't recognize stop me in public to ask about my father and tell me what a good man he was to work for.

I'm planning to graduate with a doctorate this Spring. My father was very proud of my accomplishments, and I doubt he'd tell me to stick to housework.

Actually, it's the liberal socialists who fire people for having different viewpoints. For example, professors and astronomers have lost their jobs for the mere mentioning of intelligent design. In both cases, they did not teach intelligent design or even mention it in the classroom. They had private websites that were never mentioned to the students in any way, and their websites simply brought up the viewpoint of having intelligent design as a cause for the universe, and that was enough for them to lose their jobs. So much for science being open to other viewpoints. The liberals are almost as bad as the inquisition in the dark ages. As for the "big bang", matter can always generate energy, but energy cannot generate matter, so that's one major reason for not believing in the big bang theory.

Carol Ann, I've been around long enough to see that conservatives and liberals alike engage in the type of persecution you mention. No one has the monopoly on closed mindedness.

Cheers,
Tim

The DIY resurgence is nothing more than a reaction to the economic state of our nation. It's definitely NOT a step back for women--feminists, seriously?! I happen to be a terrible cook, a less-than-organized wife, and the thought of a DIY craft makes me break out in hives. And that is ok. Just like it would be ok if I enjoyed staying at home crafting more than working in the business world. God has made each of us different and we should celebrate our differences!

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